All Alone on the Bus with a Male Driver

I don't think I'd be comfortable with my child riding with ANY person alone on the bus. Gender doesn't even matter. That simply puts a child in an incredibly vulnerable position.

I have not read the repsonses or SWH.

What's the difference it the bus driver is male or female? Seriously? We've all heard the horror stories and they do exist, but this seems extremely sexist to me. Bad things happen with female bus drivers too.

This certainly isn't something that would bother me...male or female. I would be more concerned about traffic accidents than molestation. Really, it's just a ten minute drive...I don't understand why you just don't drive him if you are concerned in any way.

I don't have any advice other than to say that I wouldn't be concerned (but I'm not a worrier at all, so you may want to ignore me).

I did want to share a funny note on this topic. :)

My 9th grade son rides the bus home each afternoon, and he is the only one on the bus - great use of tax dollars, right? Anyway, he calls the bus his "yellow limo" since he has it all to himself. I love it!

Sorry to hijack your post, but thought you might appreciate a little humor after some of the serious responses. I hope things work out well for your son, and you can stop worrying. Mom's do that to us - make us worry.

As for your mom's pov and the others harping on you...
Last year we had a male bus driver who sexually assaulted 3 different girls through out the school year. He wasn't caught until the end of school because a mom found messages back and forth between her daughter and the bus driver on face book. All of the girls were between 12-15. He also had a back ground check that came back clean. But here is the deal... everyone has a clean back ground check who does stuff like that... until they are caught!

Now for you..
You have to use your discretion on if you feel comfortable with your son being alone with him for those 10 mins each way or not. I would talk with the driver and get to know him a little. If you feel comfortable enough with him, then I would say there is no problem.. leave it the way it is.. if you don't feel comfortable with him then I would bring it up to the school.

No we can not live in a bubble with our families all of our/ their lives.. but guess what, there are sick people out there that do prey on our innocent children every day. Why would anyone jump another parent for looking out for their child's best interest.. if we don't then who will?!? Sadly if you read the news enough around the country every day some-one's child was hurt by some other person, a lot of times by someone they know and the parents trusted. Why in the hell should any parent jump another parent for trying to prevent their child from harm?!! Parents should come together and help one another not cut down a parent for doing the same thing as everyone else but in different circumstances. Ok my rant has ended.. let the PM's start ;)

My fiancee used to work in the transportation department of a rural school district.

Most buses have cameras - you can inquire about that.

Typically the buses have to report at the stop, confirm they have the child and then report when they arrive. They simply don't have time to do much of anything except drive the route. So, I would say he's pretty safe on the bus.

I also don't think I would be more concerned about a male bus driver than a female bus driver. That's actually kind of discriminatory.

They have to be thoroughly background checked AND they have to have a CDL. getting in trouble (of ANY kind) could cause them to forfeit their CDL, which is like gold to most drivers.

I would worry more about the OTHER KIDS on a bus than I would about a bus driver. Since he's alone he won't be bullied by other kids, have his iPod stolen, glasses broken or lunch taken. He won't have to sit in a *certain* spot because a kid decided he was or wasn't cool.

I'm also going to give you the "talk to your kid about boundaries in general" advice. Not to freak him out, but because he's going to venture into the public on his own, now that he's older. Teach him to respect himself. How to say now. How to talk to you without being afraid you are going to freak out.

THAT will get him further in life more safely than not being able to ride the bus because he's the only kid attending.

Do you have the opportunity to take your child to and from school? If not, then stop it. That's seriously judgmental and to 'assume' only makes and '@ss' out of 'u' and 'me'.

Why WOULD you be concerned? Who's to say a female wouldn't take advantage of a young boy all alone?

Stop watching the news, stop reading the newspaper, and freaking shake the guys hand on a job well done. Your kiddo is old enough to tell you if anything weird happens. Breathe easy and know that you can NOT get a job around young children if you have EVER had any sort of background relating to crimes against children or ANYONE.

Get to know the drivers. If red flags go up, by all means, take the responsibility on yourself and drive your own kid. If not, shame on you. People's jobs, lives, and reputations get ruined because people judge without knowing what the heck they're even judging for.

I am covered with tattoos, you think I'm not judged? Well guess what. I'm probably the only one who could save your kid if (God forbid!!) their leg got severed right in front of me. Who's to say this man isn't a retired Army Vet? Who's to say that he drives a bus by day and preaches at night? Until you know, don't go making accusations.

I'm not saying this to be ugly, I'm saying it to get you to thinking about it; I genuinely think you're over thinking this and need to step back, think about it, and realize how silly that sounds :)

Why would you be concerned about it? Your father is a man, your husband is a man, and you son will be a man some day, right? Being a man is not the same thing as being a "potential child molestor". Worst first thinking is a terrible way to live life. I would be concerned if my child told me something strange was happening on the bus, or if the bus was arriving at the school late, or I had some reason to suspect there was something wrong with the bus driver, but I certainly wouldn't be concerned about my child being alone on a bus with a bus driver.

