All by Myself...giving Birth Alone

I haven't done it alone. I hired a doula with both my girls and I highly recommend it. If cost is an issue, see if you can find a student/brand new doula that is trying to get started who's willing to do it cheaper.

hi A.,

Have you thought about getting a "doula"? A doula is someone who is there, on your side, to help you with the delivery. She meets with you before, hears your concerns, and then is in the delivery room -- telling you when to breath, making sure the doctors and nurses follow your birthing wishes etc. It is like hiring a sister or a mother. Most doulas are the most lovely and loving of people. I had one post partum for other things and next time I want one in the delivery room with me. (My doula has become like a friend now).

There is a doula website in the US for tracking one in your area. If you are interested, email me and I will try to find it for you. A local La Leche League might also know of a local doula organization.

Best of Luck,
Jilly

Addition: Just a thought, as far as the cost of a doula, maybe your friends and family can chip in and make this a part of their gift to you. It is probably less than one plane ticket or so.

I am a midwife and former L & D nurse. I just wanted to caution you that often the nurses don't have a lot of time to spend with their patients. Hopefully that won't be the case but I didn't want you to expect a lot of personal attention if they happen to be busy when you are in labor. Generally nurses have at least two laboring patients so their time to provide that personal touch can be limited.

Consider the doula idea- they are not just for women wanting natural birth. They provide support for all women in labor. There's an organization that provides doulas for military wives, I think it is called Operation Special Delivery. It's worth contacting them to see if they would help you.

I can relate to wanting to be alone, I very much enjoyed laboring along all night long while everyone else slept. But, it is nice to have someone to go to the pospartum unit with you, ooh and ahh over the baby, help you settle in, etc. Best wishes.

I think a doula would be a great idea for you....a lot of times there are doulas in training who need to do a certain number of volunteer births to get certified if cost is an issue The DONA website might be a place to start looking.

I had a doula at both my births and it was nice because her sole purpose was to help with comfort measures during labor. Nice to have somebody spooning ice chips into your mouth and massaging your shoulders when things got rough! The nurses can do this stuff too but often have medical duties and charting to attend to as well so can't be as attentive.

You sound very brave and confident though, so whatever you decide to do, you are absolutely right, at the end of the day it's up to you and the baby! Good luck!

If you go alone I would highly recommend a midwife over a OB doc. My last delivery I had a midwife and she stayed in the room almost 90% of the delivery, very personable. My hubby did almost nothing...well he held my hand through the process, but the nurses and midwife did a lot of the emotion and physical support. There are so many good things with going this route. My delivery was with a midwife in a hospital setting not at a midwifery clinic. But you could do that also. I am sorry that your hubby wont be there but you will do great!!!

My husband was in the room with me during labor...but for the delivery, it was just me, the Dr and delivery nurse. I would not have wanted it any other way. Most people think I am weird for this...a baby is a beautiful thing but I would not have been comfortable at all with anyone actually watching my son make his grand entrance. After he was born, the Dr placed him across me and I cut the cord. After I was "cleaned up" for the most part, my husband was allowed back in the room. Each to their own I guess.....I know some people say they wanted the support, but for me personally, I would have been very uncomfortable with anyone having a front row seat to the show. I just focused on meeting my baby and my Dr and nurse were absolutely wonderful. Just remember that inviting guests into your delivery room is fairly new in the grand scheme of things. Only doctors and nurses attended my mother and grandmother during their deliveries. The only difference is that their husbands did not have the option to be present. Your husband does not have to see the birth to bond with the child. He will fall in love the first time he sees the baby – no matter when that is. You will do just great. Women have an incredible inner strength.

I guess technically I wasn't alone, since there was a friend from work that was there with me, but she wasn't really there for the actual birth, so mainly it was me and the birthing staff. I didn't have a problem not having family in the room with me. I pushed when I needed to push, took a breath when I needed to, was very calm throughout the whole thing. Granted, I used to work in a hospital, so I have seen many births, so I was really comfortable with everything. I actually think I would prefer it that way if I have another baby. Not trying to sound conceited, but without anyone else being there, it was all about me. I didn't have a bunch of people talking or coaching me on (which I would probably find annoying) and I didn't have to worry about how I was acting or feeling. Honestly, I think you'll do fine. You've been through the birthing process once, so you have an idea of what it will be like, even though each birth is different.

