After C-section

When you go to a restaurant and are served a "bad" plate of food, do you say anything? When you stand in line at the grocery store and someone "cuts" in front of you, do you turn a cheek?
VOICE YOUR WANTS AND DESIRES!!!!! I fully realize that not all child births are exact, but YOU DO HAVE SOME SAY!!!
I found that my husband was of great comfort during this time. I explained to HIM what I wanted/didn't want, and that helped tremendously. After all, men, in general, don't really 'care' about what others think....lets face it, they DONT CARE AT ALL what other people think!!!
Let your OB/GYN know your thoughts, likes and dislikes...perhaps you can come up with a game plan before the birth.

If all else fails...I will loan you my sister (for a reasonable price, of course!!) She will DEFINITELY tell those around you what you want....she's not, in the least bit, afraid to voice her opinion!!! hahaha

Margaret :)

I had a second C-Section within 17 months of my first son, and didn't have a problem with keeping my baby near and nursing immediately. You have to be very adamant with the hospital staff to the extent of almost being RUDE! Be sure to DEMAND that they DO NOT give your baby a bottle. The nurse I had during my first delivery happened to be a midwife also and was very good with my first delivery, so I requested her for my second. I made sure my husband was aware of my wishes, and everything worked out just fine. In fact one of the nurse's even put my baby to my breast while I was still heavily sedated and let him nurse. They were great. Make an attempt to meet the L&D nurses prior to delivery. Hope I have been helpful

I used a midwife for both my pregnancies. The Women's specialist of Houston. I didn't have high risk pregnancies so that is why I was able to use a midwife. They beleived in my same philosophies. Anyway, when we going through 'classes' the first time the doula/teacher was great. She really empowered me and my husband to make decisions for ourselves based on real information. It seems everyone scares new mommies about everything and we are scared enough as it is, the ones who want to scare you the most are the doctors. She told us that we don't 'have' to let them bathe our baby 'immediately' that they do not stink-because of all the gunk on them which is what I assumed-they get wiped down by the nurse after delivery good enough and they smell like you. That is the main reason you do NOT want to bathe your baby immediately. The smell on them helps them to recognize you. We did not bathe my daugther until she was 4 days old after we got her home and my son I think it was like 5 days. They smelled like new babies and weren't a bit stinky. When she told us how they wash them in the nursery it didn't sound very fun...just born and stuck under water and scrubbed, doesn't sound like a good experience. We also had both babies with us the whole time. They never once left our sight. They kept wanting to take my daughter and do whatever they do to them but my husband would go with her and come right back with her. What you do is make a 'birthing plan' which you give one copy to your doctor and upon arrival to the hospital you give it to the nurse. You have to have your husband or whomever advocate for you too. Let your doctor know what your plans are and how YOU want things done. They always want to kick you out of the birthing room immediately, say, nope, I want to wait and nurse my baby, which they are ready to nurse about 45 minutes after birth. I nursed my daughter about a good 45 minutes before they moved me. Of course you can always have a plan, it may not go according to 'plan' but you can plan and more of the birth you want. My first birth was so great and it all went super smooth and it was the best experience. The doula/teacher is not longer working or I'd get you incontact with her. But just know you don't have to let them do all those things they say you have to do. Just say hey, no I don't want that. Unless it's medically necessary then you have a choice. The hospital staff-the delivery nurse was very open since she so happened to know my midwife. The nursery staff was a little more pushy, like they didn't want my daugther to come with me since her temp was not as high as they wanted, well, another nurse happened to come in and said we'll just wrap her up in 3 blankets and she'll be fine-which she was. It's always intimidating but if you have someone to back you up it makes it easier-like your husband or mother or friend-just let everyone know what your wishes are, don't wait until the last minute because you'll be a little busy laboring a baby!! Midwife's do VBAC's also. It's not impossible like most doctors will tell you. There is a baby fair in October too where you can get all kinds of info.

My first c-section was horrible! The Epidural didn't work so I had to have a general. I did not see my son for 12 hours after his birth. My muscles tore during the surgery, they nicked my intestines which caused massive scar tissue. Our son was in the NICU for 3 weeks. I had three surgeries later to fix the problem and had to have IVF to get pregnant again. I now have 8 month old twin girls and my c-section was awesome! I changed Doctors when I wanted to get pregnant again. I made sure I was in a small practice so the Doctor and everyone there knew my fears and wishes. The girls stayed with us the entire time in the room. (they were not in the NICU). We were at St. David's. I think if you make your wishes known and make sure you have a great Doctor, you should be fine. My Doctor was Douglas McIntyre. I just loved him. He is so calming which is what I needed since my last c-section was a nightmare. I had a wonderful experience after an awful one so it is possible!!

Good luck!

