Am I Overreacting About My In-laws / Groceries?

My mom does the same thing when she's here. I always tell her Thank You and I appreciate you helping me! (even if the food was not what I would by) When someone goes out of their way to bless you then let them.

There are a couple things you could do. When they leave donate it to the food bank or take it baco to the store and get money back to buy what you want. Just deal with it when she's there due doesn't mean any harm and it probably trying to give you a break and take the load off you for a while.

My parents (all of them) do it and it drives me nutty! They bring sodas, chips, popsicles, etc into the house and then leave them here. We don't drink/eat that stuff so it just sits and I feel terrible throwing it away.

IMHO especially as far as my parents are concerned I find it rude and not at all like I was raised. When you go to someones house to take what is offered, do what is needed and don't complain. Here they complain about what is served, or how quickly (specifically my mother complaining about ME serving her dessert after I made the meal and have 3 kids to take care of, sorry didn't mean to rant).

BUT aside from my irritation and anger I just let it go. It isn't worth starting a fight over. If that is what they need let them go. At least they do the shopping and they don't send you out before they arrive.

Good Luck!
J.

Maybe they are being CONSIDERATE and don't want to eat your more expensive (organic) items. I think it's sweet. Sounds like it doesn't happen all that often so I'd let it be.

Maybe they don't want to eat up all of your food?? But just causally bring it up when they come back with their cans of veggies and say "oh I already have pea's. You didnt need to go get some." See how they reply.

It's annoying but not worth the emotional energy, consider it to be one of those times when your kids will have a learning experience about why those things aren't great. I wouldn't do it in front of grandma though.

I guess i could see bringing my own fav brand of soda or snacks but when you talk about vegetables it sounds like grandma is cooking a big meal in your kitchen, Could it be that that is how she shows love by cooking and for her buying the groceries is just an extension?

Personally, if these are short, not to frequent visits i would role with it, but vent about it to everyone that would listen lol.

Well, there is another take on this....
Some people wouldn't think of going to stay at someone's home without bringing food.
When my son and I go stay with friends or family, even though I know they will have tons because it's for a holiday or some other celebration, we always have things we want to contribute. Sometimes I'll bring treats for the kids or stuff to make something once we get there. It's always been appreciated. When my nephew comes to stay with me, my sister always brings food because she knows he eats more than me and my son put together and she doesn't want me to have to provide all of that for him. It's not like I don't have plenty of food or he won't eat what I have. My family just does that. It's not meant to be offensive. It's in no way meant that "what you have isn't good enough" and it's never taken that way.
We're food sharers I guess.
There's nothing wrong with buying all organic foods, but I happen to know that they can be a lot more expensive. Maybe your in laws feel they would rather that expense be spent on just your family as it's not as important to them whether the ketchup is organic or not so they are happy with Heinz.
I know you don't appreciate canned goods, but, I live in earthquake country and everyone I know has things on hand like canned milk, fruit, vegetables, beans. Fresh is great, but when you can't get to it or the power is out you need to have those things on hand.

I personally don't think you should worry so much about their motivation. I don't think there's anything ill intended behind it at all.
You can come right out and ask them about it or say, "It's so nice of you to bring food, but we hope you know you don't really need to do that."
But, they might just want to feel like they're contributing and there's nothing more to it in which case, yes...you should just roll with it.

Just my opinion.

I wouldn't worry about it. It sounds like it is just the kind of food that they like and developed a taste for over the years. Unless they make a big deal of not liking "your" food I would leave it alone. Think of what you would probably do if you visited them -you would want to stock up on stuff that you liked b/c you wouldn't want to eat their processed food. Same thing. Taste is subjective.

My mother in law does the exact same thing! she visits from out of state and she gets these HUGE amount of groceries and they're all the cheapest version of whatever they have at the supermarket. I thank her but don't eat it, she knows I don't eat it nor my girls eat it, she gets them mostly for my hubby and her. however we are more open about it, she knows I will throw it away as soon as she leaves (hate to waste food but I'm not even sure what she gets qualifies as such ;o)
She hates veggies and won't go near them so we have an understanding, she buys whatever she wants to eat and when we visit her we buy some of our favorite foods. at first it was awkward but now nobody cares and we just let it go.
don't stress about it just don't eat it if you don't like, you are all mature adults I don't think nooone should get offended , hopefully.

