Advice on How to Help 18 Month Old Adjust to New Baby

My daughter was a little older, 2 1/2, when her brother arrived. We had a present for her from the baby when she came to the hospital to meet him.

My oldest was 16 months old when we brought home his little brother. I really don't think there is anything you can do to prepare them, really. They are just too young to really understand. My best piece of advice, what I tell all mom's who are expecting their second, is to always take care of your older childs needs first. The baby may cry, but the older child will remember and have resentment towards the baby that is getting all the attention and his needs met first.
The only problem we had was in the first 30 minutes of getting home... my son didn't want anything to do with me or the baby. I think he was just upset because I'd never been away from him before. Once he got over it, he was fine and loved the baby. The baby is now 9 months old and they are still the best of friends.
It will all work out!
A.

I have a 21 month old and just had baby number two in June. Our house is still in the process of "adjusting". My one piece of advice is to give your toddler the most of the attention....the new baby will not know the difference, but your toddler will. We still have those challenging times that my son is very clingy to mommy and during those times I just have to rely on my husband to handle the baby so I can make sure he knows that the baby does not come before him and that Mommy still loves him. It's scary at first, i'll tell ya that, but you will quickly adjust and figure out your routine. Good luck to ya, hope this was helpful!!

My son was 20 months when we found out we were expecting our. We started takling right away about the new baby, and how he was going to be a big brother. I even bought him a baby doll with a bottle and a carrier so that I could show him how to be gentle with the baby (he loves to feed the baby it's bottle!). He knows the baby is in my stomach (as much as a 2 yr old can understand that anyway) and sings to him, rubs my belly, and gives his brother kisses. At this age though, I don't know that's there's too much you can do in advance since they really won't understand until the baby is actually at home. My son will by about 2 yrs. 4 mo. when his little brother will be born, but I know as much as we talk about it now he won't fully comprehend it until we bring his brother home. Just talk about it as much as you can, using the new baby's name (if you know it now) and continue to read the book with him.

Once you bring the baby home, reassure your son by giving him alone time and not pushing the baby on him (it's a good possibility he'll ignore the baby altogether). It will take some adjusting, but I'm sure your son will love his new brother or sister!!

When I was going through this I read an article in a magazine that gave some really good tips. Here is what it said: When Mom and baby come home, let Dad carry the baby in so that Mom's arms are free to hug and hold the older child. It will also help that when friends and family come to visit they pay attention to the older child (children) first for a while and then pay attention to the baby. Other articles I read said to incorporate the older child into the routine of taking care of the baby. If nursing you could have the older child sit next to you and you could read together while baby nursed. Good luck to you and your family.
C.

My older daughter became a big sis when she was 18 months which really was the perfect age. It may be different for a girl b/c she was already into babies. We just talked a lot about having a little sister and baby in the house. Plus I pretended to play mommy to her babies and she would mimic me. I had her talk to my tummy, rub my tummy and say "hi" to sister. Also, I had her grandparents stay with us for the first week to provide the attention that she had been used to while I care for her new sister. My parents dressed her up in a "Big Sister" shirt and had her bring balloons to the hospital to see mommy and her sister. She had such a blast. I had expected the worst, but I did not really see any change. The only thing was that she was very clingy to me which could have been b/c I was away in the hospital for a few days. So, she wanted me to put her to bed, etc. However, having my parents there was awesome. I would highly recommend having someone stay with you to help provide that attention to your son so that he doesn't feel left out. I really think that was the key. Anyway, they get along great now at 2 1/2 and 1 year. She is the BEST big sister and helps me get diapers, etc. Anything your son can help out with is nice too - your little helper. Good luck!

After writing this, I read a post by another mom which was some good advice and something we did. We would also say things to our newborn like, "I am so sorry baby that you can't have this banana, you don't have teeth like your big sister". We would insert their names though. That really helped a lot to b/c it brought to her attention that the baby can't do everything that her older sister can. And that made her so proud. Hope this helps. I was really worried about this too; however, if your worried then you will pay more attention to it which is good.

I dont have any advice for you but am interested in hearing the responses as I am in a similar situation. We will be welcoming our baby girl next wednesday and not real sure how our 11 month old little boy is gonna react since he obviously has no idea what is going on. We have been talking to him about his little sister ever since we found out it was a girl but he is still a baby and has no idea what we are talking about.

I had a 19 month old toddler and brought twins home, so I know how you feel! My best advice is to get the older one involved. Let him bring you diapers, help wash bottles or pacifiers or fold babys blankets, and let him be the big brother helper. And let him hear you tell the baby sometimes "baby, you have to wait for a minute while I help your big brother", so the older one doesn't always feel baby comes first. Mine were all girls, so boys may be a little different. I also wouldn't push holding the baby or anyting if he doesn't want to. My daughter really didn't want much to do with the babys at first, then she really started to like giving them pacifiers, and then she started wanting to hold them and help sing to them, etc. SO let him go at his own pace of interest to the baby.
And be sure and spend some quality one on one time with him while baby is napping, which can be hard when you are exhausted. But even reading a book or coloring is really fun to kids that age! HTH!

Hi L.,

Congratulation on your second baby, you must be really excited and how wonderful for your son that he will be a big brother.

One of the things I would suggest is to set time aside just for big brother. It's hard for them to lose the time they had with you before the baby came along, so make sure to make time for him and let him know what a big helper he is to you.

Involving him with the baby as much as possible will help him feel a part of the new family that you all have become.

Sometimes our little ones think that when we have another baby that we don't love them anymore, so remind him daily that you love him.

Rev. G. Hudson