Advice on How to Handle Tantrums

The best way to handle them is not to make a big deal out of it. Sometimes its better to walk and then explain to her after the tantrum that you don't like her when she throws her tantrum. I have a two year old grandson that does this. I just walk away and he calms down.

A. Przystarz

hi C.,
tantrums oh boy! children who who indulge in fits of anger or tantrums need to know that the that thir parent is not cowed by these behaviors but they also need to know that adults will not explode into thier own fits of anger.respond to the childs actions matter of factley. you may be forced to remove your daughter from the situation or physically restrain your child. i dont meen holding down but firmly holding the child until she can control herself, i would sit on the floor holding and rocking mine till she was calm.she must know there is no anger or punitiveness in these actions , just firmness and resolve. trust me theres no talking or threatining that will get through when she is in the midst of her rage. let her get it out while holding her. when she is done you can say to her , wow you were really angry and let her explain as best she can, while calm what just happened.explain to her the mess she made she has to pick up with your guidance of course, and if somthings broken be sure to point it out. tantrums are pure frustration on both of you. she cant find words to express herself therefore tantrums. be sure to tell her when you can see one coming, and if you cant now after a few more you will recognise the signs right befor the explosion and may be able to avoid the whole situation.
good luck i hope this helped

I would suggest starting with the book Magic 1 2 3. Its a parenting book and as long as you follow it, its great. I have a 12 year old daughter and she is terrific. Two things that I would stress the most is 1. Do not reward bad behavior. If you give in, then she will quickly resort to that type of behavior every time she does not get her way. 2. Follow through. Very difficult when a cute 3 year old is looking at you, but unless you want an unruly teenager in 10 years, its best to do it now. Good luck, and stay strong!!!

Hello,

I think we have all been there and it is very difficult. Believe it or not what worked for my son was telling him EXACTLY what we wanted to see..."I'll know your ready to...(talk, play, read, etc...) when you are sitting in the blue chair quietly" We had to repeat it a few times like a mantra, but fewer and fewer times with each incident. As he has grown older (he just turned four), we have been able to evolve this into a "chill out time out" when he is getting a little wound up but before he melts down. He is even able to say "I'm ready!" when he feels calm. GOOD LUCK!!!

My daughter is 2 1/2 and can get that way sometimes too. Time-outs dont really work for us yet. My daughter is too young to really understand them, and thinks it's a game. What works for me is to give her choices and a deadline. If she has to clean up her toys, I ask her where she wants to start. If she really refuses to help, then I tell her that I will clean it up, but then all the toys are going to be mine. That usually motivates her to help. I wouldnt threaten to with anything not related to the situation at hand. Good luck

B.

Hi C.,

I have had much the same problem with my son, who's now four. We had success with easing up a little, if you can believe that! I find that if I don't raise my voice, but firmly say, "That is not acceptable behavior. I want you to sit down and cool off for four minutes" or something to that effect, it worked much better than threatening a "time-out." (Same concept, we just don't call them time-outs anymore.)

Some kids seem to go through a period where being disciplined really stresses them out, and they deal with that stress by being even worse than whatever they were doing before you disciplined them. I think with my son he was reacting to a withdrawal of our favor ("love") when he had misbehaved, and he really couldn't handle that. So I try to make sure that he knows I still love him as much, but he is doing something I don't approve of. Unless there's imminent danger of someone being hurt by your daughter's behavior, be as gentle as you can with your discipline. It's a gradual process, so don't expect it to work all at once, but so far so good for us!

Good luck!
Jenn

You really need to follow through when you threaten your child to do something because of their behavior. If you say, "You will be put into time-out if you continue that behavior." Then you follow-through with what you say, otherwise your child will eventually know it is an empty threat when you don't go through with it. I give me child one or two chances to shape up, then I do the time out. Sometimes, he does freak out and the key is to be calm yourself and explain why they're in time out. If I have to keep putting him in time out til he calms down, I do it. Sometimes it is really tough but with a little effort on your part, it gets easier for both parent and child. I also find that explaining after the time-out, and having my child say sorry if he did anything wrong or hurt someone, has some good lessons. A lot of parents tend to give up on discipline because it is too hard on their own emotions, but in the long run it is detrimental to the behavior of the child when discipline is not enforced. Hang it there!!

We had a behavior problem with our little angel too when she was that age. I remained calm, (I know, very hard to do). Once she saw that she was not getting any response she stopped. I also always meant what I said and said what I meant. No empty threats. It’s hard, you and your husband have to be consistent and on the same page. But it works. Takes time, but it works. My husband and I both work long hours and I travel weekly. I think that they act out just to get attention, even if it’s negative. Another idea, her teacher gave us a video called 1-2-3 Magic. Our daughter is now almost 7. We were thinking she regressed. So, we tried the technique mentioned in this video and she's great. Our time is spent having fun, instead of me freaking out. And you must be a great Mom, or you wouldn't even care... Holidays are stressful. You'll get it all done, and what doesn't get done, no one but you will notice. Good Luck!!!

Hi C., We are going through the same thing with our daughter right now as well and we did not know what to do about it, well I have learned that you can not threaten with a time out you have to look her straight in the eye at her level and let her know that if she can not behave then the next time you talk to her she will have a time out and you have to stick to that, the other thing we are using is a point chart , she has to her a certin number of points each week and she getas a reward for it, even if the reward is to just play a special game together or have a mom and daughter night, her making the points means alot to her, and I put no temper tantrums on it so when she doesn't have them she gets a point but if she is to out of control we take one away. It none of this works you may want to speak to your pediatrician and make sure there is nothing going on Medically for her behavior. Godd Luck, and Happy holidays...

Hi , Just a thought . You said you threaten ? you cannot just threaten you need to follow through . She will know who is boss and learn to listen . Yes it is an age related power struggle shes asserting her independence al young woman do . they are after all little women in the making work with her not against her you are both on the same page . if you take a toy away take it away for the length of time you say you are going to and then tell her excatly what she needs to do on a consistent basis to get it back . if you are gentle but furm she willl learn you are the mother and you are the boss . She needs to learn this skill now for future social skills and authority figures . pick your battles though do not let everything turn into a battle or argument walk away of she starts her little temper . leave her room a mess tell her its her responsibilty to clean it ( you can guide her but make her help ) let her choose where her things shopuld go in a neat way . let her put her socks in the bottom drawer instead of the tp drawr if she wants stuff like that . She will feel like she has some control over her little environment . typical question to ask yourself before acting is * is this going to matter 1 year from now * . Good luck . I know its hard and tyou feel guilty but hey it is your job its a tough job but in the long run its worth it . You can be her freind but her Mom first . M. M