What would you do if the tables were turned? Like you went to stay at their house with your kids...would you go out and buy the organic version of the stuff they already had? Just a thought.

Austinsmama,

I almost started laughing when I read your post. I used to do go shopping when I took the kids to visit MIL. I did it because MIL/FIL always picked up the tab for dinner and always opened their house to us.

My suggestion. Tell in-laws, before they arrive, that you are going to the store and will pick the items they like. If they tell you that they will go to the store, just let them. I would, however, tell them what the menu is and leave a meal or two open for MIL to add her "stuff." It is your house and you should have the pleasure of making meals for the whole family.

Good luck.
~K.

After they leave, do you have like a half bottle of ketchup in the fridge, and some canned food remaining? Maybe they are just trying to be courteous and think they are doing you a favor. Maybe they feel like they are a financial burden so are trying to help you out by providing groceries.

It never hurts to talk to them about it, you can just casually bring it up and say, that you appreciate the thought and care in them providing food, but that they are always welcome to eat what you have. Then, you can bring up that there are certain tings you prefer to offer the family healthier versions of and they are welcome to those too, just know that they don't need to buy any extra for your children as well.

My in-laws shop when they come here too, but they usually get us the more yummy expensive stuff they know we can't afford.

when they buy this food, do they expect you to prepare it when they are at your house or are they just stocking your cupboards? Next time they come if it is at all possible, why don't you go with them and take them to the store that you go to the most and show them what you like to have them buy for you. And then when you are all done, say you would like to take them out for lunch and try to go to someplace that is agreeable to all of you. If that doesn't work and they still buy you stuff that you don't really like, just accept it and when they leave, donate it to your local food pantry. What they don't know won't hurt them!!! Good Luck

I completely understand your annoyance! Let me share with you the positive part of this, the odd part of this, and then the negative:

Positive - They are buying their own food, which means they are not eating anything of yours, which means it will not put a dent in your grocery bill.

What is odd about it - they seem to buy the opposite of what you have in the house. You said if you have fresh veggies, they buy canned? That makes me wonder about underlying issues they have. Why must they do the opposite of what you do? Why would they rather eat crappy canned veggies instead of yummy fresh ones? That is very bizaar bahavior.

Negative - once a month, your refridgerator and pantry get invaded with crappy foods! Not to mention there is probably a space issue.

I think your husband should bluntly ask them why they do this - are they trying to be considerate and save you money b/c they don't want to eat your food? Are they trying to make a point when they buy the opposite of what you have? (there is something going on there, not sure what it is - very strange). Hopefully your husband can get to the bottom of this.

An observation - correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems as if your inlaws are doing fine financially, since they always buy their own food as opposed of mooching off of you and your husband. So, if their financial situation is good, why don't they just stay in a hotel (perhaps a Homewood Suites or a place like it where they will have their own kitchen)?

While I realize you should feel blessed that they aren't mooching all of your food, they are invading your house, kitchen, and boundaries! They are making themselves WAY TOO COMFORTABLE, in my opinion. If at all possible, they should stay at a hotel, and that will end that. Like I said, have your hubby talk to them. Let us know what happens, I will be curious!

how long do they stay? as long as its just like a week, i wouldnt be bothered. there are some people that do that to try and make you and your family all eat what they do. like they bring all meat things to a vegetarians house to give it to the grandkids to feel like they didnt do the wrong thing when raising their kids as non vegetarians. im not getting that feeling here. its sounds like they are getting what they want for themselves first and foremost.

i would make sure every meal to prepare foods from both your sides, and make sure to have your children still eat what they normally do. as long as they arent specifically trying to undermine your childrens diets, i wouldnt worry.

im not saying its not strange, but i just think older people are strange sometimes. they may even do it because they dont want to seem like they are putting you out.

