Hey moms, yet another question for you.....
I droppped my daughter off at daycare this morning and the head teacher in her class asked me if I had been told my daughter bit another kiddo yesterday. I said no, I was no informed. She then proceded to tell me (in a very condescending tone) that she went over and bit another kid and it left a bruise. Then later in the day my daughter was smacking another kid in the face. My daughter is 11 months old, will be one in April. She told me they put her in her crib so she could think about it for awhile. I have no problem with this at all. What I do have a problem with is the way she spoke to me about the situation. First of all, my daughter has never bitten anyone, so this was the first occurence. She has one tooth and is working on two more. Could this be why she bit the other child, or do you think it's an aggression thing? I know almost all kids bite at some point or other and of course I don't want her to bite other kids, but like I said, first time it happened. If she did that at home I would def. do something about it. As for the smacking, she does this at home with her dad and me. She likes to look at our faces and then grab them or pull my hair, etc. I had a question about this a week or so ago and most agreed she is just learning things. When she does hit us we put her down or remove her from the area (I don't put her in her crib because I feel like that's her bed and I don't want her to associate her bed with being punished).
This is not the first time this lady has been rude to me. One time the kiddos were out of school (not the teachers, it was a workday). I dropped my daughter off like normal and the lady looked at me and said, "Well you don't have to work today, why is she here?" It really irritated me because first of all, I did have to work. And secondly, I pay good money for my child to be there, and it's not your place to ask me that. Anytime I have the day off I am home with my child. Her comment this morning just really upset me. Oftentimes she talks to me like I don't know the first thing about being a parent. I am a first time parent, and I suppose I'm a little younger than most (I'm 22). I love to receive advice, but there is a difference than advice and being rude. My daughter is getting ready to move out of the room so I'm not sure if it's even worth mentioning to the director. I am just wondering if I am justified in being upset. I don't have a "bad", aggressive child. My daughter is always happy and usually plays well. This was the first time she ever bit another child or hit another child.
Sorry for all the rambling, I just wanted to vent :)
Thanks for all the great advice! I was so blown away the day I heard about it I didn't even think about the incident report! (I used to work at a daycare so I know what is and is not right). I also remembered it is against health regulations to put a child in their crib for any other reason than sleeping. Armed with that, I reported them and am looking for a new daycare. I was going to wait and see how the other room would be, but when I dropped my daughter off this morning I was told that she is being really mean to the smaller kids. Then the lady tells me, "now, when she gets to the other room they will probably pick on her because she is the smallest." Well of course! That's what babies do! I"m no there during the day but if I was I would make darn sure that my child (who is walking, running, and teething) was not next to the baby who can't even roll over! They made me feel like there is something I am doing wrong. Thanks for all the great support!
I would talk to the director about this teacher. She does not have any right to talk to you this way. If she talks to you in this manner, imagine how she treats the children.
Sounds like the lady is lacking in people skills. I really agree that she was making too big a deal of the situation. And definately don't feel guilty about dropping your kid off...they are a business and you are paying for their service regardless if you are working that day or not. If I take a PTO day from work, I still take my daughter to pre-school as it is my day off not theirs. Also, I agree you shouldn't be using her bed for time out. I recall my daughter's pediatrician telling me around 15 months is the appropriate age to begin using timeouts. At eleven months, I don't think they have the skills to "think" about what they've done.
I totally agree with the last few posts. Talk to the director immediately! There are a few problems with the whole situation.
1. You should always be notified SAME DAY in WRITING if your child harms another child (and the harmed child's parent notified) with only your child's name on the paper (not the harmed child's name) and vice versa. What is their policy for this type of thing?
2. Putting your 11 month old daughter in her crib for her to "think about it." Come on! How long was she put in the crib? And as you said...a crib used for punishment is not a good idea. Is that what they do with all of the misbehaving BABIES?
3. Addressing you in a very unprofessional way on more than a few occasions. The parents are her customers even if she doesn't run the place. And this woman is the head teacher for the room?
The director needs to know. You may be a new parent and young (which doesn't entitle anyone to treat you or your baby this way). You are your child's advocate. Speak up for your baby. You'll need to do this several times through-out her life. :) Let us know what happens.
I would mention it to the director because you are the customer and she is being rude. As for the biting, is there another biter in the class? Often times they learn it from others.
