Hi Mammas,
My son is 38 months old. He has been going to a mother's day out program since the end of October 2010 (He is with the 2 year olds since he has a late birthday). In November 2010 he was diagnosed with a sensory disorder for which we started therapy in December for. We have been warned by the therapist that we won't know what kind of reactions we may get from my son with just starting therapy and him feeling senses he hasn't felt before. His mother's day out program is on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9:30am-2:30pm with them napping from 11:45-2:00pm.
On the last day of school in December my husband picked our son up and his teacher told him that my son had bit another child in his class while they were fighting over toys outside (my son has never been a biter but I have to keep the therapy in mind). She went on to say that they have been having issues with my son for the past 2 weeks and he had been put in time out several times that day (they were only there from 9:30 to noon that day). My husband didn't ask any questions at the time because the teacher was very busy discharging other students and he knew he needed to get back to the hospital to pick me up after a procedure.
I am the one that always drops my son off and picks him up. Every day on his daily progress report sheets there has never been anything negative and no one has said anything to me about him doing anything wrong--and I do ask.
I emailed the director that day asking her if I could set up a parent-teacher meeting so I could find out what all was going on since this was the first I had heard of anything and the teachers say it has been going on for 2 weeks. I told her that I didn't want just the school punishing my son and that I needed to know what was going on so that I could take care of it at home also (he is an only child). She never responded but sent out other emails about the school.
This morning we ran into Rustin's (the boy my son bit) mom and I told my son he needed to apologize. She asked for what and I told her the situation. She said she didn't know anything about it and was never told that Rustin was bit. Then I ran into the director. She told me that she had received my email and that she had already talked to the teachers about it. She said their policy is to take care of everything there and only let the parents know when it gets out of hand.
Is this normal? I don't want to know when it gets out of hand! I want to know way before then. I need to know what is going on so I can report it to his therapist. I also want to know if something happens to my son.
This isn't the closest MDO program and by far not the cheapest. I figured you get what you pay for and go beyond our budget to have him go here. Now I feel like they have lost my trust and I don't want to leave my son there.
I'm sorry this is soooo long but I'm mad. Is it normal for a Mother's Day Out Program to withhold what is going on? To not tell a mother her child was bit? To not say anything until it is out of control? Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
***Added-we do get the daily reports and they have never said anything negative. MDO is through a church so I would expect so much more. Guess I need to look for another.
This is what the handbook says on disipline: "Discipline-Planning ahead to prevent problems, defining limits, redirection and positive reinforcement are all techniques used at _______. There will be no corporal punishment. Occasionally, brief periods of "time out" will be used if necessary. Biting is a very serious and dangerous occurrence with little children. The staff will at all times attempt to work with the child and family to stop the biting. If biting continues, however, a child may be subject to dismissal from the program."
Yet it also says: "We feel it is very important to communicate to parents their child's daily activities. It is equally
important to encourage parents to visit with their child about their day at school."
Thanks so much for the feedback so far. Please let me addres the issues concerning my son. He is NOT a special needs child. He has a sensory issue to where he doesn't want to try new foods and only eats bland foods...ie...yogurt, cheese, crackers. That is the only issue he has. He plays well, he listens, he interacts. This issue is probably related to him having GERD at a very young age and has since stayed with "safe" foods that wouldn't cause reflux. Since therapy, he has tried several new foods...but bland such as corn flakes. So please, when reading this understand that this isn't a special needs child that is disrupting the class and I understand about time out. That isn't what I'm upset about. I feel that the MDO should not wait until something becomes a major issue such as biting or spitting...etc. I believe it should be addressed immediatly. I was just wondering if this was normal practice since this is my only child. I don't think we need to know every little thing that goes on during the day but as parents I believe we have the right to know if our child is misbehaving, biting or has been bitten by another child.
My daughter (21 months) is in a traditional day care environment and they report EVERYTHING. If she falls and get scratch, if someone gets bit, if she had a tummy ache, if her personality was off, how long she slept, etc.
I would be very concerned they are not letting you know what has been going on until it becomes an issue.
Honestly, I've never heard of that. IME, they want the parents to know everything right away so negative behaviors can be addressed at home. I would change programs if it was me.
Rustin? lol
Anyway, while any type of child care cannot be expected to give accurate reports of every single action of every single kid every day to each parent, I DO think biting is a cause to be notified. I'd expect to be notified if my child was the bitER or bitEE!
I do think, that the daycare needs to be aware of your son's sensory issues and if they are, their not notifying you is unacceptable and you should look elsewhere.
Obviously the price here is not an indicator of good care.
Good luck!
At my son's daycare, we are notified of any injury that is not solved by an "ice pack" and a hug. He was bitten hard by another child back in September and the director handled it very well with the children and notified us when we picked him up. Apparently it had happened before, but not a serious bite. She doesn't tell us about every "bump and bruise", which is fine... the "bad ones" we hear about and get a "boo boo note".
