Almost 1 and Throwing Tantrums

If its a matter of him not being able to communicate with you, then give him a way. Especially if its something he can have anyway, like one of his toys.

When my daughter was that age, we used the phrase "Show me." She would take our hand and lead us to what she wanted. It gave her a sense of control of the situation and let her tell us what she wanted.

If he's having a tantrum to get something you don't want him to have, then this is where it gets painful as a parent. Tell him firmly, "No" and then leave it at that. Let him scream and cry, and be consistent. The more you give in, the more he learns that volume and tears will get him what he wants.

As he gets older you can start pairing this up with timeouts or even taking away toys/treats/privilges or whatever you find works best.

oh haven't we all been there? lol. Sometimes I am too frazzled not to give in. I know that it might create some extra issues but I have to take my cues not just from my dd but from myself. I try not to shop when either of us are tired or hungry but some days it just isn't possible. It is getting easier now that my dd is talking more, but before, we did do sign language and the first sign she learned was please...followed by thank you. She still tells everyone thank you--lol. I also didn't use the word no with my daughter. I used "let's do something else" and I try to validate her feelings--even now tantrums are more often...but I know she is trying to let me know how upset she is, she just hasn't learned a better way yet. I ask her "you really want that .... don't you?" I would like to talk to you about it but I will wait until you can talk calmly. I think it is so important to them that we don't lose our cool too--it's scary for a kid to feel like they are losing it. I can see it on her face, it freaks her out. When I freak too, it just gets worse. So if I can't stay calm I time out both of us! once she is calm I talk to her about what she wanted and why we aren't going to get it. Some of my friends tease me that I talk to her like she is a little grown up, but she listens, and the arguments stop. So...hey, my little grown up it is!
I was at a craft store with my sister once and her little boy started throwing a fit and she sat down in the middle of the aisle and held him tight and he was screaming and she just talked calmly in his ear (I'm not sure what she was saying but she was so calm) until he relaxed, stopped screaming and was ready to continue. I haven't ever done that, I dont' know if I could--but I was SO impressed that she did it. I thought wow...she is an excellent mom. There were a couple of other mom's with smiles on their faces as they walked by too--we've all been there.

Absolutely do not give in to his tantrums and choose your battles wisely. If you give in continually for your own immediate peace, it will only perpetuate the problem and hurt him in the end and be far worse for any chance of serenity in your life. Best answer? Ignore it. In a store? Ignore it and if it's just not going to stop (my oldest daughter was VERY strong willed and this is what I did), give up the cart of stuff and leave. I only had to leave a couple of times and then give time outs at the car. I feel for you, I do. Go through the discomfort now so you don't live in discomfort forever!

Hi G.,

Check out a book called Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood by Jim and Charles Fay. It has great ideas for dealing with small children without yelling or spanking! Yea! Start laying the ground work now for good behavour later. Then maybe the "terrible twos" won't be so terrible. I hope this helps! I really enjoyed the book and have recommended it to many of my friends.

Hi G.,
What works for me when my kids want to throw tantrums at the store is I pick them up and put them in the cart and let them tantrum in the cart, ignore them and continue shopping. When I can speak to them and they can hear me I say, "screaming will not get you what you want. You must ask nicely." Sometimes they just continue to scream and won't stop, that's when I make them look at me and tell them, "its ok to be mad but it is NOT ok to scream like that, now you'd better stop." and usually that will get them to settle down. But I don't let it stop me from what I was doing or they win. Just keep shopping and eventually something else will distract them, but never give in to the screaming and give them what they want. Consistancy is the key here, Good luck!

C.

Why would you give him what he wants if he cries?? Do not do that or you will be in a lot of trouble as it gets worse as they get older. Just ignore him, let him cry, don't even give anyone looking at you a second thought. Just ignore him. Make sure you do not cave. Some kids start early, I hear if they do it younger then it is easier when they are three, both of my kids started at 2 1/2! If you are at home remove him from your sight, put him in a pack and play or his crib and tell him to calm down and you will be back. Teaching him now that he doesn't always get what he wants will help you down the road. He doesn't need discipline as much as he needs to just be ignored or put somewhere to calm down.

My guess is that part of the issue is being able to express himself. Have you tried introducing sign language. This will help a lot with the frustration if they can communication their needs. I realize that you says it's because he doesn't get what he wants and you will need to continue to repeat, we don't get what we want when we scream (or all the time). Best wishes.. actually, I found 2 fairly easy.. it's 3 that was tough and much more in the way of tantrums (although luckily for me they are always at home).

L.