Advice on What to Do About a Baby That NEVER Wants to Be Put Down

My daughter was the same for the first two months while I was on maternity leave. My mom actually finally got her to sleep in her car seat because with all of the padding at the legs, it held her as if someone was holding her. We put the bouncer that vibrated against it and we kept the TV on because she needed the noise if we made it quite she would wake up.

That worked great then we graduated to the bouncer then to a swing and eventually to the crib with a lot of persistence.

Good luck with it, I know it takes time.

I think that babies like to sleep on their parents because they are warm. When a baby goes from the warmth of the parent to the cold bed, they jolt awake. One friend suggested to me to put a heating pad in their crib before you want to lay him down. Then when you're ready to put him down, remove the heating pad and cover him up with a warm blanket.

L.

My son was the same way, only momma's arms would do. RUN and buy yourself a Maya sling it will save your sanity.

PLEASE I beg you do NOT let your baby cry it out. Let your baby know he is loved and his feelings count, create trust. Crying is his only way of "talking" to you. By letting him cry teaches him his feelings don't count, yes he may stop crying but only when he realizes no one is going to come and gives up feeling all alone.

I would check out Dr Sears' site, Askdrsears.com.

My son is now a VERY independant, sometimes to much, 2yo. I held him all that he needed and created trust between us. His needs were met. I know you think it will never pass but it will and next thing you know you will be wishing he was wanting to be in your arms again.

My opinion....babies are meant to be held. There is a reason babies cry less when they are held - they have been held for 9 months in our wombs - moving around, hearing our heartbeats, hearing our voices. They would naturally feel more comfortable and secure since they have only know that.

Not to mention the fact that your son was born early & not quite ready to come out!!! That adds to his stress!

Maybe it is the type of carrier you are using? I used a pouch type sling made by New Native Baby (www.newnativebaby.com). All three of my children were so happy when they were in the sling with me. The sling type of carriers allow the baby to be curled up in the fetal position and next to you - they aren't sitting straight up w/ their legs dangling making it difficult for you to bend down or sit down without smooshing their legs.

Yes, I do realize that means the baby is still being held - but your hands are free and you can still have 100% mobility and he is still where he wants to be, snuggled up next to his mommy.

Good luck and love that little guy! Children are blessings.

I 100% agree with Alexandria - you should read her advice also about another type of sling and www.askdrsears.com

I wanted to let you know that you are not alone with this. My daughter is the same way. She constantly wants to be held. And only by me. Dad, grandma, etc. are not good enough for her. The doctor has told me to just put her in a safe, comfortable spot (like the crib) and let her cry for 10 minutes to see if she learns to calm down on her own. I tried it and she gave herself a nose bleed from screaming so hard. It might work for your son though. Otherwise please share if you find something that works.

Desire'

How about purchasing a Maya sling? You can find them on E Bay for under $50.00. Many species of babies do not want to be put down from their mother...think chimps, opposum, kangaroos! Your baby just wants to be close to you where he feels safe. You might want to consider reading up on "Attachment Parenting" by Dr. Sears also, check out The Parents' Journal on NPR.org for more advice about handling babies.

hi N.-
congratulations on your new angel.
the blow dryer is a fabulous and reccomended idea. with that, you should purchase a white noise maker. they are made to create white noise b/c it soothes babies (and adults). check out onestepahead.com or do a google search. also, just b/c your baby is on all those meds, he still might not be comfortable. have you tried massaging your babies tummy? you can take a class on infant massage, it's good knowledge. i have an awesome doctor i take my children to when they have long term health problems: dr. karp. he has done wonders for me and my family and i'm so sure he can help your little one. his number is ###-###-####. you've got to be open minded though! it's not western med nor is it holistic healing, i guess it's something in between. anyway he's defintly worth contacting. kelly is the office manager, ask for her and tell her your babies troubles and she'll get you in.
most importantly, continue to be patient and loving. it's so true that our babies feel our emotions.
remember: this too shall pass.
best wishes,
T.