My in-laws eat very unhealthy food. When they come to visit (from out-of-state) they also bring a lot of food with them. I wonder if they don't like the organic versions of food or if they like the taste of the unhealthy stuff better. As long as they aren't trying to convince your kids that their food is better, I'd see it as a positive.

If you want to have a good relationship with your in-laws, just assume that whatever weird thing they do is just their way of being gracious. I'm sure they don't want to feel like leaches.

My in-laws grew up in a completely different era and different culture than I did (country vs. city, Midwest vs. West Coast, etc.) so a lot of what they do is different from what I am used to. It would totally waste my time and energy to pick apart everything they do. Instead, I enjoy the fact that they want to visit (my parents don't) and want to spend time with their grandkids. If they want to bring their crappy food with them, fine. Maybe it makes them feel more like home. I don't have to eat it.

I don't think you should take it personally. We have family that visits for a couple of weeks, and my cousin goes and buys all sorts of stuff when I have tried to "stock up" to be hospitable. She says she knows it's expensive to have people come visit. Basically, people try to limit the financial impact their visit has on their hosts. I would put it down to that.

Are you serious??? My in-laws show up hungry, broke, and empty-handed...we moved 400 miles away from our hometown to escape leeches, and when we go 'home' to visit we buy the food and cook it-for everyone, everytime..."count your blessings". I think it's very thoughtful of your in-laws to come to your house and buy their own food, rather than eat up all your groceries and leave...

Hi, when I read this post, I imagined my own in -laws doing this. If they did it it would be because they are stuck in their ways . Even if they are going to help you out by getting groceries ( probably their actual motivation) they might not be comfortable with the cost or the seeking out of new foods. Our eating habits are just like yours and also make mostly "green" choices in our perishables. When my MIL wants to buy us supplies, she often comments that she can't find our brands in the store. She is not really up for venturing out and finding the organic produce or the Seventh Generation. She tries, but I don't think she sees what the "big deal' is all about, so she gets what she thinks is right, or what she has a coupon for.

Even if their motivation is not nice, I suggest you weigh out if you think telling them how you want them to shop is really worth it. If they are doing this to start a big debate, don't you think they also want to WIN the debate. In the end, you will all probably stick to eating what you feel is best, and I assume that your own children will get their healthy eating habits from you.

PS, I would be annoyed, because I hate wasting food and I feel like my In-laws buy so many things that we don't need for us, so it seems a waste of money. So I understand how it can be frustrating, but I don't think you should hold on to this frustration, try to look at you situation in a new way.

Partly I am certain they don't mean any harm and are trying to be helpful, but the message I believe they are possibly trying to portray is how to make your life easier and not to spend so much on unnecessary food.

I am sure they are set in their ways and if that is the only thing that bothers you about them, roll with it. It could be a lot worse...believe me!

It's odd but it doesn't sound mean spirited.

Unless there is some nasty behavior to go with this odd habit -something that suggests they are being intentionally disrespectful - I'd try to let it go.

And then, after they leave, you can make a nice donation to the food bank.

I'm your MIL in this scenerio, only healthier! My MIL has nothing but hot pockets, frozen pizza's/rolls, frozen one person dinners, frozen burrito's and mac n cheese. She raised her three boys on it and since she works 2 jobs, my FIL eats it too since he won't cook. When our first baby was born and ever since...when we go down there we go to the store and I buy healthy stuff that I want my boys (now three of them and sounding all to familiar :) ) to eat- fresh fruits, veggies, full meals. She was so incredibly offended at first but she eventually got over it and now looks forward to when I come to her house so I can cook for them!!!

Pack the food up and tell them they need to take it with them or it would go to waste at your house, as you prefer to eat fresh, wholesome, organic (etc) foods. Also pack them all the food from previous visits. Let them know you appreciate the gesture, but you do not have the room to store it until their next visit and the food would have a much better chance of being consumed at their home. Good luck!

