Am I a Bad Parent

No, you are not a bad parent. You need meds.. I know its sounds bad but my doc put me on them when I had my last child and oh my did they work wonders. They calm you down so you can deal with daily life of raising children. I was against it at first, I thought what would people think of me, and I didn't want to have to be medicated to be a mom. Now I think they should be prescribed with the delivery of children.

You are not a bad parent. I went through that and still do with my 2. My suggestion is to talk with your doctor, you may have some anxiety/depression issues or post partem. It sounds very familiar to me.

No. You are a normal parent who is simply burned out. As a grandmother I recall having the same feelings of frustration when my own kids were growing up. We moms burn lots of candles at both ends and only another mom can appreciate that. You need to make and take time for yourself - FIRST! If you are happy your children are happy. You need to escape (if even for a few hours)and recharge your own battery. THEN - and only then - try parenting those precious gifts you have been given. Good Luck and Happy belated Mom's day!!

You are not a bad parent!! You are however a bit overwhelmed. If your Mom or Mother-in-law is available see if they can help. You can also hire a 12 yr old + from your neighborhood to help out. Have the helper take the older 2 out to play and for walks. While they are gone take a nap. Young Mothers are often overwhelmed and overtired. Your baby is probably not sleeping through the night yet and the older ones get up early and you are not getting enough sleep. Don't feel inadeqate in asking for help, your helper can also do a load of laundry or dishes or straighten up and run the vacuum. Does your hubby help? He too can do a load of laundry, fold clothes, load the dishwasher, or even hand wash dishes and vacuum.
Having 3 children under 3 years old is very difficult and the next few months are going to be trying. However the kids will grow up as friends and share the same friends in school and have a lot of the same memories. My kids are very spread out my sons are 14 years apart and while the older brother has always loved his brother they are now more able to be friends. Enjoy them they will grow up way too fast.

You've gotten a lot of good advice here regarding post pardum depression. I also want to add that it sounds like you need a break every once in a while. Try to have your husband help more and take some time for yourself. I think it also helps to know that you're not alone. I often feel this way and find myself snapping over nothing. My 3 year old also is totaly nuts sometimes and almost pushes me over the edge. You're not alone and you're not a bad parent!!!

You're not a bad parent. Sounds like you just need a break. I joined a gym where I get 2 hrs. of childcare a day while I work out. See if you can carve out a little time for yourself.
I had the same issues and I had post-partum depression (which was weird as I wasn't depressed, just real edgy and short with everyone.) Talk to your doctor.
Good luck.

You are not alone. I too have 3 kids (6,3,and 10 months). There are days when I think I'm going to pull all my hair out! I have many times where I feel really overwhelmed, stress out easily and get annoyed by the sound of "Mooom" coming at me in 3 different directions. Some days I wonder why I had 3 kids and other days I'm planning my 4th; it is natural. I just try to take a "time out" and cool off, read some Bible verses, pray, and remind myself that one day they will be grown and not want me at all so I need to just enjoy every day with them. It also helps to try and find the humor in each situation. You can't stay angry or stressed if you are laughing! Good luck and just take it day by day, or as Kate Gosselin from "john and kate plus eight" says "one minute at a time." :)

E.,
Having 3 children under the age of 3 is enough to make anyone's fuse blow at the drop of a hat. Don't worry - you are NOT a bad mom. You are doing everything you can at a difficult time with kids of VERY demanding ages. As one mom suggested, maybe you can take a break, like once every two weeks or so. Is there anyone that can watch the kids for you for one or two days a month? Then you'll know you can look forward to a "mommy day" and it might help you get through the tough ones. Also, with the 3 month old that wants to be held, do you have any good slings or carriers that you can use to carry him/her around? With my son, I used a sling while he was small, then switched to a wrap after that. The wrap is very comfortable, and it is simply just a long piece of fabric that you tie up - you can search for how to make this on the internet. OR, you can just purchase a carrier in the store and call it good. Either way, this can free up your hands while still holding the baby. For the 3 year old, there may be some jealousy issues with the other two hogging the show. Maybe you could set aside some special mommy time to spend with your 3 year old doing art projects or some other quiet activity. This might help him/her feel better and act out a little less. Just a thought! Best of luck to you E.. Remember that this too shall pass, and you will have three independent beautiful children who can take care of themselves some day!!! :)
Amy K

I think it is the spring. :)

IT is really hard to do anything when the baby wants to be held all the time. That could mean that he is fighting an infection or minor cold- it will pass.