Unfortunately, no matter what your wishes, when the health of you or the baby is in question, they do whatever they feel they need. BUT, provided everything is going well and all are healthy, those are not unreasonable requests. It depends on the hospital, but in general, you keep the baby with you for about an hour after birth. Then they take you to recovery and the baby to the nursery to run their newborn tests. WHen they are done, they bring it back to you. Usually an hour or two.

Some make the request that if you are going to sleep you call the nursery to take the baby for safety.

Sorry you had such a harrowing experience and remember all births are different.

I think all the "normal" after birth experiences change when a baby that needs the NICU is born. My daughter spent 10 days in NICU and the first concern was not my "bonding experience" but the health of my child.
When I had my son 5 yrs. later who had a healthy deliveryand not problems, then I got the bonding experience.
I suggest you talk to staff about your wants ,needs and concerns regarding your next delivery. Make notes and have them be placed in your chart at the Drs. office and hospital that way all who comes into the room at delivery time will read it.
Good luck.

Hi,
I actually think you are being a little premature with this request. I certainly understand how you want to be with your baby from the first minute. I had a similar issue with my 3rd child. and it was hard to bond- but you need not to borrow problems from the future- let yourself heal from this experience before thinking about the next one. Just enjoy your little one now and don't even think about the next time. but---- when you do have the next time- be sure your Dr. is aware of your request and the hospital staff- I am sure if it is possible they will comply. Just don;t think about what you may have missed during the first few days= just enjoy the baby now.
good luck and blessings

I agree that when the baby is in distress everything changes...but the best way to ensure that you have the birth that you want is to hire a Certified Childbirth Doula or Midwife. This might sound extreme - but this person is there to take care of you & the baby only and they will make sure that your wishes are met if at all possible. Childbirth should be beautiful, just like the child you will be delivering.

While I must say Margaret's advice to you gave me quite a chuckle, I have to agree with her underlying point. Speak up, and tell your OB/GYN and the hospital staff what you want to have happen should everything thing go as planned and what you want to happen should problems arise.

Also, make sure than anyone and everyone (some people have parent and/or friends in the delivery room with them too) is/are made aware of these desires. Even if you have to write them down. The more people aware of what you want to happen the more likely it is to happen.

Also, there is a lot to be said for being firm in the "heat of the moment"

When I got to the hospital I delivered my twins in, the nurse asked me what I wanted/needed. I immediately told her "drugs and lots of them, now" She informed me that she would not be able to administer the epidural until I was 8cm (I laughed at this in my head as I know that waiting that long risked me not having it fully in effect in time as I went from 8cm to 10cm in 10 min with my singleton) so I told her I didn't care what she gave me as long as I was no longer in pain (I tend to have hard, fast back labor after my water breaks).

She took one look at my face and the determination in my eyes and did not even argue with me.

Also, due to them not realizing I would move so fast, their delivery room was not fully prepped for a twin delivery and so I freaked out when after my son was born (his twin sister came out first) they rushed out of the room with him. They assured me everything was all right but that they were just taking him to a place to be cleaned up. My husband took one look at me at that point and followed our son out the door.

As our twins were 7 weeks early they both went into NICU. I give MAJOR kudos to my husband who took our son from the nurses and would not allow them to take him to the NICU UNTIL he brought him for me to see.

I will never forget that he understood how important this was to me due to how worried I was/would be not SEEING our son was alive and kicking...

Our twins spent 15 days in the NICU with different early birth issues. But, the staff made sure we could see them right away and encouraged breast feeding but on a limited basis (it tires out preemies more than a full term baby)plus they made it very apparent that they would use whatever milk I could supply. They also made sure we were both allowed to feed our twins and handle them as much as we were comfortable with. They ALWAYS asked if we wanted to do it, before doing it themselves (including bathing, changing, even changing their bedding).

We gave birth at Scott and White in Temple, TX.

My singletone was very different. I was living in Washington State (right on the Border of it and Portland, OR) and gave birth at newer hospital in Portland, OR. They had birthing rooms. Meaning, that the room you were checked into is the room you stayed in through labor, delivery, recovery and so on until you and the baby checked out.

Once my daughter was born I was give her to hold while the pushed out the placenta and then they took her from me to run their tests. The helped me to breast feed her and then my daughter was taken from my room for 20 min...the ONLY time she was away from me during my entire stay and that was to run the APGAR tests and bring her back.

From then on, the staff helped me to wake up for feedings so that I had someone there to help me be sure and recognize when she was latched properly.

At the time I was a single mom and a close friend of mine was there for the delivery. They allowed her to stay with me in the room's futon chair until the baby and I were released...The even offered if she wanted to cut the cord.

I have had two completely different experiences with two different hospitals and two different doctors, but in both cases what I ultimately wanted with regards to my delivery are what happened.