I would just let it go. You might of read my previous post. My MIL and I didn't see eye to eye on many subjects. She was rude to me and I really just wanted to be her friend. Now she has cancer and its gone to her brain
..If they want to visit and they love you and they want to spend time with you and your family just enjoy them for what they are capable of. Be grateful your kids will continue to have them as grandparents. My MIL ( and FIL) may not make it until Christmas. Its sad..
Anyhow I understand your frustrations..but just be happy they want to spend time with you..Have a nice night.

I think you should speak to your husband about it, especially if it is driving you nuts. Perhaps they think that there is nothing wrong with canned goods or maybe it is they know that organic and fresh is more expensive then canned and do not want to eat you out of those things, they could feel bad.

I wouldn't just roll with it because the more you harbor frustrations, it will re-surface at an inappropriate time.

After talking to your husband, maybe you both can sit down with them together and talk it out. Maybe your MIL does not know that she is frustrating you...you could just let her know that you would prefer only organic, fresh food to be in the house for your children. Your MIL may get offended if she is like mine and think "she knows best" but what she did for her children isn't necessarily appropriate for YOUR children. I think we as wives don't want to step on toes but it is OUR house, and OUR children. You are doing exactly what is right for YOUR family : )

Good luck!!!

Look at the big picture here. It could be worse. They could be camped on your doorstep free loading and you could be footing the bill. You are very fortunate to be able to buy all fresh and organic. In these difficult times most people are lucky to be able to afford even canned or frozen. Suck it up and be grateful that you have inlaws that are considerate.

L.

I agree that your inlaws hearts are in the right place. It's hard showing up with empty hands to someone's house when you are a guest.

Why not just accept their contribution graciously? Just put their version in storage and serve your preferred brands.

And thank them for their contribution; even if you don't like what it is.

Manners matter....

I'm on the fence on this issue because I do it myself when I show up at my inlaws. I'm not into dairy so I bring my dairy alternative, and they are not into eating healthy so if I want my kids to eat any vegetable or whole grain foods while we are there I've got to supply it. Not a big deal for a weekend, but if I spend a week there and the freezer is stuffed to the max with ice cream bars I have a strong desire to counter balance the damage! I'm wondering if your inlaws feel uncomfortable eating your more expensive food or if they are just so used to junk it doesn't taste good to them. My father in law drives me crazy because he shops the half price section at the grocery store and everything he brings home is about to expire. I on the the other hand want my free range organic eggs basically the second they are laid! I say let it roll, I'm happy my inlaws don't get offended that my eating habits are different, and we all have a good time when we're together. Good luck!

I didn't read all the responses, but I have in-laws that do something VERY similar. Mine live very close to us and we get together usually every weekend for a family activity, almost always at their house. My MIL notoriously likes to try the latest fad or health advice and is a yoyo dieter, truth be told, I never struggled with my health and weight until I was welcomed into my husband's family and their bad habits. (Not that I don't love them or blame anyone, but when you're around it all the time, you tend to join in). She'll lecture everyone on how they should be healthier, but then go and by corn-syrup laiden snacks, sodas, etc.

Anyway....what I've found that works well to combat this is bring items over and offer to cook for our get togethers. (works well cause' she doesn't like to cook) Always pack healthy snacks for my son and put them out asking grandparents to make sure he has his snacks if they babysit, and even go so far as to show her what I buy and recommend that she try it.

I don't think anyone should be afraid of asserting themselves or making waves with family in the name of doing what's right for you and your children. This is a hard lesson, I have to re-learn constantly, but when I stand my ground as the parent, I always feel better.

There's a difference between controlling and helpful. Your in-laws should respect that their kitchen and your kitchen don't have to have the exact same items. They aren't living with you so they shouldn't worry about what your family is eating, and I'm sure you've got it under control. I'd ask them why they're doing this, or next time try saying "Oh, we've already got that" and refuse it. Maybe try writing them up a list or send them out for specific items?

They really probably mean well. They most likely figure that they will be there eating your food so they want to chip in...unfortunately, they buy what they want. Do you think they want you to fix theirs for them instead? If so and you feel very strongly that you don't want your family to eat the mainstream brands then fix both.

