Am I Being Overly Sensitive?

Dear A.,
Gosh this sounds so familiar! I too had a quiet son w/different interests than the rest of his friends. He is now 21 and has a wonderful self-esteem w/awesome talents and abilities!
You have recieved some very good advice from all but I would like to second the advice from one about enrolling your son in a type of karate class if you can afford it. There are many to choose from in the area. When my son joined a karate class he learned many things from his instructors in addition to the self-defense lessons and confidence in himself. For example, they even had social nights and were given "lessons" on social circumstances. They roll-played situations which I believe would benefit your son. I believe having these lessons taught from others he looked up to, in addition to all the instruction I had given him on these subjects was a win-win.
Though he didn't express interest when we first enrolled him he actually enjoyed it as time went on.
I believe enrolling him in karate was one of the best things we did for our son at the time.

Good Luck!!

D. B

No, you are not being overly sensitive. My eldest daughter, while not shy in the least, has still always been a little more dreamy and certainly has never been into "typical" girl things. And that is who she is and too bad to anyone else who isn't open and accepting of that . . . we don't need those nay-sayers in our lives! I am glad to hear he doesn't give much thought to the putdowns of this other boy. Personally, I wouldn't have him hang out with those other kids anymore if that isn't his thing. Instead, does he have one or two friends from school that he has more in common with? Then make playdates with them instead. Or perhaps enroll him in some type of enrichment program more in line with his likes (art class? reading program at library?).

A.,

C.S. gave you some great advice. Hope you heed it. Your son needs strategies to protect himself from bullies both when you are around and when you are not. At his young age he needs your help. There are any number of books that you can that will provide tips and information for you both. The fact that the other mother and/or parents allow this to go on is a big part of the problem. Every child is special and to be valued. Please make sure your son knows that being "physical" is not the only or the best measure of success or his worth as a little boy. I wish you and your precious son the best!!

HI A.,
I'm in the middle of your situation. My son likes to run and chase and likes for other boys to chase him, but he also is sensitive to bullys. He'll cry if someone even tells him that his food looks gross.
I suggest you discuss this with him. Ask him if it bothers him. Let him know that he doesn't have to take it. He doesn't have to be friends with him. And if there are any friends in school that he has fun with. Invite them over.
If he is fine with the situation then you should definitely give him his space but empower him if it bothers him. And make sure you discuss it with the other child's mother. That way you already get a feel of her stance. If something occurs where you really have to deal with the parents in that scenario then you'll know what you are dealing with.

My son is only 5, but also, on the shy side and loves to read and draw. He has friends when he wants them, but is content to play alone, too. He isn't too agressive and that's ok because that is who God meant him to be. I was quiet as a child, but try hard not to let my childhood feelings and situations influence the advice I give my son because my son isn't me. I let my son know that I'm always here if he wants to talk or has a problem he needs help figuring out. I, too, hate my son being around overly aggressive, critical kids who just want to bully others. I actually discourage my son from being around them because they aren't the kind of people who bring us up. They make people feel bad and I tell my son that I feel sorry for them because they probably won't have many close friends in life. I've, also, talked to my son about when another child tells him they can do something better than him. He just says, "So," and leaves it at that. There really isn't much to reply to when someone says "so." Kids like your neighbor are just looking for a reaction and if they don't get one then they usually just stop. My advice is to let your child be who he is and be proud of it, but also, let him know how to handle difficult situations, so he can feel confident around groups of others. Good luck!!

A., first of all, you are not being oversensitive. You are a mother and naturally feel protective of your children. That being said, we can not always be there to protect them either. We can let them know that we have their back in their choices and this includes friends. You need to ask your son if he enjoys playing with this child? Depending on his answer you go from there. If he does not like playing with this child then obviously he should not have too. But, if he does, then you need to find out what it is that your son likes about him. We all know that there are leaders and followers in this world and if your son does not mind following then let him.

A., I think your concerns are the same an any loving Mom. My own children experienced that within our family. Your son needs to understand that not all kids are the same and they have different likes and dislikes and different abilities - AND THAT IS OK!
While looking for a book to help explain sex to my young children, I ran across a book about the difference between boys and girls. I thought - this is just what I need. However, it had nothing to do with sex. It talked about how some girls like to read and others would rather be outside. How some boys were athletic and others would rather be inside building a rocket. It showed how some names could be a boys name and a girls name like "Kelly or Sandy" etc. It was a great book to help with social skills and acceptance. My children really enjoyed the book and we read it often. I am sorry I can not remember the name of the book but I am sure a local bookstore could help you. It would be a good way to bring up the subject without making your son feel like YOU are concerned he is not fitting in and maybe he should be concerned. God Bless You and Yours - T

We have girls on our street and they can be just as mean as boys sometimes. Our solution is to always be the house to play at. I feel that if my kids are playing at my house, then I know what is going on..even if that means I have 10 kids here. We have gradually had to teach neighbor kids how to behave, play together, work out disagreements, what is acceptable behavior and what is not. You have to be the cool house that everyone wants to play at, then you can step in and show how to include everyone without insulting each other. And you may have to point out the one little boy is being a bully. Neighbors are a different kind of friend. It is very hard to ignore them and just not play with them, whereas school friends are easier to pick the ones you really like.

To be protective is your right as a mother. I do not believe you are being overly sensitive. I would say to find your son better friends and try to keep him away from this situation as much as possible. Having another mother not be sensitive to the situation speaks loudly of why the other child is so belligerent. When having to be around the other child, determine strategies for your son to 'win' some of the time. Have them play games that require more thought like connect 4 or battle ship. Possibly get him some remote control cars for Christmas he can learn to control and win. Your son needs some help in building his self confidence too.

I am very protective of my daughter. She is 30 months and all the kids in the neighborhood are older. Because of this, my hair raises when kids get a little rough with her, but I have to let her know I'm there for her, she has the right to say No, and I will always back her up.

Good luck!

That sounds a lot like my son was when he was young. He turned out to be a great teen, by the way.

My only regret is not doing something to help him while he was young. My advice to you is to put him in a martial arts class. This will give him the confidence to handle those rough situations. I have my daughter in martial arts (usa martial arts in frisco) and have found that other kids are far less likely to bother challenging her, so she is not picked on or anything like he was. When he got older, kids picked on him a lot. He was tiny and such a sweet kid. I never wanted him to change - I love how he is. I only wish I would have given him more tools to handle others.

Your son sounds like an awesome kid, who will grow up to be an equally awesome adult!

As a mom- it is really hard to watch things like this happen to our children. Does your son have a friend at school with whom he gets along well?
My oldest loves to read, do math, make up games and do science experiments. He is not very good at wrestling or sports- thats okay- He has a best friend who is just like him- they have very simaliar interests and we try to get them together to play.
Invite a friend from school over to play with him, but also talk with him and let him know he doesn't have to let anyone talk down to him or walk all over him. Just to walk away from people like that- they are not worth his time.
Also- you are a parent, you have the right to tell the other kid to knock it off and be nice- even if his mom is standing there. She might accept it, but you don't have to. And once you say something, she might start paying attention to how mean her kid is being and might do something about it.
Good Luck!
~C.