Advice on Toddler Behavior

Ha! Ha! That's hilarious! Enjoy him while you can. He will grow up sooo fast! And don't worry so much!

Marci

A book I just read and loved called Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey actually talked about how children when they are nervous or sense our frustration will turn a situation into a "game". It sounds just like your little one.
I would recommend the book, it opened my eyes to ways to understand your child and respond in a way that teaches rather than intimidates or uses guilt.
Really, I think you would like the book and with 2 little ones I think you will have a new outlook on parenting.

I have to respectfully disagree with the maintain eye contact & explain things to them thing for a 2 1/2 year boy - especially one who is running away & doing the limp noodle. It will get you nowhere fast. I am the mom of what sounds like a very similar 2 1/2 year old boy. He does exactly the same kinds of things. I read love & logic also - but specifically the one for ages birth to 6 years. I started trying some of the things and it completely transformed my kids' behavior - both the 2 1/2 yr old and the 4 yr old. But I found that different things work for different ages. For the 2 1/2 yr old, what I realized is that he was feeding off of my frustration & my chasing him & getting after him. When I started putting a smile on my face & never showing him that I was frustrated, it cut down that behavior almost to nothing. I started out just giving him choices for EVERYTHING throughout the day - even when no choice needed to be made - "Do you want the green one or the red one?", "Do you want to go fast or slow?" - "Do you want to put on your shirt or pants first?" All day. Seriously. They love it. Then when you really need them to do something, they actually do it because they feel in control of their world & don't feel the need to prove to you they can have some control. If you give them a choice & they don't choose, just choose for them - don't say a thing, just let your actions show the consequence. It totally takes away the need for "explaining" or "lecturing" about anything. If they misbehave, I put a big smile on my face & say, "Uh,oh - that's so sad." Then I again show him - I don't explain to him - I show him what the consequence is - taking the toy away - whatever. If it's a tantrum or hitting, he has a time out in a corner or "bedroom time." I've done a lot of trial & error with these methods but you would be AMAZED at what a difference it has made. These spirited little boys are a handful, but they are so sweet underneath it all - they just want some control & want to do things their way. This is the best way I have found to let them have feel some control - without them realizing I'm still in control. Best book ever - seriously. Love & Logic - Practical Parenting from Birth to 6 Years. Good luck! And if you want any other specifics of what might work in specific situations, feel free to send me a message.

I don't have advice on your question... sorry!! All I wanted to say was YES I wonder every day if I am going wrong somewhere. I just finished reading the novel "Nineteen Minutes"... one of the best books I've ever read... but the school shooter in it is a boy who had a really good mom and dad that loved him... etc. I am petrified of making the wrong move...

I haven't read the Love and Logic yet either (I just got it from the library last night) but my sister-in-law really recommends it. Both of my kids do this, and they're not even 2 for two more months! I try to explain to them whey their behavior is inappropriate, and I do try to maintain eye contact while I am explaining to them. I don't agree on "never scolding"; sometimes you need to speak sharply to get their attention in a potentially dangerous situation. Depending on the situation your little one is running from, maybe sometimes just let him go. I have decided that with toddlers, life is all about picking your battles. There are some things that are just not worth spending energy and frustration on. I focus on correcting (scolding, if you will) behavior that could be dangerous or unsafe for either of the kids, or that could be habit-forming such as cleaning up after ourselves, not throwing food, etc. Hope you get some good responses, and good luck! Toddlerhood is such an adventure . . .

Before you start discipline, stand and be on eye level with him, if you have to hold his arms, so be it. But he is to stand there and look at you when you are talking to him.
When he runs, he basically is saying he has zero respect for you and your rules. Hold him up if you have to and continue to move his face where he is looking at you!!! Tell him firmly to "look at me when I am talking to you please" and spin him around, stand him up against the wall and set a timer for two minutes. If he moves, reset it in front of him, this can take a lot of time but it will pay off in the end when he realizes you won't cave and that you mean what you say.

Always be consistent, give him one chance to come to you when you call and if he doesn't come back to you, GO GET HIM and bring him back to the spot where you called him.

My son did this a few times at about the same age and I nipped it in the bud big time. Just think if you are out somewhere and he runs off?? He needs to know you mean what you say and running off is NEVER okay.

I completely disagree with the other post about not scolding, sorry. HE HAS TO KNOW you are serious.
He is testing you and you need to dole out the boundaries before he takes off in a dangerous situation. He has to learn now when you say something he has to listen, he doesn't have to like it, but DOES have to listen. I always explain to my kids, "I am sorry you don't have to like my rules but you need to know you have to listen to them and abide by them"..
NOT scolding is just letting him see he has control not you!!

Maybe try not scolding him. Who wouldn't run away from that? I've been reading Love & Logic, and while it hasn't all sunk in yet, it teaches parents how to talk with their child instead of always saying "no" and "stop that" and "don't do that." It makes sense to me because my kids always listen better when I discuss things with them instead of just bossing them around all the time.
Also try to engage him with eye contact. Grab him and sit him up on the counter or on a ledge or something so he can't run away. Then talk with him. Ask him questions. He ought to be able to answer. Like, "was that a nice thing to say?" or "do you know why mommy gets so upset when you run in the parking lot?"
Our kids understand much more, and are much more capable than we realize. We just have to figure out how to engage them.
Another thing I've realized about my 2 1/2 year old is that often, his mission is to make sure I understand him. What he thinks, how he feels, and why he's doing what he's doing. Try this one on. When your toddler is mad about something, get mad with him. Say, "I know! I hate it when ____ happens! It makes me so mad!" Watch the temper tantrum diffuse. It's amazing. And when my little guy is bawling his eye out and I can't get him to stop, it makes the biggest difference to cuddle him, ask him what's wrong, and repeat it with sympathy. He wants me to understand him.

Good luck. The terrible twos are called that for a reason! And I'm right in the middle, too.

I totally agree with the mom about the love and logic. When my 3 yr old starts having a tantrum it's amazing what happens when I talk to her and calm her down.I think it shows you respect their feelings. I don't always know if I'm doing the right thing, that's why I need to read the love and logic book too. But one thing I am sure I know is not "right"!! "Scolding".