I definately know how you feel. We will have a BBQ and have family over. Everyone brings a dish...my aunt (and her immediate family) will bing the dish they have chosen plus others including their own hamburgers and hotdogs and will then only eat what they have brought (even when it is the same brand!). Quite annoying.

What's your husband's take on this? Surely he has some insight into what their motivation must be. How do they respond when you say 'don't worry about (ketchup, cereal, whatever) I already have it here and you are welcome to it'? It would drive me crazy (crazy!) too, but I think this is one of those times it's best to just let it go. And tell your husband every chance you get how crazy his parents are! Your situation is reminding me of Everybody Loves Raymond!

how considerate that they buy and pay for the food that they prefer to eat and I didn't get the impression they try and make you feel guilty/obsessive/use it to annoy you. (I also prefer to buy organic foods where possible/budget allows). When my in-laws come to stay they stay for a month and we take them to the grocery store when they arrive and once a week so they can get whatever they like to eat. They are happy, they help themselves when they feel like it and I'm glad we don't have to eat their chemical filled foods. (If they don't value organic foods then my budgets OK with them eating their own choices). I like the idea of putting their stuff on specific shelf and then tell the kids that's 'grandpa's/ma's'.
They probably just prefer the taste of canned veg. My grandfather prefered the taste of vegetables stewed to a pulp with a handful of salt. What ever your used to I guess !
Maybe you could buy them a grocery store voucher when you stay at their place and that way they feel like they contribute and they cannot say you don't in return ?

Just another MIL thing :-) Mine always wants me to eat her food and try everyone elses (if one of her son's girlfriend makes something or someone drops something off), but she will not touch a single thing I make. It can be anything from hot chocolate to cinnamon rolls to salad or spaghetti. Oh well...used to it by now! She does get bugged by some of the healthy stuff we eat!

i would have to let them know that i really don't want these things in my home. but i would also tell them that i do buy soecial things for them so they don't feel alienated also. but it would have to stop. my home is my home! andi would tell my mother that i i had too, not just the inlaws.

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i would have to let them know that i really don't want these things in my home. but i would also tell them that i do buy soecial things for them so they don't feel alienated also. but it would have to stop. my home is my home! andi would tell my mother that i i had too, not just the inlaws.

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i would have to let them know that i really don't want these things in my home. but i would also tell them that i do buy soecial things for them so they don't feel alienated also. but it would have to stop. my home is my home! andi would tell my mother that i i had too, not just the inlaws.

I'd try to "just roll with it." You'll feel better in the long run. If it's happening once a month, and the food has a shelf-life, then I'd box it up for their next visit. (Maybe I'd clear a cabinet or shelf for their food.) Do I think it's over-stepping boundaries? Absolutely.

Have you ever just flat-out asked them why they do this? Or told them they don't need to? They sound like maybe they are just set in their ways and I doubt you are going to be able to change them. Maybe they think they are being nice by not taking your food from you. If they are using their money to buy their food I wouldn't make a big deal about it.

I hear you about how you want your kids to eat - I try to be the same way, but I am not perfect. I just do the best I can and figure if my daughter gets a snack at preschool that's less than wholesome, she's not going to be totally warped by it.

If there is anything left over when they leave that has not been opened, I would just donate to the local food bank.

You're getting a lot of "just roll with it" responses and I agree only if they're not pushing the food on you and especially your kids. People do the strangest things. My in-laws drive halfway across the country, spend two hours with us, retire to a motel for the night, then turn around and drive home! Let people be themselves, but not at the expense of your children.

This one's a puzzle. Do they want to cook when they're there? Do they eat the stuff themselves, or do they expect all of you to? You could try saving the non-perishables and take them to their house as a gift when you go :) I would just let them be themselves, go ahead and serve what you had planned, and donate to a food bank whatever you can. My former inlaws (who were lovely people) would not shop when they came to visit, but we would find cash tucked in the medicine cabinet or somewhere after they had left. Maybe they're trying to make a point about frugality with the cheaper versions. I have to put my foot down with my husband on that one every now and then when he wants to buy less expensive stuff.