That lady was very out of line on more than one occassion it sounds like. I would bring it to the director's attention, even if your daughter will be moving out of the room. Also what do they want you to do about the biting? You weren't there. Your daughter is 11 months old so it isn't like you can talk to her about it. These things happen and the child care providers need to deal with them when they occur. Removing her from the situation is good.
Honestly I think I'd start trying to find another child care provider.
Definitely say something to the director. All kids go through phases...biting, hitting, pulling hair, etc. It happens all day long in most toddler rooms. It does not mean they are going to be "aggressive". They just cannot control their impulses and have no other way to express their frustration at that age.
Here in Minnesota, if they are a licensed center, they don't put any child on time-out. I'm not sure if it's a law, or if it is just a liability issue, but when I was looking around for childcare I asked each one of them if they used time-outs [because at the time, I wanted that, because that's what I am doing at home], and none of them did, and one of the directors told me that none of the licensed centers do. Mostly they try to distract and redirect. Putting an 11 month old in a crib to "think about it" is ridiculous. To me it shows that she really is not capable of handling these babies!
It sounds like this lady has something against you- maybe because you are a young mom, and she is singling out your daughter because of it. I am also a young mom. I did not care about myself and looked for attention and approval from men and ended up pregnant. I knew I was taking risks, and being very stupid, but at the time I just didn't care because I really saw no future for myself. It was honestly the biggest mistake of my life. My son is nonetheless such a blessing. I am so happy to have him. He is my world, and I know I am a great mom. The timing wasn't perfect [so I had him about 10 years sooner that I had imagined], but I believe he was meant to be here. Anyway, I am judged by people all of the time. Most people that judge me express it how this woman treated you- rude comments, questioning my motives, assuming that I am just a young dumb kid that has no idea what she is doing and they feel that they can treat me how they like. It sucks, but you should know that this is probably going to happen to you again.
Talk to the director, or write a letter if you think that is the best way to convey your message and communicate exactly what you want to say. I know for me, it is a lot harder to keep focused standing right in front of someone and I forget some things. See how that person responds. Maybe even copy and paste what you wrote on here. If she responds by making excuses for her employee or does not apologize profusely, go somewhere else!!!
I would find my child a new daycare asap.
If she treats you like that, what about the way she treats the children
when no one is looking.
You are right, she is out of line and rude. I wouldn't trust her or want her around my kids.
Who knows, maybe you daughter is acting like this because of the way she gets treated at daycare?
I wish you the best with this.
God bless.
First of all you daughter is completely normal! She is the exact age were biting and "hitting" are common and go hand in hand with teething, fine motor skills and asserting one's space.
From our daycare experience I have learned that anytime you have a problem with the teacher, bring it up right away. We talked to the director after a similar concern and not only did we feel treated better afterwards, I also believe the teachers attitude towards my daughter improved. Our teacher apologized for being a little rough around the edges and we were understanding that well, everyone is human and sometimes we say things in a way it wasn't meant.
One more thing, every day care my daughter has ever been to had incident report sheets in addition to daily sheets. Whenever she hurt herself or an other child I get an incident report sheet that I need to sign off on, so I never find out a day or even days after the fact. You might want to ask your daycare if they have a procedure like that.
Good luck!
First, I would look for a new daycare.
Second, 11 month olds bite. Especially when teething. Putting them in a time out to "think about it" is worthless. They don't have the cognitive ability to pay that much attention to it. With my kids, I would pick them up, tap their mouth with one finger and say "no bite." (Gently tap, I should add. I don't believe in corporal punishment.) Then have them hug the person they bit. Then direct their attention elsewhere. After a few repetitions, they will start to remember "no bite". Some kids get it right away, for others it takes a while. My friend just spent 4 months trying to get her 18 month old to stop biting. He had a massive oral fixation! It wasn't just people, it was anything that would fit in his mouth. People just happened to be in the way sometimes!
My baby is about to be one and she bites and hits. She grabs hair too. It's not intentionally mean, she's teething and the hitting is just uncontrolled touching She is still refining her motor skills. I make sure she sees my reaction to it as; she did something that I didn't like, or hurt me.
Who was watching the children when this occured? How many children and teachers are in the room?
