Advice on Speaking to My Daughter on Her Developing Body

There is a great book you can get her. I bought it for my daughter, gave it to her, and told her I'm there to answer any questions she may have. It was wonderful. It's called "The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls" by the American Girls Library. Here's a link to it:

http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-American-Library/d...

Good luck!!

Fabulous book that Monica mentioned. Definitly get it.

T. E.
www.LovinLifeWithHomeBiz.com
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Tell her like it is. Buy her a training bra.

Nanc

The American Girl Library has an excellent book on this subject. It is called The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls. It can be found at most bookstores, and at Amazon.com. I bought this book for my daughter when she was about 9, and have since passed it down to my sisters two daughters.

My advise is to be honest with your daughter about her developing body and why you want her to wear larger tops and camis.
My daughter started puberty right around her 10th birthday (it was early due to hormonal difference). She went to a B cup bra by 11 1/2 yet she was still innocent. But with both my daughter (now 32) and my son (now 42) and my 5 year old granddaughter I have been very honest and open about their bodies and the changes that take place. It is natural and I feel the very best thing is to be honest and open. I don't think it will take away her innocence. It's best to prepare her.
It might be that your being teased early is making you afraid for her.
Some children change earlier than others. I think that it is best that they be prepared.
My 5 year old granddaughter uses the proper names for her body parts. When she gets to the age where her breasts start to develop (whatever age that is) she will be prepared and it will be explained to her in simple terms that now she will need to wear camis or larger shirts and undershirts and when she gets what you call "buds" she will be introduced to bras like the sports bras that don't really have a cup. You may also try to explain that she is getting older and changing and needs to protect her "buds".
Good luck (I know it must be difficult for you).

I know exactly how you feel, my daughter is 10 and she is going through the same thing. I found a wonderful book called "The Care and keeping of YOU", The Body Book for girls" by Valorie Lee Schaefer. While reading it (either together or by herself) I found my daughter opening up more and asking me questions, so it was a good ice breaker for us to talk about body changes and taking care of yourself.
I know it can be frustrating because they are so innocent and unaware of what is taking place with their bodies, but be patient....she'll "get it" :)

Just buy her a training bra. A pretty, girlie one if possible. There is nothing embarrassing about it, and no need for camisoles or larger tops. You wear one, and its time for her to wear one. It shouldn't be an uncomfortable conversation....wait until THE talk comes, if you want to feel uncomfortable. This one is a piece of cake :) And if you feel uncomfortable, she's going to feel it too, and you don't want her to feel embarrassed about it at all. Its natural and all a part of growing up. Help her through this awkward stage....she needs you! :)

Having an aware 11 year old stepdaughter who has always hung out with older friends and cousins, we've been on the opposite end of the spectrum. She started wearing the small, unpadded bras when she was 8, and asked a lot of questions that I didn't think she was ready to hear the answers to! We came across a book that is put out by American Girl that is great for introducing and informing about a girl's changing body, "The Care and Keeping of You"
www.americangirl.com
Maybe you can both read it and use it to start conversations with. Are they going to start any sex-ed in school? It seems that they showed "the movie" in 5th grade. That might be another starting point. I'm sure you'll get some other great advice from here. Good luck!

forget the camisoles...she needs a training bra now. it doesnt change her innocence factor. dont even make it a big deal.go to store, get her advice if she will give it on picking them out, and just state that this is the next stage of her growing up.
i got my training bra at 9 and my period at 10. i continued to read my books and do my puzzles and never was into all the teen crace and posters etc...it didnt affect a thing.my mom didnt make a big deal out of it so it wasnt a big deal.

D.,
I know it is very hard to start that conversation with your daughter because all those other conversations come up after. I told my two daughters that I would get them sports bras. They are comfortable and they tried them and loved them. I had trouble with the menstrual talk. So I went to the school nurse and ask for information on all of it and they gave me a beginnerpacket and had a panphlet in it that we read together and had them ask the questions of what they didn't understand. It helped a lot to get the conversation going. Also realized how much more easier it was to be straight out with it. It showed them they could talk to me about anything. Maybe even ask the pediatrician. Mine talks to my kids in front of me to help with things. Maybe even print up information on it and you guys can read together. She loves to read. Let her read and write questions down to come to you.
I wish you luck. But it will come one way or another. Once you get passed that the rest will fall into place and you will see that things will come easier.