If you can squeeze in a nap or a really good meal that will help you not blow your fuse as much. Luckily my husband works at home, so when I need to I can throw the kids at him and take a nap for an hour or so- after sleepless nights it really helps :)

Good Luck and remember this too shall pass.

MOther of 5- been there and still doing that.

Your not a bad parent, I think your very brave to have 3 kids so close in age though!!! LOL!! I would remember to take time for yourself, I know that sounds impossible, but you need it for you and your kids!!

I know how you feel. I had 3 kids quickly, and young, and I lived overseas away from friends and family. I had no break. I worried that I was going to lose it and hurt my kids!
A good friend told me to start going to church for support, and I did. BEST thing I ever did! It took a few churches to find one that I felt good at and made good friends.

If you are not taking care of YOU, you can't take care of your kids. It is like being in a plane crash, when the air bags come down, you need to take care of your's first, then your kids'.
You need to get out and get some stress relief. Join a mom's night out, or make one. We did that in our church, we meet once a month and just bring a snack to share and play games at the church. We got really close and built strong friendships. We laugh til we cry, and leave refreshed for our parenting duties. But, the friendships last outside of the evening, if we have a problem, we have a friend to call, we can call an emergency ladies night for cheering up, too.

It can take time to build that kind of group, but it is worht the effort, and getting out to LAUGH is important. Finding something that makes you feel like more than "just a mom" is very important, too. Volunteering, taking a craft class, having a hobby to do when the kids go down, etc.

You are NOT a bad parent. You just have a lot on your plate. I couldn't imagine doing what you do! You are a wonderful parent because you posted on here and are worried that you might be doing something wrong. Good parents worry like that....bad ones usually don't.

Try having family help you out once in a while...even if it is just that they take one or two children for a few hours. I am hoping that your husband helps out too.

Newborns take lots of work and your other children are still so young that they need attention too! With a new baby they might feel like they are losing time with you...so they end up trying crying and such to get your attention.

Take care of yourself...ask your husband to help you with the housework and such so that you can focus more on yourself and your kids. I agree that you should try to nap when they do. Once they get a little older it might make things a little easier!

Hang in there. They are only little once and it goes so fast!!!

Your not a bad parent it is called being a real parent. I had the same issue last year. Out of the blue I found that my child spilling would send me into a tissy. I went to the doctor after my husband made the comment I was like living with Hide and Jeckle. He never knew what mood I would be in or what would set me off. My doctor perscribed lexipro to cut the edge a little. The first week or two I saw no change except the few side effects of the medicine. But by week three I felt little better and the week after that I wasn't loosing my temper nearly as much. It helped me to take the little things in stride. I no longer take lexipro. After a year my doctor took me off of it. I would talk to your doctor cause it's not fair to your kids or you. They are only young once and you want to be able to enjoy your time with them not always yell at them. It doesn't make you a bad parent it makes you human.

Of course you are not a bad parent. I understand the overwhelmed feeling. I think all moms have it now and then. If you are breast feeding, be sure that you are taking your multi-vitamin, and I would also recommend an extra vitamin B-complex supplement. B vitamins help even out your emotions without side effects of other drugs. And if you can, sneak off to your room alone at night for a hot bath and a good book. Let your husband deal with the kids for an hour or two! Don't worry. It will get better!

This is normal! It's overwhelming to be a mom, and I think many of us have been there. The key is to nurture yourself. You also might want to looking into resources where you can surround yourself with other moms experiencing the same thing. Look into ECFE, or moms' groups. I belong to our local chapter of MOMS Club (momsclub.org)and can't say enough about the wonderful moms that support me week in and week out.

