I have a question for all you moms. My hubby and I have been married for 7 years. Everything is great in our marrage except for my SIL! I call her his 2nd wife beause she tells him to jump and he says how high. I ask the same question and he sure dosn't how high with me! She is not married and does not have any kids of her own. Here is my issue. I am having my 3rd child and am due anyday. She just called today and let me know that my hubby was going to call her and let her know as soon as I had the baby so she could come right away to see the baby and hang out with us at the hospital. It always seems that after you have a baby between breast feeding and not feeling good besause of the stiches that everything kind of ends up hanging out and there is not much privacy. My mom will come and visit and she will watch my other two kids, but she is my mom and its nice to have someone who have been there done that that I am close with to help me out with things. Anyway, do you think I am out of like telling my huby he needs to let her know not to come right away after I have the baby. His sugestion is that when I need to feed the baby I will just have to take the baby and go in the bathroom to feed her. What is everyone elses rule when they have a baby. Does everyone else let people visit the hospital and your home right after having a baby? thank you for your advise!
WHO feeds the baby in the bathroom?! Like you'll be sitting on the toilet (with the lid down)? Instead, tell him he and her can go have a conversation in the bathroom when the baby is hungry... :-/
To me, only true "helpers" (those willing to do cleaning/chores, etc) should come immediately after birth. If she's coming to visit with him, them she should wait a few weeks.
With my oldest people came to the hospital, with my 2nd I had people come later. They ll got upset but I hated feeling like I was entertaining after just having a baby.
Um excuse me your husband told you to take you newborn child to the bathroom to breastfeed???? Has he lost his mind? YES he has that is insane his sister needs to stay at home until she recieves a phone call after you and your husband both have had time to meet your new child, introduce him/her to the siblings and get settled. When you feed your child anyone who you do not want in the room needs to leave and wait in the waiting room. Please please please tell me your going to put your foot down on this. I'm all about picking your battles but this my dear is one to pick and win dammit!!! I am just outraged I truly hope you fix this issue you are his wife and the mother of his children and you come first!!!
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Um excuse me your husband told you to take you newborn child to the bathroom to breastfeed???? Has he lost his mind? YES he has that is insane his sister needs to stay at home until she recieves a phone call after you and your husband both have had time to meet your new child, introduce him/her to the siblings and get settled. When you feed your child anyone who you do not want in the room needs to leave and wait in the waiting room. Please please please tell me your going to put your foot down on this. I'm all about picking your battles but this my dear is one to pick and win dammit!!! I am just outraged I truly hope you fix this issue you are his wife and the mother of his children and you come first!!!
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Yeah there is no way on God's green earth I would be nursing my baby in a bathroom so my SIL could come and visit! Tell your hubby that she is not allowed to come until you say so. Also tell the nurses that if anyone other than your mom and kiddos come, that they are not allowed to enter. This is about YOU and YOUR baby...not her!!! I also suggest you have hubby read these responses...maybe it will give him some insight!
P.S. I had A LOT of visitors at the hospital and our home after my son was born, but that was MY choice. None of them stayed while I breast fed (except my mom and sister), and if I said I was done, that was it. There is no rule saying you have to let people see the baby ASAP!
First, you should not be feeding your baby in the bathroom. If you are in the hospital and need privacy, everyone should leave. If you are home, why should you leave your own living room? If it offends anyone, they can leave your house. If you want privacy, they can go in the kitchen.
I happen to adore my SIL and she was present for both of my boys' births and my MIL stayed with us to help out after, but you should only have people right there with you that you would like to have there. This sounds more like an issue between you and your husband--if his sister is out of line with you, you need to let him know clearly that you do not want her there. If he isn't sure he can "stand up" to her, tell your nurses. Nurses rock! They will not let anyone in that you do not want in. I never cared that much who was visiting me or not as long as I could get in a nap whenever I needed to, but I also like our family and friends and get along well with them, so haven't had similar issues. Sorry...that is not what you need right now.
Nope. When you have the baby, it's all about YOU and the BABY... not the sil. If he insists on having her come, at least make them go to the waiting room when you are trying to nurse! I'm sure you will be able to get the nurses to back you up. (I mentioned to my nurses that I was uncomfortable with all the visitors I was getting, but I couldn't bring myself to send them away, so SHE told them that they needed to do some "tests" for me and the baby, and to come back in about an hour. you might try that. :) ) Good luck!
You have every right to have some privacy after having a baby. And I find the idea of taking the baby to the bathroom to feed pretty gross. No way. The nurses will be the bad guy for you if you need it. You can request no visitors or limit the list. I understand that everyone gets excited about a new baby, but you deserve and need a little time to yourself to adjust, get to know your baby and heal.
