Advice on Changing Custody Agreement???

I went through this same situation about 16 years ago. Initially my ex was ordered by the judge to pay a minimum of $139 per month + 1/2 of child care expenses. At the time he was only making minimum wage because he was trying to get the lowest amount possible to pay child support. The first 2 1/2 years of my child's life I didn't see any money. I went to the office of recovery services, they started garnishing his wages for the $139. I have had the same situation when he did not return my son on time, I called the police and reported to recovery services.

Now to change child support agreement it is difficult, but you can do it and ask for a review every three years. They will base the new child support amount on what he makes, any custody issues you should also address at this time. Keep in mind this can take several months to complete this processes and sometimes over a year if your ex fights it. I would not let my son see him if he refuses to give you his contact information. I would go through recovery services because they can collect child support for you, and by law he has to give them his contact information. I would address all of the concerns you have with them or an attorney. If he is disagreeable in anyway, you need to seek legal advice immediately before anything goes any farther. Good luck.

The man sounds like a nightmare, which I believe because my girlfriend went through the same thing. Her ex also curses at the daughter and only feeds her junk food when she visits him!

Have a document drawn up in which he permanently relinquishes parental rights in exchange for no longer paying child support. (You can't get blood from a stone -- you're never really going to get any decent amount of child support from this guy, so I think that you should give up that idea, simply because it's sort of hopeless.)

Visit an attorney who has experience in getting people to sign such a document. Get his/her advice on how to get the ex to sign. You and Mikey don't need to be dealing with this guy for the next 14.5 years.

God bless you!

p.s. My friend who went through this came to my church during the thick of it. We have given her a car, a job, free daycare, home maintenance, and love. She has given us much in return. I hope that you have a wonderful church family as well.

hey there hun my name is D.. i wish years ago i would have asked that question. from my experiance and boy do i have some. what you need to do is go down to your local court house. ask for a "petition for allocation of parental responsibilities" paper work. take it home. i will warn you right now it's like filling out a book.it will run about $175 to 200 dollars ish.it gets detailed. you have to do affidavit with respect to finacial affairs, andset up a hearing. you might even need help to fill and figure it out. i sure did. i was a very young mom and stupid but i dont regret anything. i have full custody of my daughter now. i still dont get child support but i figure shes all mine and i can do it so can you. with this document you can change your child support too but really think about every answer you put in this petition.i asks about prior restaining orders. even though he made false statements it still asks. dont lie about anything in it either. just makes you look bad. dont be scared but they will serve him with paper work and he will appear in court with you. be strong and just remember.... this is for your son! good luck hun. hope this helps.

That sounds like a really tough situation. You are definitely doing the right thing by keeping detailed records. Can't recommend this service highly enough for someone in your situation Pre-Paid Legal Services. It has saved me so much time, money and aggravation in the 7 years I've been a member (started representing it 4 years ago to help my insurance clients too). It will give you unlimited access to an attorney for questions - afterall you have no rights if you don't know your rights. The Legal Shield gives you 24 hour access to an attorney in emergency situations - say he does not bring Mikey back at the arranged time. It will also enable you to get your will, living will and durable power of attorney done which is important for any parent. If you do need to hire an attorney, you would get a 25% discount off hourly rates. This is only a fraction of the benefits to you. Watch the clip at greatlegalhelp.com to understand more. Best of all, it is affordable at as little as $17 per month (standard family plan and legal shield). Email me if you want 101 reasons to use your membership list or have any questions. I can send you an enrollment link if you are interested as well.

Knowing your rights is critical to protecting yourself and your son in this situation. You will have many more years to deal with this man in your life, so hang in there.
S.

I am so sorry for all that you are going through. I don't have any first hand experience in this area, but I highly recommend refusing to have your son visit him without him disclosing his address and contact information. That is just unsafe in so many ways.

Then contact the DA who should be able to direct you as to who you should contact for visitation and support issues. If he doesn't want to pay support, then he can give up visitation rights. You having your son more should NOT lower your support, but if it is only $100, and you are rarely getting it, does it really matter?

You definitely need an attorney right away to manage this situation. you need to have written documentation of every time your ex didn't show up when he was supposed to or didn't pay when he was supposed to. If you haven't started to keep a notebook of all this, start right now. Note everyphone call and everything your son says to you after returning from his dad's. You will have to have the court order a parenting evaluation, which will include psychological evaluations of you, your ex and the child. The evaluator will then make recommendations to the court about the best parenting plan for the child. It doesn't sound like you would have too much trouble getting the plan changed, but just realize that the evaluator will have to make the final recommendations. it will be expensive.

I'm probably the wicked witch of the responders here, but first I want to say you are doing a fine and admirable job with this little one.

Second, I'd have the custody agreement amended to specify that bio-father has "reasonable visitation when approved by the mother" or else "no visitation."

