Alcoholism

My name is Dad On Purpose, and I'm an alcoholic.

You DID violate his trust. Your drinking DOES affect him. No apology, no words will fix that.

Your ACTION will make your amends for you. You can't talk you're way out of a problem you acted your way into.

I'd suggest an AA meeting. Maybe read the book - it's online http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/

I guess the real question is what do YOU want to do? You have permission to drink openly, so you don't have to sneak anymore. Or do you want to stop or try moderation?

As for the coming out process, I had to tell my parents on the phone that I was an alcoholic, had my second DWI, lost my job and have to sell my house, and btw, could I move in with them while I get my sh*t together.

With friends, 50% were supportive. Those are the ones I'm still friends with to this day.

The other 50% wanted to keep me as their drinking buddy. Turns out that was the only thing keeping us friends, and that's not a very good foundation for a friendship.

But I have never regretted telling a single person. It's just part of who I am.
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I just read a couple of the other responses, and I disagree with the view that your husband is disconnected or somehow doesn't grasp the situation. He grasps it more than you know, and more than his one comment in what I'm sure was a longer conversation (over many years) might hint at.

We (our people) only think we're doing this in private and not affecting anyone. He may not have been the best sober support person, but your drinking is not in his control.

I would imagine that if Mrs. On Purpose was found sneaking drinks, I would likewise point out that it's out of my control. Your husband sounds very sad, and very confused about how best to handle this. Should he say your drinking ruined a good relationship? Should he ignore it and look to tomorrow? Should he yell?

I imagine if I were in his shoes, keeping it together would be my first priority. :)

Wow.
I feel for you.
It sounds like your husband is in denial about it not affecting him.

I think you should find a group in your area where you can get support and encouragement. I know many people who have been very successful and haven't touched a drop in 30 years. It's possible!

One woman I know wasn't a "closet" drinker. She couldn't be a closet drinker because alcohol made her insane. She did many, many embarrassing things that she wouldn't otherwise have done. She says that the day she woke up completely naked floating in the river on a raft all by herself and didn't know where she was or where any of the people she had gone with were, was the day she knew she needed to get help. She'd had blackouts before, but this time, she was in the water. She could have drowned, not to mention the fact that she had no clothes and didn't remember even getting in a raft.

She just celebrated her 26th "birthday". 26 years without a drink. She is now a very successful business woman and mother of 4.

All I know is that everyone has their own time, their own turning point.
Perhaps today was yours.
The good thing is that you don't have to try to live in secret anymore.

Don't let your husbands's reaction, or lack thereof, dissuade you from working on yourself, whatever that means to you.

I know a man who became addicted to pain pills after going through two knee surgeries. Addiction happens. It doesn't make you a bad person.

Since you are taking Campral, you obviously have sought treatment for your alcohol dependence. Follow up with your health care provider and get the emotional support you need.

Very best wishes to you.

I don't think your husband fully grasps the situation yet. It doesn't affect him? Really?

Let me ask you this, L., just out of curiosity, how would you have liked him to react? Seriously... in a perfect world, what would your desired reaction have been? I suspect if it were me, I would have wanted him to rescue me, sort of freak out and HELP me. No one wants to be slave to addiction.

I can't imagine having to be so strong to fight this. Addiction SUCKS. Continue taking steps to fight it.

Ditto everyone...

Find an AA support group TODAY!!! Try out a few of them and stick with one that clicks for you. The dynamics are different in each group.

I'm sorry, but you husband sounds emotionally disconnected. That is one very odd and cold response. I wonder if drinking is a big part of your coping with him? Is he always that detached when it comes to your battles?

Also, this is VERY BRAVE of you to start this process alone without your husband's understanding. I am truly sorry for your emotional state and circumstances.

BTW, AA is not Christian faith based, it's believing in a higher power based.

as an addict in recovery for many years, i can tell you that your actions do affect him. This is more about where you are in all of this, are you willing and ready to stop drinking? For me admiting to myself that i was an addict was by far the hardest thing i ever had to do, the people around me had a pretty good idea :). i would suggest AA meetings and reading the book. Good luck to you

Good for you for taking a very important first step!
I would not read too much into your husband saying 'it doesn't affect him'.
Because it can mean a lot of things.
More than likely he said it because HE doesn't know what it means and he's still sorting out how he feels about it.
He might have meant "Well you are not bankrupting me over it, so it doesn't matter" or
"So you have a problem but it doesn't affect how I feel about you", etc.
We just don't know what's going through his head right now - give him a little time to digest the information.
An Al-Anon group would be good for him and an AA group would be good for you.

