Almost Teen

Put up with it. It's normal. I thought my daughter -- the sweetest girl on earth -- wouldn't go through it -- she did.

Don't take it personally -- just give her consequences if she becomes TOO rude to you.

Hang on until she's 20. That's when my older daughter and I became friends and actually started getting along. The teen years are ugly. Someone once told me it's to prepare you for their leaving -- by the time they turn 18 you'll be ready to throw them out of your home. lol

Mine started doing her chores and getting her homework done again when the rule became.... NOTHING until it's done... no tv, no phone, no friends....nothing....until homework and chores are complete to my liking. Since then her chores are done right afterschool, her grades have gone up, and she is alot more respectful of her surroundings and us.

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such a lovely age! LOL!! Its all normal and hormonal ! BUT I would not let her go with friends until chores are done (done right). I would make sure homework is getting done. Sometimes at this age they throw all things aside. Check with her teachers to make sure things are getting done. Any back talk to you she should be grounded off life for a day or two. Try to keep her on track at this age. So normal for her to want to be with friends. Don't worry she still loves you! All a part of growing up. she needs strong guidance at her age. Good luck momma!

Sounds like typical pre-teen behavior BUT stick to your house rules no matter what her age! Good luck. I would never want to be 12 OR 13 again!

I agree that it is a normal phase but also that it doesn't mean you have to put up with it! This is the age when a lot of kids try to exert control, and it's essential that parents not abdicate their responsibility. Kids' brains are not fully developed until their 20s so they cannot think ahead or predict the consequences of their actions very well. Parents need to be parents, not friends! You can't control her moodiness, but you CAN control what you permit in terms of rudeness and chores and homework. She earns NOTHING unless she does what she is supposed to do. Cell phones, seeing friends, computers, TVs, going to the movies...these are privileges to be earned, not rights to be granted up front. Your daughter is entitled to food, shelter and medical care from you - everything else is to be earned. Let her know that her behavior is under her control, and she alone will determine what privileges she gets. If you lose control of your daughter now, she will just engage in more defiant and risky behaviors at 14, 16 and beyond. It will be MUCH harder to get control back! Be strong and clear! If there is room for negotiation about WHEN she does certain chores, you might consider granting her some leeway there so she feels she has some independence. For example, if she does homework right after school and chores later, it's fine, as long as everything gets done. It'd give her a half hour when she gets home from school to sort of relax and decompress, but I wouldn't let her sit in front of the TV for 2 hours. She doesn't need that half hour to talk to friends - she just saw them, right?! If there are things she needs to do in the morning before school, and if that's not working, see if you can allow her to shift them to another time - but skipping the chores is not acceptable. Some kids really ARE tired because the school schedule is not their natural schedule - but you need to enforce bedtimes to ensure she gets enough rest. Studies show that teens need about 9 hours of sleep - and I doubt many of them are getting this. However, her being "tired" can also be avoidance of responsibilities, and that's not acceptable. Set some rules, write them down if you have to, and make it clear that she will have a much happier adolescence if she spends less time arguing and more time learning to be a responsible teen and adult.

Good luck!

Ah yes - the teenage years. I do sympathize with you. I highly recommend receiving Kirk Martin emails - just go to celebratecalm.com and sign up for his free emails. He has lots of great advice on parenting a teen as he has one himself. He has great tools which takes the yelling and fights out of our everyday lives. It is very common that your daughter will want to spend all her time with her friends now - she's feeling her independence but she does need to understand that she is part of the family and is still required to do her chores. Just check to see if her friend base has changed at all and find out who these friends are - I have them over my house until I've gotten to know and trust them. Hang in there - her hormones are raging!

My answer to this as a general rule is enforce the rules as you would normally. She shouldn't be talking back to you and there need to be consequences for doing so. She still needs to respect you whether she's 12 or 22. Maintain whatever rules you've had in place up to this point.
The only reason I said "as a general rule" is because I have a different philosophy if the parent/child relationship is unhealthy, if the teen is at risk, depressed, suicidal, drinking, doing drugs, etc. So assuming all is good and your relationship with your daughter has been good and is healthy, then yes, enforce the rules the same as always.
Consequences can include grounding, taking away of phone rights, tv, or other favourite object, etc. Every one has a button, something that they will do anything to have/maintain. Find that button and use it to help keep your teenager in line.
Good luck!

Sound exactly like me at 12 or 13. Make her do her chores and praise her when she does them and discipline when she doesn't. Also, make sure she knows what her responsiblity is to her family and don't let her spend all of her free time with her friends. Take stuff away that she likes (cell phone, pager, PC etc.) when she is disrespectful and only allow them back when she proves she deserves them. It is so important that she knows that she can't get away with this behavior now before it becomes a habit. It will not change if you give in at all. Don't worry about being her friend. She needs parents. I am also a big believer in snooping around bedrooms. Not that she has done anything to make you distrust her. I was a good kid, but I was pressured into doing stuff that I didn't want to do. Good luck through the teenage years!!