A generational thing? My parent's don't buy food when they come visit but they do think we are a little weird having all that organic stuff around =)

I would just let them buy that stuff, store the items in a separate area after they left and donate the items to food drives that collect canned items =)

My inlaws do the same thing... but its only because they know we are on a budget and I make menus for the week and that normally doesn't include them. Even though I have told them we have plenty... they still like to go buy enough food for themselves (or enough to cook one or two meals for everyone) while they are here. I have no issues with this at all. If it is an issue for you, why don't you bag it all up for them and make sure they take it with them when they leave if there is stuff left over?

It's likely their way of feeling useful. Take it in the spirit it is given and donate everything to your local food bank when they leave.

I think you or your husband should just ask them. Be non-judgmental, maybe phrase it in terms of you want to be a good host to them and if there's any way you can make things easier for them so they don't have to go out and buy their own groceries.

Have you asked them why they do that? Just ask them..."Hey, I've noticed that you go out & buy your own groceries while I have the same things here & just wondered if there was a specific reason you do?" Then let them answer you. If it's taste, then that's a legit reason b/c I know that some find organic foods different in taste but yes I completely agree w/you, it's just plain rude to do that. I, too was taught that when you go visit someone, you eat what they provide. Even if I didn't like it, just say 'no thank you' if they hand me something I didn't want. Or if the food tasted bad, do something like add ketchup or salt/pepper, sugar whatever to make it taste better if possible but I should never say or do anything that would hurt their feelings b/c it's impolite & improper. I did, however have to do that when I wnt to a relative's house for a weekend visit b/c they practically starved everyone, literally I'm not kidding & the food was just plain awful! Recently, went to a friends home for dinner & it was 'vegitarian' & basically a pasta salad which had everything in it I hated (except for the pasta) but I just took a bite & a drink then swallowed whole b/c if I didn't I def would've upchucked, although they were great hosts, I just don't eat certain things but I didn't wanna be rude. I hope they don't fix that again, lol, bleh! But it sounds like you have good nutricious foods there so if they don't give you a good reason, if possible, you may just want to gently let them know that you spend a lot of time preparing for their visit & it hurts your feelings when they go out & restock their preferences instead of accepting what you have at home. That you do your best to accomodate them but you feel that it's inconsiderate. Hope this helps & good luck.

Maybe they understand how expensive organic is and don't want to eat your expensive food. Maybe at their ages their tastes are VERY specific and they don't want to impose.

As long as they're not being rude about it, just let it go. Pick your battles :)

You can always donate "their" food to the food bank or a church after they've gone back home.

She may not want to eat all your food. Also, we travel to our inlaws and the first thing I do after setling is go and buy a few groceries, so we have just what we need. I wouldn't take it personally. My inlaws will come visit and still buy stuff, even though we have it.

When they get ready to leave for home pack up all the foods that have not been eaten and explain that you feel that they should have those at their house because they cost so much and you would rather that they have them. Check with your husband and see if this is alright because you do not want to rock the boat with the in-laws.. Good luck.

I don't think this would bother me. When my in-laws come (and bring my husband's sister and her 2-year-old), they eat us out of house and home. We don't have any extra income, we have a total of four kids, and it costs at least an extra $200/month when they come and stay. They usually give us about two days' notice before they come, so we have to stock up. I would be thrilled if they paid for their own food.

I've had similar problems. It seems like they are trying to make a point. I'd be very annoyed. I'd ask them about it in a non accusing way. I'd also try to let it go. If it doesn't bother you then they are just wasting their time and money. That's assuming they're doing it to annoy you because they don't like your choice of grocery shopping or whatever. Good luck to you!!

I totally understand where you are coming from! My mother (not my father) does this on a smaller scale. When they came to help when my third child was born, my mother went out and bought sugar free, butter flavored syrup when we already had two bottles of natural syrup in the pantry. We also did not have any plans to use syrup!

I know for my situation, my mother is trying to 'teach' me. She will always say, "Look, you can buy this and you don't have the calories or the price." This particular item was purchased at the dollar store. I am not sure what I can't get pass. The fact that the syrup is full of chemicals or the fact that she bought it at the dollar store and I don't know where this item is truly coming from.

