Am I Overreacting? - Carrollton,TX

You handled it wonderfully! Great job, mama!

The other mom? Not so much. Now you know where her son learned to scream in other people's faces!

If this is the actual events it sounds like she was more warning you that she took what you son did seriously so you best do so as well. It doesn't sound like an actual threat.

Since you didn't rise to her comment I don't think there is anything that needs to be done.

I don't know why woman are so hateful. 4 year old children hit, they get reprimanded and or punished and life goes on. Geesh...get the heck over it...her, not you ;)

It's embarrassing I know. Hold your head up high. She was being a jerk.

I hate parents who respond to 4 year olds acting like 4 year olds by threatening both the mother and the child. I mean, really?! It's not like your son was acting unlike any other 4 year old would in the same situation.

I'd steer clear of that other mom. Anyone who acts like that is either totally unhinged, or she's Jerry Springer-style trailer trash (or both!). Either way, not someone you want to cozy up to at softball games! Yikes.

They're 4. 4 year olds mess up a lot. Your son was being too pushy, the other kid snapped & yelled, your kid hit. In the end, they both made mistakes.

I think both of you moms could've handled it better, personally. It sounds like the attention shifted from the kids misbehaving & correcting the behavior to two moms getting so angry they didn't know how to handle themselves maturely.

I can understand the other mom being upset about your son slapping hers, honestly. I really don't know what I would've said or done in the other mom's position. I think I might've yelled, too. It's hard to see another kid hit your kid in face. Think of how you might feel.

You did run, now you're going to have to suck it up & deal with the mom for a few more games. You can either ignore her, or have your son apologize to her son & make sure he's okay. It's up to you.

And please, I hope you took this as a teaching opportunity for your son - it sounds like he needs some lessons on accepting when someone says "no", boundaries, and to keep his hands to himself in a difficult situation. If he would've just took "no" as answer & moved on, this wouldn't have happened.

The whole situation stinks. It really does. I'd be upset, too. I'd let it go. No good is going to come from talking to her or from avoiding her. Go to the games talk to the parents you usually talk to and be polite. Try to act normal around her (which is really hard to do, because it's hard to remember what normal is when you're upset). Just do your best to put it in the past and enjoy the rest of the season. She was upset, too. She might be at home right now feeling stupid for overreacting.

You did great! Try to remember that you responded quickly and swiftly, it's over now.

If someone screamed in my face I'd want to slap them too.

You know, life happens. People react.

You don't know whether this mom had a terrible run-in (or several) recently with other negligent moms, and assumed you are just one more. She may, or may not, have been aware of what happened up to that point.

You also don't know what she intended to do to your son if she got there first. Slap him? Shake him? Drag him away from her child? Probably none of the above, even if you were not standing right there. She was just mad, and wanted you to know it.

She may be the Wicked Witch in person. She may just be a frazzled mom, like so many of us are at one point or another. Don't try to ignore her, even if she gives you the cold shoulder. Demonstrate conflict resolution skills so that your kids and hers get a chance to see how it's done – they will need those skills many times during their lives, and a willingness to talk things out and shake hands is near the top of the list.

I'm glad you had your son apologize. He might also 'help' you write a note to give to the other boy, perhaps apologizing again and telling what he learned from this incident. It would be hard to text fast enough to completely ignore such a peace offering.

I think you did the right thing by diffusing rather than escalating. Here's the thing - when mamabear reaction kicks in, I think our mom reaction can go over the top - hers did, which was wrong, but she didn't DO anything, even though she SAID something over the top.

Your son drove the other kid crazy - 4 year olds have crappy impulse control. So the kid screamed - like we don't yell at our kids when they push us over the edge ? (And we're adults and supposed to know better ;) Then your son HIT the kid. You did the right thing by quickly addressing the situation and disciplining him.

I'm not a confrontational person, but I am when my son's welfare is at stake. He was in the wrong, she over reacted, you took care of things. Try to let it go; it may be awkward but it's only a few games. It may just calm down on its own if you let it.

I think you followed you instincts and did the right thing. Confronting an angry mother would have just escalated the situation and caused a scene in front of all the children. In the future, direct your son to steer clear of screaming boy and just try to act as normal as you can despite feeling very understandably uncomfortable. You will appear to be the bigger person in others eyes and be an excellent role model to the children. Shame on the moms who said confront her. That would have only been taking yourself down to her level and ruined the day for everyone in attendance when the inevitable argument ensued. It is more important to do the right thing than to get the last word. Good luck.

