Hi ladies,
I have been married for 8 years and three months. My husband and I are getting better in our relationship, however he tells me that I overreact when I get mad when I call his job.Well reason being is because there is a female worker there that I feel likes him. Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered because my husband is the BOMB to me , so I know that someone else will think so too. But it's all about how things are done. I can call there and this person shows attitude when I ask to speak to him. She has even told me before that he wasn't there when I knew he was because I had just talked to him. For that matter, one day I called she had the nerve to put me on hold and I had no idea until I just began to hear the muzak system. I said something to him and he told me that I was being mean. I don't think so. Ok so one day he and I were talking on the phone for a while. I had to get ready for work so I had to call him back. When my youngest daughter woke up I noticed that she was running a slight fever. I tried calling my husband's phone to tell him that I needed him to pick her up as soon as he got off of work and got no answer. As a matter of fact, I got no answer for about an hour or so. I called the office phone and was told that he had gone on lunch. (10:00a.m.). So i continued to call his cell until about 30min. before I had tp leave for work. Finally I call his office again and someone picks up and hangs up on me!~big pet peeve~ He calls me on his cell phone and asks what's wrong. I ask where he's been and he says that he and this person walked across the street to get something to drink. But he didn't have his phone on him, which is highly unusual!!!!!! I asked him what was going on and I even asked her. Both of them denied any contact, but I don't know. I told him I didn't trust her so don't get himself in a situation that would hurt our marriage. Other reasons were given, but he always I was overreacting. My question is what do you all think? I can be mad at her, but I am married to him. So the whole blame IS on him. Why is that men think they can do whatever and we have to take it? Am I overreacting or should I continue to watch EVERYTHING! I love him alot but we are not 16 and in high school. Any suggestions?
No!! I don't think you are over reacting. Have you ever just popped in at his work without him knowing you were coming???? try that. see what's going on.
My advice would be to not be so available to him for a while. Men do NOT like it when their games are turned around on them(never admit it! lol)and he may become much more available to you. Let him call and you not answer or be VERY busy and put him off on the phone ("I'm so busy right now, can we talk about this later?" or just say "I gotta go") OR you could "accidentally" leave your phone in the car or turn it off....he will see what it's like to be on the other end of this. lol. Stop questioning him and show little interest in what is going on with his job, etc...be way too busy suddenly, lol. Maybe even be a little mysterious about what goes on during your day or who calls you when he's home. You will be surprised how well it works! Good luck! They think they know us so well, but maybe not(?)!!! ;) lol
There's something to be said for your instincts, but sometimes we
can have irrational fears too. The bottom line is that whether he chooses to cross that line now or ever is up to him, and there's really nothing you can do to prevent it. In the meantime, you have to try to live your life normally and maintain a good relationship with your husband. While you should discuss any concerns/suspicions with him, don't go so overboard that you cause conflict if there really is none. This woman may just be a crappy person, with no involvement with your husband. I do, however, think it's fine for you to say you don't feel comfortable with her behavior, and ask him to please not get drinks with her again, or to do anything unprofessional. Also, does their supervisor think there's anything unprofessional going on? He or she probably wouldn't like it if there was (just a thought). I hope he's mindful of that line and doesn't cross it- marriage is a big deal. In fact, maybe some marital counseling might be in order... it couldn't hurt.
All I can say is, we don't feel things for no reason. Your suspicions might be on right, or you might be feeling this way for another reason- perhaps that his office has a policy about no personal phone calls at work... but either way, you are feeling thwarted for good reason.
You need to get to the bottom of the reason- Do they have a policy about no personal phone calls... What kind of work does your husband do? This might be helpful in figuring out the problem.
My gut tells me that there is something to be concerned about, though.
You and your husband need to have a serious heart to heart and if you can't be given a good reason for their rudeness, then you need to look into your other suspicions more closely. Good luck!
Everyone likes to be liked! However he needs to act as if you were standing by his side whenever he has contact with this woman. I went through something similar and just told my husband that he needs to respect our marriage and do not do anything to me that he would not want done to him. I hope you get some peace on this soon!
D.
wahm mom ( work at home mom)
www.Debs.ceofamilies.com
Pardon my bluntness, but by not trusting in your husband and being suspicious in the first place, that makes it sound like you guys are 16 and in high school. You are spending too much time worrying about how some woman behaves at your husbands work. This is something you have no control over. You have to let go of the things of which you have no control. Your first obligation to your husband is to trust, or you don't have a strong marriage. If you are making accusations and they are wrong, what message does this give to your husband if he is indeed innocent? Read 1 Corinthians about marraige. If you both are a family of faith, then search the scriptures and find comfort in them. Remember Love believes all things, Love endures all things, Love is Kind.
Now am I saying this means you should just allow this woman to be rude and walk over you? No, but as a good Christian you must look beyond her rudeness and be kind....have grace no matter how difficult it may be. I don't know what kind of business your husband works at, but it is typically not okay for spouses to call one another for every little thing at work. There reaches a point of nagging and employers frown upon that. I too sometimes cannot reach my hubby on his cell even though I KNOW he carries it with him most of the time and usually answers calls. However sometimes things come up whether he can't take a call at the moment or he did run somewhere and forgot his phone. I leave a message for him to call at his earliest convenience. You need to maybe work out something with your hubby or confirm that you can count on him to call you when he truly has a chance to do so.
There are plenty of evil women in the world, but if your husband is a good Christian (and he should be if he was just promoted to Deacon), then no matter what evil falls in front of him, he should be able to be trusted by you and honor your love and marriage.
So are you over-reacting? If your husband hasn't given you reason to ever doubt him, and if he is a true man of faith and follows his bible, then yes you are not only over-reacting, but in need of learning patience, and trust. If you don't, your marriage doesn't have a chance.
I wish you the very best, and I hope and pray that you can find a way to trust your husband and have faith in your marraige as well as have a strong marriage. I pray that you both continue to build the foundation of your marriage upon HIS word with success so you may find comfort and contentment in all things. I also pray that the Lord will guide you in how to deal with that woman and others like her when you must be exposed to such people. Good luck, hang in there, be strong, read the scriptures, and take a deep breath! You CAN do it!!!! God Bless~
B. :)
I am not one to over-react but there is something to be said about a gut feeling. You have to trust yourself. Is this a situation where you could show up there and "surprise" him with lunch or that "drink" he had go run accross the street to get?? I bet If he knew you could show up anytime...anywhere...he might think twice. And if he's not up to anything that will prove it to you and maybe even help the relationship. Just a thought.....good luck!
I'd have a female friend call him and see if she gets the same rude response from this woman.
Other than that, i'd document every single instance of what is going on to show my husband.
D.
There's a lot of possible ways to read what's going on. If you have reason to suspect your husband outside of this, then maybe your gut is telling you something. However, I'm inclined to aggree with other people who have suggested that the hostility, rudeness, etc. you're getting from this woman relates more to calling at work frequently. Especially if she' s in a position where she has a lot to do, it can be frustrating to be fielding frequent calls that aren't business related. I'm not saying she's handling it the right way if that is the problem, but it could be the extent of what's going on. Have an honest chat with your husband about communicating while he's at work, maybe suggesting that he answers his cell phone or calls you back within a half hour, and you only call the office when there's an emergency, or some plan that's agreeable to both of you and his work environment. As far as this woman goes, maybe staying out of each other's way is the best alternative.
T.