Good for you!
Admitting is the first step.
Find an AA meeting. Today. And go.
Your husband is wrong.
An alcoholic will affect about 20 people- those closest to them.
You don't have to "reveal" yourself to anyone, but this is nothing to be ashamed of.
I don't know anything about Campral, but I know you cannot do this alone.
Find a group.
Then encourage your husband to attend Alanon.
Good luck!!!

It does not sound like your husband has lost trust in you. Sounds like you're beating yourself up over this, and he's fine.

Go to AA. They are awesome. I don't know if you've been before, but they will help you in ways you can't even imagine. Yes, it's kind of "spiritual," but you do NOT have to be religious in any way. There are plenty of agnostics and even atheists there. Just go. Don't drink, and go to a meeting. (Very easy to find online.)

Here's to a better you!! :-)

I have a friend who has admitted he is an alcoholic...that's the first step...admitting it.

As to not affecting him? sorry - it does. It affects everyone around you. They can see it, smell it and have to clean up any messes you might make (sorry - I am NOT trying to be rude or mean). They may just "overlook" it.

I would STRONGLY suggest that you go to a 30 day IN-HOUSE treatment program...and seek a therapist who specializes in alcoholism so you can find out WHY you NEED to drink and what kind of support system you need around you to get sober.

One of my closest girl friends is a recovering alcoholic. She's been sober for 17 years. She goes to AA meetings and keeps people around her that support her and not drinking...she drank wine...and not just one bottle but several...she can hang with people who drink beer and other alcohol...the smell of wine can still tempt her...17 years later...

You have to WANT to get sober. And you can ONLY DO IT FOR YOURSELF...you cannot do this for someone else..kids, mom, dad, husband, etc. YOU have to WANT to do it FOR YOU.

Find an AA meeting place around you...it will NOT be an easy road. You are NOT alone. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

There is only one thing for you to do. YOU NEED TO GET TO AN AA MEETING BEFOR THE SUN GOES DOWN. You need to get a sponser and work the program. This is the only way to get sober and stay sober. You need to be with people that know what you are going through and how to help you. It will not work any other way. You are waisting your time and everyone elses if you don't.
N. Cox

PLEASE visit:
www.mywayout.com

First, congrats for even writing this thread!

Second I don't know what your husband has gone through in regards to your drinking, but assuming that you don't get emotionally unstable, abusive, or you havent ruined your relationship with him (all typical things alcoholics do so that's a huge assumption that's probably false but going on the info you gave) I think your husband is pottenetially a jerk! how doesnt he get affected that the love of his life is self medicating and ruining her body?
There's a big possibility it hasn't hit him fully yet and he's J. thinking it's not a big deal, or maybe he's J. relieved it's finally being dealt with? but sheesh he should be full on in support mode and talking with you and encouraging you.

Then again, I don't know what hes been through and I'm also thinking witha female mind , so that's probably all wrong above

Anyway sorry for that off topic rant. Please get help. My dad is an alcoholic and was an abusive drunk from when he was 15 to 2 years ago when he had to stop drinking and went through withdrawl after having a huge protion of his intestine taken out, and it affected M. in more ways than one could imagine. So please get help for yourself, your kids, your husband and so on! Find out what the root cause of your drinking is. Get into therapy and talk. Make new friends if your current ones are no longer good, or you have lost all friends...find a hobby that you love. you cant truly stop without making yourself heal from whatever caused you to drink. My dad stop drinking but went to J. being a hermit and being addicted to pain pills. the void your filling won't go away unless YOU work on it. Stopping drinking is the 1st step but make sure you do the reast to fix yourself=)
I think AA is J. one option. I know my dad and other relatives would go and then drink after, after speaking about their memories of drinking for a year. If that doesnt work there are several options. Don't stop researching and trying to fix yourself.