Advice Pertaining to "You Time"

Hi I am a stay at home mom of 3 girls 5 -3 and 20 months we go to local parks all the time. If you want you can email me and we can meet up.
S.

GOOD question. I feel it is one of the most difficult issues mothers face. One aquires the title "Mom" and it is a beautiful thing, however there are many moments when you feel as if that is all you are anymore/you have lost your own identity as an individual. Then it tends to become all the more complicated when you get married (or if you already are) as now you are "wife and mother", but all those inner desires, ambitions, etc. get set aside. It is SO important to remember who YOU are.
How to go about that??....I have found that communication with my husband has been key through all this. He understands and respects my need to escape for an hour or two on the weekends. I try to find something that I enjoy doing, but isn't irresponsible...for instance...I have a love for skydiving, but I have not gone (will not) since my son was born. I read, go to the gym, the beach, HUGE thing for me is adult conversation. My main source of social interaction is with a 19 month old, I adore him and love his company (don't get me wrong), but to kick back with friends is the best.
Hope that helps. Good luck with your paper :)
-L.

Hi K.,

I have two boys- a 5 year old & a 1 year old, and am involved in my local MOMS club, so I go on a mom's night out at least once a month. My husband normally gets home from work at 7:30-8pm, but on those days, he plans to get home from work early enough to watch the kids & I go out and have adult conversations. I'm also in a book club that meets once a month in the evenings, and I sometimes take exercise classes and do bible studies with the women in my church. For me, it's all about scheduling an activity and writing it on the calendar. That way, I've made a commitment, and I will most likely be able to see it through.

You should definitely look into joining your local MOMS club. Go to www.momsclub.org to find one near you.

I joined a church group. We meet once a month, plus any events we have. It gives me adult time and my husband alone time with the kids.

goodness! I have a 7 month old that is teething and a 3 year old that has a rather high level of energy ALL THE TIME (practically diagnosed ADHD) - I have no me time except for my drive to and from my full time job! BUT I really just try to remember that there is no good that will come from stressing out about things that you can't change. I don't have the luxury of any time off without kids, once they are in bed, I need to go to bed as I work at 6am. Once I come home, my hubby usually works nights so again, all kids all the time. I am by no means complaining - maybe the constant busy helps too! It sounds rather simple and stupid, but it really does help me keep a cool head when i feel like jumping out a window.

Wow, me time...sometimes I just say I have an appointment, get a baby sitter and go get a facial or massage. Normally, I get my pedicure with my little one squirming around in my arms. I go to a small shop with a small clientele, so they don't mind her interuptions from time to time. Going to the gym is good me time too, since I put her in the child care and I am able to watch TV, exercise, and just think to myself.

I think it is most stressful in a restaraunt or church with her. She is never able to sit through the entire session without getting upset and crying. My husband usually asks that we just leave because he gets imberassed, but we usually stay and redirect her so that she quiets down.

What I do is that when she takes a nap I do my time or maybe my husband watches her while I go do something like my nails or I wait until the night until both my kids are sleeping and I get time for me and my husband. I wok full time and my daughters are 1 and 11. When my 1 yr old gets fussy I just have patience with her. I hope this will help you out on your essay and hope you get an A.
K.

you know my idea of me time? i know it's sounds stupid, but my husband will watch our 16 month old daughter at home, and I take a breather and go to Target :)i just take my time and walk around the aisles and most of the time, buy something you think you will use for the house but never will? *wink..like the $1 spot at the front of the store..hehehe..everyone needs an alone time and Target is my fix :)

Hi there,
I am also a first time mother of a little girl that turned 1 on February 2nd. I get to stay at home so I have a little more "me" time than most, I think. My daughter takes 2 naps and I either work out (indoors) or get things done that I can't do with her awake. I am pretty active as I'm training for 3 triathlons this year (first time) so twice a week I go swimming and my husband takes care of our daughter. I get home in time to give her a sippy cup of milk and put her down. Then it's time for my husband and I.
I also wanted to offer if you ever want to meet and/or hang out that would be great. Also, I do belong to a working mom's group that meets up the first and third weekends of each month. If you're interested in any of this let me know and I'll give you my #.
Good luck,

J.

Hi K.

I take time for myself by taking a bath or reading a little after the kids are asleap. It may be only a half hour or so and the dishes might not be done, but I find this little bit of me time is important to not loose my mind. I also take the kids to the YMCA twice a week to their free daycare while I work out or take a yoga class. I also usually squeeze in a shower there while they are taken care of, which is amazingly the only time when I get to take one alone. The kids like to go to the YMCA because it has a supervised playground. works for all.

I am a single mother of 4 kids - "me-time" is pretty much non-existent... If I do get some time I try and go for a walk on the beach or a nice forest trail that way I am getting some exercise - it's my excuse for the alone time - usually go in the very early morning while everyone else is sleeping, so it's not like they would to anyhow... Of course every once in a while a munchkin will wake up and join me - then we have nice "one on one" time...

Music - - - music and more music - - - and baths - - - they help - - - a nice deep breath on the front porch is nice too!!!!

I think everyone has covered the things I do for "me" time. But, here is my prescription for a happy mama.

Baths, monthly pedicures, making sure my hair gets cut regularly, writing in my journal, getting out of the house with other mamas for playdates, plus my husband wakes up and takes the baby while he gets ready for work, so I get to sleep in until 8 or 8:30am. When he's home in the evening, he bathes her (so weekends and the occasional weekday) and puts her to bed. On weekends, he takes primary responsibility for giving her two meals a day (approximately) and I bought him some baseball tickets for his birthday, so he'll take her to Sunday games four times this season, which leaves me baby free from 12-6!

Whatever you can do to give your husband opportunities to bond with his daughter is worthwhile. They get to build their relationship and you get a break to do whatever it is that makes you feel like a person, not just a mom. (and it doesn't require a paid babysitter!)

I recently joined a gym, and it has made a huge difference in my attitude. I go about four times a week (including weekends) after my husband and I put the kids to bed. It's great because not only am I finally starting to loss some of the baby weight, but it really helps to blow off steam. (not to mention the fact that on some days it's the only time I get out of the house) I'm much more relaxed and less stressed during the day which makes me a better mom (I'm a stay at home mom) and wife. Not to mention seeing my pants getting too big is great for my self esteem after having two kids! My husband doesn't mind it at all. He enjoys having 45 minutes in the evenings to relax by himself and play video games or do homework (he's also a student). I hope this is what you're looking for. Good luck on the paper!

I've turned my body into a project so after Chloe's afternoon nap I put her in her jump-a-roo in my bedroom, turn on some music and get on the treadmill for about 40 minutes to an hour. (That's about how long it takes her to start making "I want out" noises.) Then we both exercise. Me walking until my heart wants to explode and she'll jump herself silly and stop every few minutes to play with the toys attached to the contraption.

When she fusses I'll stop, get her in her crib to play with some crib toys for about five minutes or so while I jump in the shower for an after workout scrub. After that she eats.

Another time I get some time to myself is after she goes to bed in the evening. That's when I read. I always have a book I'm involved in.

On the weekends if I want to do something by myself I ask my husband if he'll watch her. Sometimes it's just reading for a few hours, un-interrupted, playing on the computer or watching a movie that's not kid friendly. He almost always says yes unless he has some other plans. Like this weekend he's driving a couple hours south to go visit an old highschool buddy of his since his buddy's wife is visiting her parents in Australia. It's boys weekend out.