I can relate very well to your situation. I have 4 kids, one is 13, one will turn 3 in a few days, one just turned 2 and one is 9 months old. It is completely normal to feel overwhelmed with three kids ESPECIALLY when they are as close together as yours are.

If your youngest is three months old, are you getting enough sleep yet, or are you still up several times a night? You also could be dealing with post partum hormone changes. Also, lets face it, there is probably not any time in your day when you know for sure that your kids will all be sleeping and you can just relax.

If possible, ask for help, you need time off. Your husband needs to know that daily you need time off to do the basics like shower, take care of yourself, and even a small amount of time when you can focus on something else without being interrupted by kids. Also make sure that you are making alone time with your husband, it is so easy with kids this close to not feel connected and have the relationship feel more like room mates than husband/wife. And be sure that you get away from them for a few hours at a time as often as possible. My goal is always once a week, in reality here it is more like once every three weeks.

Hang in there, when your youngest is a little older it will get easier, but take whatever help you can get, because that is the only way you will truly be able to feel human for awhile. I hope that you have friends/family around who are able to help and that you will take advantage of it.

Wow! You're a very busy mom! You certainly have your hands FULL! You need to give yourself a break. My children are NOT this close together and I've felt what you're feeling many times. You're not a bad parent - you're a normal parent. How you handle your frustration is what is important. I'm not sure what your schedule is with your little ones, but it seems to me that maybe you have too many expectations on yourself. Your baby might be needing to be held so much because he feels your tension. I notice that when I need for my kids to NOT need me is when they want me the most. When I'm feeling happy and secure then they are secure and they don't seem as needy.

It's very possible that your hormones are out of whack too. I think the very fact that you have so many young children is enough to make you feel crazy. It doesn't mean you don't love your children it just means that YOU need a time out for yourself. Could your husband give you a short breather everyday so you can just be away from the kids to regroup. I find that even 30 minutes will help me.
In the past I've locked myself in my closet with screaming children outside banging on the closet. I knew that if I didn't get away from them then I was going to lose it. It was best for them and me.

When you feel that inside of you it's okay to walk away from the kids and take a breather. If you have to put them all in the cribs safely away and give yourself 5 mintues to calm down - that is best.

They will get independent - it will get easier. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

No, you're not a bad parent but you may be experiencing postpartum depression. I was diagnosed after my twins were born(but probably had it with my first one as well), then my doctor prescribed a medication to take and it worked wonders. I felt like my old self again and I was able to handle the stress it took to take care of twins and a 2 y.o. I referred to it as my happy pill and took it for about 1-1 1/2 years. I was able to stop taking it after 9 months but tried and I felt I still needed it. I don't regret taking medication because I could enjoy my girls without blowing a fuse over evey little thing. I suggest talking with you doctor. It can't hurt and then maybe you could enjoy the time with your 3 little ones. Best of luck.

No, you are not a bad parent. You have 3 children under the age of 4 and I could see how that could be stressful and try your patience. I think you're probably overly tired and need some time to unwind. Why don't you see if some someone could relieve you for a few days? Or ask your husband to manage the kids for you for at least a day so you can go relax... shopping, coffee with friends, etc. That's my best advice to you. (Mother to a very busy 5 year old).

no! EVERYbody has frustrations. I myself found I had post pardum depression manifesting itself in the way of ANGER. I had no idea that anger was a form of depression. I read a book called "She's Gonna Blow!" by Julie Ann Barnhill - great read. I started taking fish oil and ginseng (natural mood stabilizers) and talked a LOT about my frustrations with other moms. I gave myself a grace period, where i hoped to be better, and if not, to seek professional help. It DID get better. I still have frustrations wtih my little ones; usually during pms though! i highly recommend giving yourself time=outs. When you feel like you're gonna lose it, lock yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes, read a magazine, some pages of a book, pray, count to 10, whatever. Make sure you do your best to get yourself in control before going to your kids. You are NOT alone in frustrations! Best wishes!

I have days where I feel very overwhelmed, and I only have 1 child, a 16-month-old son!

