Am I Being over Protective? - Beaverton,OR

Okay-- it is not the biting thats the issue here, not at 11 months, although it was good to know that he did. It is when he is older that a problem arises from it! Anyway, its the soiled diapers that are a problem. Once, okay...maybe he JUST did it. But for it to happen like that more than once is a problem. I would address that immediately.

biting is normal for about that age actually a little older. but he probably learned it by watching other kids. babies are babies I wouldn't sweat it.

Hi K.,

First, as a director and owner of a childcare center I can tell you this is why I prefer to be the one to talk to parents and not put that burden on my staff. Most times a teacher will feel very uncomfortable having to tell parents about issues of concern because they are afraid it will create tension in their relationship. I can relate having been a preschool teacher for many years. I can also tell you that my staff is very happy when that burden is lifted from them. Talking to parents can be very tricky, some parents are very open to what is being told to them and others can be very defensive. That being said biting is not uncommon in toddlers and can occur for many reasons. Just because as you said they are teething, because they are frustrated, etc. Eleven months is early to be biting out of frustration so I would say that he probably does not realize what he has done hurts but it still needs to be addressed. In my opinion the best way to prevent biting is to shadow a child who is biting so you can catch them before they bite and redirect them and show them different ways to handle frustrating situations. Again, at 11 months it is really young to try to get them to understand. I am more concerned about your baby going home with dirty, and with wet or soiled diapers. That is much more neglectful to me and I would address that immediately with the teacher first and if it continues then go to the director. Reporting incidents of biting is mandatory and should be addressed, just maybe in a more professional way. No one wants to hear their child did something unpleasant, so I can understand you being upset. Try to keep things in perspective it not the end of the world, but keep in mind that if it happens more often then it must be addressed.

First of all, teachers don't like to have to be the bearers of bad news so it is natural that perhaps she wasn't her usual chipper self.

Try not to be so defensive; many kids bite and get bit. It *is* standard procedure to report all biting (whether the kid was the biter or got bitten) in many daycares; at ours an 'incident report' is filled out and parents are notified at pickup. Your kid probably wasn't walking around, bearing his chompers looking for his next victim. More than likely he was either trying to get a response out of another child or was expressing an emotion for which he didn't have words. While this isn't the greatest of behaviors and we don't want our children to repeat these behaviors, this is fairly NORMAL so try not to take it so personally like your kid committed a terrible act.

My kid has been bitten a few times in daycare, mostly because he did something to instigate the biting (taking a toy or a book) but sometimes just out of the blue. Do I want to know about this at pickup time? You're darn sure I do - I don't want to get home and find bite marks with no explanation. My kid also bit another child at daycare and you can bet that once I found out about it we swiftly took steps to get him to use his words and not biting.

So, yes I do think you're over-thinking this. You even say if your child got bitten, you wouldn't think much of it...so since your kid bit another kid and the teacher said "he bit the other baby...so it wasn't a big deal", then I don't know why you'd get all upset about this. Don't let your feelings get hurt because your baby bit another kid; while it isn't a desirable trait and embarrassing as a parent to hear that our children do things like this...it is NORMAL (unless of course it becomes a daily occurrence, so work NOW to nip it in the bud).

It may not seem like a big deal to you, but bites (that break the skin) can become badly infected, and it's very hard for daycare workers to stop a biter from biting. Kids who bite can be kicked out of daycares. So maybe you know your kid usually doesn't do this, and it may have been an accident, but if he's picking up this habit it's something you want to nip in the bud. You say he has bitten you before, well, frankly, not all kids bite their parents, I have 5 and only one of them ever bit me even for playful mischief. Try not to get upset, but rather be thankful that they are in fact watching your kids closely.

I have an 11 month old and she will bite her brother when he frustrates her. She will also bite my finger when she's not really paying attention, and it's just because she is teething. Age appropriately I definitly get after her for it and tell her that it is naughty and 'do not bite!.'
So yes I think they can do it on purpose though I don't think they are just viscious. I would deal with it at home and not allow it.
No suggestions for how to deal with the daycare thing though

I wouldn't worry to much about the biting. After all he is 11 months old. The wet diapers and the dirty face I would. I would definitely say something to the director of the daycare. And let them know it has been happening daily.

You are not overreacting at all, I would take him out of this place. I think you have to trust your instincts here, don't disregard them as "overprotective", that's what moms do. Dirty with wet diapers is another huge sign that he isn't getting enough attention.

I know you got responses already, but I wanted to say that I agree that he's probably not a habitual biter and that you are right to be concerned if you think he's not getting enough care. They should be able to show you how often he gets changed and what kinds of diapers he had and when he ate. I would review that to see if there's a drop in changes.

My daughter bit another child once and while I was upset, the director said it was normal for that age and they'd keep an eye on it. I would ask why he might have done it and what was going on at the time. Maybe the other kid took his toy or it was just before snack or nap. Kids act out when tired or hungry or need attention.

I am a stay at home mom, so I don't completely understand what you are going through... However I have a son that teethed late, so when all the other kids were over the putting things in their mouths my son was just starting... As a matter of fact he is two and we are awaiting those pesky canines.. he is still putting things in his mouth (crayons, toys etc...)

