Okay, where to start.....I met my hubbi during school. I saw him and i told a total stranger "Thats the man Im going to be with for the rest of my life." That same day (the the person I told introduced him to me....To make a short story shorter.....I met his parents that same day,we moved in togther and were engaged a month later and 3 months later I was Pregnant!
He has been a great father, great Hubbi and my best friend....Friends always compare our not so perfect relationship to theirs.His parents and mine loves us....Everything seems sooooo perfect....too perfect.
I know I shouldnt complain, Ive been lucky and blessed but Im Bored. We do the journels and write every day or atleast every chance we have, we tell each other everything if its verbally or in writing. We rarely fight and when we do its because I tell him Im bored. Specially in our sex life....
We tried everything toys, postitions, role playing. We always seem to fall into a pattern....nightly, daily the same.
I dont want our relationship to go south. I dont want to cheat nor for him to go cheat but Im bored..we have thought about going to relationship counciling. Can anyone give us some ideas on how to spicy things up?
Thanks for all the responds. We both sat and read each one and the first thing we both did was look at each other and sigh.....We are normal. We are going to start seeing a phycoloist (mainly because I have some past issues that I need to get help for)I realized something....how can he help me if I dont know what I want. I need to figure it out. Another thing I realized is that just the word cheating brought tears to our eyes. I dont think either one of us could or can be capable of cheating. Well lets see what happens....While then Im going to start working on myself and on us.
Let me start by saying you are not alone!!! I feel pretty much the same way. We have been together for 15 years and I could not even begin to imagine being with anyone else. Let me know what you decide and if the counciling works...
Ever heard of the seven year itch? I've heard of it but I didn't think couples actually got it! Sorry-- I don't have advice for you. Just thought I'd point out the 7 year thing. Strange phenomenon. I bet there are books and websites about it.
personally i don't see where the complaint is. i also agree w/ billi. however, your life and your bored. have sex somewhere you've never had sex before. out of doors, in the car, etc....instead of waiting for your husband to do something, you take the initiative. if he doesn't know what you want (and it doesn't really sound like you know what you want) how can he do it for you? wait a few days or so like the other post said, touch each other, tease each other, do fore play for a few days but never follow thru, build yourself up for it. if you always fall into a routine, then you should be able to figure out a time when you can surprise him with something. and there definitely is something to the 7 yr period. they even made a movie about it w/ Marilyn Monroe. the grass IS NOT always greener on the other side, and there is an 80/20 rule also. your husband provides you w/ 80% of what you need but your looking for the 20%. you'll lose the 80 to go w/ the 20 and then be even less happy. if he is satisfying you in bed, even if it's a little boring, be happy
Cheating is wrong on all levels and it should never, ever be used as an outlet for what you describe as boredom. When we are with the same person, we do run into these patterns of "sameness" like you have described. The problem with "cheating" is that the new feeling one feels with a new partner wears off and guess what? You are back to the same old routine. I believe in the sanctity of marriage and when one vows "to death do you part", it should be taken very seriously and literally.
You love your husband, but sometimes love just isn't enough. Are you open to spiritual things, E.? Are you involved in a church where you might be able to speak to your pastor about this? The problem with "humanistic psychology" is that the counselor will point you to "things" you will try but will not be fulfilling over a long period of time. You may try something and it will be exciting for a short time but then you may find out that once the "newness" wears off, you will be right back where you started. Might I suggest a book for you to read? It's called, His Needs, Her Needs [Building an affair proof marriage] by Willard F. Harley Jr. There is another book I might suggest and it's called: The Love Dare by Steven & Alex Kendrick.
why dont you try pleasing yourself if your husband is not pleasing you. Sex is nothing but a mine game, if you think it is boreing making love to your husband you need to put the fun in it to please yourself. your husband is not coplaining is he so it is only you that is bored so it is up to you to make it more fun.
I think you are very normal and you should approach this sitation like this...first get a full physical from your dr. (Everything) to rule out any hormonal issues (thyroid, etc)..then start couseling (joint and individual)...finally, remember that every relationship has up/downs along with exciting/dull times it is normal :) Good Luck
Are you bored with your relationship, or are you bored with your life? Maybe you could benefit from picking up a new hobby- take a class, do something you've always wanted to do but never have, join a group, etc. I think some couples need more time apart occasionally so that they miss eachother. I know when I take my kids to my parents for a week, I'm all butterflies when I get to see my hubby again...
You are lucky!!! Whatever you do, don't confide in a male or they'll try to have an affair with you. It's natural to feel that way after a few years. Maybe take up a hobby together?
I don't want to be rude, BUT: Are you really that bored?? You guys are best friends and do great together.
Read:
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands ~ Dr. Laura Schlessinger
http://www.amazon.com/Proper-Care-Feeding-Husbands/dp/B00...
Sounds to me that you need encouragement from other women, I hope you get it from here.
Good luck :)
I agree with Billi! Count your blessings, many would love to have a sex life period let alone a nightly/daily routine! If you feel the urge to cheat that is about you. It sounds like you like excitement and spontaneity in your life. Try creating it yourself instead of blaming your hubby for you being "bored". Men generally respond to critisim by shutting down. Counseling is a great idea. It never hurts to get third party perspective. He/She may have some great ideas for spicing up your relationship as well. Good luck and Congrats on finding such a great man to share your life with.
