I have some family that lives in West Virginia and me, my husband, 2 daughters (6 yrs and 18 months), my mom, and my brother are supposed to be going down for my cousins graduation May 28th.. I was looking forward to it but i have to admit that as it gets closer I really dread going... Not because I don't want to see them, because I do....but there are other things... Like how expensive it will be! Not only do we have the expenses of driving down, then there the graduation gift (how much? is another question) and then I just found out another cousin is graduating (both from HS), so of course if i give one a gift I'm going to have to give the other money too... Then my other cousin is having her 4th child (big surprise) and is having a seperate baby shower for all the people coming from out of state for the graduation party... Then since there will be so many people already staying at my Aunt's I think it will defniitely be best for us to get a hotel, especially with my very wild 18 month old daughter! Ugh, then to top it all off I'm a little over 4 months pregnant and out of energy. Sometimes I want to say heck with it all and just stay home, but that will hurt their feelings and upset them... But my gosh it will be expensive and hard with my 18 month old.. What to do ????
First of all, a shower for a 4th child is ridiculous- I would go home early and skip that all together! (or come late if the "shower" is first)
I would scrap it and stay home, if it were me. And if anyone asked, just point out that it's gotten too expensive and you can't do it. Anyone, particularly family, that balks at that, doesn't deserve your attention anyway.
If you DO go... $25 gift cards from Target (or something for college stuff) for the high school graduates. For the baby shower? Um, seriously? It's incredibly obnoxious that there is one to begin with, not to mention a separate one for the "out of town guests". Why don't we just call that "trolling for gifts", instead. A nice card of congratuations will do. I'm sure this mom knows plenty of people with baby stuff they can part with, or has some old stuff of her own. No chance would I be buying her a thing.
If you truly do not want to go, don't. If you decide to go, just keep gifts small, a card will do, for every event. A baby shower for a 4th baby does not require a gift, and if you do bring one, a small gift will do, like a new outfit or something. For the graduates, a card is plenty, but if you can afford it and feel generous $20 is more than sufficient.
I think you have every right to stay home. Use your pregnancy as your excuse. You only get nine months to milk it... ;)
Family should understand... You could just send them something nice in the mail... Would they be there for you?
Do what's right for you and your family. I am going on a trip that was supposed to be 'not too expensive', and boy just getting the outfits, and such that we need to go is sure adding up!
I think it would be completely understandable to just stay home. Send a card with $10 - $20 to each graduate, and a $20 gift card to the expentant mom. $60. Done!
Probably not what you want to hear, but if you have already agreed to go to WV, then you should go unless something happens medically that would make it difficult. Years ago when my dh and I moved our family to WV from TN, we made many trips (400 miles) with a 15 month dd, a 3 year old ds, and a 5 year old ds. There were plenty of times that I thought "oh, I wish I hadn't said we would come in." But, after I told my family that we were going to visit, we did just that unless someone got sick prior to the trip and hadn't recovered.
I know it can be expensive, but carpool with some of your family that are going and share all the costs that you can. If you have been offered a place to stay with family, then stay with them. It might be crowded, but that might make it fun!
As far as the gifts go, only give whatever you can afford to give. If $ is tight, just get cards with a heartfelt message written inside. Graduates do understand that a long-distance trip to visit for their graduation is expensive, and they will completely understand.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do!
I think the best thing for you and your family is to just stay home. Send gifts to everyone with your well wishes and if they ask or you feel you need to explain your absence, just say that it would be too much of a financial hardship to do all the traveling and gift giving. It might hurt their feelings a bit, but in this economy, I think anyone would understand, especially if you send a gift in your place.
The gas, hotel, food, treats, and gifts... it all adds up. And the stress of trying to control your "very wild 18 month old daughter" while dealing with your pregnancy would just be way too much for you to handle right now.
I like what the first mom said --- use your pregnancy as an excuse not to go. It's high school graduations for goodness sake, not a wedding or something. Send the graduates a nice card with some $ or a gift card. And I would just politely decline the shower (or the gift grab for the 4th baby) because you won't be in the area. No need to send a gift. Look out for yourself and your family first. If this will be too high stress and expensive, then just simply don't go. There will be other events to attend in the future.
I have to say doesn't matter if you've already agreed to go, you need to do what's best for your family. I was getting tired just reading your situation! It sounds like it's turning into a circus for your family. And a very expensive one at that. If it were me (and trust me, I have been where you are) I would send my regrets, explain you just can't make it, ask them to take lots of pics for you, send each one $25 gift cards and be done! Tell them you love them, are proud of them, excited for them and will visit when you are able.
If anyone gives you a hard time just ask how much they would like to contribute to your travel expenses and when they will be available for babysitting while you are there.
I think that the baby shower is kind of pushing it. To have a seperate one for the out of town guests makes it seem as if they expect a gift. So if you do go maybe you could have a combined baby shower???