I am a little alarmed by the fact that your son is picked up with soiled diapers, it shows neglect in my opinion. It sounds to me like you were already a little concerned about the daycare enviroment before the biting occurred. I would consider finding a place that has a little more experience with little kiddos. I agree though, I really do not think that your 11 mo. old is seeking out little fingers to place in his mouth and gnaw on... of course it was not on purpose...

I hope you get some resolve and peace for this.
take care.

If you can, change schools. You should not be picking him up with dirty diapers. And biting? While not a fun phase, is a phase and most kids go through it in varying degrees. The facility my daughter goes to just has you sign an accident report. Regardless how minor it is for liability sake. But you don't really get a talking to unless it becomes a serious problem.

I say ditch that daycare for a better one.

Bites can be serious. Mouths have a lot of germs and the bite can get infected. My little one was in daycare and got bitten twice on his forehead by the same little boy. He still has a mark on face. Daycares take bitting seriously and they can loose their license if it's a continuous problem. In your case it sounds pretty innocent, but some children are aggressive and bite a lot and are a danger to other children

Biting is so common among toddlers that it can almost be considered a normal stage of development. Some kids bite because they're upset, some seem simply to be impulsively caught up in the energy of the moment.

One bite might not do serious damage. Nevertheless, it is serious and must be handled proactively by informed child-care staff. What worries me is that this teacher sounds like she was unable to comprehend the nature of the problem or what to do about it.

My grandson did some biting when he was a little older than Braeden. It was terribly distressing for his parents – and probably for the parents of the child that was bitten. There's so little you can do when you're not there; mostly just try to impress upon your son that the behavior is not acceptable. But the daycare staff should know how to watch for, intercept and correct the behavior – it is so common that just about every teacher will encounter it more than once.

If I were in your position, I'd do some online research, print out the information that you find most informative and useful, and ask your childcare personnel to consider it.

From what you say, I dont think it was that big of a deal as long as it wasnt out of malice. However, bitting seems to be the #1 major issue in daycare/school. It is mean and it hurts and it leaves marks. I have also heard that it is hard for kids to be "broken" of the habit, but I doubt at 11 months old it was something of a habit. you might be right that it was innocent, but watch him a litle more closely the next couple weeks and check for signs that he might bite out of frustration. Also, even if it doesnt seem a big deal to you, the school does have a duty to tell each parent if biting does occur, so I am sure they were just doing that...and think of it from the other parents perspective, you wouldn't be please to hear that your child got bit even if it was innocent. You would still feel bad that your little one was on the recieving end.
I would take this as them just letting you know and its not a big deal, but it could lead to that if it continues.

Hi K., the teacher was right to tell you about the incident. Biting can turn into a serious issue and it does need to be told to the parents each time. If she didn't tell you about it and he *did* start biting frequently, you would wonder why they were so incompetent to tell you that it had happened before.
The daycare is just doing their job. If you want to change dayfcares for the other reasons you listed, that's good, but ANY daycare should keep you informed of what goes on during the day.

If you are picking your son up with soiled diapers or a really dirty face, it needs to be brought to the attention of the teacher at pick up, and if the situation does not improve, then to the director or the teachers supervisor.

As for the biting, it is the teachers job to report all incidences of violence, even if the intent was not malicious, just as they must report all accidence, even if no injury is noticeable. She said there was no visible mark, but what would she have to say to the other mom if a small bruise developed later and the mom had not been informed of any incident. If you want to have your child in a school or daycare setting, you can expect to hear when your child does something wrong while in that setting. I would be much more worried had the teacher not told you about the biting.

Biting is a big cultural taboo. And is always something that needs to be addressed, regardless of the age or severity. I am sure the teacher was appropriate in handling it, but she did the correct thing in notifying you. You need to know these things. You do not need to punish him or anything, but you need to know.

I would suggest that he is teething but of course most kids go through a stage of bitting other kids. Just keep on top of it!

I am a daycare provider so I thought that I would give you my opinion. Babies and toddlers do bite. They do usually do it on purpose. Of course it is usually innocent at first and then can become deliberate depending on what reaction they receive. As babies turn to toddlers biting can be a way of expressing frustrations when they have no words. Maybe the daycare provider was shocked by the behavior or maybe she was just being careful about how she told you. I know that it is quite hard for me to confront parents with any different type of behaviors. Maybe that was what the tone in her voice was.
As for the dirty diapers and face, you should just talk to her about it. I would rather have a parent tell me than to be upset about my care.

Trust your instinct on this. If it seems weird, it's probably weirder--or worse. I'd look for another place to take your child, or see if he can be moved to the other classroom earlier. Make it clear that a dirty diaper isn't acceptable, either. Babies often don't give any indication they are wet or messy, but it's a caregiver's job to check their diapers frequently.

The biting thing is pretty common, especially among babies. I would still do what you can, when he does bite, to make it clear that this isn't okay. Toddler bites can get vicious--bruising, broken skin, etc.--so you don't want that to progress, either.

That's just my two cents. Good luck!