Hi! I would be interested in hearing what others think, as I have 9 year old boy...who seems completely oblivious to any of these issues that will be coming our way. My gut says she is also oblivious and you should wait until you start to get questions from her about her body. When she asks...be honest and dont get all clammy. Be straight and make it matter of fact...that our bodies start changing...that girls will get periods in a few years and we start to develop. tell her boys develop and get hair too. Maybe that will suffice until she is like 11 when more questions come. I wouldnt push the bra thing yet...but maybe in sept when you go shopping you can find some cute tanks to double up on which might do the trick.

I am a boy mom...but hope that helped somewhat.

The American Girl Book: The Care and Keeping of You is FABULOUS for girls to read!

You better have some talks with her now, before she gets her period. Oh yes she could get it soon, she isnt your baby any more. There are a lot of books and dvds around to help you explain maturity. I wont recommend one, because its an individual preference as to how you want to tell her. Go to a book store or check online, but you really need to do it soon. Your son is 11 and he should also know what is going on with both him and his sister.
Good luck

Maybe a sports bra will be more appealing to her.

First of all, how innocent is she, really? Because if her body is changing and she has absolutely no clue how or why, the time for a good book on the subject and a heart-to-heart with you is long overdue! :) Seriously, though -- there are books on how girls' bodies change that are great, and can really help. I don't have any experience with the American Girl one people mentioned (I have a son and no daughters), but it sounds really helpful. You and your daughter are probably going to have to sit down and have a really deep conversation about the things that are happening to her body. She needs to understand that it's normal and positive and good, but that as she grows and her body changes, certain modesty has to prevail.

The idea of the "training bras" made of thin material is a really good one -- they will preserve her modesty and won't make her hot and uncomfortable. If anyone teases or harrasses her for wearing a bra or for developing, particularly boys at school, tell her to report it -- that, in this day and age, is sexual harrassment, and should not be tolerated! And you follow through with the school administration to be sure it's being quashed! (I remember when I was your daughter's age and started wearing training bras -- the stuff the other kids did back then would in no way be tolerated today!!!!!) She shouldn't have to worry that people will tease her.

You don't have to destroy your daughter's innocence or keep her from being a little girl -- but I think you do have to have a really great mother and daughter talk! :)

Good luck to you and all the best to your daughter.

S.

I bought my daughter the trainig bras that are really more like half a cami at Target and at Limmited too/Justice. I explained to her that she needed to wear one everyday and showed her how much better she looked in the mirror when she wears it. I simply told her that it was not appropriate to walk around with out one. She is getting to be a big girl and these are the things we must do. I also explained that this was our secret and not to tell anyone especially the boys because they would tease her. My daughter is also very innocent and she was fine with the change. Because of her innocent mind I really try to not make such a big deal out of these changes. No nonsense about blooming into a woman. I also bought her "The Caring and Keeping of Me" book by American Girls. It very nicley and innocently explains these changes that are occuring. She liked the book, and used it as a referance when they did puberty education this year in school.

Hi D.: Have you tried the bra/underwear sets? My daughter has two sets and can't wait to grow into them. The tops look like loose sports bras. Maybe she'll like those better. Good luck.

My daughter just turned 10. About a year ago I got her the American Girl book that several others have mentioned. She read it cover to cover twice! She's a big reader. Once she read that she immediately asked for bras. I bought her the ones that look sports bras. That way they are not long like a camisole, and there is no itchy lace to bother her all day. She wears one everyday even though she doesn't need one yet. Mostly you are just going to have to tell her that her body is growing up and that part of being a girl and growing up is wearing a bra. Good luck. I know it's hard dealing with all this. I'm not ready either, but my daughter is growing up too!