AS FOR THE ADVICE OF THESE OTHER MOTHERS I HAVE TO AGREE TO ALL OF THEM... I HAVE DONE IT WITH MY NOW 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, 6 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, AND 2 YEAR OLD SON... WHAT YOU NEED TO DEFINETELY TRY IS WHAT THE ONE MOTHER SAID ABOUT PUTTING HIM DOWN FOR 5 MIN. TO START. THEN THE NEXT ADD A MIN. OR TWO. THEN GRADUALLY KEEP ADDING MINUTES THAT HE WOULD SIT IN A PLAY PEN, SWING, BOUNCY CHAIR, UNTIL HE LEARNS THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HOLD HIM EVERY TIME HE CRIES BECAUSE HE WANTS YOU TO.. I AM DOING THAT NOW WITH MY 2 MONTH OLD DAUGHTER.. WHEN I AM COOKING OR CLEANING I TAKE HER AND HER BOUNCY CHAIR WITH ME TO EVERY ROOM SO SHE CAN SEE ME. I TALK TO HER, AND LET HER KNOW THAT I AM HERE. WHEN SHE GETS INTO HER MOODS AND I AM NOT BUSY I STILL DON'T HOLD HER AFTER I FEED HER IF SHE STILL IS CRANKY CUZ SHE WANTS TO BE HELD I PUT HER IN HER CHAIR AND LIGHTLY BOUNCE HER WITH MY FOOT. IF NOTHING THAT MYSELF OR THE OTHER MOTHERS RECOMMEND THEN WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS FIND HIM A COMFORT. WITH MY OLDEST IT WAS HER PACIFIER.. SHE HAD TO HAVE 4 OF THEM. (ONE IN HER MOUTH AND 3 STUCK TO HER FACE) WITH MY 2ND DAUGHTER IT WAS MY HAIR... (SO I FOUND A DOLL THAT HAD SIMILAR FEEL TO HER HAIR THAT I HAD, AND SHE WAS CONTENT.) MY 2 YEAR OLD SON WAS THE HARDEST HE WAS NURSED UNTIL HE WAS 17 MONTHS OLD AND HE WOULDN'T TAKE A PACIFIER AT ALL, SO HIS NEW COMFORT BECAME HIS SWING, THEN WHEN HE WAS ABLE TO SIT UNSUPPORTED IT WAS FEELING LIKE HE WAS HELPING MOMMY CLEAN. MY 2 MONTH OLD'S COMFORT IS JUST SEEING ME. SO ONCE YOU FIND HIS COMFORT AWAY FROM YOU, WETHER IT BE SEEING YOU OR HEARING YOUR VOICE, IT SHOULD BE NO PROBLEM... BUT I DO SUGGEST BREAKING HIM OF THIS HABIT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.. BECAUSE THE LONGER IT GOES ON THE HARDER IT WILL BE TO BREAK HIM OF IT. GOOD LUCK..

B.
IN BOYNTON BEACH.

I agree with Kelly, I don't think a little baby knows how to confort him or herself, that is what mothers are for. I think that the sling to carry him around will be good. If he takes all that medication doesn't mean he is fine, that means he is unconfortable and needs meds to help him. Maybe the meds are not helping enough, please be patient and give him love that helps more than letting him cry. When my son was little, I tried to let him cry, it never work and I couldn't do that to him. I rock him to sleep, put him to sleep on the car seat or anywhere where he could sleep by himself for a while. Now he is a happy boy and he started sleeping by himself when he was ready and sleep thru the night too. Please try everything before letting him cry for a long time.

Best luck, J.

I would try a swing. My son lived in his for almost 6 months. It was a blessing! He needed the constant movement to help him sleep. Almost like being in the womb. It won't hurt to let him sleep there during the day, or even a little at night. I say, do whatever get's you through the day and helps keep you sane. It won't last forever.

My daughter had severe reflux for an entire year. I know the feeling. Even though she never spit up she was still having reflux inside that bothered her. It was hard to even change her diaper because she didnt want to lay down. What worked for us was elevating her crib mattress. Put something under the mattress itself to slightly raise it or get the incline pillow from babies r us. Once they are upset it is hard to calm them down. Hold him tight and close and say "ssshhhh" close to his eat. I know that may sound so basic but it works. Most of all, calm your own self. He will pick up on your frustrated energy. Also try a room cool mist humidifer. The humming noise if it is very soothing. Besides you will eventually need it for when he is older and has a cold and is all stuffy and coughing. It helps so much. Hang in there, it gets better.
K.

hey just to find out since you stay home with your baby my husband and I are looking for a few people to help us with our business online we are expanding and we need help! do you or your boyfriend ever look for ways to make extra income?

I watch my nephew and when he was 4 months old i would feed him and rock him to sleep and then lay him down and sure enough 2 mins later he would wake up, so i got an idea, I like to sleep with my fans on and so the next day i tried it and he slept for 3 hours. He is 1yrs old now and he still sleeps everyday for at least 2hrs with the fans on. I thought sence your baby likes the blow dryer and vacum he might like that. I use a box fan and put it on high. Good luck.