Yes, I would be concerned. I wouldn't want to put my kid in that situation. I would be figuring out something else. Good luck.

I can see your concern. I worked as a camp counselor for years and there was a "Rule of 3". There always had to be 3 people.....2 kids and an adult, 2 adults and 1 kid, whatever. Didn't matter about background checks or whatever, but having at least 3 people took away the opportunity to harm a child. The chances of this driver doing something are probably small, but you are keeping your child safe by encouraging he not be alone with an adult you do not know very well. Maybe your school can implement something like this?

Wow! I cannot imagine going thru life thinking people are out to hurt my child. I do not see a problem with this at all. You know when he is picked up and what time he is dropped off. I guess if he starts getting to school or
home late, I would want to know why, but I can almost say with certainty that
this will not happen. Keep communication open with the bus drivers and
try to relax.

I agree with Bug. Gender matters none in this situation and no, I wouldn't be comfortable with this.

ETA: Regarding 8kidsdad's response: In most school districts, there is both a bus driver and a bus monitor so that no, a child is never alone on the bus with a bus driver. Further, most teachers would never put themselves in a position to be alone with a child for any length of time. It's not enough for me to say "Oh well, it probably won't happen."

Oh gosh, really?

You can't go through life thinking every person your child runs into is going to cause them harm. Have you had the talk with him about what is and isn't appropriate: stranger danger, appropriate touching etc,..?

My oldest road in a car to and from his special school, his driver was female and the stand in driver was male. Never once did I think their intentions were to harm my child. A woman can be just as harmful as a male, don't let the gender bias you.

Be aware, and watchful, but don't go though life thinking that around every corner is a perv.

I hear ya mama! My girl is almost 4 and started speech class last spring (just after turning 3). They had me sign paperwork to have her ride the bus! The bus would pick her up at daycare, drop her off at speech, then pick her up after speech and take her back to daycare. There may or may not be a "helper" (they wouldn't know until they set the schedule for her) and nobody else would be allowed to ride with her (my idea was to have one of her teachers from daycare go with her). My husband and I talked about it overnight and decided that there was NO WAY we could let our 3-year-old ride a bus ALONE like that! So, I worked it out where I'd just take the time off work and take her myself. It's not fun or convenient, but it works out. And, we have the peace of mind that we are taking the most precautions. I'm not just worried about creeps (pedophiles, whatever--and the gender of the driver/helper really is irrelevant to me), but what about an elderly driver (has a stroke or heart attack), or if there was a car accident? I know that I can't protect my kid from "everything" or protect her "forever," but for now I will do EVERYTHING I can to keep her safe!
I think if you feel any hesitation towards letting your little one ride the bus, you need to find another way! Can you drive him? Can you coordinate a carpool with other parents? Find a preschool closer to home/work?
Good luck!

If you are truly concerned and the school is 10 minutes away, can you transport to and from school? Isn't your child's safety and your peace of mind worth 40 minutes a day?

I would not be worried about this unless there are other red flags. Just because someone is a man does not mean that they are a predator and schools do background checks. Would your mother feel that when your son is an adult, he also won't be able to be trusted to be around small children alone? Yes, stuff happens, but those are the exceptions and not the rule.

I'm not a fan of buses in general as I hate that they do not have seat belts...but that's another story.

We would not and do not leave our girls in a 1 on 1 situation with anyone other than my sisters and our daycare provider. Obviously, I've known my sisters my entire life and we've known our daycare provider for many years. Even then she is not alone because there are several other children present but I trust her with my life...literally my girls are my life.

I really don't give a rat's arse if people think I'm over protective or paranoid...and frankly honey, neither should you. Always go with your gut in parenting. If something doesn't feel right to you or causes you to doubt or worry then don't do it.

For what it's worth, I do not think making a simply inquiry to the transportation company translates into you accusing the driver of inappropriate behavior. You are not accusing him of wrong doing, you simply asked what measures they have in place to protect your child. Back ground checks are only useful IF the person has been caught. As we all know most offenders are NOT caught until years later if they are caught at all.

I wonder if the responses would have been the same if this question was regarding a priest alone with your child in his office, scout leader alone with your child at camp, or coach alone with your child in the locker room for 10 minutes?

Either way this is an adult that you do not know, no matter how many brief conversations you may have with them. The world would be so much easier to navigate if all sick freaks had "Perverted POS" stamped on their forehead but alas...we are left to using our own best judgement.

I'd much rather be over protective than to live with the regret of putting my child into a dangerous situation. Yes, odds are nothing will happen but why take an unnecessary risk?

