Always the One Planning Together Activites?

I didnt even know guys were capable of arranging these things :) be happy he likes to go do it all with you and lets you arrange it :)

My sister and I were just talking about this yesterday. She was given the advice that there should be date night every other week. One week wife gets to decide what to do and then two weeks later husband gets to decide what he wants to do and then two weeks later wife again. Of course you both have to be on board with this idea. They decided that if her husband needed a babysitter then he would ask her to arrange one and tell her maybe on Wednesday so she could have the babysitter there Friday. She was advised that even if she didn't like what her husband choose then that ok because next time it is her turn to decide. The dates wouldn't have to be costly and maybe you would just order in pizza. The idea is that the husband and wife are doing something they consider fun at least once a month.

Hope this helps,
B.

My husband and I have had a date night every week for 8 yrs. We go to the same place every time! It`s wonderful! No planning-just go-and they all know us in there now and we get treated great! In fact!!! A group of volleyball players would be there the same night as us every week and they told the waitress we were having an affair on our spouses! hahaha She let them go on and on about it and finally told them...we were married-but to eachother! and had 3 kids together also! hahahaha They were so jealous! Funny! Just be happy you have a date night with eachother and stay positive... It`s better than marraige conciling! ;-)

I'm going to guess that most women can relate to what you are feeling. Frankly, men are just different from us & for the most part don't think the same. It helps me to remember that my wonderful hubby isn't a mind reader. I would try to talk to him about it. If that doesn't work, I'd plan another one and then tell him that the next event is all his & that you'd like to switch back and forth the planning so that you get a chance to be surprised or something like that. Don't let it get to you too much. The most important thing is that you are having alone time together, which is so healthy for your relationship. :o) Enjoy each other and good luck getting him to understand your view!

I have the same problem I feel like it is always on my shoulders to get a sitter to go out. We never really do. I am not sure what to do either. I guess ask him if he could find somone to watch them.

I predict you will get many, many sympathetic responses to this. I'm sort of past it now, but more than a few times in the 18 years I've been married I've been where you are. He was always sympathetic and made an effort when I complained... for awhile, then it stops. Bottom line is, he doesn't care about that stuff except as how it relates to how I feel. He knows that if I'm not satisfied, he's not going to be happy. But his "doing it for me" is not very satisfying either! I'd like him to want the same type of romantic activities I want, but I don't particularly want what he wants in terms of "fun stuff" either. I certainly wouldn't plan his favorite activities for us to do together! We're different, and I have to accept and move on. It's clear to me its not a reflection on how he feels about me. He just feels satisfied with the hour of alone time in front of the TV. Romance is not a priority. I guess for some men it is, and how lovely for their wives, but in my experience, even they are getting a charge out of making their wives happy, and not their own need for "quality time". For my husband, my taking time from my busy schedule to do a kindness for him is all the romance he needs! I have to add that as we get older, and the kids need us less, he is more romantic! Hang in there!

Yeah, marriage is hard work. If you don't do the work though, you won't reap the rewards. As with anything. It may be more important to you than it is to him. Most of the time our men don't see things the way we do. Hang in there and keep doing the work - that way you are assured of the results. You are in a good place compared to many. I just buy my own gifts, etc. any more.

S.

Dear B., This is such a common problem. Women have been taught to do so much for our men in this generation. But men like to be the ones in the lead! They like to think that everything good is their idea. When we do everything for them it takes away from their "manhood". Talk with your hubby and let him know that you feel things have reversed in your relationship, and that he is not "dating" you any more. That you feel like you are forcing him to go out with you, and you realize that this is not what he wants. That you understand that he would like to be the man in the relationship and so you will no longer do the planning of dates for him. Then STOP. If you make plans, do it for yourself only. Go do things for just you. If he doesn't step up to the plate, ask him if he has given up on the marriage and why he refuses to treat you like his woman. Keep doing things for yourself, but let him know that you would prefer to be swept off your feet my him. Keep inviting him to romance you, learn to flirt with him again, but don't do the work for him. It's ok to give hints on what you would enjoy doing, just don't do the work. When he sees you doing things for yourself, like you did before meeting him, he will be intreeged with you again. MEN LIKE TO DO THE CHASING, before, and during a relationship. Talk about how he treated you before you were married, and let him know how much you miss being with just him. Us women haven't been taught how to do this anymore. Good luck.

I am RIGHT there with you, B.! I am always the one to arrange activities and set up the sitter. If it were left up to him, he would wait until the last minute and then most of the time, there are no sitters available. I know part of the problem is that I enable him. If I were to just let it go for a while, he'd finally realize that in order to do anything fun together, we need to plan at least a week ahead of time. But I just don't want to go through a few months of doing nothing just to prove my point... So I've accepted the fact that this is how our marriage works. And it's not like he doesn't enjoy our date nights... We just had one on Saturday and he commented excitedly on the way home about how much fun he'd had that night and we should do this more often. I think he sometimes forgets that I'm not just the mother of his child but I'm still that fun-loving girl he married 7 years ago. If this is something that really bothers you, I suggest just talking to him about it. I would recommend not coming at him in an accusatory way, just simply let him know how incredibly happy it would make you for him to plan a date night in the near future. Tell him it doesn't have to be anything spectacular or out of the ordinary (so that he doesn't feel pressured) but that it would be really nice if he just set up all the details... Good luck!

I completely understand your frustration! It is though I have to be totally responsible for our children, the house, the bills, the doctor appointments, and our social life!
I agree with Amy about the hubby not being a mind reader...but I've been extremely specific with my husband and it only worked once.
For me it's frustrating because I work part-time and make arrangements for the sitter then and when we go out I'd like him to arrange the sitter. Realistically, he doesn't even like to make the phone call to order a pizza or go through a drive through and order for anyone but himself.

I hope you get some good advice, I'd love to hear any suggestions as well...I'm considering investing in a cattle prod...
K.

I think its pretty natural for women to be the ones planning social events. Not because our men are lazy but because we are more social by nature. You might try giving him the date you can arrange a sitter and ask him to plan the activities so it takes some of the planning off you. And then whatever he plans, whether its great or sorta lame, be nothing but positive. I often make the mistake of getting hubby to plan, clean or whatever and then get a little critical of the results instead of realizing he doesn't have as much experience with these things. In my experience there is nothing that discourages hubbys more than having their efforts negatively critiqued.

I totally understand how you feel. My problem is that my hubby wants the kids to go everywhere with us. We just went to my brother's wedding where I had planned on relaxing and enjoying the evening. My hubby insisted on bringing my 2 year old son and we had to chase him all night. This is constant! I love my children but I do feel some time away from them is healthy. I'm at a loss and have given up hope of ever having time alone again. I wish you luck!

R.

This sounds way to familiar!!! I have brought it up to my husband; nothing has changed much. But, there is hope. My husband actually planned a night out, got a sitter, and took a vacation day to make it all happen on our 9th Anniversary!

Good Luck, Say a Lot of Prayers, and have faith there is hope!