Good Luck!!!! ;-)

Congratulations!!!! on such a hard delivery. Mine wasn't as bad but I had some issues that resulted in a c-section and my husband not able to cut the umbilical cord. I don't even remember much of the birth. I wish things had gone differently and learned that if I don't speak up then know one will know what I want.

when we did our hospital tour the lady was very informative and said to tell the nurses what you want right when you go in and when their is a shift change repeat yourself. Also, type it up and give hand outs to ever person helping you. Being a new mom I let the staff walk on me a bit. Now that I look back I would defiantly speak up and make sure my husband is on the same page.

Also - talk with your doctor a head of time.

Good luck. Be strong. Make your voice heard.

I was just talking to a friend of mine this past weekend about the differences in the births of her two children. With her first, she was in labor for 12 hours and just not progressing, and the baby appeared to be in some distress, so they decided to do an emergency c-section. The baby was fine (no need for NICU), but my friend complained that there were so many people around, there seemed to be no concern for her privacy or modesty, and it was just overall a very bad experience. She felt she didn't have the 'where-with-all' to tell the doctors and nurses what she wanted or didn't want because she was so exhausted and sick by that point. With her 2nd child, she had a planned c-section, was able to express all her desires ahead of time, and she said the difference between the two experiences was like night and day. Everyone was so respectful of her desires and choices with her planned c-section. Chances are since you've already had one c-section, your doctor will want you to have one next time as well, so just go ahead and plan it so that you can ensure that things go your way! Best of luck to you.

I *highly* recommend you look up ICAN - International Cesarean Awareness Network. http://www.ican-online.org/ They have forums there now that you can use to get the very best information on planning for future pregnancies and births.

If you're in the Houston area, you will do well to join the local ICAN group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ICANOFHOUSTONGALVESTON . If you're in another area, be sure to look up a local ICAN group on the main ICAN site.

There is nothing more important than being well prepared and, most of all, INFORMED. ICAN will definitely help you with that. :)

Blessings,
H.

I actually had the same requests with my son-who also turned out to be a C-section, but he didn't go to the NICU. I agree if the baby needs extra care everything changes. I called the L&D floor where I was going to deliver & I actually met with the nurse manager. She put a note in my chart & all my wishes came true. They did actually take him for about 20 min before I had the chance to breastfeed, b/c that's when the peri was doing the assessments in the nursery, but my husband was able to go with him. A nurse helped my husband with the bath in my room. My son never had to go to the nursery, except for 20min for the assessment soon after we got to the recovery room. Voice your concerns and see if they are willing to work with you. It meant so much to me, I was willing to change hospitals & OBs to make it work, but thankfully I didn't have to.
Best of luck!

M.,

First, I'm sorry that you had a disappointing experience with the delivery of your son. But, I must say that it sounds like there were difficulties for both you and him during this delivery. (you say that he went to NICU for 6 days) It is the main concern of the medical professionals who are present to get the most efficient and effective care for both of you promptly after delivery.

In many hospitals, (including both places where my sons were born prematurely via emergency c-section) it is the policy that once a baby enters the NICU, they cannot leave it and return. This is done for the health and well being of both your baby who entered, and the other babies in there. They have a very controlled environment and they must protect that. Babies who are delivered needing to go to the NICU are whisked away promptly for their own well being. Generally, daddy is allowed to follow and witness the immediate goings-on post delivery.

I know that this won't go over well with true believers in immediate bonding, but holding your baby and nursing immediately post-delivery are not mandatory for you to bond with your newborn. I was unable to visit with my first son for 7 hours after delivery. And then, I only got to stroke him and play with his fingers. With my youngest son, I was gravely ill and did not get to see him for 2 days after delivery. They are both mama's boys like you would never believe.

All this being said, on your next delivery, you should make your wishes known to both your OB/GYN and your chosen pediatrician, so that should you both be in good condition post-delivery, you have the best chance at having your desires met. But please believe that these people are simply acting in the best interest of the health and well-being of both of you.

Best wishes and congratulations on your new arrival.

I can relate SO much! My first baby was a c-section and I was VERY unhappy about the experience. I was even more upset when the OBs told me that I was only going to be able to be able to have a c-section the second time around. I did lots of research, and am VERY happy to report that my second baby was born ENTIRELY naturally and without intending to be, he was also a water birth. No epidural and a MUCH simpler labor! I went through a birth center instead of a hospital and it was a much nicer environment, my baby was in my arms immediately, and my requests were respected A LOT more than they were in the hospital. You do have plenty of options and may be able to find a doctor who will deliver a VBAC in the hospital. Everyone is very different, and a second c-section may be the best option for you, but do not rule it out because I am living proof that it can happen! The thing I have learned most, is that YOU have to tell them what to do and do not let them tell you! Good luck!

