Age Difference

Been there.....isn't it just great!!! Oh my goodness.........First of all, have a talk with the oldest son...........tell him he is being a bad brother and mentor for his youngest sibling. He may not care, but you can try.........maybe have the older spend more time with the younger one........like babysitting for a bit, an hour or two while you do shopping..........

If that doesn't work, you have to tell the little one, that he is too young.......and when he gets to be older like his brother, he too can do things that he doesn't do now...........also, you can tell him that older brother is being very disrespectful, which you will have to explain why that is bad.........and why he shouldn't want to do those things..........he's a good boy and you don't want him to act like that..........And just keep repeating it OVER and Over again. That's what I had to do........eventually the little one will start ragging on the older one.........which doesn't help with sibling love, but it did make the older one think for a bit, and eventually they worked it out. As the youngest gets older, he will start asking why do you do that, or say this.........the older one gets tired of the questions and either stops or leaves the younger one alone..........

With all that said, it will be ok.........they will still fight when they get older, but they will love each other and laugh about all the things they did as kids, mine do and they are in their 30's now....

Good Luck, hang in there and take care.

I'm not really sure what you can do but please keep this in mind. my sister and i are also 11 years apart( i'm the oldest) and sometimes my mother would use me as an example when i would do wrong and somehow that got my sister's perception of me screwed up. and as time went on and as she got older she lost respect for me. and when i would tell her right she would just ignore it because she thought that i was always wrong. my mother didn't realize what she did until it was to late. now my sister is 18 and is slowly showing me some respect.but mother also has admitted that she should have found another way to show my sister different about me. so all i can say is whatever methid you use think it out long and hard because it could cause a big rift between your children. good luck

I just want to throw out an alternate idea... one of the other moms touched on this, but have you tried engaging your older son on this? meaning, talk to him about what you're struggling with, and ask him if he can help you because in general he's such a good kid (say it, and mean it.... ) and such a good big brother and you really want to use him as a positive example for his little brother, especially now, when his little brother is so enamored of him. point out that this stage (and it is only a stage; his little brother will likely not always be quite so enamored of him) is a great opportunity for all of you to really model good behavior and also build a strong foundation for a relationship between the two brothers. ask him if he can help you model really good behavior for his little brother.

another thing to keep in mind: as juvenile as it is, and as inappropriate, I bet there's at least one story you can come up with off the top of your head when the little guy said something and inside you wanted to laugh out loud, right? so it's ok to admit that to the big guy. part of what I'm saying is, find the humor, enjoy the conversation with him, and he'll be much more receptive to you. so go ahead and admit that sometimes some of the bad stuff is funny, and maybe we can find some times when some of it is appropriate, ask for his help deciding when such times might be. you may decide that it's never appropriate, that you don't want to head down the path of ever condoning the behavior, and that's fine, but try to come to that conclusion ~with~ your older son. really engage your older son in the process of raising your younger son, and he will be more invested in the outcome.

I know he's 15 and probably pretty surly these days, but that's the best time to show your cards, be vulnerable, tell him you need his help. get his input on behaviors that are appropriate and inappropriate that you all should be focusing on modeling and not modeling for the little guy. it's amazing how kids respond when grownups actually engage with them as reasonable, decent human beings instead of assuming that they're going to be irrational, naughty creatures.

don't compare him to his sister, btw. I'm sure it's tempting to point out that the little guy isn't getting bad habits from his big sister, so why is big brother such a bad influence, but that's just going to cause a rift between the two oldest. however, you can also engage her in this process, and maybe have the two of them work together to do constructive things with the little guy, and that could build bridges among all three of them.

you have an interesting scenario. I say plunge in and try to enjoy it! Ha! :)

best,
K.

My husband is 9 / 10 years older than his brother & sister. His parents had him in their late teens, early 20's & waited until they were financially more stable to add to the family.

What my MIL did was hold my DH up to a higher standard than she did his brother & sister when they reached his age. Then when she punished, & got that - her response was "Yup & he gets punished too"

I agree with Denise and Caresse. I also think pointing out the reponsibility that comes with the freedom helps. My younger will complain that my older gets to...blah blah blah. So I respond, yes he does get to do that but he also has to... and I list a whole lot of chores and responsibilities my younger doesn't have to do.
When it's a negative behavior that is being mimicked, I be sure the older has consequences and that the younger sees them.. I will tell the younger that was a bad choice and now he has to have his favorite thing taken away. If you want to act like that I can take your favorite thing away too. Choices have consequences. It seems to be working out so far. But I'm sure there will be new twists in the road soon. :)

I feel your pain...my 6 year old daughter wants to BE her 14 year old sister.
She worships the ground she walks on & some of the stuff coming out of her mouth these days...! It's tough enough to get "the mouth" from a teenager, but when it is mimicked by the little ones...UGH. I don't have any great answers, but I do make sure the younger one hears her big sister getting reprimanded or punished.

All of the advice I had to offer has been given so I will just say "you have my sympathy!" I'm sure I will be in for it as well. We have a 2 year old and a 14 year old so our time is coming!!!!