Ok Mamas. Many of you may write that I did this to myself. Ok. So now what? My daughter is lovely, well behaved and kind. My problem is she is almost 4 years old and in her entire life,has probably slept completely through the night 25 times. I kid you not. We have a bedtime routine. Teeth, pajamas, books and in bed by 8:15 p.m. Each night, she wakes up at about 3:30 a.m.. She calls to me on the monitor. I go downstairs (we recently moved into our new addition. She is now downstairs and my husband and I are upstairs. During nine months of construction, my husband and I lived above her bedroom in her old room's loft. I was able to call down to her, assure her everything is ok, and mostly she'd fall back asleep.) Anyway, now I basically am climbing into bed with her in the wee hours. Not good for either of us. Sometimes she lies awake chatting. I do not engage in the conversation. Just repeat she needs to sleep. Other times she falls asleep right away. It has been like this for years. Some months it's 1:00 a.m. then she'll switch to 3:30 or whatever. It becomes a habit and seems like her internal clock just wakes her up, consistently. Any words of advice? Thanks.
Thank you, mamas, for your feedback and advice. Two mamas suggested the problem may be physical, possibly acid-reflux. I bought some over the counter children's tums to see if that would help at all. My daughter has taken 1/2 a tablet each night for the past 6 nights and, miraculously, has slept through the night for all 6 nights. She is not complaining of a tummy ache at night (which I originally thought was a stall tactic. Turns out she later told me it would "feel like she threw up a little in her mouth but swallowed it" and that's what woke her up.) Her appetite has increased as well. So, we are going to the pediatrician Wednesday. I knew tums wouldn't solve the problem, but figured by neutralizing any acid in her stomach, it could help the situation. Plus, the experiment might help the doctor with a diagnosis. Thanks again everyone. Mamasource is such a valuable resource.
She wakes up and she's alone. So she calls out.
She's young and will grow out of it. But meanwhile it will drive you batty because you are sleep - deprived.
I wonder why kids don't go wake up their dads...well, because mom wakes up and takes care of them...
Since you have a new routine, it may take some time to adjust. My best wishes for your sanity and success.
S.
I had to respond to this one... I was in the exact same position as you. I have a 4 year old daughter, and up until 6 months ago, she had never slept through the night. I switched to another pediatrician and he pointed out the problem immediately. My daughter had acid reflux. When she laid down, the acids from her stomach were entering and burning her throat. By about 3am, she woke up every night. She was put on Prevacid, and after about 2 months on it, it solved our problem. She also had large tonsils, which she had removed about 3 months ago. After getting her on acid reflux meds and having her tonsils removed, she sleeps through the night, every night! It's been about 3 months and she has never slept better! She even likes to sleep in later, and not get up at 6am like before. So, my point is that you really should get her checked w/ her pediatrician, because there may be a medical reason why she gets up in the middle of the night.
Good luck!
R..
Hi N.! Oh, how I feel your pain!!! I have been going through the same thing with my son who is almost 4 1/2. We created our habit too as my little guy was a preemie and in the hospital for 2 months so his sleeping habits were a mess to begin with. Add to that, he had reflux very badly and has been on meds up until about 4 months ago as we think he has finally outgrown it. So he was teeny tiny and was also throwing up all of the time so I was constantly feeding the poor thing. He also learned in the hospital a habit of holding hands and fingers and rubbing as this soothed him and it was our only contact for a while. To this day, he likes me to sit with him at night and drinks a little of his Pediasure while he rubs my hand to help him go to sleep. He also very rarely has ever slept through the night. He usually wakes up at least once and sometimes even wants to drink his milk to go back to sleep. Sometimes he sneaks into bed with us and sometimes my husband or myself ends up in his bed with him. I have been sleep deprived for so long sometimes I just feel like this won't last forever and maybe I should just enjoy him and his cuddling while I can. I also don't want to deprive him of his Pediasure because he is still very small and the doctors tell me that I need to get the calories in him anyway I can... and they have told me to let him do that from day one and so the crazy cycle continues! But at this point, I know it is a complete learned behavioral issue. Well anyway, that's my story... not that it really helps you but at least you know you're not alone!
L.
At 4, she may be old enough to reason with her AND young enough to believe in magic. If she is the type of child who believes in things like Santa and fairies and you are willing to go along with it.... try some sort of new stuffed animal that is magical and can keep her safe at night. You may want to wait until a milestone or holiday (birthday, Christmas, etc) instead of starting this out of the blue... but you can let her know that she is a big girl now and mommy is way too tired in the middle of the night to come all the way down stairs and have a conversation with her... so now when she wakes during the night she can speak with her new fairy (or bear or whatever stuffed creature you get for her). Start a whole new bedtime routine involving the fairy and explain over and over what she should do now when she wakes up. You can start with coming down stairs and making sure she has her fairy and then LEAVE, and eventually let her know she doesn't need to call you anymore because the fairy is there for her.
