Advice on a Tough Decision

Updated on March 25, 2008
D.P. asks from Greenville, NC
4 answers

My mother keeps my 19 mo old son while my husband and I work F/T during the day. This is my mom's first and only grandchild, and we pay her to keep him. He also goes to a MMO program twice a week. We have had our ups and downs, but I think I am finally at my wits end. She is constantly notifying me about her doctor's appointments at the last minute, and expecting me to get off work on a moment's notice to come and get my son. She will sometimes tell me just a day or two before her appointment (and I need two weeks notice to my boss for time off)! Now, she has requested off a vacation week at the end of April, which I went ahead and took off, but then turns right around and wants me to take off a Friday two weeks before her "vacation" so she can go to the beach! Today, she calls me and tells me she had to make a dentist appointment for this Friday and expects me to make arrangements (and it is not an emergency appointment)! My husband had is own doctor's appointment that day that he had to reschedule to come home and sit with my son because I can't leave work this time. She knows I can't just take off all the time, nor can my husband who is a tax auditor (this is the busy season). Anyway, we go through spells like this. She did this same thing to me over Christmas- knowing I had a whole week off soon- and made all her plans before my week off which I had to take MORE time off. When I try to talk to her about it, she gets VERY defensive and we have actually gotten into an argument or two over it. She also has a dog which has bitten my son in the face. I do not want this dog around my son, but she completely ignores my concern and still lets the dog come around him! It is so frustrating!
At this point, I am thinking about putting him in daycare. I just know she will be upset when I tell her I am looking into daycares, and I am afraid she will take it personally. I do appreciate all the time and effort she puts in with my son and I know how lucky I have been to have her support, but I just need some predictability and reliability for childcare- bottom line. I just don't know what else to do at this point. Does anyone have any advice on what to do or how to handle this situation? What would you do? Thanks...

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I.N.

answers from Raleigh on

Daycare needs to be reliable for you to be able to work. Put him in a center. Home daycares can sometimes close at a moment's notice, if there's an illness there, etc., so a center would offer you more reliability. Explain it to her like that. If she gets mad, then she gets mad. You have to be able to work. I had this same problem when my MIL was watching my kids. We got along much better after I took the kids somewhere else.

Another possibility is to find a place you can use for drop-in care and use that when your MIL is otherwise busy.

Good luck!

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L.C.

answers from Raleigh on

Dawn, I'd say put your baby boy in the daycare.I know it is not going to be the same as one on one with grandma, but come on.......for you to go through that stress.It simply does not make sence.I know some people can't afford to put kids in the daycare, so they have to rely on the family, but sounds like you already pay for it anyways.Good luck

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.S.

answers from Omaha on

OMG! I would totally be looking for a daycare.
#1. She is your own mother and not MIL so that is a little easier to break.
#2. You are PAYING her, so it should be more buisness like. Any other 'employee' of yours that did this would be terminated.
#3. Her dog BIT your son!! and on the FACE. What are you waiting for? If she hasn't followed your request for that, it is simply a safety issue.

So, how to break it to her.... tough, you could do what some others have said, but also tell her he is getting to a stage where he needs other social interaction with kids his own age. Good luck, I know it will not be easy.

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H.M.

answers from Raleigh on

Tough choice! My advice to you would be to look into daycares but not tell your mom until you have chosen one. If you go ahead and tell her that you're looking into daycares, she may try to change your mind, or you may change your mind to avoid making her upset. When you have chosen one, then let her know that your son will be going to the daycare in two weeks or whatever the timeframe. But it sounds to me like daycare would be a good choice. You do need to have reliable childcare, and you don't want to jeopardize your job by having to take off all the time.

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