Men and women are difinately different kinds of thinkers, but such is married life. What I've seen work for us and those I've known is, the one who works out of the home the most gets less chores, BUT does have assigned chores! When there is a day off for both, they BOTH get up and clean! I wouldn't expect him to do all the down and dirty cleaning that you want done, like dusting and such. But I think it's fair to ask him to do the daily cleaning and you do the extras. Split it up. Make an agreement to clean for a certain amount of time, then go off and do something fun together, since you do both have the day off. On regular working days, what seems to work best for some is to come up with a cleaning chore list. Decide who does what on what days. You work a bit less so you'd have an extra chore or two than him. But, along with this agreement is the fact that he has to tend to the children equally as you do. Take turns doing the baths. He bathes 3 nights, you bathe 4. Take turns cooking dinner. He cooks 3 nights, you cook 4. Even if it's a frozen pizza he makes, at least you're not cooking and can have a turn at sitting down for a bit or doing the extra cleaning that you like to do.
To me, the basic cleaning is dishes, sweeping, vacuuming, mopping (once a week at most), clean the bathroom weekly and laundry. Dushing, cleaning windows and mirrors, etc, are extras. You both work a lot so don't burden yourselves so much so you can enjoy each other. So coming up with a cleaning schedule and assignments will make things clear and cause less arguments cuz once it's up on a wall (back of the pantry door for privacy) there's no discussion on who does what. If someone falls through with their chores, then the arguments will come. You can both negotiate as well. If he really doesn't feel like doing the dishes, then he can trade with you and vacuum the rug instead.
I don't work right now. Hubby does. So most everything is on me. His one main "chore" is doing the dishes every night and wiping down the kithen and stuff. He also bathes the triplets almost every night because he doesn't see them all day and this is time he can play with them and talk with them, then read them a book. As long as he picks up after himself (putting his dishes in the sink, dirty clothes in hamper, etc) I'm good with this arrangement. He'll cook dinner once or twice a week if I'm not in the mood, usually something quick. On the weekends, if we were busy and the house became a wreck, all 6 of us, including the 5 year old triplets, will pitch in as a team to get the house in basic order so we can go off and do something fun. Our motto is that we're a team. We made the mess together, we can clean it up together.
My husband will get lazy on his day off too. It's only natural. It's our job to push them along and keep them on track, lol!
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
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