You have 3 children under 3 years old. I would expect you to be a bit frazzled. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Make sure you take care of yourself. Sleep when the children sleep. Ask your friends and family for help around the house. Make sure you get out at least once a week without your children--even if you just go to the library for an hour or two. When you take care of yourself, you take care of your family!

I will just quickly add the possibly of post-partum depression, since your youngest is only 3 months old. If you have any concerns talk to your healthcare provider.

you are not a bad parent. you are however a bit stressed, and you could be having some postpartum issues. talk to your doctor. its perfectly normal to feel frustrated as a parent, but this sounds like something more. see your doctor and he can help you find a solution for your issues, and especially if they are postpartum related.

ok, heres my thoughts on your little ones.
first, invest in a moby wrap. they are SO COMFORTABLE and will allow you to respond to your baby's needs and hold baby all day, but comfortably! they keep baby wrapped tight to you, and they are more sturdy and comfortable for the back and shoulders.
for the 17 month and 3 year old just have patience. their behavior is typical for their age and adjusting to another new sibling is hard on them as it is on you. baby is taking up time with their mama. you SHOULD respond and take care of the infant's needs first, but you should also make sure you have special time with each of your other children individually. taking time will help them know that even though theres a new baby in the picture, you will still be there for them. try to deal with crying the same way you deal with the baby's : do your best to comfort them and try to encourage them to solve the problem by asking things like 'how can we make this better' and 'what can you do to ___" something like that. especially with your 3 year old, its amazing how they can come up with better solutions to problems than we can!

good luck mom. you are NOT a horrible mother. you are tired, and stressed. just talk to your doctor and see how things go. give yourself time and patience. ask your husband to take the kids one evening a week or something to give you time to be in the bathroom with the door shut!!! something you know?~

You are not a bad parent, you just are overwhelmed. I would try to join a playgroup in your area for a couple reasons. One is it serves double duty by getting the kids out and playing with other kids, and you get to meet new moms to talk to about adult things. Which leads to the other purpose. Meeting friends who you can then start swapping babysitting services with once you get to know and trust them. You need some time to yourself sometimes, and also it would be good to get some time with each child individually too. Your husband should also be helping you with this. Even if your time out alone is only once a week, it would be helpful. And when he gets home from work, I suggest taking some unfolded laundry in the bedroom and telling him he has an hour to bond with all three kids while you take care of that and watch tv by yourself. One hour a day is not much to ask. When you are with the kids during the day and something happens to frustrate you, try just taking three big breaths, counting to ten and then dealing with it. Make it a challenge to yourself to not raise your voice and to really think about the situation. Sometimes when you look back at a situation, it ends up seeming like less of a big deal than when you first experienced it. As far as whining and crying go...make sure no one is hurt, and then tell the child, "mommy will help you when you use your words". Soon they will realize they get more results with words than whining. Of course you have to work within their vocal abilities:-) Hope this was helpful.

Hello-
I have been where you are. My oldest is 4 1/2, my next is 2 1/2 and the youngest is 15 months. When they were younger it was tough. Especially during the first few months of baby number 3. I know it is hard when you are being pulled three different directions for three different reasons. I used to cherish the nap times and found myself using that time to recharge and refocus on what was important. On top of it my husband works 3rd shift 1/2 of the week so I felt like a single mom for that time, since he needed to sleep.

I know it may feel hard right now but one thing I found that helped a lot was creating a routine. That really helped the days fly by. I also used a sling for the baby, since she needed to be held so much. I found it very useful, I could still interact with the other two and also get some of the house chores I was falling behind in. The sling was also helpful when I needed to go out: parks, walks and such.

I knew I wanted three children but never thought I would have them so close together. But I love every minute I have with them. I know you are feeling very overwhelmed as I did too. Now that mine are a bit older it has become a lot easier. Hang in there and things will fall into place - sure there will still be challenging days but it does get easier.

I found that Double strollers also helped considerably when I did have to run an errand.

I also made sure I had plenty for them to do - books, coloring books, playdough etc. Tried to make some constuctive play thoroughout the day. We also had quite time were they got to pick one of their favoite movies. Now that they are older we can play board games so they are having fun with that.