Good luck. I don't know that you will change their behavior without hurting their feelings.

They are trying to help in their own way. Let them. You can always donate what you don't want after they leave.

This is kinda weird. Sometimes when we have family guests we end up at the grocery store because its well, fun to get samples and see unusual items that may be more unique regionally. Maybe that's a little odd, too. Do you think they're finding deals they can't resist, and don't want to leave your pantry bare, so they impulse buy? If that's the case then they aren't really looking at the difference between what you put on the table and what they are leaving you. They think they are doing something appreciated, and I would just say, "thank you for stocking my pantry." Smile. Leave the stuff in the pantry, and donate it to a food bank later. Serve what you were planning. If its lunchmeat or something perishable, set it out and let them eat it up. Yep, I would roll with it.

Even though it's annoying, I guess it seems harmless if it's infrequent. Is it worth that battle? I just don't know.

I'm in a similar situation. My mom and dad live close-by and see my kids almost daily. They spend the night over there once a week or once every two weeks maybe. Anyway, my dad has been unemployed for almost 3 years now, just bringing in some money here and there, but nothing substantial. However, they have very few bills, and lots of savings and other resources, so they aren't in dire straights by any means. But of course they are streamlining their spending as anyone would. BUT, my god, my mom buys the CRAPPIEST versions of food she can find. I mean whatever store brand is on sale - full of nasty ingredients. I mean it's almost scary. I too agree that grandparents should spoil their grandkids with special treats, but I cringe every time I go over there and see what is on the menu! They cook healthy for themselves (grilled main dish, side of veggies and a starch or salad usually), and then make walmart brand instand mac and canned green beans for the kids!

I don't want to hurt their feelings by stocking their cupboards with healthier/more expensive items, so I guess I just figure that it won't harm them if it's not eaten on a regular basis. It's not worth the fight or the hurt feelings in my case.

I wonder if you could call your MIL the next time before she comes and say, listen, I'm just on my way to the grocery store, are there any items you want me to stock up on? Then if she says "ketchup" or whatever, you can say, oh I have a full container in the fridge, or something like that? It's tricky. Good luck!

K

When my MIL comes to town, she does the same thing. Her reason is opposite of yours (I have the 'junk' and she is allergic to wheat and all sorts of stuff, so she goes and buys organic-this and gluten-free-that. But I don't have sweets in the house and she HAS to have sweets so wants to buy that for herself.)

I personally LOVE that she buys her own stuff, as we are on a budget and can't afford to pay for her style of eating for a week while she's visiting. And she 'spoils' my son with the better eggs and better butter and organic pancakes.

As for your family --- their motivation might be that they don't want to use all your groceries (if there is a money issue here?). Could be they don't want you to "waste" your good expensive food on them while they're just as happy with the can of beans that cost a fifth your organic cost. I would be willing to bet THAT's it. If I tell my mom that I have a dozen really good eggs left over from when my MIL was visitng, my mom would say she's fine and doesn't need the 'nice' stuff.

Good luck. If it's really bugging you, ask them casually "You guys know you don't need to go to the store. I have everything we need here. Why do you want to buy green beans when I already have them for us??" Or maybe your husband needs to say privately "Mom - why do you always buy food once you get here? We have plenty. You don't need to restock our pantry."

My parents do that to my sister's and myself. They mean well. I think they feel terrible that they (think) are spending us and try to compensate by buying us replacement food. We've told them repeatedly that we don't need the groceries, but what can you do, they are parents and they're set in their ways. I would store them in a box and donate them to the poor, or save it for when you have guests over. You'd be surprised how useful it is to have some of that stuff around if you really need it for entertaining.

if they are comming every weekend ok that might be an issue but if they are coming once a month or less..its really not a big deal. once they leave put all there groceries in a box and set it in the back of the pantary. when they come again if the food is still good put it out for them. i know ppl that have gone shopping basically because they did not trust there cooking! it is a simple gesture and easy enough to mention they dont have to go shopping but a minor "problem" in the grand scheme of life.