A.

N.,

I experienced this with my now 2 year old. What worked for us may not work for you, but its worth a try. I gradually started putting her down in a safe place, and allowing her to cry. At first it would only be for a few minutes. Little by little I increased the time that I would let her cry. Soon, she would cry for 10-15 minutes and stop. She learned to comfort and amuse herself. After awhile she didnt cry anymore to be held all the time. She knew that Mommy was busy, but would soon be there to hold and love her. Good luck!

I actually don't agree with everyone else, I'm not an expert or anything but doctors don't always know best, I don't think an infant has the ability to know that he/she is in a safe place. Have you tried a swing, that helped me out when my son was a baby and I also have a daughter that was born on August 2nd... She also calms down in the swing.... If that doesn't work just keep trying other things... I know that it is hard to think stright when a baby is crying like that but just think how frustrated he/she must be as well... If you have someone you can call to give you a break try that as well... I will you much luck...

K.

A little about me my son will be 3 next month and my daughter was born on August 2nd...

Hi N.!
My daughter was the same way, in fact at 13 months she STILL sometimes does not want to be put down. Have you tried the book "The Happiest Baby on the Block" and the Dr. Sears website that another mom recommended? It sounds to me like you have a high-need, colicky baby. I swear, it will get better, just keep reminding yourself this too shall pass. Definitely check out the book, though. It truly saved my sanity.

Hang in there!
A.

You have to get the book Happiest Baby on the Block. My doctor recommended it, and this stuff works like a charm! I was scared of the same thing, because I kept letting mine fall alseep on me, but after you read the book, you'll understand why its ok to do that for the first 3-4 months. I really didn't have a hard time getting her to get used to being put down. He has to get used to it, the only way for that to happen is to put him down. Just ease into it, don't leave his eyesight for a while when you put him down, so he doesn't associate being put down with being abandoned. When he starts crying pick him up and sooth him, and then put him back down for a bit, keep doing it until he gets used to being down for longer periods of time, etc. Once you read the book, you'll learn how to sooth him in minutes. You'll see why he loves the hairdryer and vaccuum also, and how to use them to your advantage. Also, try taping the vaccuum cleaner, or getting a womb sounds bear, so you don't ruin your vaccuum.

Get the book "The Happiest Baby on the Block" - it will CHANGE your life! And, get him off of all dairy!!

Hi! I don't know what kind of carrier you have used but if it's the Baby Bjorn or something like that my baby and I hated it. I recommend a sling. Go to mammasmilk.com and order one. They are proven to reduce crying b/c it keeps the babies snuggled close where they can hear your heartbeat. That's why your baby likes the sound of the hairdryer. Your heartbeat from the inside sounds like a very loud swooshing so hairdryers and vaccuums work well to mimick that sound. Also, these slings don't hurt your back like some of the other 'carriers'. You can use it as they get older w/ the baby on your hip too so it grows w/ your child. Definitely works!!!! A good book to read is the "happiest baby on the block." It talks about the 4th trimester and how babies really need 3 months to adjust to being outside of you. For 9 months your baby was used to being with you all the time...bouncing around as you go up and down stairs etc. They're not used to lying still and quiet. So any amount of time that they aren't in your arms is more than they've had to deal with. It's ok, your baby just isn't ready. For your sanity though try the sling. I have a 5 month old son who loves his!!!

i know its been a while since you put in this request. but i went thru the same thing when my 3 year old was a baby. the crying everytime you set him down was probably more discumfort than anger from being set down. my son was on zantac as well. i had to hold him up for at least an hour after every feeding. (and i was breastfeeding) or he would projectile vomit. my doctor told me the acid was burning his esophagus making him cry. normally babys that are being breast fed will poop during feeding. i would have to wait to change his diaper for that hour i had to hold him up of as soon as i would lay him down he throw up. thi swing didn't work cause i couldnt set it up as high as i needed to keep him from vomiting. i too wanted to pull my hair out. i was puked on while breastfeeding, etc. i was puked on everyday until the zantac started working on him. even with that i was giving him mylacon. i couldnt eat several things i had the blandesst diet i'd ever had in my life. couldn't even drink coffee. it would make his symptoms worse. i wish i had joined the group earlier and could have told what i went thru when you needed it. but my 3yr old has now out grown and has no problems at all. and oddly, my 17 month old never spit up but maybe 10 times as he was a baby. but i just wanted to say i feel for you and am glad everything is better.my 17month old was born 8-11-05.

shannon

Hi N.,
I have a little girl just like your little boy. She takes Zantac twice a day, Prevacid once a day and is on Enfamil AR. She still has problems and is still fussy at 6 months, but she is NOT as fussy. For Michelle we learned that she wanted to sleep on her tummy. That was the reason for all the screaming and no sleeping. She would take the swing only after crying in it for 20 mins. We just couldn't take that! Our oldest daughter did just fine on the cry out method and can soothe herself. Michelle cannot. She needs to know that I am there or that my husband is there. If she can see us or hear us she is okay. She still wants me a lot of the time, but can now at least amuse herself and will sleep nearly all night on her tummy.

