Am I Doing the Right Thing? - Hoffman Estates, IL

That's a tough one. I don't think you're doing the wrong thing. It's hard to know what to do, but I think it is important to be consistent and since you told her that is what would happen if she peed her pants then she should know that is what would happen.

Maybe a potty training book would have some good suggestions for you. I struggle with this with my daughter occasionally- in her case she gets wrapped up in what she's doing and doesn't go to the bathroom until too late. I always feel bad being mad at her when it's obvious she is upset. It's hard to know what to do with potty training- you don't want to cause lifelong hangups.

Here's my thought.. I don't think any type of discipline works well for potty training or potty regression.
I would
1. Give her a daily "reward" for staying dry all day. I'm talking something simple -- big high 5's, 2 books at night instead of 1, etc. Once she makes the week, make a big deal out of it and go somewhere fun - chuck e. cheese, etc. Let that be a surprise. Don't use the "unless you stay dry we aren't going to chuck e. cheese" thing.
2. Tell her that she can change her underwear 10 times a day if she'd like...that she doesn't have to pee in them in order to change them.
3. Don't let it bother you. If she messes her pants, quietly and calmly tell her to clean it up or help you clean it up and then take her to change her clothes and move on.
4. Stop the pull ups entirely. It's easier for us so we don't have to clean the messes, but it really just confuses them.
5. Another thought which I have used...I have told my girls that as soon as they are a big girl they get to do fun big girl things like sign up for park district classes. Completely true - book says you must be 2 or 3 and potty trained for most classes - dance, gymnastics, etc. There was never any pressure, but I just kept reminding them when they asked for ice skating lessons like their sister. And as soon as they were a big girl, I congratulated them and asked them what they want to sign up for.
If it isn't a medical issue, it sounds like a phase for attention. The less of a rise she gets out of you, the more likely the behavior will stop. If it continues, I would re-look into the medical issue. One of my daughters that was potty trained for 2 years starting going on the floor pretty regularly. I thought she was too engrossed in what she was doing and was forgetting to go. Turns out she has absence epilepsy and was having petit mal seizures which made her lose control (they just look like she is spacing out, not like grand mal seizures). Probably not the case with you, however, there are medical problems other than UTIs which can cause this.
Good luck!

I agree with what you are doing. Is she going during the day ok or trying to hold it in?

My just turned 5 year old has been peeing in his pants lately. He just doesn't stop to go and then he laughs and he pees. What I do is make him stop and take a shower or bath. He is mad that he has to stop what he's doing and I'm not too thrilled either (but don't say much besides asking him what happened).

I've been emphasizing the point that he needs to go at certain times. He goes when he wakes up and then before we take his brother to school, then lunchtime and before preschool. Then I try to get him when he gets home and before bed. I am trying to get him to go during certain times to avoid the peeing when laughing. Notice how I said trying.

They need to remember to go and all you can do is emphasize that. It does stick, but it seems like it takes forever (this is boy #4, so I've been through it before).

M.

I wouldn't say you were wrong. However, in any discipline situation, just telling them that there will be "consequences for an action" if they do the inappropriate action sometimes buys you a little time until you come up with just the right punishment (and, even, just the threat of a "potential punishment" may end the inappropriate action.)

You were absolutely right, once you announced the consequence, to follow up with your action. In retrospect, you may have been able to get away with something softer (that wasn't soooo hard on YOU!) but once you announced it - consistency rules and you should follow through. You and you, alone, know your daughter and it may be just what she needed. Also, you have to make sure, in this case, that she really can control herself and there is no medical underlying cause that would cause her to regress. If she continues to regress, you may have to go back to a reward system and positive reinforcement to get her back on track.

Patience and good luck.