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

When my oldest daughter was a toddler/preschooler and we were dealing with daycare and preschool, I specifically picked situations where it would be difficult or unlikely for an adult to be alone with my child. I figure, until they are over 5, it is hard for them to speak up for themselves in a clear and a clear or reliably understand "bad touch." So at that age, I would not allow my child to ride alone with any adult, regardless if it was a man or a woman. Likewise, I picked a day care situation with redundancy in the teachers (a center versus a home care worker), etc. It can't prevent something from happening, but it lowers the risk in my opinion. Ant not jus tthe risk of asault, but of neglect or carelessness.

I'm with Sherri G. on this one.

My sisters and I were always the last one to get off the bus. Our bus driver was male (His daughter was actually our babysitter). Sometimes he would even stay at our house (Farm) for a while because he was also a mechanic and my dad was always having him fix the van or the truck or even the tractors. I have a lot of fond memories playing "bus driver" on the big empty school bus in my driveway.

I cannot imagine living my life in so much fear of the boogie man and whatever else is lurking around corners.

Most buses have cameras. What is wrong with a male driver?

Educate yourself.... COMMUNICATE with the bus driver. Are you teaching your child to fear everyone?

Keep in mind that most molesters, etc are people you and your child know.

If it bothers you that much just use your own transportation and he can be in the car with you.

Edit: read your SWH and you decided to flame me....So be it. You cjose to flame Rachel D as well. You are the one judging!! Get real.... Or live under a rock so nothing bad happens. Sorry to burst your bubble.

BB:

Get to know the guy. I would ask why they don't have a monitor on the bus OR a video camera in the bus...most do.

You can scare yourself into ANYTHING and be paranoid about EVERYONE your son comes in contact with. Make sure your son has AWESOME lines of communication with you.

Yes. He can be groomed - but typically - molestations occur with people your children already KNOW - like family members.

DO NOT scare your son about this man. Ask your son about his ride and what he thinks of the man...background checks are run..yes..unfortunately, ..they only list those who have been caught....see the vicious cycle you can get in?

get to know the driver...I'm surprised that a town is paying for pre-school - unless of course it's a head start program...

I think it's OK to be concerned. All you have to do is communicate with your son and be certain to teach him about inappropriate touching, etc.

I do have to say that bus drivers are pretty thoroughly background checked. But people do clip through the cracks.

Can you have a conversation with the person who gets him on the bus in the afternoon? Perhaps he/she can give you an idea of when they get on the bus everyday (it will become very routine in about a week or so). Then if ten minutes goes by, you show some concern. If not, no worries.

A majority of buses won't have aids on them, but a majority will have video cameras that can't be disabled. I think your mother is fear-mongering, to be honest.

Do you have a chance to meet the driver? Do not let your mom's panic make you crazy. Let your mommy radar check out the driver. Ask if there are cameras on the bus. Talk to your son about safety, etc.

Go with your gut. If you are uncertain about your child's safety when he gets on that bus, change it. Drive him yourself.

Here's a question - presumably an adult gets the child on/off the bus. What interactions have you had with the drivers and before your mother commented, did you feel weird about either driver at any time? If not, do you think your mom's concerns caused yours or do you really have cause to worry? At this point you have 2 options - to continue to monitor it but let him ride the bus (how does he feel about the bus?) or drive him to/from the school yourself.

No, I would not be concerned.

Even though a male driver on the route to my school was just convicted of abusing a child, even though I have a convicted child sex offender as a dad. Even though a friend reworked the route so her young son didn't have to be alone on the bus with a male driver.

I am not concerned at all about these things. You do what you can. But don't freak out. My bigger concern would be a preschooler on a bus. What kind of bus? My preschooler rides a bus but is in a Stars harness seat. Preschoolers are not old enough for compartmentalization to work ideally in a crash. Hence, the harness.

No, I wouldn't be worried. When I was growing up, all our bus drivers were men. We didn't have any female drivers. It took me a while to get used to the idea of a woman driving a bus, because I pictured her not having enough muscle to turn that big steering wheel quickly, having trouble maintaining control over rowdy students since student are usually more well behaved for men than they are women, and mostly, I worried about her being attacked by the male high school students. Now I'm used to female drivers. My son was the only child on the bus for a while, since they used to separate the catholic school students from the public school students to keep them from getting harrassed. Now, all the students are combined on the same bus due to lack of funding and the catholic school students must sit in the front of the bus. Anyhow, the school should have told you when to expect your son at the bus stop so you'll know if something's wrong if they are late. Also, teach your son to be ruthless if someone tries to attack him.

I am with you on this. I am in law enforcement, and used to be a social worker so i have sort of been around stuff. You are not accusing the guy of anything at all. It's just not the best situation. Period.

I would think the same thing as the school. They do very extensive checks. Yes your child could get abused as the only child on the bus. But even with 2 adults he could get abused if they worked together...

I do think you are over reacting a bit. If you are concerned then start taking him and picking him up yourself. Problem solved.