Advice on Feeling like I Am Loosing My Son

That very problem is why the Scriptures say a husband and wife are to "leave father and mother and cleave unto" each other.

Is your father in law unable to live on his own? Your husband really needs to lead in his home and do what normal 1 year olds have to do...learn to sleep in their own bed alone. My mother moved from Pasedena, California as a 17 year old newly married to live with her new 27 year old husband on the same farm in N. Dakota that his folks lived and worked. My father always did what his dad told him to do regardless of what he and my mother had decided previously.

I'd end your father in law having any authority like that over your children NOW. Or you'll end up bitter at him for years to come.

Truly "leave father and mother" it says, and cleave together.
There's a purpose in that.

B. in Eau Claire, WI as a mother of 10 & a pastor's wife...

I AM THE MOM OF 10 AGES,25,23,12.11.10,8,7,6,2AND6WEEK OLD,FROM MY EXPERIENCE I WOULD TELL YOUR FATHER IN LAW IN A NICE WAY HE IS THE GRAMPA AND YOU WANT HIM TO DO HIS ROLE TO LOVE AND SPOIL YOUR SON BUT YOUR ROLE AND YOUR HUSBAND IS AS HIS PARENTS, ALSO LETTING YOUR SON CRY IS NOT CHILD NEGLECT IT IS SETTING THE BOUNDRIES FOR YOUR SON,
LET ME KNOW IF THIS HELPS,,YOU CAN EMAIL ME,
____@____.com
my name is G. Marie

I feel for you, sometimes when we're at my inlaws they seem to use "grandparents perogative" a little to liberal and don't listen to me when I let them know what my son can and can't do. The difference is i can leave at some point and regain the what mommy and daddy says goes shortly after.

In your case, since you can't leave the situation I think you and your husband or your husband at least should bring this up to your father in law. You shouldn't have to feel like you're loosing your son. Maybe talk to your father in law and let him know that you think your son needs to start sleeping in his own bed. Let him know that you appreciate the help he gives you but also that you've noticed your son isn't listening to Mommy and daddy as he should and that you really need his help reinforcing to your son that mommy and daddy know what they are talking about. It's nice for your son to have a special bond with Grandpa, but It's also important that you are the boss in your home (when it comes to the kids that is.)

Your husband needs to talk with his Dad and set some boundaries. It's not unhealthy for children to sleep with their parents, but it's important that your son knows that you are the parents and that he listens to you.

Good luck, I have a bothersome FIN as well, but thank God he lives 2 hours away :)

hmmm ok, first its ok if your son appears to be more bonded with the grandad than with you. Please don't let any old bitter feelings get in the way of a chance for peace. Just enlist your FIL's help. Ask him to re enforce his "instructions" to your son by making comments like, "I'm sure your mom would appreciate" or "that's just how your dad wants you to ". It will keep your son looking to you for guidance in the future. At 1yr old the baby is going where he gets the most cuddles, and yes where he can manipulate.

You could try laying down with your son until he falls asleep, or having him fall asleep in your arms, and then putting him in his own bed. that way you have provided the same comfort to him. Though I think as you suspect FIL and baby are taking mutual comfort in their relationship.

It is hard to live with extended family these days because we are out of practice. Try to appreciate the good things in the arrangement. Recognize whether you are taking advantage of the benefits to you, and then wanting deny the benefits FIL is getting from the relationship. A strong bond with a grandparent who is a good influence (as opposed to being a reprobate) can add a lot to a young persons life.

I personally don't believe that cleaving to each other was meant to be at the expense of other family ties, and it seems that you guys feel you don't want to cause disharmony between your dh and his dad.

Yes, eventually your dh will have to come to terms with how much power he is going to allow his father to have/continue to have over his life. He might even find his dad gains a new respect for him if he takes a stand. But, it is not for you to demand this of him. As long as your son is safe with his grandad I really wouldn't make too much out of it.

And Yes, I have stood up to my FIL. Not about the kids, but when he stayed with us for a few weeks, and would be crabby or start sounding short tempered. I would look him right in the eye and tell him, if you need a time out just say so, and don't be comin in here gettin on my case. Crusty ol' fella that he is, he would disappear for a couple of hours and be fine when he came back. No, never an apology but then I learned early in life not to expect one from men of that generation.

Long winded I know, but good luck with it and don't let yourself get all caught up in what you think you should be doing or what you think dh should be doing. FIL will most likely move on soon anyway. And it can't be any fun for your dh to listen to complaints about his dad all the time.

I am saying don't let it come between you and your spouse.