Advice on Welcoming Your Second Child

Updated on December 25, 2012
C.C. asks from Pensacola, FL
11 answers

I have a 15 month old son and i am also 5 months pregnant...i am starting to get a belly but i dont know how to get my son to understand that mommy has a baby in there .

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P.K.

answers from New York on

Too young to get it. Less is more. Tell him baby is coming but do not make it the topic of conversation all the time. As long as his routine is not totally thrown, he should be fine. My kids were all a year apart. I had a 3yo, 2 yo, 1yo and newborn. My kids thought when I left the house I always brought back a baby lol. Good luck.

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D.D.

answers from New York on

He won't understand. My oldest grandsons are 21 months apart and the oldest was clueless as to what was happening. He was a little miffed when he had to leave my house and go back home with his parents and new brother.

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A.J.

answers from Eau Claire on

My kids are 18 months apart, and I don't think the older one every truly grasped what was going on. She would kiss and hug my preggo belly, but would do it after I had the baby too lol, so it was more trained than any understanding that there was a baby in there. All you can do is keep saying Baby and point to belly, maybe read some books. Your son probably won't grasp that it's a sibling until you bring baby home, and then baby doesn't go away. Ever. lol. I wouldn't worry too much about it :)

Also maybe in a couple months put out some of the baby equipment, like swings and stuff, so older son can get used to it. My older one always wanted to climb in the baby stuff and was nice to get some of it out of her system before baby came, so she wasn't jealous he got all the 'new' stuff.

I can say that with them that close together I have rarely had any jealousy issues that some new siblings bring.

Also maybe put together a basket of 'new toys' that you will bring out only when nursing new baby so older child 1)doesn't feel left out 2) Isn't making all kinds of trouble while you are stuck nursing!

Congrats on your second baby...two close together is alot of work...but also alot of fun to watch them grow together!

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C.C.

answers from San Francisco on

It doesn't matter what you tell him. He does not have, and will not have, any understanding of how his world is about to be rocked until it actually happens. My kids are almost 3 years apart, and even though my older one knew that there was a baby in my tummy (she had her own baby doll, she helped decorate the nursery, etc etc), she was totally and completely thrown for a loop when the baby actually arrived. It is what it is. Your son is still a baby himself, and will likely accept whatever happens without too much thought about it.

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M.S.

answers from Portland on

Mine are 18 months and 2 days apart, and the oldest has JUST NOW started liking her brother. She was jealous from day 1 and then he just annoyed her because she is into soft play and he is a mack truck. But, they are starting to get along now.

Anyway, she never really understood that there was a baby in mommy's tummy, but I did tell her anyway.The other thing I did was make her a special blanket that I let her pick out the colors for, and I let her watch me make it. I just used Polar Fleece and tied it together. But, she really liked how it was special for just her. I didn't make the new baby one like it so that it was something special just for her. This really made a difference to her. Then, when I was in the hospital, she took it with her to my sister's so that she always had a reminder of mommy's love and her specialness. This was an amazing thing that I highly recommend. Or something like it.

Anyway, I agree with putting out some of the new stuff so that it is normal when the new baby comes, but not too soon because you still have a ways to go...

Good luck and congrats!

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L.F.

answers from San Francisco on

Read to him and tell him he is going to be a big brother, tell him there is a baby in there--let him see you talk to your baby, let him feel the baby kick etc. Get him excited about the baby---let him help with EVERYTHING related to baby. Diapers, wipes, clothes, nursery setup etc. Then when baby comes make sure you have a gift for him to open that is from the baby. It will help things get off to a good start. Congrats!

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J.G.

answers from Cleveland on

Just tell him you have a baby in there... no big deal. But understand that he is still going to need a lot of attention since they are so close together. I have 2 groups of "Irish Twins" which means they are less then 18 months apart. Not everyday was/is easy, but my older set (8 yog & 7 yob) are really close - at one point they wouldn't go anywhere with out eachother... and I think my second set (2 yob & 1 yog) seem to be getting close, she gets so excited to see him & his always wants to know where she is if he can't see her.

A few things I have learned with mine groups was the older one feels left out during feedings of the baby... so try reading a book to the older one during some of them. If you can't read a book, just have him sit next to you and talk to him or cuddle with him as well. If he wants to help by getting a diaper or pick out baby's outfit for the day/moment let him, but don't demand him to help - he's still a baby himself. But 5 of my kids like to help & it hasn't been demanded of them - well other then the older ones cleaning up their own toys now. You have to teach them some responsiblity as they get older. Sorry off topic... also try to set aside some one on one time for your older boy everyday - even if it is just 15 min. I understand that can be hard with a newborn and all the other demands on mommy, but he is very important and deserves the special mommy time too.

Oh, don't forget to include him in the prepairing for baby... even if it is taking him to the store and picking out an outfit or two - it will help him to understand what might be coming & begin connecting him to the baby. I also took my kids to my last ultra sound for them to see the baby before it come to meet them. For your son you could make it a kinda game of peek-a-boo with the baby.

BTW congratz on #2!

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

At 15 months, he has no experience that would allow him to understand that there is a baby in your abdomen. It's like trying to explain to us how radio waves work or some other scientific process.

Why does he need to understand now. When you get close to your due date, include him in preparations. He still won't understand but he will know that something is going to happen. He's too young to understand about where babies come from.

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G.♣.

answers from Springfield on

I would just point to your belly and tell him that there's a baby growing in there. You can encourage him to talk to the baby or put his ear on your belly and listen. Do you know what you're naming your baby? If you do, you could use that name when you talk about him/her. Putting a name to the "baby" might help.

I don't know that he will really be able to understand. Until he sees the baby, it might just be a game to him. But that's ok. When the baby is born he will go through phases of being very excited about the new baby and times where he's very jealous (of the attention) and wants things to go back to the way they were before he became a big brother. This is all so completely normal. Just keep loving him and giving him time. It won't be long before he completely forgets being an only child.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

At a year old now... And only 1.5 when little bro/sis is born... You're not likely to.

Whatever "is" is normal.

Its when they're older that they have an idea of what normal "should" be and start asking 10,000,000 what/why/how/etc. questions.

He's still a baby, and has a baby's understanding of the world.

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A.T.

answers from New York on

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/introducing-siblings-to-n...

Give these a try......read a story with him and help him associate with your growing tummy. The Berenstain Bears' New Baby by Stan Berenstain
is a particularly good one, as you follow Mama Bear's tummy as it grows and the baby at the end.

You can also talk to your belly together and just slowly introduce the new baby in thought, in books so when new baby arrives he will be ready. Congrats and Good Luck!

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