Am I Doing the Right Thing with My Kids' Cell Phones?

I'm curious why she says she's so upset if you've only restricted the agreed upon blackout times anyway. Is it just the principle of the matter? Practically speaking, she shouldn't have even noticed that her phone was restricted in the first place if she wasn't violating any of the rules.

I think I probably wouldn't have restricted my daughter's phone in the first place, but now that it's done, I think you should just stick to it. There's really no good reason to go back on your decision, and I think it sets a bad precedent if your daughter thinks that your well-thought out discipline decisions are negotiable. Especially if reversing them has the potential to negatively affect your relationship with your stepdaughter while you don't have your husband as back-up.

Thank you to your husband and your family for his service and your sacrifice. I can't imagine what it must be like to be a military wife and be home alone with the kids for such long stretches of time.

I don't think your daughter is really upset about the phone i think it is more the principal. being a child of a blended family it can be complicated. my step sister and i are very close in age and did everything together. we are closer than me and my biological sister. my mom was always super fair and equal with us both spending the same amount of money on us at Christmas rules were the same we were even punished together just the same as you are doing now.

while i love and adore my sister this was very hard. I am my mothers daughter, I was there first and i was very jealous of the relationship they had. I was not angry with my sister but i did take it out on my mom. your daughter might be having some of these same feelings right now and this incident brought it to the surface. it sounds like you are doing your best to have a peaceful home while things are in such transition.
I would suggest taking you daughter out just you two and doing something casual like getting ice cream and talk about how much she means to you and the family. i would thank her for her good example and remind her you are all on the same team and all of you need to help each other while Dad is away. she sounds like a very responsible, smart girl and perhaps asking her to help you will relive some of the anxiety she might be feeling and not know how to express.

good luck to you!! You are one brave Mom

I would leave the phones as they are until your husband comes home from Afghanistan. I would explain to all the children who have cellphones that this is a decision that you and your husband agreed upon as parents. Sometimes the good have to suffer for the bad. This is the case in this situation.

Please thank your husband in the service of our country. I really admire you as a mom for managing the household and family when he is away.

Very best of luck.

<grinning> You're in a sticky situation...but I think you can pull out of it.

The problems I see from your daughter's eyes:

1) Fairness. No other group (outside of toddlers) is so obsessed with the idea of fairness, in my experience, than teenage girls. Life isn't fair, but trying to get that through to MOST teenage girls is like King Canut trying to hold back the tide. Oy.

2) During the blocked times, if the phone is restricted MOST companies block all incoming calls/texts, instead of saving them. Even if her phone was silent/off she'd be able to pick up those messages later. Restricted phones though, bounce the messages back to the sender...so she's understandably being punished in her own mind, because she's missing the opportunity to return those calls/messages.

To pull out, but still stand firm, I would suggest telling your daughters, together, that when you placed the restrictions, you didn't realize that you would be punishing daughter A for daughter B having repeatedly broken the rules...since those were blackout times anyway. AND that you had furthermore tried to be fair in your decision by allowing incoming/outgoing calls to key people in their lives (family) even during those blackout/restricted times. Then say, that having given it consideration, in order to be fair daughter A's phone will be unrestricted, UNLESS she, too, breaks the rules.

I would also suggest putting a time limit on the restriction. Say 1-3 months (some arbitrary time that feels right to you), and then at that time daughter B's phone will come off of restriction. If she can prove her responsibility at that point, the phone will stay on. If not, she can deal with restriction/blackouts until she leaves for college.

You MAY also suggest either allowing one or both daughters to pay for additional minutes out of their own money. Give them each a "cap" . If they go over their alloted share...the one who does has to pay to upgrade the plan. Obviously, they "get" all of the extra minutes that they're buying & paying for.

I also know one mum who (although she has unlimited texting) makes her son pay 10 cents for every text over 310 a month (she figures 10 a day is acceptable to her). The money goes into his college savings. If he can't pay, she blocks the texting on his phone until his "acct" is paid in full. Another friend has HER son pay a quarter for ever text over 500 a month.

Anyhow...just some thoughts.
R

Well, I think only the one who broke the rules should reap the consequences. Natural consequences are what kids need. They also need to see rule following rewarded. Your step-daughter needs to learn to live within the family rules - period. They are two different children and need to be treated as such - especially at this crucial age. Stay strong!

Blessings to you!

I say keep them both blocked. There is no reason for your daughter to be upset she isn't usuing the phone during those hours anyways. I think in keeping the peace you have to be fair with both girls. I also would be very vocal to your step-daughter how much you appreciate her cooperation with this issue. Kids need limits no harm in helping them keep them. Remove temptation when ever possible.You are doing the right thing.

Why punish her for doing the right thing? That would be like being fired for saving the company a lot of money. Doesn't make a lick of sense. If your daughter messes up then she must also pay the consequences. Do make it clear that she is not to allow her step sister to use her phone... or else she will be in just as much trouble.

Aren't you only restricting the phone usage during your agreed upon black out times? If that is the case, then you are not punishing your daughter, you are merely enforcing the rules with her. I don't understand why your daughter is so upset. This is not a means to punish anyone, it is means to prevent the girls from breaking the rules. As far as I can tell, there is nothing wrong with being strict. Your daughter is not being punished so I would leave the restrictions alone and not tempt either one of them to break the rules. You are already very generous. A cell phone is a luxury and a privilege and your girls (both of them) need to be reminded of that!