Meal times are the hardest time of the day for me. Getting three plates ready all at once is challenging. we make it a team effort now that they are older. They can help get the items ready.

I don't know if this has helped but do know that you are not the only one that gets this feeling.

Take care and enjoy these "little ages" with them.

I have been there (still kind of am). I had three in less than 3 years. It is EXHAUSTING! Kids are resiliant and on occasional temper loss from mom will not be the end of them. Just make sure you show them love as well. I would also invest in a backpack carrier or a really good front pack. Then you can hold your baby and still get work done. My baby was just like that--she would cry all the time and that is what can be most wearing. You might want to think about finding a youth who lives close by to come and play with the older kids a couple of hours a day. That too helps a ton!

Hang in there. This first year is tough but you all will make it through.

Talk to your dr. about post partum issues. I found I was having the same problem after my 4 month old was born - it's probably a combination of stress and a touch of ppd. It's ok to get a little help if you need it! I went on a low dose of celexa and it has helped immensely. I even tried to tough it out for about a month after initially talking to my doctor, but I found I just wasn't handling things as well as I normally do. The celexa has made a big difference and has probably saved my three year old!

I am a mother to 3 young children, also spaced close together and I felt the same way. It does get easier as they get older and you will be glad that you had them so close together. When my youngest was a baby I kept him in a sling. This way my hands were free, but the baby was close to me and thus always happy. The oldest I signed up for preschool and arranged playgroups and playdates for him so he was kept busy most of the time. The middle one was the hardest since he was too young for most things, but since the oldest one was busy with activities and friends and the youngest was in the sling I had the time to play with my middle son. Summers were easy because we could just go outside and play or go to the park. When your 17 month old starts crying for no reason, just put him in his crib for a couple of minutes. This way he's safe, but in another room where you can't hear it as loud, and when you come back to get him he'll most likely stop crying since he's now out of the crib. You can also try this, I made a rule in the house that only one kid can cry at a time. The baby had precedence since he was a baby and the others just had to wait their turn. Surprisingly, this worked with my eldest when #2 was born, but it didn't work with #2 when #3 was born. Good luck and don't worry, it will get better and a little easier.

Get a sling for the baby! Then you can hold her and still have at least one hand free! And be sure you get out without the kids (or with just the baby) at least once a week for a few hours!

E.,

I have 3 kids too. Mine are just turned 4, 2, and almost 6 months. It is can be very overwhelming! Do you get to have a break ever? I've found that the ECFE program (through the MN school districts) to be a life saver. Of course those programs are all winding down this time of year, but schedules will be out this summer for fall.+++I just saw you are in NE, check your local community education schedules for Early Childhood classes you could take with your kids, they are super fun.

With such a little baby, do you get much sleep? If your 3 year old still takes a nap, make sure you lie down too! Let the dishes sit, take a break so that you can start fresh when they do. I find that when I am tired, my fuse is much shorter. Then I feel guilty for snapping over nothing so I can totally relate to you. Even if the 3 year old doesn't take a nap, make him/her have quiet time or a little TV time so you do get a break.

Another suggestion is to get outside. Now that the weather is getting better, go to the park. The 17 month old is old enough to walk around, play in the sand, sit in the swing, etc. If you can make a schedule for yourself that includes outings in the morning and home by lunch for nap, your day might be easier for the afternoon. Everyone will be tired and ready for a rest, and in a better mood from getting out and doing something fun. Get a baby carrier (a sling or a bjorn) wear your baby at the park or zoo.

This is a hard point, but with summer here, it will make it easier to get past because you can get out so much easier! I really feel that helps us, even if we just go for a walk around the block!

You are a good parent. Best to you and your beautiful children.