Please don't give up on your relationship becuase of a lull in your sex life. All relationships go through ups and downs and it sounds like you are having the 7 year itch--believe me, it happens. I went through something similar duing our 7th year of marriage. We are going on 14 yrs now and with a beautiful little boy--even though the sex isn't always perfect, I can't imagine throwing it all away.
I do have a suggestion, however. You said you've tried everything--have you tried reading erotica together? Sometimes reading a sexy book out loud can get you both in the mood. I have a nice collection of erotic e-books and book suggestions I will be happy to share if you think that might help.
Sex is only one part of the relationship. If your hubby is as wonderful as you say, he and it should be a keeper.
Best of luck and let me know if you'd like some books.
E.,
It's called the seven year itch for a reason. Many couples go through this during different periods of their marriage. What really counts is how you handle your restless feelings. You are already doing some damage letting your husband know how bored with him you are. Imagine if he felt that way about you! Counseling is never a bad idea to get you through a rough patch, whether you go as a couple or by yourself.
In the meantime I would recommend you abstain from sex and try some intimacy. Hugging, kissing, holding each other, some petting, etc... It may sound stupid, but if you refrain for a couple of weeks or a month and get back to the basics of just how you feel about each other, the desire will again intensify and it wont be so boring. Half of our issues with sex begin in our mind, so you need to reset so to speak. Take the pressure off of BOTH of you. Also you mentioned that you journal, try to journal each day the things you love about this man. If you start focusing on the positive instead of the negative daily you can go forward. I wish you the best of luck and hope you don't throw away what so many would dearly love to have.
You are bored? help others, do some thing interesting in your life like a hobby, do something that fullfill your soul, like what you do, don´t put on your husband your wishes of happines, joy , entertainmet, if your soul is happy and inspired, you will be able to understand and valorate what you have....good luck
I think part of having a good relationship is having your own life. Is there anything that you do that is just for you? Anything your husband does that is just for him? A hobby, girls'/guys' night out, taking classes? You need to be individuals to be stronger as a couple. It's great to do things together but you also need to do things apart. Maybe you could plan a special date night for your husband and keep it secret, then surprise him. Or maybe you could take cooking lessons and cook a special meal... or bellydancing lessons and dance for him... etc. Possibilities are endless!! Good luck! Oh, and I think the 7 year mark has been scientifically studied as a time when a lot of couples do get bored, but don't let that ruin a good relationship! You can amd will get past it!!
Hi E.,
You are very fortunate, and to only have a boring sex life which can easily be fixed is nothing to what many married couples suffer these days. You are probably going through the 7 year itch is what many call it. Don't throw in the towel it isn't worth it, there isn't many good men out there anymore and to find your best friend is nearly impossible...count your blessings. I am not sure where you live but there is a great counselor who specializes as a sex therapist. Her name is Linda Riley at Lifeworks Group in Winter Park...their website is lifeworksgroup.org.
I hope this helps.
God Bless,
D.
I can understand this issue, although not the urge to cheat. I have been married 11 years, and it was all very fast for us too. Married after 4 months, pregnant after 9 months of marriage. It all does seem to become routine after awhile. I love him dearly, and although I got bored, I never would have even considered cheating. That's not a sex thing, that's a love thing. I love him too much. What helped me was putting myself in a different frame of mind. First, I told him I needed breaks from my daily routine in everything else (not the bedroom). I need him to take care of things for a little while at least once a week so I can do what I want. Getting myself out of the monotony there, made a difference. After that, I just realized I needed to think about things differently. Was I really missing anything or did I just think I was because people in books and on tv seem to have something we don't. I came to the conclusion that I wasn't really missing anything. I WAS satisfied. I needed to be happy that things were so good and stop looking at what I thought was missing. I needed to just enjoy things. I know it sounds like psycho babble. But for me it was just a frame of mind thing. That said, there are moments of boredom, it's inevitable. As someone else suggested, if he's already satisfied, then it's time to take care of yourself. Sometimes that's really all that's needed. Also, most of my debate was personal. I didn't tell him, it would have hurt his feelings! The only thing I ever told him was "hey, maybe you could try this... or I like this." Guys like that anyway, and it got me what I needed.
E.,
Instead of focusing on the sex, focus on the person. It's because he is your friend why you seem bored. All that glitters outside isn't always gold. There are two types - the outgoing or the introverted. If you get the "geek" type guy, you are not going to get the "glamour" guy with it and vice versa. It's just their personality. Deep down you want the excitement that the glamour guy brings, but you really enjoy the stable boring friend good father guy you now have, because he will last, so since you can't have both, you can find ways to get excited about the one you have. You have to find ways to get excited about each other again. Maybe you both "let yourself go", or you have become too comfortable. Try dressing up special as you may have done earlier on. Go somewhere without your son. Rent a hotel and have a date outside the routine of where you are, sometimes a change of scenery is good. Play games together. Put down the journal every now and then and think out of the box. Whatever you decide to do, don't trade roses for thorns. Good luck.
E.,
Congrats for making it to 7 years!!
I have only been married for 3 1/2 years, so maybe I should keep my mouth shut.
But I think what you are experiencing is fairly normal & something that a qualified marriage counselor can "fix" very easily. I think your situation is "textbook" for them.
I know of a wonderful woman in the Orlando area if that is where you are & would like her number. She did our pre-marital counseling & has helped us work out various issues. Let me know if you would like her number.
H.