Any program I have ever seen or had my children particpate in ususally sends home notes about daily activity, then when things like hitting or biting happen (and they will). Then a different kind of note an "incident report" needs to be sent home. This report most of the time (or in my case all times) never stated any names other than my childs. (to protect the other child). This has always been the case for younger children child care.
No this is not "normal" in my eyes. Find out your state child care regulations, this will give you a road to travel as I don't think they are following all the "regulations".
My kids went to a typical day care, which I'm assuming is the same thing as your Mother's Day Out, which sounds like it's just a part-time daycare/pre-school scenario. I would say that this is typical in that unless there is a constant issue or an accident report needed to be completed, you most likely would not be notified of every single issue that crops up during a 6 hour or so time frame that your son is in a room with a bunch of other 2 year olds.
Now, it sounds like because of the sensory issues you guys have going on with you son that you would like to be notified on what they may consider a higher than normal rate of his exact behavior for the entire day. Have you let them know the whole situation and what you're dealing with? Did they accept that they need to be much more detailed in their daily reports to you? Were you not given their policies and procedures handbook when you signed your son up at this center?
Just because a center is more expensive does not in any way mean it is automatically superior to other centers in your area. You may find that due to the extra attention your family needs due to medical issues, you may be better off with a closer or less expensive center. I would take a step back, take a deep breath, and make an appointment with the Director/Manager/Owner, whoever you need to talk with to get the answers you need about whether this center is the right fit for your family and if it's not, I would start looking into others. Best of luck!
I think there needs to be more communication! My oldest was in preschool for 2 years and is now in kindergarten. Every day at pick-up I get a little comment on the day--"Great day", "Seemed tired", "Had trouble listening", etc. If there was a biting incident, both families should have been notified! I realize you're paying for MDO, but are the "teachers" actually educated/certified (I"ve never done MDO)? My son attended preschool at a Catholic school and his teacher had a Master's Degree and state certification. He is there for kindergarten and his teacher has the same. I've sent several emails to his teacher and always get a response within 12 hours. I've never emailed/called the principal, but I would expect a quick turn-around. Maybe it's time for a new program.
I would pull him from that program immeidiately...esp since he has some extra issues. That is a terrible 'policy' for a school to have. Seriousl, ANYTHING could be happening there and you wouldn't know about it. Someone posted on here a while back whose son fell off a table at daycare and they didn't tell her and he ended up with a concussion.
If you can I would suggest that you find a preschool that is not as long as the MDO program that you go to. Five hours may be a long time for your son. He may like it a lot better if he doesn't have to nap there.
I worked as a pre school teacher for a MDO program for 3 years. Yes I think that a time out is appropriate for a child that is disrupting the class. There has to be something done to keep order in the classroom.
I had a child that had problems in class that I felt was more than just behavioral and was at a loss to how to teach him without him disrupting my other students. I spoke with my director and asked if it would ok for me to speak my concerns with the mother. She agreed and though it was not an easy meeting to tell her that I felt something was wrong with her son I felt I did the right thing. She decided to pull him from the class.
If your child has special needs a MDO program may not be meeting those needs since most are not prepared or qualified to care for such a child.
Yes the other mom should have been notified and a report written out and a copy given to both parties at the day of the offense.
Bottom line your child may need special care and a MDO may not be a good fit for your son.
If your not comfortable, move on. Sit down with them and tell them why you have decided to leave and give them an opportunity to tell their side if they have one.
Maybe you could ask your son's therapist if there is a program that they know of that would be beneficial for your son to be in.
Added note: Just because something is affiliated with a church you should never assume a higher level of standard. People are still people even if God still sits on his throne.
Best Regards to you and your son,
C.
No, this is not normal. There should be conversations and notes sent home when this stuff happens.
I would be upset as well. I had my DD in a very high-end private preschool and found the teacher's aid texting while my daughter was pulling her pant leg to try to get her to take her to the potty. Money does not always get you the best care. I learned that really quickly.
I'd take your son out and find a place that is considerate of you and your son's needs.
I feel the same as you - they need to be communicating better with you. They should be telling you as things happen. When my kids were in preschool they had "ouch reports" and other forms that would be put in the check-in/out book if anything happened to one of my kids. It would say _____ got bit today on his right arm. We put ice on it and then he went back to play....or something like that. It never said who it was that bit them, but it did let me know that something happened. Or it could've been the other form that said _______ bit another child today. He was given a time out and spoken with about using his words instead of biting next time.....so I knew what was going on each day. Was I told every time he was put in time out probably not. I think it is pretty common for kids that age to have a time out or two and not be worried about it.
no that is definitely NOT normal. my daycare has to fill out an incident report whenever there's an injury, small or big, to let the parent know if your child's been bit, hit, etc. i think it might even be required by law in order to be licensed. i'm not familiar with the mdo program but i would assume similar rules and regulations apply. big cost does not necessarily mean great care. i would move him to one that is closer to home and better quality of care.