We bought a noise maker off of Amazon.com and that works very well for Michelle. My friends little boy sleeps with a noise maker and a fan going all night.

Hang in there! You are doing great! Follow your gut instinct. If you think there is something wrong with a method you are trying, then stop and either wait a few weeks and try again or find another way to do it. :) If you need someone to talk, please email me. Both of my daughters have had bad acid reflux.

hi N.,

I had a little bit of a problem with my baby. I had a stroke after she was born and had to spend two weeks in the hospital. I did not think she would remember me and so when I came home all i did was hold her. It got to a point where I could not put her down. It became impossible to get anything done. I had to break her out of it. Anyway, she is going to be four months old and it took about two weeks breaking her of the habit of being held around the clock. your situation is a little different. My son at this age was very cranky and it seemed the only thing that soothed him was the swing. I went through two of them because he spent so much time in it. he literally lived in the swing other than to eat, be changed, or bathed or to go sleep in his crib. the only thing that soothed him was the swing. even when I took him and his sister to the park he wanted to go on the swings. so try the baby swing it might work. Anyway, I hope this works for you. It sounds like you need some much deserved rest. "Good luck"
If not, maybe a family member can give you a break and babysit for the day and you can get some rest. Even a couple of hours would be wonderful. I know I have been there. I wish you all the best.

K. H.

All three of my kids were like that too. My 15 month old would only sleep on my chest for the first 3 months of his life. And just like the drop of a dime he stopped on his own. But now there is a really cool teddy bear out there that has a sound of a beating heart just like what they hear in the whoom. I am telling you if you get it, it is awsome. The reason why a baby does that is because they are calmed by the sound of a beating heart because that is what they hear in your tummy. I am sorry I don't remember the name of the bear but I am sure if you go to Toys R Us or Babys R Us they will know what i am talking about. I hope it works for you.

N. I know you know that it;s a very un-natural thing for a child to continue to cry like this, so the first thing to do is to find out what is going on natural in this kids life. Babies has no way to communicte to us except threw their tears, their smile or different expressions they give us. I am a mother of six and I have been providing child care for children ever sense I was eleven years old. I helped all of my syblings raise ther children and I come a family of ten. I said all of that to say this, before I give any advice just know I am well experienced in this area. It is the medicine. You need to go to the health food store and find something natural you can give this baby for the reflux and gas. Also you might wont to investigate his milk a little further. And one last thing if you are not still puttiong the baby in a blanket, even if its a small one he needs it' The blanket provide a sense of security, and at three months believe it or not the baby is still getting adjusted to the out side world. Now this is the big kicker right here, If mommy was feeling any feelings of ensecurity while pregnant the baby will have the same feelings for a while. I pray this info will help.

Your little boy sounds just like my little girl! She did grow out of that stage at around 4 mos old. I actually have a vacuum sound effect on CD that we had to play through the surround sound on the TV to get her to stop crying for the first 4 mos. I tell you, if I never hear another vacuum cleaner again, it will be too soon! My girl is 7 mos old now, and still prefers me to everyone else, but she is becoming more independent and accustomed to attention from others. It does get better. Some babies are just "high maintenance". I believe babies are born with their personality already intact. We are just part of the lucky few who get to mother a "high needs child". Just know that over time it does get better, but your boy will probably always prefer you over everyone else. But isn't that actually a good thing? Means you are doing something right. I live in Lakeland, if you live near me I would be happy to make you a copy of my vacuum CD. It saved me.

N.,
I will say my best friend had a baby that was the same. They did however find she had an inverted or knotted intestine and bowl. It was a problem that would eventually fix itself as she grew but the damage was done. They had held Emily and unknowingly were putting pressure on the area and would stop the pain. The put her down and the pain was there again.
Holding her so much and not finding the problem without persistance from the mommy to the doctor spoiled Emily and she didn't walk until she was like 18 months......
Have the baby examined and be sure there's nothing being over looked before concluding there's nothing wrong.