What? That woman responded very inappropriately... she outright threatened your child, even though she knew you were on the move.

I wouldn't have left unless I felt like it was the only thing stopping me from smacking her.

Just avoid her the rest of the season.

48 hours from now this will be old news. She's a mom too and trust me if she hasnt had something like this happen before she will have it happen again.
Don't waste your time fretting about it. Next time you run into her casually say "sorry bout the boys incident last week, I keep meaning to pick up one of those water guns for Joey, he was pretty passionate about wanting to play with it". She'll apologize too I bet or say something close to it to make you know that it's NOT A BIG DEAL. They are 4, not 14 where you had to pull them off of each other before they killed each other. Ok? Your frustration made you want to go home, I think you are fine with that. Not a biggie.

I think you handled things wonderfully. I could see where the mother would have been very upset that her son had been slapped. Not having seen the previous situation, I would have been in mama bear mode and you better believe I'd be upset and want to protect my child. However, her reaction was totally uncalled for! In the past, when my child has been hit, I calmly tell the other child not to hit. If that doesn't work, then I approach the parent. Little kids bug each other... its in their genes I think. =) How the parents handle the situation makes the biggest difference in how they will handle uncomfortable situations in the future and your son learned to take responsibility and how to remove himself from an uncomfortable situation. Good job mama!

.

Parent's get posssesive. I've had to get between my daughter and a parent. You did not see the incident though that was your first mistake. You need to keep track of your kid. The mom was probably very frustrated with your kid and you not doing anything so it got to that situation. On the other page it was two little kids and an inappropriate situation. Kids are not perfect. You should not have had to leave. Your kid should have been made to appologize and then keep him near you the rest of the time. You didnt see but for all you know the kid could have been teasing your kid and letting others play not him. Maybe your child acted out in frustration.. But you were not near him so you don't know.

Wow that woman was way out of line! You were doing the right thing by taking your son away to be disciplined and she should have appreciated that. I think too many of us have face the opposite problem with parents who don't discipline their naughty kids. Sheesh!

We had a similar situation, but the adult got to our kid before we did. We corrected our son, and spoke to him about what is right and wrong. Then we went and spoke to the adult, and my husband told him off, in a nice way. You have to be more mature than they are. We made our kid stay with us the rest of the ball season. If I were you I'd just be cool about it and not say anything to the lady. I'm sure anything you said to her she would have a rude comment back. It's not worth it.

Blow this off! Keep your distance from this mother and keep your child away from her son. This will pass. She should be embarrassed!!

First of all you know where her son learned to behave like that! I wouldn't have left. After her comment I would have given her an " EXCUSE ME? What did you just say?". "Did YOU just threaten my son? I apologize for the incident. My son is not used to someone getting in his face and yelling. I'm sure it was just a knee-jerk reaction to having his personal space violated in such a rude manner!". Then I would have walked away. I am laughing about your "swats". YOU punished your son for hitting by hitting him! Not the best choice.

When you cross paths again don't go out of your way to speak with her but don't purposely avoid her. If you were cordial in the past (said hi, etc.) continue it. If you weren't then don't change. If she brings up the incident, listen to her as long as she is being respectful and appropriate. When she is finished then you calmly explain that you were quite taken aback by both of the children's behavior and her response/threat that you felt it best to leave so the situation did not escalate. If she tries to start something then let the trash stay where it is and walk away. Don't let her bully you (or your son).

Four year old children do what they have learned/seen when they are threatened. So, if they have been yelled at or hit, guess what they are going to do.

I guess you know where the other little boy gets the "yelling in your face" behavior huh? You're not over reacting. That lady yelling in my face first of all would have re directed my anger towards her and not my son mis behaving! LOL I probably would have stayed, but no you're not over reacting about being pissed. I'd avoid her the rest of the season as well.

Do I think you overreacted? NO Do I think the other mother overreacted? YES!

I'm a little taken aback that two four-year-olds were playing far enough away from their parents that neither of you witnessed the incident. I understand the impulse to rush to your child, but to not know what's happened and to address the other parent at all is idiotic and reflects a behavioral tendency, I'm sure. If your son has not apologized to the boy for hitting him, he should. You can also request an apology from the boy for yelling. If you must address the other mother, you can also apologize. "I'm sorry my son is not accustomed to playing with people to whom sharing is so foreign a concept. He has also not been exposed to people yelling in his face, so he reacted poorly. He has been reprimanded and it will not happen again."