I was rather passive to people's comments with my first child. This lady does need to keep these things to herself. You are paying her to provide a service not advise you on parenting. You can find a loving and kind to way to say that to her the next time she crosses a line with you or speaking to the director may be a better solution because they could talk to her without any emmotional attachment and keep it anonymous. Even if your child is getting ready to move out of the room, it may be beneficial to other moms taking their kids there.
One of the reasons people's comments bothered me was because I wasn't so sure of myself as a parent. Yes, she is crossing a line but take the comments lightly. It's nothing personal, she probably talks to all the moms that way, and I'm sure some of them aren't tolerant of it. Now that I'm on my second child and more sure of myself, I'm not as passive as I used to be. It's okay to speak up, she is so why can't you? She'll probably back down when she sees you aren't easily bullied.
First of all, there is no such thing as a bad 11 month old!!! They don't understand boundaries, they don't understand rules, and they don't understand times outs. I would have been upset if they would have even put my child in his crib for biting or for hitting at that point. She has no idea what she did nor will she remember not to do it again because was put in her crib. What you are doing it correct, redirect. If she hits, change the scenery, toys, or whatever, but don't put her in "time out".
Anyway, the rude lady is totally a different issue. Apparently, she doesn't like her job. My daycare workers were always upset when my son wasn't there. They truly loved him like he was there own.
I would talk to the director of the daycare. That behavior is unacceptable. I always received a form when my son bit someone else or got bit on the day it happened. Biting is normal, but you need to be notified if you child has a bite mark or bruise or whatever when you pick them up. Not to mention, if you child is doing the biting then you need to be able to watch for that behavior at home.
The "teacher" is totally out of line. I would talk to the director immediately, chances are you are not the only parent who has issues with this person. I made the mistake of listening to others as a young mom and not following my gut instinct. You don't deserve to be talked to that way!
Hope it works out for you!
C.
I would definitely talk to the director and see how your comments are taken. If she's this unhappy and rude to you, it's kind of scary to think how she might be acting towards the kids. Hopefully she's just rude and never resorts to physical violence, but even harsh words can be harmful to a little baby. Don't take this lying down! If you think it's the theme for this daycare, you might want to consider finding a different daycare as well. If you do decide to stay, please be aware of the fact that if you talk to the director, the director will probably talk to the teacher instead of firing her, so the teacher may, in her anger, take it out on your child. Make sure the director does NOT mention that you are the one who complained (this would include not giving the teacher examples that would help her figure out which parent complained about her). Good luck,
ooo girl!! let me tell u I had my first child when i was 20 so i know about ppl being condecensing because ur young,like it's impossible for someone so young to have motherly instincts. Put your foot down!! that is your child and we dont worry about others feelings when deciding when to speak up for our kids. biting or hityting is normal for an 11mth old, she dosen't know how to be gentle we teach her, by repremending the behavior when it happens how u see fit.The fact that this woamn was not only being rude but actually took it upon herself to question your personal life by stating u dont work why is she here...is beyond inapproriate. That is not theiur buiness ppl like u pay their paychecks. I would speak to the director immediately and let them know u are very unhappy considering the money you pay. also they dont have the right to give an 11mth old time out! i would be very uncomfortable with that! if they had like a 4 or 5 yr old who knew better i would get it, she's not even a yr dosen't understand time out, a simple stern no would do...good luck!
Some people just do not know how to talk politely to a person without sounding rude... I have that issue and it sometimes takes all my will power to not be rude or sound mean when I talk. I am in no way justifying how this lady spoke to you but if it is something reoccurring that is her issue AND in a work place you do not talk to people rudely.
When she asked why your child was there when there was no school she might have been joking but it just came across as rudeness. In these cases I just smile and laughingly say "well someone has to work and keep the place running when the kids are away." Take it with a grain of salt and laugh it off.
You mentioned that your little one is going to be moving to a different room soon, hopefully the new caretaker will interacts with you more politely. If the lady in your daughter's room does talk to you rudely again I would mention it to the director, you are paying for a service and talking rudely to a customer is unacceptable in my book (no matter how bad a day you had one should keep themselves in check). This may be a common complaint about this lady and the director should do something about if that is the case. If you do decide to bring it up to the director make sure to point out all the wonderful things you/daughter loves about the place then say that this specific lady has been talking rudely to you about issues making you feel uncomfortable around her. The director may say you are moving to a new room soon but thank you for your concern.