I personally wouldn't care what "normal" procedure is. If I were to tell a daycare that my son has a special need and I want to know what's going on, then I would expect to know what's going on. If they can't handle your needs, you need to go elsewhere.
Never have had my child in a MDO program but this doesn't sound normal. It would seem wherever your child is going that you'd be notified if your child is acting up.
Sighhhh . . . . .
More expensive isn't necessarily better.
The school's philosophy about the kind of behavior they report
and don't report obviously isn't what you prefer.
When you interview other child-care places, you may want
to tell this story -- shorter version -- to let them know
what's important to you.
It's too bad you didn't learn about this situation
until some damage had been done.
Good luck.
The director was wrong in not answering your email directly within 24 hours. She should have addressed your concerns and told you exactly how they were going to handle things going forward.
However I am going to go against the grain here and say you are over reacting to the biting issue. Many kids go through biting phases and unless they are drawing blood, leaving enormous bite marks or really being aggressive with it-then correcting and forgetting about it is the best way to go. Your son is going through some changes and may feel frustrated. If he can't express his feelings verbally then he may bite. It isn't appropriate but it also isn't the end of the world. They mentioned it to your husband. The teacher even said they were fighting over toys. How do you know that Restin didn't deserve that little nip?
I think the reason they sometimes might not mention EVERYTHING to the parents is because parents over react and the parents aren't there when things occur. Maybe they have been dealing with Restin's aggressiveness and felt that your son was defending himself as best as he could. They can't be reporting -nor should they-every little skirmish and they cant be broadcasting every kid's issues to all the other parents. Step back. Take a deep breath. You are looking at this as "my son is a biter-eek!". Maybe he is the victim, maybe this is these two boys way of playing together, maybe there is an issue.
Do you like the MDO otherwise? If you address the communication issue and get that resolved do you feel comfortable otherwise? Do you like his teachers? Every school, every MDO, every day care will have their moments. Changing MDOs while your son is dealing with other changes could really put him over the edge.
As a mom of three teenagers, I promise, they survive. My son remembers the little girl that used to bite him-but only because he liked her. He didn't remember the biting. My youngest daughter was a biter. Once she got a little older, a little more verbal, a little more mature-she quit. She did it because she was the baby and the older two harassed her-not appropriate behavior but certainly justifiable!
Address the communication thing. Take the biting in stride. If YOU see him do it, correct the behaviour and move on.
Good luck.
I would want to know if my child had been bitten or had bitten someone. I think they should have let you know they were having issues before a casual comment about everything all at once. I would change if it were me it sounds like they don't have their act together....Good luck!!
I was in childcare for 3 1/2 years. That is just not normal.
First of all, for the other mom to not know what you were talking about is odd. How did you know which child your son bit? It's against the law for the teacher to give ANY names. (At least here in TX it is.)
Second, if they had been having behavior issues for 2 weeks, it should have been discussed with you. Periodic time outs are not enough to bring up with parents. Just about every child end up in time out. It's part of how they learn good behavior. I can see how he might get time out, but still get a good report that day. No teacher wants to see a child get in trouble with mom if they corrected their behavior.
If they are refraining from telling you about it because they are treating him like a "special needs" child, that's a whole different issue. Sometimes, teachers get in a frame of mind that the child is "just that way" & treats them accordingly.
Then, there's the lack of communication from the director. Oh boy.
One of things that I've learned in my current job is that just because a childcare center is in a church, doesn't mean it's better. Some of the best centers I've seen have been in churches, but so have some of the worst. (I'm a preschool photographer, and go to a different center everyday.)
If the teachers are treating your son differently because of his sensory challenges, it might be time to look elsewhere. I agree with you that he shouldn't be at a "special" school.
Good luck & good job being proactive!
I don't think this was appropriately handled by the program at all!! They should have responded to your emails! That's definitely lazy and unprofessional and you have every right to inquire about what happens there! It sounds like you are a very proactive parent which is excellent.... I would consider finding a different place though. If they are this unprofessional about talking with parents, you have to wonder how they are with the kids and what else is happening that they don't talk about! not a good feeling....there are plenty of other wonderful places out there!
All I can say is WoW!
My daycare provider tells me EVERYTHING that has happened to my daughter or if she hurts another kid on a daily basis (not that my daughter gets hurt or hurts someone else daily).
I would look into a different program/place for your child. That one doesn't sound as structured as it should be. I'm not suggesting your child is handicap (mentally), but looking into a school/program that fits his needs more then a regular program might not be a bad option, especially while hes going to therapy. His therapist should be able to help you find a place that would work with him.
