My 7-year old has asked me not to go to her awards assembly at school. It's an annual assembly for the school's Young Authors contest where each child who submitted a book gets a certificate recognizing them for some outstanding aspect of their book. I've gone the past two years but this year she said she would prefer I not go. We have a very close relationship so this has totally thrown me for a loop. My husband says I should respect her wishes as she is usually more clingy and this is an attempt at being independent. I'm just having a really hard time with not going. Any advice would be appreciated.
I would go. I would just not talk about I anymore and just show up. Is there a way that you could stand out in the hall and watch from the door?
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I would go. I would just not talk about I anymore and just show up. Is there a way that you could stand out in the hall and watch from the door?
I agree with your husband. I would bow out and not make it a big deal by badgering your daughter about why she asked you not to come. She may eventually share more with you if you play it cool. There could be a number of reasons behind her request. Tell yourself there will be many other school functions
There's no way that I wouldn't go!
I don't stand up, shout and whistle - and I've seen some parents do this - so I'm not embarrassing myself or anyone.
7 yr olds don't get to make these calls.
I'm surprised your husband thinks you should 'respect her wishes' over this.
How does your not attending an awards ceremony have anything to do with her being more independent and less clingy?
That's just weird.
As for your daughter -
Bummer Dudette.
You've got 2 parents that are proud of you.
Learn to accept that with some grace.
A little more gratitude and a little less attitude will serve you well.
Did you ask her why she doesn't want you to go?
I'm just wondering if she got an award this year ... do you know what I mean, is there a reason for her not wanting you to go? It does seem kind of odd (I agree) at 7. This came more around middle school for us.
Could you reach out to the teacher - maybe other kids' parents aren't going or the kids have been talking about it. Your child doesn't need to know you've inquired.
I agree about not making a big deal about it (you don't want her to feel pressured). At the same time, you'd like to be present. By the time mine were in middle school, if our kids didn't want grandparents there - we ok'd it. Seven seems kind of a funny age to request you not be there. Maybe your husband could ask her. Sometimes my husband (in a very light way) can get an answer out of the kids if it involves me - without making a big deal.
Did she say why she doesn't want you there? There is a reason, but until you know what it is you won't know how to handle things. If she won't tell you then simply tell her you'll be there, because that's what parents do when their kid has a ceremony.
If she does give you a reason, be prepared to handle it calmly.
It may simply be she has a mistaken idea that no one's parents are coming and it isn't 'cool'. You can point out that there were x-number parents last time, or that you know Friend's-mom will be there too.
It might be that you cheer and take photos, which she now finds embarrassing, and you can promise to sit quietly and skip the pictures.
Perhaps she didn't submit a book this year and doesn't want you to know that she isn't getting an award.
So many possibilities, which is why you need to hear it from the source.
You don't have to pay attention to your husband. This is between you and your child.
I would have a talk with the teacher and guidance counselor and ask her if there is something going on that you don't know about. I will tell you flat out that this is unusual for a first or second grader. You should get to the bottom of this. There's something to it that you don't know about. Most 1st and 2nd graders are so happy to have a parent there to support them.
I would ask her why, especially if she had no issues with you attending in years past.
I would tell her I am so sorry but this is something that I am not going to miss out on. Tell her you wont make a huge deal when you are there but that you are not missing it. My husband would be right there with me telling my kids too bad.
I wouldn't talk about it with her anymore. I would attend and sit way in the back, keeping my mouth shut and clapping only if others are clapping. Then I'd leave at the end and be all proud of my kid.
I've got 4 kids and I've seen every school event you can think of. Some they asked me to attend and others they didn't mention.
I agree with not making a big deal out of this, but 7 seems a bit young to be pulling the "I'm embarrassed by my parents" routine. Are her friends saying it's not cool to have parents come? Did you see her book? It it a topic she feels she does not want you to see? Is it her own work? I really and truly don't want to sound like your daughter is doing anything wrong at all, but I would just be curious as to why she does not want you there this year. I like the idea of maybe having dad try to gently glean some information from her. It sounds like something I would absolutely not want to miss.
I’d go, but I’d not make a to do about it.
Sit in the back. Take the picture, and leave.
7 seems a little young for this.
I would ask her why and find out why she has these feelings.
I can completely understand why some children do not want parents there because I've seen some parents act in ways that would humiliate the children with all the cheering and such.
I'm NOT saying you do this but she's possible seen other parents do it.
Go. Tell your child it is YOUR job to make this sort of decision. That she gets to make decisions on lots of things that are HER choices, such as what she wears, who she plays with, how she does this or that, but sometimes the parents have the job of making choices that kids have no part in.
Do NOT let your child start making your decisions now, if you do in a year or two you are going to wonder what has happened and how did your child become your boss and the ruler of your home.