But I would not cut the louse loose on child support. I'd go after him and sock it to him. That is, in fact, what I did to the father of my children who was likewise unstable in every way and disinterested in seeing his children. My logic is, if you can't provide some sort of "fatherly influence," you CAN at the very least pay your share of their needs.

Why didn't your attorney sock it to him for failing to provide documentation of income during the divorce? I can't believe he actually got away with that business in this day and age. My ex tried that game and my lawyer simply scheduled a contempt hearing with the judge. Once notified that both he and his lawyer would have to show up and explain to the judge why he was refusing to provide the information, he "magically" found it immediately and gave it to his attorney to send.

Hi D.,
It sounds like you have been keeping a diary and tracking how flaky your son's father has been. Good for you! Family judges really do want to help in situations like yours. If the father isn't meeting his commitment on taking care of Mikey, then the judge will adjust the $ he pays. You may not see it for a long time since the guy is such a flake, but sooner or later the system will crimp his life up enough with wage garnishments and drivers license blocks that he will have to catch up on the payments. You don't need a lawyer. The family courts were designed intending for people to push through their own cases. But it does take time to get organized and push the system and stay on top of your case. Not sure where you live, but call the court house and ask to speak (or set an appt for a phone call) with a staff person who can talk you through the process or for them to put you in contact with an advocate program. Sorry that you have your hands so full taking care of Mikey & working. You are setting a great example for your son! Don't be discouraged you have lots of rights and the system wants to support you.

I understand how you feel. I went through the same thing myself. Since you were married, you can always get the divorce decree changed. All you have to do is contact the county court you were divorced in and they can tell you how to alter the decree so you can do what's best for your son. His dad does sound unstable so I personally think you are doing the right thing. In my divorce, I was awarded $50.00 per month from my ex husband. He kept delaying the precedings, which I had to pay for all by myself, so I accepted the $50.00 just to get it over with. Afterwards, I had the child support payment enforced and ammended. They based his new payments off of what he CAN make not what he CHOSE to make, because he would hop from job to job or go months without working in order not to pay. Look at it this way, we teach people how to treat us. Take a stand and he will see you are not so easily bullied and that your only interest in him is the son you share

Maybe you should think about ending your son's relationship with his father. From personal experience it isn't always in the childs best interests to be with bio dad. You should not count on child support, you should not ask for it. You should not push for you ex to come get your son. You said that he has tried to take him away, what if he did. What if he just didn't give him back after his visitation and you didn't know where he was. Rely on your dad to be his father figure. Rely on your family when you need help and not on bio dad.
Be the strong woman that your son needs you to be.

First of all, this is a bummer and I am sorry you have had this happen. People do NOT change, especially phenominally immature people like this, so whatever he has been doing expect more of that for the next 18 years. As far as child support $100 is a joke and I don't know why you agreed to that. Go through the DA and they will do it for you for free and demand documentation, it will be based on time and income. They will also set it up electronically if you are in Colorado. As far as custody I am not sure if the DA will do that? If it going to cost $ it will not be worth it because this guy will just do what he wnats anyway from what it sounds like. I would reccomend you get some counseling to A: find out why you hooked up with someone like this and make sure you don't again( kids emulate their parents so hopefully you can find a good man for a role model for your son), and B: help you deal with your ex for the next 18 years because in some way or another you will have to deal with him! Good luck!

D., I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know it is not easy. I just got my custody finalized but I am not happy with it. I would think that with what you have on him and he not being stable and commited to the time he is supposed to have with his son that that would be enough to change the custody agreement. You should try and talk to a couple of lawyers to get some advice and whether you have the chance to get what you want. I know it cost alot of money but you may have a better out look on what to do if you talk to a few. I hope this helps out a bit and good luck. Your email friend if you need someone to talk to, C.

The best advice that I can give to you is to talk to an attorney. They usually have an initial free consultation. I know this is a hard situation, but between your lawyer and office of recovery service you should get some relief.

D.,

According to Utah statutory and case law, to modify an existing custody agreement in Utah you will have to show a material change of circumstances on the part of either yourself or your former spouse. This is true in most jurisdictions aside from Utah, too. You cannot get a modification of an existing order just because you don't like the way the order is working out. The existing order is presumed to have contemplated the conditions at hand when it was issued. If the same conditions that you are concerned about now were present when your custody arrangment was ordered, you are pretty much stuck with it.

You might be able to get an order to show cause against him to compel him to perform his obligations if he is not living up to his end of the agreement, but you will not be able to substantially change the agreement.

If you can show a SIGNIFICANT change in circumstances since the agreement was entered, you should consult a family law attorney to help you with the modification. The modification had better be worth it long term, however, because this process will be expensive. If you cannot show a significant change in circumstances, you may want to consider consulting said attorney to help you compel your ex to obey the existing order, if this is a problem. Otherwise, you will just have to live with the existing order.

The more the system tries to be fair, the more unjust it becomes.

Good luck.