Advice Vs. Judgment

I fully agree...I use this site almost daily because I as a mom need a bet of help other then running to my MIL or my mom for advice because they would expect me to do it their way. I have to say there is sometimes stuff i hold back from asking because i dont want people to think i am an awful parent. I love my boys but i am not a oober mom. I know i will screw up once and a while and know that i dont have all the answer and I will do things to my own tune and not everyone will see it my way. I think there are some very judgmental answers given out there and i try not to let the ones i have recieved get to me but not everyone can let them bounce off their skin like i can...anyways i totally agree with you!! this site is to help moms not make them feel awful about what they have to seek advice one.

I totally agree! Often, I've read things here that I can't even relate to and since I can't, I don't respond BECAUSE I wouldn't want anyone to feel like a failure. I don't understand not being able to breastfeed-if it were 1944, I could have been a nursemaid. Before my children were 3 months old, I could easily fill a 4oz. bottle just in the shower! So you can see how I can't relate and sometimes have a hard time believing that anyone can't nurse. They slept through the night @ 7wks, 5wks, and 3wks, and have been ever since. My children were easy to toilet train-they practically did it themselves. In fact, my second child was totally trained at 25mos.& 9 nine days old, day and night. So I can't figure out why we still have 3 & 4 year olds in diapers! Cloth or disposable? Cloth, hands down! I had a weeks worth of diapers and knew how to clean them, but I would never think of trying to convince someone unless they truly asked "How can you convince me to use cloth diapers." I could go on and on but I won't. What I can say for sure is-many people (moms) have asked me for advice over the years and my response ALWAYS starts with-have you tried...? or What we did/do... or what has worked for us...but NEVER you need to... or you're doing it wrong,etc.
One thing for sure is that you bat an eye and they're grown and we're all pretty much in this together...they are our future.
Thanks for your input, M.. It might be a wake-up call for many.

I think your points were made very well. I totally agree that we shouldn't judge when people make a choice. I had to bottle feed my daughter because of numberous reasons, and I really did want to breast feed. She was a lazy sucker, so she wasn't helping me produce milk. Pumping didn't help because I don't produce alot of milk. So when it came to having twins, I knew in my heart that it would be too much stress on all three of us.

I think we need to remember that every situation is different and what happens in a family can be totally different than ours. We can disagree and offer a respectful alternative, but we should never judge.

I totally agree with you. Thank you for pointing this out to others. Hopefully they will take your advise to heart.

I totally agree with you. Athough breast feeding is good for your baby it is not always possible for many different reasons. All my children were adopted and therefore I couldn't breast feed any of them. We need to remember to do what is best for the baby and that is not always breast feeding. Also we are here to help and encourage each other not judge each other. We can be a very strong force for good and a great support for each other if we remember that one little point.
I'm a 43 yr old Sahm mom of 5 wonderful children 11-boy, 8- boy, 6-boy and 3yr old boy/girl twins.

you are totally right!!!! we need to have a place that we can go and ask for advice with out feeling like we are a bad parent. If you dont feel like the question is somthing you can agree with, either don't respond or give both sides. Give equally. Don't make someone feel belittled. this maybe the only thing that some people may have to turn to for help. And if they feel they are be belittled they may turn away and never come back. I know I would be one of those people.

Hope you are all having a Great Day!!!

Beautifully said!!

Hugs,
S.

I too came here for help and was told that what I was doing was wrong and not the right time.
People on here need to remember to not be judgmental and if you don’t have good or nice advice to give, don't say anything at all.

i agree. thanks for posting this.

Thank you! What a great discussion. I remember when I had my daughter. I tried nursing her, but she just didn't get it. My milk never came in. All the meetings I had with people at the hospital, all the times I talked to nurses, doctors, friends, family memberss etc....I was NEVER told, not even once, that it's ok to give my baby a bottle!! I ended up completely depressed. Not only did I already feel like a failure as a mom because I couldn't do what should have come naturally, but everyone kept putting so much stress on how I HAD to keep trying to nurse. I tried medications, pumping, herbal suggestions. I tried the SNS system, I did everything I could possibly do to feed my baby girl. It didn't work. NEVER NEVER NEVER did anyone tell me it's ok. No one ever told me that the most important thing is that she eat. It doesn't matter how your child eats, as long as he/she does! I think time is better spent to offer support and encouragement to each other. I can be tough being Mommy! There's no need to discourage each other or tear each other down. As my mom taught me when I was little, "If you don't have anything nice to say.......!"

You go girl!!!! I feel the same way you do about this. Who has the right to chastize another mom for asking a question? Thank you for speaking up!!!

Thank you for being the voice for many...I have also noticed the same responses and although haven't had any unsolicited "advice," I appreciate you speaking up for those that have.
B.

I read the responses to this womans questions and I did not feel people were chastising but giving their opinion. Each person can take the feedback or leave it.