I would not have run from the situation - I would have said to the Mother "Excuse me? My son is not one to hit another child without a reason. You have no right or authority to threaten my son - especially when neither of us knows what really happened yet!" Then I'd have stormed away towards the boys.

If my son told me about the IN YOUR FACE ear splitting NO - I would have immediately told the boy and his Mother that tho it was inappropriate for my son to have hit him, it was equally inappropriate for her boy to have screamed in his face, in which slapping away the offensive object creating the startling noise is a natural instinct. Then I would have told my son to apologize to the other boy for hitting him. He'd then be in time out for 10 minutes.

Did you see the boy scream in his face? If so I would have politely pointed out to the other mom that my son was not the only one in need of discipline, and to never threaten my son again. Than I would have stayed and enjoyed the rest of the game. She was way out of line, but we can all get that way when our little ones get hurt, so I would let it go and just not mention it again unless she brings it up to apologize to you.

you did handle appropriately. Kids are kids and yes, your son was going to keep asking until he got the answer they want (don't they always push that button) he just got a very different response than he expected. Neither were old enough to manage or comprehend or step back and evaluate the situation, etc.
I have to think the other mother was just extremely frustrated and protective.
Advice moving forward. Call her at a time that is good for you all - NOT at a game.
I would say, 'hey sue, I just wanted to call and discuss what happened at the party. Again, I want to reiterate the appology for hitting. that is never ok, but you also have to remember they are 4 and impulse control is not at the top of the list. Do you accept this appology?"
If yes, "Great, I am so glad we can move forward and support our team together - see you at the game."
If no, "hmm, sorry you feel that way. I hope we can finish out the season supporting our team. See you at the game on friday."
Who knows she may even say, "i let my emotions get the better of me, etc."
good luck!

I think she was totally out of line! This is pretty normal 4 year old boy behavior and she could have gone up and said, "Hey -no hitting!" pr something, but to say that to you was over the top! If my son had the bubble gun, I would have encouraged him to share and let some other kids have at least one turn with it. Our rule is basically -if you're going to take a toy to something like that, you have to be willing to share it or I'll have to take it if it's going to cause trouble. I probably wouldn't have handled it as nicely as you did, so be glad you did what you did and ignore her from now on. Hopefully she's a bit embarrassed.

She didn't threaten your son, per se because she approached YOU with how upset she was rather than your son. You have to give her some props for that. She restrained herself enough not to go off on your child even as she was extremely upset over her child being struck. Her wording was not nice, but I don't believe she would have physically harmed your child.

You handled the situation perfectly although I might not have spanked personally (teaching not to hit by hitting seems counterproductive and all). When you see this mother next, you'll both be much more calm so I would approach her and make one more apology to her. Once you've given the apology your obligation is over, and the obligation is then hers to accept it.

i would have left too. better than getting into an argument. the NOOO must have been as violent as a slap to your son. he was in fight or flight mode. i am totally anti-violence and yet i had a tiny twinge of relief when i read that he slapped that kid. terrible, but i guess it taught him a lesson. mean kids suck.

I'd find out what she planned on doing to your son if she got to him first.
She needs to know her son was in the wrong too, yelling in somones face is not okay.

Good grief! I don't think you overreacted. Sounds like typical kid stuff. You disciplined your son, you had him apologize, and you left. If I where at the party, I would assume you left because you felt you needed to remove your son from the situation. Depending on what all happened, I may have thought that was unnecessary, but it certainly difused the situation and ensured that there were no more incidents. As for the rest of the games, I'd probably just avoid the mom AND the kid. I wouldn't let my kid play by hers if she acts like that. On the other hand, it's possible that she was just angry, didn't see the incident either and was only told that your son hit hers. If she can't realize that stuff like that happens, and maybe there needs to be closer supervision, then she's the one with the problem! If you are going to have to deal with her for more years in softball, then I might call her and say, "I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that John hit your son. I don't condone it, but I do realize that at the age of 4, he tries to deal with situations as best he can. Based on what he said, your son yelled in his face and that scared him, so he hit. We've talked about it, he got a spanking that day, and I will definately try to supervise their interaction better next time. That being said, I was really upset when you said I'd better get to my son before you did. I hope that was just in the fit of anger and not a true threat. Regardless of what my son does, it is not your place to decipline him. Please know I will handle that." You'll be better able to guage all of this when you are actually talking to her, and maybe she'll admit that was in the fit of anger and not something she would actually act upon.