Am I overreacting....my Feelings Were Really Hurt

You are going to have to schedule you life and live like you don't need the help. I'm not asking you to lie or saying not to occasionally ask for help. I have NO support from mine or in laws. They are not mean and it doesn't mean they don't love me it just means you need to take care of your business and it's not your families job to help you every time you ask.

Please don't get upset, I'm not saying you are mean or need help too much. I am just saying if you live like you don't need help and when you get it are happy and grateful you will be better off.

If you do this then you wont get upset with your family for not taking care of you and your kids.

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I know you're really disappointed that your idea of the morning care plan for the kids to be with her isn't going to work out, but you have to accept it. Be glad she is being honest with you from the beginning and you're not scrambling at the last minute. I don't think parents are under any obligation to provide child care for their grandkids. So do, some don't have the time or desire. Some work, some are retired. Some are active, some have health issues. A lot of them are caregivers for older relatives, too. Your Mom really just sounds like she has her hands full. Let her just be grandma instead of your babysitter. Don't give up on your plan to get out on your own with your kids if you know in your heart that is what will be the best and healthiest place for all of you. Start researching other childcare options and support systems for single parents. You can do it. I'm sorry about all the issues about your Grandma's care, money, and your Mom, but you can't get too worked up over how they decide to spend their time and money. You can only control yourself and your own choices. Good luck!

Man, you have a lot on your plate. I imagine you do need a support system. It sounds to me like you are worried, more than hurt. You were counting on that help from your parents. Your mother is stressed too. Caring for an elderly relative is a very stressful endeavor, especially when that person isn't the most cooperative or flexible as it sounds like your grandmother is behaving. Your mother most likely wants to do nothing but help you. It sounds like her resources are also stretched to the max. She's being honest...right now she can't help. Even if she wants to, she can't. I imagine there is much more to this story than you can or will share. Divorce, death, dealing with family, and financial struggles are extremely difficult, extremely stressful topics and right now you are dealing with everything all at once. You are in a whirlwind of your own issues, while your mother is dealing with hers. I don't have any solutions, but it's time to regroup. Plan A isn't going to work, now time for Plan B regarding your girls. I applaud you for making the hard decisions to benefit your girls. Hang in there. Sending hugs your way!

Didn't read your responses but bottom line: You need to set up something other that your parents for your child(ren) in the mornings before school. This could be a daycare, a local mom/friend who stays at home, etc because it does not sound like your mom is able to take on another responsiblity (and yes, your child(ren) are another responsiblity to her). She probably feels like if she agrees to do that, she and your father will not always be able to help her mother out or get whereever they need to go. And what would you do in those cases when they are not there? You cannot expect them to 1. Be at their house every morning when they are caring for an aging parent in a different location 2. Be up at the time you are dropping your child(ren) off UNLESS THEY OFFERED to do so.

Since your dad is out of a job, what about offering them the money you would pay someone else? See what they say to that?

It sounds like there is a lot of resentment and issues but sounds like you are working through them. I just think you asking your parents to do this will only prove to be more difficult for you all. Sorry!

It sounds like your mom was too much on her plate to begin with. Between working fulltime, taking care of your grandmother and your dad losing his job, it sounds like tons of stress. Im sure she is helping you as much as she possibly can. I think she is just being honest with you, it does sounds like she cannot commit to getting the kids to school everyday. If she could do it, Im sure she would. I wonder if you could talk to your boss about changing your schedule or something. Most school districts offer before school programs and could see your girls off to school. I am sorry your family is going through so much stress. I feel for you. This shall pass. :)

Your message is long and it sounds like you have a lot going on. Its good that you will be seeing a councilor to help you get through a lot of it. I would suggest that you not depend on your parents for help. Your mom pretty much said you need to have a back up. You don't say or at least I didn't see it about how old your girls are. But a lot of the schools have before and after school daycare. You might want to check into that. Good luck to you

I understand that you are desperately reaching out for some support right now. It also sounds as though your mom has a plate that is overflowing - so I am thinking you are looking for support in the wrong place. While I'm sure she loves you and wants you to be happy and well, you are more in a position to do things for yourself than your grandmother is, and she feels she needs to care for her mother (in addition to herself and your father). First, what about talking to your father about helping to get the kids on the bus instead of your mom, since it is your father who would be home. Is your work flexible with your hours for days that he is unable to help you? Also, what about offering something in return to your mom - like helping to care for your grandmother one night a month so your mom doesn't need to. Please overcome the resentment of your grandmother - she deserves some respect and surely isn't happy to be in a position that requires people to help her 24/7. It sounds like you have attempted to leave your marriage before and perhaps your mom doesn't believe you'll stick to it this time and that is why she isn't as supportive. Do you have lots of ups and downs with your husband that you share with your mom? Not to be harsh - but it is not your parents job to be your support system right now. It's great if they will listen and talk with you, offer support, etc. but they have other people to care for as well. You can do this on your own but you need to be strong and assume the mindset that you can do it on your own - then be appreciative and thankful of any help you can get along the way. Good luck.