I've always been open and honest with my kids. My daughter started asking questions when she was about 6 yrs old, and I answered them. So, she knows what to expect.
She is still innocent even though she knows about getting her period and growing up.... even somewhat about sex. It was easier to just sit down and talk to her about it all and let her ask any questions she might have.
She's now 10 yrs old and I have gotten her a couple of training bras, even though nothing is even starting to show yet. But she has some tops that are a little lower cut than others...not that they show anything, but just lower necklines. She wears her bras when she wears these types of tops. It makes her feel better knowing she is covered.

I never used a book, just talked openly with her about it. I was a little embarrassed at first too, but after a while it got easier. Now she knows she can come to me with any questions she might have, especially since other kids her age know more than she does and when she hears something, she can talk to me about it and get the right facts.

I remember when I was younger, my mom never talked to me about any of it...I was over 13 yrs old and didn't know what a period was. I refuse to do that to my daughter.
Kids are developing at earlier ages now...I think it's important that they have knowledge about what is going on with their bodies so they can be more comfortable when it happens.

American Girl puts out a book called "The Care and Keeping of You". This is a wonderful book that I read with my daughter, when she was 9, about all of the changes her body will go through during puberty. I highly recommend it.

D.,
I would recommend sports bras. They are sold in the girls section by the underwear and socks and you will be able to get them small enough to fit your daughter. I have an 8 year old (soon to be 9) who is also going through the same thing. They are usually cotton and very comfortable so she won't have to worry about being hot.

Also, this may not be any of my business but I would recommend that you talk to your daughter. She may be innocent now but as we all know that does change and it always changes before we are ready for it as parents. I have three daughters and I talk to them and answer there questions as best I can with what I consider age appropriate information. You do not want her getting the wrong information from her school friends and have nothing to compare it too. That will just lead to bad decisions.

I say this because my mom never had those conversations with me. She figured I would be better off learning for myself but that led to some very bad decisions on my part. So I talk to my daughters because my hope is that they will not repeat my mistakes. I just think that as parents we tend to put off these things because they are uncomfortable. A few minutes of being uncomfortable and honest with your daughter is far better than having a teenager in your house making very bad decisions that may stay with her forever. I don't mean to be dour. I just know what I've gone through.

Anyway, I hope this helps.
Stay blessed.
J.

Hi. In my case I bought a book sold by American Girl. It is called "The Care & Keeping of You - The Body Book for Girls." I mention this because you said your daughter likes to read, as does mine. It is a great introductory book and your daughter is probably ready for "the talk," as you say she has begun developing. I reviewed the book first. Then, I sat with my daughter - very important - noone was allowed to disturb us so my husband took care of the other kids. I talked to her about her changing body and what to expect, and then we went through the book together briefly, touching on the more important topics. Then, she read the book herself, and asked me questions when she had a question. The discussion and the book are just about a girl's changing body and positive self-image. Good luck.
J.

Probably the hardest thing to talk about - I think. I bought the American Girl book about my body.. it's awesome. Then in a few months, the book Where do babies come from.. they are both really good books. After reading the book, my daughter told me not to worry, because she has one bud and not the other - and the book told her it was totally normal (something I didn't know) I bought my daughter these bra like things, with really no cup, but thin material - from Kohls. They work great. They are thin, not bulky and not warm. Good luck..
p.s. show her how she looks in the mirror.. point it out and tell her how much better it will be wearing this small bra. or buy tops with a thin piece of material inside by the breast area.

I got the book "The Care & Keeping of You" for my daughter and plan to give it to her for her birthday, and then discuss together what was in the book. I got it off Amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-American-Library/d...

My daughter is 13 going on 14 yrs. I started talking to her about changes at nine. I also got her a training bra when she started to develop. She did not fight or argue and accepted it graciously. She new her body was changing.
Talk to her about the changes and getting her period. Start off by just having a casual conversation. Do not get too in depth, she's probably learning things in school.

Hi there, congrats on your daughter's transformation in her "butterfly" stage. Why are you waiting? Sounds like she needs the training bra now. At this age my daughter had already started her periods and I had to deal with that too!. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Just make it understood that this is the next step and she needs this in her development. Good luck