Advice on Rude Neighbor

It sounds like a few are correct in saying you should talk to this neighbor.

I too, have a neighbor that is rude in behavior, to the point even my son questions it.

The thing I remember is that those that are rude, mean, etc. need to look at themselves in the mirror. Typically what this theory is: What we find annoying to us personally, is our own issue. When we project our bad behavior on others, it is typically due to a trait (we do not enjoy) in ourselves that is 'reflecting' back to us through said person (like looking in the mirror).

It sounds like this person has a personal issue that he is taking out on you. (and this happens frequently to everyone).
Is he correct to do so? No, but he apparently does not know how to resolve it. Continue being yourself and take the higher road. That is what I am doing with my neighbor. When I do have my days of not wanting to put up with it: I just ignore it~ do not waste the energy on them.

Good Luck!

Hi T.,
As hard as it might be, I would take the high road and thank him for giving you back your branches to dispose of and continue to pick up the apples that fall in your yard. I assume he does not want the apples back, so I would just toss them to keep the peace. Maybe he will thaw out to you eventually.

I read all the posts saying that he should feel free to trim the branches, but as I also have 3 huge trees in my front yard I know that during windy days branches just fall out - you wouldn't necessarily fix this with trimming. My philosophy is this - my neighbors enjoy the shade from my large trees during the spring and summer, so it doesn't bother me as bad if the branches (more so the leaves, especially now) fall into their yards. Fortunately neither neighbor complains of the leaves (they have NO trees - all of the leaves are from my trees) because they know they enjoy the shade they provide. I do, however, sometimes blow their leaves at the same time as mine knowing they are all from my yard. In your situation - while it's annoying to have him toss the sticks into your yard, it may just be something you have to deal with. Just had a thought - what if you place a yard waste can just over the fence so he can just put the sticks right in there and you can take it out on pickup day. Good luck whatever happens!

Hello T.!

Not to be a downer, but I think you are tech. responsible for any branches that fall into his yard. That is your tree, and any of its parts, etc.

Meaning that either have the tree trimmed (which I realize is expensive), or just deal with the situation by taking the branches out to your curb for the compost truck to dispose of that he throws back into your yard (I assume you have that service-we have it where I live in Clinton Township with our garbage fee).

As far as his apples, sure, put them back into his yard, as the same applies to him! =)

And yes, give the guy a wave when you see him (hopefully not that much), just to keep the peace!

Have a great day!

R.

T.,
Don't be a doormat. I agree with the ladies that encourage you to talk to your neighbor. How else will you know what the true issue is if you don't ask? This doesn't mean go over there and throw his apples back at him and be mean. Go over with a kind spirit that genuinely wants to straighten out the issue.

And besides, if he is not agreeable, then you know in your heart that you made the effort.

FIrst of all, the law will tell you that anything that is over the property line is yours or his depending on who's side of the fence it is on. So if the apples are falling from the tree over the fence line and the branches are on your side, they are your apples not his...same with the branches.

A few years ago a friend had a neighbor's tree come done on her side of the fence....no it didn't start that way, we had trimmed the branches on her side because of the trampoline she had. When the tree came down she tried to have them remove the tree. Couldn't do anything it was in her yard and her responisbility. Unless you want to end up in court over it is it really worth the agrivation or something to just drop.

I would just smile thank him for the apples, and hey have the kids sit out front and sell apples in the fall to people passing by....

Be the bigger person and just let if go.

Chelle E.

I would tell you neighbor he has your permisson to trim any branches on his property. Technically I believe he has the right to do so anyway.

HI T.,

Check with the city hall where you live for ordinances regarding this. Usually, trees are not 'property', where they fall determines who is responsible. He probably isn't aware of this, and may change his tune if he knew he could be fined for breaking the law (if that is the case). He does have the right to trim the branches that are on his property only, which you can point out to him. The fact that he is rude is not something you can control. If you are so inclined, give him a refuse bag and tell him to put the sticks in there for pick up. If you stoop to his level, I doubt if that would make you feel any better.

Gather all the apples in a bucket and go to his house and tell him very kindly, "Your apples fell into my yard and I didn't want to be rude and just throw them back in your yard, so I gathered them for you and am returning them so you can do what you want with them...since they are yours". Let the conversation go from there. If he returns your sticks next, ask him if you can go into his yard to cut any branches that are falling into his yard.

T.,
I agree with the other ladies to a point. You can only be Little Mrs. Perfect and killing him with kindness for so long... You don't want to be a door mat either do you? I would go over and talk to him. Ask him what he'd like you to do with "his" apples or if there is an easier way you can fix this situation. Of course be nice, but seriously from your post, this has got out of hand. I think he needs to be confronted with the situation, a little humility never hurt anyone. Maybe bring him an apple pie when you go :)

Good Luck,
J. in Macomb

It sounds to me like this is about more than branches for him. I would go to him very, very sweetly and concerned and ask what you can do to make this better. Can you get together and cut the offending branches shorter or have them professionally cut? After you see what his reaction is, you might mention the apples in a light, humorous way and try to problem-solve that too.

I had a neighbor for whom we could do nothing right. When she finally moved after many years of our bringing her Christmas cookies and trying hard to be good neighbors, she hugged me - quite a shock. I think she was just a very miserable person who had nothing better to do than dwell on our faults. We had to let our car coast down the driveway before starting it because it woke her up, put our garbage cans where she couldn't see them etc. She called the police when my husband brought his work truck home one weekend at his boss' request and parked it in our driveway since you can't park overnite on our street, etc., etc. All our other n'bors like us so we knew it was her, but we tried hard to pour the oil of kindness on her, and I'm glad we did though she continued to rant and rave to others about how awful we were. Go figure!