He can tell her to wait a few days, or he can be responsible for entertaining her. She doesn't need to stay long. She can hang out with him. You'll probably be sleeping most of the time in the hospital anyway so they should get the message.
And he's dreaming if he thinks you're going to feed your newborn in the hospital bathroom. That's rediculous. You're going to want to stay in bed as much as possible. You stay where you are most comfortable feeding the baby. Do what you need to do to feel comfortable modesty wise - other people can leave the room if they don't like it.
There is nothing wrong with asking her to wait until you get home for a visit. If you husband says you need to get up and go to the bathroom to feed, tell him to get 10 stitches in is groin and get up and walk around! I did not want anyone coming to the hospital, I was dirty, and bloody, and sore, and just wanted time with my new family. Hold your ground and be honest with hubby about how you feel.
Wait, you will have to go in the bathroom to feed your newborn baby! Like hell you will! How comfortable do you feel with your SIL? Could you just explain to her that you would appreciate some quiet alone time with your new baby. And when you are ready for visitors you would love for her to come for a visit. If not, then maybe your hubby could.
Tell her NO... your Husband did not... clear it with you.
Gee... your Husband... is real weak with her, huh?
Almost like a Mama's Boy...
Tell your SIL.... that YOUR MOM... is arriving. That's it.
YES TELL YOUR HUSBAND!
YOU should not have to go in the bathroom to feed baby. Geez.
YOU are the "Queen" of the house... NOT your SIL.
TELL YOUR Husband... to get a spine and a backbone.
Sorry.
TAKE the lead on this...
When I had BOTH my kids... I explicitly spelled out to my family and friends BEFORE I had my babies that ..." I DO NOT WANT VISITORS... (at the hospital or in my home)... NOR any drop-ins unannounced... until I.... am ready and I will say so.
AND that my phone voice-mail will be on and I do not plan on answering any phone calls."
And, my friends/family... respected that, because I said so... and they know me.
I do not... at my own birth or having new babies... want any... interference in that or what I do in my own home.. once I brought home my babies, nor while I stayed at the hospital.
Next: your Husband... REALLY has to get a grip on how much he lets his Sister... control him and you. Whoa. That is not good... for any marriage... and SIL probably gets great satisfaction from knowing.. her brother is on her leash... and she can control him. And that, she is, giving you a hard time. She I am sure... knows that.
all the best,
Susan
Ugh...I was just in your position 12 weeks ago. My husband's sister, dad, and mom came immediately after the birth. His sister brought her 2 year old, even. They camped out in the post partum room and even brought a COOLER! You've got to prevent that from happening...tell your husband to tell her you need a few days. If he won't do it, then tell your nurses at the hospital that you don't want any visitors. I'm a nurse, and trust me we always honor that. If she wants to stay, it will have to be in the waiting room. You just focus on feeding your baby and recovering...and let your husband deal with her in the waiting room if he doesn't want to tell her not to come so early.
We decided this time (I'm pregnant with our second) that we are not telling anyone, except my Mom who will be keeping our 2 year old, that we have even had the baby for several days. I'm delivering at a birth center again so I'll be home within about 6 hours after I give birth. I don't want any visitors for at least 3 days. If your husband isn't willing to stand up to his sister, you have to do it yourself.
I wore a nursing apron and stayed in bed! No way should you have to go to to the bathroom. Just cover yourself with a receiving blanket if it is an issue or send her out to the cafeteria while you feed. You deserve to stay in bed and rest with your new baby.
If it were me I'd contact the hospital to see if they will assist you with keeping visitors out of your room. Be clear with your SIL ahead of time that you do not want visitors so she won't be surprised if she gets escorted out.
Yeah--step up and tell him or her how you want things to be. I'm pregnant for the second time and while the visitors at my first child's birth were nice and I know everyone was excited to see us in the hospital, I wish we had kept the people to a minimum--grandparents only ya know. Breastfeeding was hard enough, you are all sore and tired and have to change pads and such. It may be hard to speak up now but you will feel much better and less resentful if you are clear about your needs. If that doesn't work, try telling the nurse who is allowed in. Good luck!
OMG- did he really suggest that you, in the hospital, need to take your newborn into the BATHROOM to feed her! He better tell his sister to back the heck up! I would tell him that she needs to call ahead about 45 minutes before she is coming, feed the newborn then and then tell her that her time is UP when the newborn has to nurse again! That is how I deal with visitors other than my husband and mom at the hospital for DD and DS...I am now prego with #3. Also, at home, I would just nurse in a bedroom while visitor were there but I also let them know that if i knew WHEN they were coming, I could nurse the baby beforehand so they could see him longer. It worked like a charm and I didn't have as many unexpected "drop-bys" :)
best wishes and congrats!
