3 1/2 Year Old Son DOESN'T like New Baby Already!

All normal and it will pass. With my last child, my daughter was almost 2 and she had a VERY hard time at first. Up to this point, she had been potty trained for about 4 months and all of the sudden she was having accidents because no one could take her potty but me and it was always while I was feeding the baby. It lasted for a couple weeks. The baby is now 3 months old and she is perfectly fine and loves her brother so much. She's always wanting to play/hold/kiss him!

Also, when I was pregnant she would always change the subject when we talked about the baby and when people asked about baby brother she would yell NO!

I don't think you need to worry so much. This is all normal.

My only other suggestion would be to read prior posts about this..I've answered some of them too.

Get him his own "baby" to take care of. Stock the house with BIG BOY toys and activities that only come out when the baby is napping so he gets some attention too. The big boy toys go away when you leave to fetch the baby - tell him to clean them up so the baby doesn't get them. Make sure that all people coming over greet HIM before they see the baby. And when others are holding/visiting the baby, give him a craft, coloring, etc to do so he doesn't feel left out.

Also, get your husband involved. You are going to need some rest and down time. Try to get Daddy to help NOW with after dinner activities like cleaning up with the Big Boy, taking a bath, reading stories and putting him to bed. That way it won't be such a culture shock when mom is busy taking care of a newborn. Daddy should have his Little Buddy be Mommy's Big Helper. Have Dad ask everyday when he gets home - did you help Mommy? Did you listen good? Etc.

Finally remind your Big Boy that he gets to do things/have things that babies don't. Although a regression is normal during this time - like having potty trainging accidents, waking at night, talking babish, etc. He should understand that Big Boys get to stay up later, eat ice cream/fruit snacks, etc.

Finally, one "trick" I learned was tell the baby to wait for his/her turn. As in, when the baby starts fussing, tell the baby, "Now Susie, you need to wait your turn. I'm helping your brother right now with his lunch." Of course the baby doesn't understand, but the Big Boy does. First, that we each have to share Mommy's time and attention. Second, that sometimes HE comes first too.

Best wishes. And try not to worry about this. Get Daddy to start being your Big Boy's buddy and everyone will do just fine.

PS. We had a gift for our Big Girl when she came to the hospitial. We told her that her little sister had a present for her. She LOVED that.

My mom said that when I was born, she had prepurchased little presents and took them with ther to the hospital. When my dad brought my brother to see me they gave him a present "from me". Also, she had little stuff she had wrapped up for when someone came and brought a gift for the baby and not him. (I always make sure to bring a little gift for the sibling too.) That way he didn't resent the baby getting everything. Yes, I know they need to learn it is not all about them, but with a new baby in the house that is not the time. Also, have him talk to his brother about his favorite toy when he is playing with it or about his favorite show. Tell him since the baby is new he needs to tell/show him all the cool things there are to do when he gets older. Good luck to you and your family.
G.

It sounds like you've done a lot already. Encouraging him to voice his feelings openly so he doesn't have to act them out physically is key, as well as reassurance, special times with him, teaching/including him in baby's care, reading to him while nursing baby etc. He will adjust. I'd supervise both of them closely and not leave him alone with the baby until you are absolutely sure he won't hurt him. He doesn't know what to do with his feelings and fears he'll be displaced. His role in the family will have to change a bit but this is good for him in the long run. Have firm boundaries and interpret the baby's feelings to him. Obviously the baby won't be a companion to him for a long time but this is the direction you'll be heading with them so you can begin to project into the future about the fun they will have but basically take this moment by moment. Keep showing lots of affection to your older son. I always had my husband carry the new baby into the house that first day home so my arms were available to embrace and focus on the older children. This is gonna take awhile but it should all work out OK. Just be careful he doesn't hurt the baby. Sometimes they do in their bewilderment that this little package is not going away and will take up lots of mommy's time. Do big boy stuff with him that baby is too young to do - cars or whatever he likes - and talk about that with him.

I agree with the other person about the presents. I did that with all of my kids when the next one was born at the hospital~ I have four, and I've never had that problem. Good luck to you!

It sounds like you are doing the right things. Remember he is still very much a baby and needs you no less once the baby come. GIve him lots of alone time with you. Don't force him to be with the baby - let it be his choice.

Once of the best pieces of advice I ever got is this. When your son comes to the hospital to visit you and meet the baby: Don't be holding the baby when he comes into the room. I think we all have this picture perfect momemnt of him coming in and crawling into bed with the baby. But from his point of view, he will just want to crawl in your lap and cuddle with his Mom who he hasn't seen for a while. GIve him a special moment alone with you - with no interloper. Then bring in the baby and ask if HE wants to hold the baby. He needs to feel like you are still HIS Mommy and that he has some control over the situation.

It will be fine... enjoy your "new" family!

I think I would just let it take its natural course. He'll sort his way through this. It almost sounds a little like too much effort has gone into helping him in the transition. Maybe it would help to downplay the big brother role. It sounds like that creates some tension for him. Perhaps just a word of 'good job' at appropriate moments when he helps. Keep in mind a new one means your attention now goes elsewhere and is not totally on him. He has someone he has to share you with. I think it's important to spend some time alone with him, read a book together or put together a puzzle, where he can feel safe and secure with you and with himself. Your love and care will be felt.

I think you are doing all the right things! Keep on doing what you're doing and hope for the best!
I think we always hope for our kids to be friends with their sibs, but you know, sometimes that just doesn't happen. My oldest niece was very much like your son, when her first younger sister was born. And what can I say it is ten years later and she still does not like her. She has two more sibs that she gets along with fine, just the one that followed her she totally dislikes.
My sister has set up parameters on how she expects my nieces to behave, so they do not tolerate bickering and disrespectfulness at home, which helps, but it doesn't change the fact that my oldest niece doesn't want anything to do with her sis.
It was really heartbreaking for a long time, because youger sis really looked up to the older one and wanted her to like her - but I think now she has gotten used to it and she is a great big sis to her younger sibs.
I myself didn't have a good relationship with my sister, until we were almost adults.
I hope it all works out for you..
Good luck!

I wouldn't worry too much about it. All kids react differently. I had read the suggestions about being very careful about how you introduce your son to the new baby and agree with them. I had my second child last year and was very careful about how my then 3 year old daughter met her new little brother. I made sure that my husband was the one to pick her up from daycare (I had a schedule c-section so we were lucky to be able to take our daughter to daycare while I had the baby) and bring her to the hospital. I made sure that no one was visiting me when she came to the hospital (so that it was just my husband and I and the 2 kids when we made the introduction). Then I had him text me as they were coming up to the room so that I was sure I wasn't holding the baby when they walked in. When she walked in, my focus was 100% on her and I took her into my arms and hugged her tight and told her how much I'd missed her. I then asked her if she wanted to hold her little brother and we brought him into the bed with us. So she felt very much like SHE was welcoming HIM into the family rather than feeling like an outsider. We also talked beforehand about how when we brought him home, we wanted her to show him around the house. I've just been careful to focus on the idea that she was welcoming him into our lives and focusing on the things that she can teach him. And be prepared: he may not like his little brother at first but he'll eventually come to accept him.

A baby that is not his brother is totally different from his own brother. Perhaps he was concerned for his baby brother with you two loving on his cousin. You never know how their minds work. Also, perhaps you two are just talking about it too much, putting a lot of pressure on him. I would just back off a lot, and not try so hard. He'll be fine. Children love babies, but when they are shoved down their throats, perhaps they get a bit intimidated by the whole thing. :) When the baby comes, show joy at his new role as a great big brother. Just expect it. But, don't overburden him with it. He'll adjust.