Am I Being Selfish - Lake Park,GA

That could of been his way of getting you into the store to look at engagement rings. I don't think you are being selfish to want to be married. I told my husband that after the 3 years we were together that if he wasn't ready to marry me that he would never be ready and we should move on. What I didn't know when I told him that, is that he had been saving up for a year to get me a ring. I'd talk to him. Being upset and withdrawn is only going to make the situation worse.

If you want to marry him, and it's been LIVING with him for 4 years, tell him. If you want to get married ever, don't waste time with someone who just wants the benefits without commitment. You don't have to be mean or confrontational, just honest. If you can't be honest with him about this, then something's wrong.

He may have been trying to "size you up" regarding your taste in rings, etc.
A woman I worked with had been with her boyfriend for two years and she was getting to the point where it was either they were going to get married or she was going to move on. She told him that.
So, one Saturday, they went to all the jewelry stores and she found one that she fell in love with. She was very upset that they left without him buying it. She thought maybe he would go back to get it without her there, but she kept calling the store and even went in. There the rings were. Still in the case.
After 2 weeks of this, she was pretty mad and felt very hurt that he would take her to look at rings and toy with her feelings like that. She was ready to end it. They were invited to a big family wing-ding and she refused to go with him. He finally talked her into it.
Well, in front of family, on both sides, he proposed to her.
WITH A DIFFERENT SET OF RINGS!
She loved the ones he got her so much more than the ones she'd had her heart set on and was so thrilled she didn't get what she'd been hoping for.
He knew what he was doing....he just wanted to get an idea of what she really liked and he bought the rings at a store they hadn't even been in. She was totally, very happily surprised. The rings are gorgeous! They had a fabulous wedding 6 months later.

My point is, sometimes when men seem like they are being lame, they really aren't.
My mom got so mad at my step-dad one year because she totally thought he bought her absolutely nothing for Christmas. I played along because he and I had gone to a jewelry store and picked out a beautiful ring for her. He let her get good and mad and then sprung it on her just about the time she was ready to shove the turkey where the sun don't shine.

Maybe it's just me, but anytime my husband or significant other offered to take me into a jewelry store....I went.

If you're upset and withdrawn, he likely knows something's up. You might as well just tell him how you feel and get it off your chest. You've been together 4 years, so if you can't talk to him about this there are bigger problems than a ring.

Just my opinion.

Best wishes.

Perhaps it was his way of shopping around without being too obvious about it. A cocktail ring would have given him your finger size, then he could surprise you with an engagement ring.
Sometimes, though, the surprise factor is a whole lot less important than knowing things are progressing and moving along.
You guys need to talk and be honest about where the relationship is heading (and when it might get there).
He needs to cook or get off the stove, and you need to decide if his not committing to you is a deal breaker.

No, your not selfish. After 5 years of dating I told my husband if he didnt want to marry me by then, I would find someone who would. I wasnt going to pretend to be someones wife.

Definitely tell him how you feel. After four years, I think its fair to expect an engagement ring.

Have you considered the very real possibility that he was just saying that to get you in there to look at rings and get a feel for what you might like so he could SURPRISE you?? That was my very first thought. I guess you'll just end up with the ring that *he* likes....

definitely tell him how you feel without pressure.. own your feelings.. and know that they are just as valid as his... four years is a lot of time invested and IF marriage is important to you, then so be it.... why should you continue to stay in a relationship where the end result isn't what you want and in line with your core values. You can love someone but at the same time, love you.. it's not like you are putting pressure on. it's been FOUR years...

Tell him...it's been 4 years...

With all due respect why would he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free? You have been living with him for four years and he has not proposed? Time to face facts, he is never going to propose. Time to move on if marriage is what you want.

Lisa

nope you should tell him how you feel.
And maybe he was planning to get you an engagement and he didn't want to spoil the surprise.

Marcela, NO you are not being selfish.

After four years if you want marriage by al means YES you need to talk to him. If he does not want marriage, it's time for you to move on and find someone who does. I would recommend not moving in with anyone else until you have the committment of marriage you have been longing for.

Blessings....

Talk to him about marriage. Ask him where he thinks this relationship is going, ask him if he's thought about marriage and tell him you are thinking about it. See where the conversation goes, you should be able to find out a lot from an open conversation.

I would 100% tell him how I feel. He may not "understand" why you've been withdrawn..... he's a Man after all LOL 4 years is a long time to spend with someone. Have you talked about getting Married?? Not just that you guys want to spend the Rest of your life together??!! There is a difference..... You dont want to turn yourself into someone your not over this ~~ Clear the air ASAP that way you'll both be on the same page and You will feel alot better getting it off your chest :-) Good Luck xoxoxo

Do you WANT to get married? If so, say goodbye and find a man willing to make a real commitment!

Not selfish. But, YES you should tell him how you feel. If you can't tell him how you feel, you shouldn't marry him anyway. You should tell him how important being married is to you and why he hasn't stepped out to make that commitment yet. Ask for 100% honesty, and transparency...even if it hurts. And it might.
If he's not going to marry you after this long...there's a really good chance...he never will. I'm sorry to sound so harsh, but how long are you going to wait for and put aside what you want in life?

You need to have a sit down talk with the man about how you eel. He couldn't have been trying to get you in the store to check out rings or get your ring size... see what you liked. But after you talk to him about this, I wouldn't wait six more months for hm to propose.... or you could always do it. I mean really, 4 years is long enough to wait around on a person. My husband and I told each other what our 5 year plans were on our first date. Communicate!

Maybe he just wanted to get you in the store- maybe it was for an engagement ring-
Of course tell him- way better than being upset.
Imagine how he must feel- he wants to buy you something for Valentines- and now you are withdrawn- yikes.'
best, k

Maybe that was his way of sneaking at your ring size. Perhaps you should initiate the convo when he talks again about want ing to spend the rest of his life with you