Okay, my husband has been fired from two jobs in the past seven months. The first for attitude, he was there five years, then he just got fired from this second job for stealing money! He lied about it to me. He has to smoke pot at least twice a week or take pills, he will not respect the fact that I don't like him doing it. He does nothing around the house unless I ask and ask and then he even gets an attitude. Things were not like this before. We are expecting our first child together and I am just so fed up and being pregnant with my hormornes raging doesn't help. Am I overreacting, should I be sympathetic with him? I don't see why I should, what he did was wrong. And I can keep talking with him about it and I don't get anywhere, I even suggested counseling which he says we dont need. I've been a single mom before and raised my daughter by myself, he's never been on his own before and I'm thinking that is why things are not working out because he has not sense of responsiblity.
Okay, well he has agreed to quit smoking and taking pills once a week whenever, he's just supposedly agreed to completely stop. He sort of threw a fit about it. But back to the jobs and stealing and getting fired, he went to jail this Wednesday. One of his customers that he stole from pressed charges. He told me he only stole from one customer (not that it matters any at all is wrong). Anyway, his mother bailed him out and I would of let him sit there. He will not get counseling he's already told me this. I feel like I just can't trust him at all or depend on him for anything and he's so mad at me for feeling this way. I just wonder if going our own separate ways would be too drastic or not. I mean two detectives came to our home looking for him, what if my daughter saw this. I'm just so confused I don't know if I'm overreacting or if it's really worth separating.
You definitely aren't over reacting. A friend of mine went through something similar recently. They got counseling and he stopped using for a little while. Shen he started back up, she came home one night to fine him drunk/high, passed out on the couch. She called the police and left!
You owe you children a stable, safe, drug-free environment and if he's not willing to give that to them, he's not ready to be a father.
Good Luck!
M.,
No you are not overreacting! But you may be right. If he has never been on his own before, he has not had that time to mess up enough to get it together and be an adult. You need counseling at the very least if this is going to work out. I definetly sympathise with you. Been there don all of that. You can't raise your kids in an environment like that. that is teaching them it is ok and you know it is not. How does he feel when you tell him you can't live this way and raise your kids this way? You need to think of them first. I would never recommend leaving, but maybe ask him what is more important.
Hi. I have not been in your position before, but similar. My ex-husband was an alcoholic and a pill addict. He was also abusive. I did try to keep him away from the pills, the alcohol part was no longer a problem. It is difficult, its an addiction.
He is putting you and your children at risk in a lot of ways. In my opinion, I would leave. Maybe once you are gone, he will see what he is missing and straighten out. But, I would have strict regulations with him about the drugs. I would demand he get help and prove it and show he is not doing drugs and is ready to have a family.
I know I didn't sugar coat this at all, but I think this is what you needed to hear. You can message me anytime you want. Best wishes to you and your family.
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The first question I would ask is, do you really want your kids around someone that does drugs? He may not push it on your kids. He may even "teach" them that it isn't right but kids usually follow their parent's or guardian's example.
Don't know how things are going, but you ALREADY have two children. He needs to STEP UP OR STEP OUT. Sometimes you're better off without the extra headaches and heartaches. Don't mean to be rude, but rather HONEST. Children need a FATHER, not an irresponsible example of a so called "man". And YOU need a husband....a responsbile, upright, honest one. THATS NOT ASKING TOO MUCH!!! That should be the STANDARD!!! What are you teaching your kids by asking for less?
He is doing drugs. He is voluntarily unemployed. You are pregnant, which means you have 3 kids to raise. Do you really need to continue enabling him as your fourth child? Talking hasn't worked, he refuses counseling, you can keep doing what you've been doing, expecting different results but they aren't going to happen. Time for an ultimatum if he doesn't get help for his issues, stop the drugs, he has to go.
You can wait and wait or you can face reality now. The end result will be the same.
You are NOT overreacting.
Get out now or at least go to Al-Anon or Nar-anon meetings.
Do NOT enable him any longer by accepting his behavior.
You are in for NOTHING BUT TROUBLE if he continues this way.
This is the typical behavior of an addict.
IF this is NOT the kind of life you want for you and your children then you must do something now.
Everything you have said is classic behavior by him and frustration on your part.
Where is he getting money for pot and pills?