It sounds like there are so many different things happening in your family right now. I understand you feeling you could use more help, but it sounds like your mom couldn't possibly take on another responsibility. That doesn't have to mean that she loves you any less or doesn't care about you.
It sounds like you plan on leaving your husband at the end of the school year. The school year just started, so you have some time to figure things out. If you are considering moving, I would look into areas that have morning programs for kids or a daycare that will provide transportation to school for your children. Maybe you don't even have to move. Find a mom that already takes her kids to school in the mornings and see if you can pay her a few bucks a week to take your kids or offer to watch hers so she and her hubby can go places. As a single mom, I've traded lots of things like that go get help.
You can't start thinking that you are doomed because of something someone else can't or won't do. You just can't think that way. Ultimately, your success depends on you, and you CAN make things work.

Listen, my mom loves me, but she doesn't help me. I just moved out of a house that I'd lived in for 8 years. She never once made the drive to come see us. Now that I've moved, she doesn't even know where we live. She'll call me in October wanting to know where to send a Halloween card for my son, but other than that, she doesn't worry herself about me. I know better than to ask her for help. She raised me to be independent, I'm 47 years old and that's too old to be asking mom for help, in her opinion. I took her in and supported her and even got her a job in my office when she went through her divorce, but I guess that was different.

Get counseling so you can get yourself centered. Realize that whether you make it or not isn't dependent on what someone else does. If one thing doesn't work out, always have a Plan B. Or Plan C. Realize that you have options, you just have to get creative in finding them.
If people don't adjust their lives to fit what works for you, look in a different direction. It doesn't mean defeat.

I always thought it would be nice to have a big supportive family, but I don't have that. So....I have come to realize that even when I have to struggle with things, there is really a satisfaction that comes with knowing I've been able to manage for myself. I have built a network of neighbors and friends and co-workers who I can count on in a pinch and they know they can count on me.
You have a lot going for you. You have to believe that.
There's always more than one way to get something accomplished.

I wish you the best.

I think your Mom was just being honest. It is a valid question and one that I was asking as I read your post.

Have you tried asking the school for the name of child care providers within your school district or centers that will transport your kids to school?

Your Mom may be a little overwhlemed with the care of her mother, however I can certainly understand why your feelings would be hurt by what you felt she was implying.

Perhaps you should find the time for a quiet cup of coffee and talk to her about it... find out how she feels about taking care of her Mom, maybe there is some way you can help her, and also explain to her you needs and if she can't help you see if the two of you can come up with alternative plans. Perhaps they can be dropped of at Great Grandma''s...

Both you and your Mom are in stressful situations - talking it out might yeild a solution that would make life a little easier, but even if it doesn't create a solution, you will both have a better understanding of what each of you are going through.

I will say a prayer for your whole family.

Sounds to me like your mom has a lot on her plate right now--financial worries, a sick hubby, a mother that needs help, etc.
I understand that you were disappointed by her denial of daily help with your girls in the morning.
I think the best thing for you to do is devise a plan that works for YOU and YOUR kids that does not involve a commitment from your mom.
Whether this means a job with a later start time and after school care, before school care, a baby sitter, etc. It will be best if you have all of the bases covered when you make your move.
Good luck!

It's not selfish to feel that way. Even though we end up caring for our older relatives eventually, when there are children in the picture I think we always expect them to take precedence. Especially if your grandmother has the funds to get her own care, but instead is relying so heavily on her children that they can't help their own child.

I know you don't want to ask for money, but it sounds like if your grandmother doesn't want to hire her own help because she doesn't trust anyone, could she maybe hire help for you? If she really has that much money she could afford to help you get really quality child care to help get the kids off to school and whatever else is needed.

honey i feel for you i really do, i'm kinda going through the same with my mom (not leaving my husband or whatever) but she's so busy with my grandma who we almost lost about 5 times and will any time now. Now days have to almost make an appointment with my mom to see her, and even to go to a school program if she doesn't have time if i don't give her at least 4 weeks notice.

r u sure this is the right time to leave your husband? leaving him may make things worse for you and your family. i'd wait if you can until things with your mom and gma settle down.

you're mom is probably feeling so overwhelmed by her mom and taking care of her and money that the last thing she wants to do is have to worry about you too...that's a lot, i see my mom go through just about every time i see her

Research family enmeshment. It sounds like your mom is enmeshed, you are enmeshed - and what are your daughters going to do when they grow up?

I loved Joanna F.'s answer.

Good luck to you all.