Oh yes... do a search online for 'birth plans'. Most hospitals have evolved to recognize the need for families to bond. By making the plan ahead of time and going over it with your medical professional it will be much easier than the day of the birth.

A few suggestions that may help you: Limit any drugs as much as possible so you will be awake and alert following the delivery. Consider taking Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle to get your milk supply in as quickly as possible (recommended by my Lactation Consultant). Write up a Birth Plan and provide it to your doctor and the neonatologist (there are several online that you can follow). Also tell the nurse that you are breastfeeding and to bring your baby to you every four hours or as often as you feel up to it. Good Luck!

I don't know where you are giving birth, but I just had my 2nd daughter at Cedar Park Regional.
The only person I "butted heads" with was an extremely rude and pushy nursery nurse. She was shocked and offended that I didn't want a huge audience while I was giving birth (my daughter had a VERY small amount of meconium in the water and she wanted two nursery nurses and a pediatrician in the room "just in case." With my first birth I pushed for almost two hours and I knew that I didn't want seven plus people standing around watching me push for that long, so I asked that they stand outside the door, and then come in IF there ended up being a need for them.
Anyway, my nurse was so great. She listened to all my needs, kicked "rude lady" out of my room and confronted her about how she treated me, tracked down my Dr. so we could talk, and made sure, every step of the way, that I was being consulted on any and every decision. She wouldn't even let the nursery staff take the baby off my tummy until I gave the "okay." They were great! It was so much better than my emotionally traumatizing, out of control, overly-intervened upon, first delivery.
Just stand your ground, tell them your needs and wants. If you can explain that your first birth was so sad/hard/difficult for you that you want it to be different this time, they'd have no reason to not help you pursue a much more personal birth. It's your body and baby! They don't get to do ANYTHING unless you say "go ahead!"

Hi, Maybe if you start with your Gyn first and tell him how you feel and why then he/she might be able to pull some strings. My Gyn was very helpful with things that under normal circumstances might not have happened. Cause it is his/her staff and they usually follow what the Dr's say. So just try there first. My Dr. is Larry Milner and he is here in Pasadena and not a better dr out there as far as I am concerned. I was diagnosed with Pre-eclampsia Toxcimia and was very sick but he went out of his way to make me and my family feel comfortable and that we were his only patient in the hospital and I knew that wasn't the case. He truly brought me back from near death cause of my high blood pressure. So just talk with you dr and make him understand just how much the last experience has made you feel. Hope it all goes great for you in the future.

I am so sorry to hear about your bad experience. Most likely the reason you ended up with a c-section was due to failed induction. Your body was not ready to give birth and your baby was not ready to be born. And when that is the case nothing will make the baby come and that is why so many inductions fail and the baby is born by c-section. My advice to you is to hire a good midwife. You do not have to have another c-section. It is actually safer and healthier for you and your baby to avoid a c-section. Please talk to a midwife. You can even talk to a midwife before you become pregnant again. If you have any questions please feel free to ask me.

Lisa

I second Heather's advice, and join ICAN. The more you learn about inductions and cesareans and the like, the better you will be able to stand up for you and your baby.

I am so very sorry about your experience. Inductions often fail, if your body isn't ready to go into labor it just doesn't take the cue, and you need a cesarean! It can also cause fetal distress and often c-sectioned babies are in the NICU and once they get in there it's hard to get them out.

You have several possibilities open to you. You can look into VBAC (Birth After Cesarean is a wonderful book about the studies on VBAC.) You live close enough to Memorial Hermann Woodlands you can check out Jane Reed who does VBACs there. There are many midwives who will deliver VBACs and a few other OBs as well.

You can choose a mama/baby friendly hospital. (Memorial Hermann Woodland's is one of the best of this.)

You can get a doula wither you have a c-section or a VBAC.

You can choose a hospital without a NICU (they will be more reluctant to use NICU services if they have to transport the baby to a different hospital.) You can also refuse a cesarean before 39 weeks. If your baby is born at 37 weeks he or she is twice as likely to go to the NICU then if born at 39 weeks. http://www.cbc.ca/health/story/2009/01/07/c-sections.html

And most certainly, yes, you can tell a dr that you want the baby to stay with you or your husband at all times, give the baby a bath, ect. I have had 5 c-sections and haven't been able to have any of that. I am getting a different hospital and dr (St Lukes, Dr Zepeda if he will take me.) I delivered at Women's and it's notorious for being the worst hospital to deliver in the Houston area.

You can talk to your dr before you deliver, as well as the hospital about their standard procedures and what your desires are. If you are not comfortable with their response you can check out other hospitals and doctors. I know that some drs, like Dr Guilliams, allows father to cut the cord (yes, even with a c-section) and take the baby to recovery with you assuming the baby is fine.
Please feel free to write to me privately.

S., mom to 4 girls on Earth and 5 Heavenly Treasures