Jessica

E. No you are not a bad parent, what you are is overwhelmed. You may also have a bit of postpartum depression. Remember you do not have to be sad to have postpartum. Please contact your MD and make an appointment to talk to her/him about how you are feeling. I have four great children and with each I had postpartum and it would be loss of appetite ,one week and short temper and blue the next. Please get help. It is okay to talk to someone about this. I was prescribed Celexa for this and felt like a much more alive and happier mom and wife while I was on it. Good Luck

Oh, you're definately not alone in feeling overwhelmed! I also have 3 kiddos (4, 2, and 3 months). I find that the older two frustrate me more than I'd like. The baby is a breeze compared to dealing with their bickering sometimes! I also have had those moments where I feel extremely guilty like I'm a bad mom. It helps to have someone to talk to that you can be open with rather than feeling you have to wear your supermom cape 24-7. One thing I need to work on is getting time for myself. That definately helps though it happens rarely. Are you sleeping much? Do you have any help? I hope things start to go better for you when the youngest gets a little older!

I can't believe that more responses haven't been about antidepressants... they have truly made me a better mom, wife, and friend.

I have 3 1/2 year old twins and a 13 month old. When my twins were 1 1/2, I starting getting really angry over nothing and feeling very isolated (I'm a SAHM). Long story short... I called my OB who prescribed a very low dose of antidepressants. As he said, try it and if they don't make a difference than it's not depression. Well... they worked almost immediately. I'm still on them (two years later) and have even had to increase my dosage twice. If someone thinks of antidepressants as a crutch or something to be ashamed of then shame on them. Depression, postpartum, or otherwise, is a chemical imbalance and not a character flaw. So... I strongly suggest you call your OB and see what he/she recommends. I can not imagine my life without them. I am actually able to enjoy my kids now!

Good luck.

Thanks for everyone's responses! I think all of us have felt like E.. Now that so many of you wrote back, I know I wasn't being a bad parent either. Family and friends with advice (like yours) pulled me through, too.

E.- you're a tough, beautiful, sleep-deprived mom like the rest of us.

No, you are definitely not a bad parent. I have one 2 1/2 year old daughter and I get that way some times. I take it to mean that I need a break. Even if your husband takes the kids outside and gives you and hour or two to yourself. Anything helps. Just find some time for yourself and the things you want to do. Sometimes we as moms forget to think of ourselves and we can't be the parents we want to be if we don't take time for ourselves. It isn't selfish to want some time to your self to relax.

oh no-your not a bad parent-1st talk to your doctor-you might have a hormon imbalance-2nd take a break...have your hubby or sitter take a full day for you...your hands are full 24/7-the baby feels your stress-so is more insecure-demands more attention.yea even at that age they feel it-take 1 day a week just for you.ppl who work out in the world get 1-2 days off a week...why shouldnt you??...i went thru the same...good luck

I know I am very slow to respond--I got very behind in my e-mails. But I do want to speak from my experience. You are going through a very normal thing, as many have expressed to you. I have found that when the baby is 3 months old there is a hormone shift of some kind that makes me feel all of the ways you are describing. I noticed it especially with my last 3 or 4. So there really is a reason. There really are solutions, too. Those who told you that you need meds were correct in saying that there really are ways out of feeling this way. But I would say that meds are not the best way. There are so many things that you can do naturally that will make a MAJOR change in how you feel. Meds make you feel better by covering up your problem. You can fully resolve your problem by treating it naturally. Besides, you will probably even out again within a few weeks or so, and the meds will have just started to work. Then how long will you end up staying on them? I would love to discuss some of the things that worked for me, if you want to contact me privately. Or you can look into some of these:
Good nutrition
exercise
progesterone cream
valerian (to settle you during the day and help you sleep at night)
therapeutic massage
prayer
music

E. - no my guess is that you're not a bad parent. Being overwhelmed is not fun. And the three of them are probably just responding to how you feel at the moment. How mom feels is how the whole house feels.

Sounds like you need some "me" time. Exercise is really important. You didn't say if you were a SAH mom or not. But maybe you can get out for a walk and me time when your husband is home from work. Plan a coffee date with girl friends (no kids). I walk with my neighbor ladies every Saturday morning and most times we stop for coffee. It's a fabulous 2 hours that we spend together. We meet at 7:30 and usually home by 9 or 9:30. It keeps us all sane. Plus we're all in different spots, some are empty nesters, some have young children, some SAH moms, others work full-time.

Find some time for yourself and exercise. It's a great cure-all.

Good luck,