Have you considered trying to set up a webcam conference or phone call with your husband while you're giving birth? I know I've heard of it being done before, but I'm sure there was some planning and an induction may have been involved. Good luck, however your delivery happens!

I didn't have any births alone, but, just to give you some positive feelings about it, sometimes husbands and other people are kind of annoying while you're giving birth anyway. The nurses were my best friends while I was giving birth. The most amazing times I had with my newborns were after everyone had gone home, and I was left alone to wonder at and bond with my sweet newborn. Probably the best times of my whole life. And it was just me and my baby.

It is sad that your husband won't be able to share it with you though, just make sure that when he comes home he doesn't bring someone along with him the first time he sees his child, like my ex-husband Navy guy did. Boy, did that ruin the moment when I was looking forward to introducing my husband to his son for the first time.

Why don't you talk to your husband and to the hospital and see if they can at least get a video hook up so your husband can "be there" at least to see his newborn and to offer some support to you?? I Know that it is possible but I have no idea how they go about doing it.
I was alone for a majority of my labor with my first child because my husband ( who is retired from the military now...so I understand what you are going through) was out in the field on maneuvers. I would tell you to go in with a birth plan that details exactly how you want things to go. Do you want to be able to be up and moving around as opposed to being in bed...do you want them to offer pain relief or do you want to be the one to ask for it if you want it. Who do you want in the room with you and who do you NOT want in the room with you. Do you want dim lights or bright lights, do you have music that you want to bring in to play to help distract and calm you....is there something that you want to use as your focal point during hard labor? Think it all through and just let the medical staff know what your wishes are. I would personally think that you might be happy to have someone else in there with you...do you have a really good girlfriend that could be on call to stand by with you? I just think it is so nice to have someone else there to help with little things, give you a back rub if you want it, support you if you want to walk, things like that.
Good luck to you...and please tell your husband that I said thank you so very much for his service

Some hospitals even have Doula for FREE. You just have to ask. I would recommend it!

I did it alone with my second one. My husband dropped me off at the hospital, well, at the room, and came back home with my first one to take care of him. I expected to have a vaginal delivery as I did with my first, but I had a hard time pushing out and the baby's health became compromised. As a result, My OB had to do a C-Section. I was fortunate enough to run into my OB at the hospital just when he was leaving from other delivery and that was good. In terms of support, I had a student from a nurse school, a nurse and my OB who were helping out wonderfully. I just hated that I could not give birth as I had planned. Otherwise, I was just fine and thought to myself that the important thing is having the medical assistant I needed. Now, my second one is a great and joyful 8 months old boy. It is up to you if you want a Doula, but I personally do not think is necessary.

I only have one and she was delievered alone. My boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship. Our plan was to move in with him right after the baby was born, but deliver the baby in my home town so my dad (whom I am very very close to) could be there. Well, my dad ended up passing away. So as I was taking care of his estate, and sending my stuff to my boyfriends house I honestly thought I would get it all done, drive to my boyfriends house and deliver in a hospital i had never been to. But I went into labor 4 weeks early in the middle of the night. I delivered so quick, no one was able to be there in time, the doctor barely made it. All I could focus on after they told me my boyfriend would not make it to the hospital in time, is having a healthy baby. I hope your MIL is there in time to take care of your other child, and I also hope you have a safe delievery!

When my water broke, my husband was out of state golfing! Although he made it in time for the actual birth, he missed about 12+ hours of labor.
It's probably better that he did, as I am the type of person who likes to be left alone when I'm sick or in pain.
Just wanted to tell you (as I'm sure you know) the labor & delivery nurses are truly angels on Earth! You will be well taken care of.
Thank you & your hubby for your service to the country. Good luck!

I'm sorry your having to make these tough decisions. I haven't exactly been in your shoes, but right now I am 36 weeks pregnant and my husband works out of town during the week. Unlike your hubby mine is never more than 5 hours away so I'm just counting on him making it! Plus I have family and friends close by.

You really should have someone there with you. Of course you can do it yourself but that probably isn't the best idea. You need support. I like the idea of hiring a doula. Maybe you could even meet her a few times before the birth. That way she won't be a complete stranger and she will know what you want or don't want.

I wish you the best.