I have 2 friends who have daughters that are 5 and 4. These girls still have accidents, the 4 year old on a weekly basis. My friends still have to remind their daughters to "go potty" every day. The only thing I can suggest is that you get a "potty watch". You can set it to go off every time you want her to go to the bathroom. I would set it for every 2 hours at first, then gradually increase the time. She's also certainly old enough to tell her that she has to sit there until she goes, even if she tells you she doesn't have to go. I would make her sit there for 10 minutes to make sure nothing comes out. Explain to her that until she doesn't have any more accidents, that this is what you have to do. She may be having too much fun playing and not wanting to take a break to use the bathroom. Which is the case for both of my friend's girls. Good luck!

It may not be that she's having an accident in her underwear, but that she's not wiping well enough afterwards or pulling her undies down far enough while sitting on the potty. My daughter (5, almost 6) wasn't wiping well enough or at all sometimes and didn't realize that she really needed to. She also had an accident outside yesterday for the first time in AGES. Full blown peed in her pants kind of thing. I just changed her and put clean clothes on. I think she was so excited to be outside playing in the warm weather with her brothers that she waited way too long to come into the bathroom. And, that's pretty normal for all kids. My 13 year-old still won't go at school unless it's an emergency and runs home from the bus stop every day and goes right into the bathroom...

Check out the wiping. If she's just a little wet, it could be that she's not wiping enough or that the position of her undies is too high while she's on the potty.

Best wishes.

I'm still training my second daughter. (will be 3 in June).

Something that has helped me get through the beginning hit or misses

-- Kids 'n Pets ---

I swear by it!
Helps with clean ups and eliminates the smells. I buy mine at Target. Accidents happen. It's great for lots of other things too. Try to eliminate the emotional reactions. This stuff will help you be a tiny bit more relaxed.

*****Something that works- ********************************
a reward system that involved marbles in a jar (put marbles in for good behavior and take them out for bad behavior) Eliminate the focus-(and the power struggle over accidents by combining with other behavior). When the small jar is full - she gets a small candy reward. Work up to a bigger peanut butter jar and a bigger reward- new underwear.
Good luck

I sort of got sad when I read this. You said she did great for 4 days and then peed a bit. Maybe she realized what she was doing and stopped herself. Just some thoughts...a week is a long time to wait for a reward. If she was able to make it four days this time then maybe start with 3 or 4 days and then a reward. Also she is right, she isn't a baby, so why the pull-up. Just have her put her dirty panties in the laundry, clean up any mess, and move on. I guess I feel that 3.5 is still young and that preschoolers will have regressions at times whether it be independence, behavior, or even potty training. I would just let her get over the phase of wanting to wear different panties all the time. Little girls love to change clothes, etc. I am sure if you just ignored it the novelty of it all will go away. I am not a push over in anyway but from everything I have read it sounds as if making punishments out of potty training isn't usually the best approach. Good luck..I know it is frustrating but with like everything else our toddlers/preschoolers do it is a phase and will end.

My daughter did something similar to this and for the same reason, wanting new undies on. So, we made an undies box and put all her underwear in there. We told her she could change them when she wanted as long as they were clean, so she would put on like 5 different pair a day, but always putting the clean pair back in the box. It worked and eventually she got tired of changing her undies and stopped. It can be frustrating, I know that!

The only thing I can think of, and perhaps you've tried this already, is by trying to set up specific times of the day to remind her to go. For example first thing in the morning, after lunch, then before bed at the very least. The reward system is also a very good idea. Sometimes when a medical issue arises, regression ensues and it is indeed frustrating. Stickers can be a cheap way to reinforce positive behavior and utilizing a behavior chart might help to for her to have a visual of her own progress. I created one for my daughter and had her put the stickers on each day she went in the potty. I let her pick out the stickers.

I'm not an advocate of pullups whatsoever as I think they really inhibit the potty training process. I commend you with following through however and it doesn't mean you've done anything wrong either but based on what you're saying, it doesn't appear to be a control issue with her, it's possibly just her falling back a few steps after a medical problem. I suspect she'll come back around.

Should she continue to have problems after trying the reward system and/or reminding her to go at certain times of the day, then I would maybe revisit the doctor or even a specialist if you don't think your pediatrician is looking into it enough.

I wish you and your family well!

K.