We are using a reward chart it's been working for about 2 months now. My son is 3. So we started with he had to sleep for 3 nights in a row that he may not wake up mom, dad or his brother until the hall night light was off (I turn it off when I get up). He got to put a sticker on the chart each night he succeeded. He is allowed to get up at night to go potty or get water.
After the 3 nights, he got a treat -- 3 extra minutes that I stay with him at bedtime (we usually stay 5 minutes after bedtime story, no talking, just sitting). Once we succeeded, we went up to 4 nights=4 minutes. Then 5 nights=5 minutes. We're up to 7 nights now and it's worth the 7 minutes I have stay with him at bedtime instead of the middle of the night.
We also have a 5 minute rule for the middle of the night. If they wake up and call us (we can tell if it's from their bedroom or a different room), we don't go until its been 5 minutes. They usually fall back asleep before the minutes is up.
Hi N.,
Try this :Before bedtime (and her story) let her drink some warm CalMag.
This is Calcium and Msagnesium and helps to calm.
Try to get the organic one in a healthfoodstore and sweeten it with a few drops of liquid Stevia (natural sweetener).
I had good results with my grandsons (1 and 3 1/2 years old).
It's good for many reasons, but for helping to sleep through the night it works excellent.
Hope, it works for you guys, too!
Have a wonderful (sleep-through-the-night) Christmas Season,
I.
N., you really need to stop going to her. She's 4 years old and when you begin her bedtime routine, you let her know that if she wakes during the night, that you will be sleeping and you will NOT be coming to her room. She is old enough to understand this and she needs to stop using you to occupy her boredom. Ignore her when she calls for you and eventually she will stop.
sounds crazy, but try cutting ALL milk and soy proteins out of her diet for a good 2 weeks. ALL meaning even hidden like whey, rhennet, casin, etc
google milk protein names
anyway try this for two weeks and see if there's any improvement...yes she needs the calcium, etc, but this is 'just' 2 weeks and if you find that milk or soy is the culprit then you can find out WHAT she CAN eat...
also: yes, magic is great! go for a walk, find a pebble or a sea shell and tell some great long story about how this item will help her sleep, etc.
at night, tell the story again. and again.
if you do prayers, somehow include the item in prayers, etc.
this too shall pass!
Can you encourage her to come find you in the we hours and get in your bed? Have night light in the hall/stairs?
I made many mistakes with my first, but then found a terrific book that changed my life - Good Nigt, Sleep Tight.
I recently wrote an article (article publishing online is a new venture of mine and I'm really enjoying it and the pocket money is great!) about the sleep issues we went through with mine and how that book helped - if you want to read it, here's the link:
http://hubpages.com/hub/_lilyrose/sleep-training-good-nig...
I probably "ruined" my daughter by responding to her during the night all her life too. (Ok I'm saying that tongue-in-cheek.) She goes through periods where she sleeps all night in her bed and then she goes through phases where she wakes at least once. She was still waking once a night when her brother was born at 2.5. Then a few months later she was sleeping through. At 3.5, she'd been waking up again for months (she's 3 and 3/4's now). I read a book on 3 year old development that said 3.5 was a time of great anxiety for kids and sometimes that translates into sleep issues. We tried asking her why she was waking up and we got vague answers so we decided to downplay the wakings. We sleep downstairs and the kids sleep upstairs. I'll tell you how we go about it. If she wakes up, she's allowed to come downstairs on her own and sleep at the foot of our bed (sometimes I bring the baby in bed to nurse if he wakes so I don't want her in between my husband and me or there wouldn't be enough room). We keep a blanket and a pillow there. Most of the time she climbs in and goes straight back to sleep. The only times she wakes us are if she needs to use the bathroom or wants some water. She has recently been sleeping through maybe half the week. We praise her when she stays in her bed all night, but we ignore when we find her in bed with us. I know cosleeping is not right for every family, but it works for us. We look at it like, if she's climbing in and not waking us, what does it matter as long as everyone is getting enough sleep?
Here's another thought...if she'll go back to sleep when you talk to her, how about setting up another baby monitor. Set it up the other way so you can talk to her.
Behavioral problem all the way. Stop doing what you are presently doing. Once the parent changes the child has to figure out how to solve their own problem. A lifelong skill that is desperatlely needed in this generation of children. You have rewarded her, allowed her and now she is a product of that. It is never too late to change though. JUst tell her you have a new rule in your house and you will not be coming to her, calling to her etc. She will figure it out. If that doesn't work, ask about 1mg of melatonin.
