Advice Please!! - El Cajon,CA

I would suggest saving money first so that if things get worse you can leave .I agree that you should talk first to your husband and see if you can fix what is wrong try some kind of counselor maybe at church they may be low or no cost. If you can't work it out at least you can feel good about trying first. Sometimes when you are soooo tired you just can't think about anything else but what is wrong. Secondly if you do decide you want to separate for a while, try to stay in the home where the kids feel comfortable, in there home! Think about how your kids feel and make it stress free as possible kids can tell when things are not good at home and they act out more to get your attention.

Well, first off your a very Strong Women and remember that. tell yourself that every chance you have. I know what you are going through becuase I went through the same thing about 4 years ago. You have to really evaluate your situation. Please take a look at this movie The Secret. go to www.thesecret.tv

if you need somebody to talk to or email me. ____@____.com

K.
I am in the same boat. I need to figure out how to leave safely. I do not know what your situation is, but mine is not good. He is irresponsible, and does nothing with our children, or me, and wont let me take them. So if you find someone willing to help you, can you pass them a message for me? Also if you would ever like to chat or get together, you can message me, danyellerae2002 is my yahoo ID for messenger. It never hurts to have a friend in the same boat.

D.

K.,

Good attorneys cost money ... money that most of us don't have. I was in a similar situation about 6 years ago when I decided to leave my husband. I went to the court house, talked to the free advise people, filed for divorce and full custody with their help and when it came time for him to respond, he didn't so I got everything I wanted. Now I know that may not happen in your case but unless you have a lot (easily $10k or more) money to spend on this, being very detailed about him not taking care of the children and any other concerns you may have in your complaint and they will likely see your way. Honestly, standard visitation is every other weekend and though I would never advocate taking a child away from either parent, I feel you should really search within yourself and express to the courts why you have your reservation! Just please make sure that you are not keeping the kids from him out of revenge or spite.

are you a member to a church the pastor or a church conselor might be a good person to speak to about this matter if your husband is willing to change he might want to go with you to church too.

Melea is right. You need a good attorney. But you also need to start looking for options on where to go.
Alot of people will tell you you should stay and work it out. But only you know what you have to deal with at home. You don't want your kids to grow up in a household where they don't feel wanted. It is better to be raised by one parent who loves you than by 2 parents who are unhappy.
If you think he'll get violent, be careful. Be ready to go when you tell him, and if necessary, call the police to escort you out. Your children and your safety comes first.
Use your best judgement and take care of yourself. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Ummm, sounds like you just need to get an attorney and get out. Are you prepared to be on your own with 2 children? Are you in a home that you are able to keep? If he doesn't work, you probably will have difficult time getting support out of him, so you will need to be prepared to do it ALL on your own. Have you spoken to him about parting ways? Is he willing to just sign and walk away? Your first step is to actually talk to him and see what is bothering him, if it reconcilable.

And...one more sensitive and difficult question, are you sure this is what you really want? Are the hormones back in order after the baby? You know best what situation you are in and what direction you need to go, but I just want you to be sure you are being rational in a good emotional state.

Best of luck to you and your family.
C.

My only advice would be to save enough money to get a new place to live. Then one day tell him you are going to visit family for the weekend if at all possible, leave with your kids, and don't return. Then take someone with you and meet with him to explain your side of the story and what options he has to see his children. You may also want to talk to a lawyer in case he becomes physically violent or he tries to get the kids back. Your children's belongings are material and they can be replaced. The most important thing is to make sure your children and yourself are safe and happy.