Advice on a Seperation

Hi D.,
My name is D. and I went through a situation simmilar yet different. I understand you need him to watch your kids and I know how expensive day care is. How do you feel about seperating? Are you still in love with him? Are you willing to call it quits? You have to decide how you feel and what you want in order to find a solution. I think that if he is no longer living with you it's okay to pack his belonging and ask him to remove them. I don't know your situation and I don't know the two of you but everything worked out for the best in my situation. If you'd like to talk I'd be happy to get together with you. I also live in Lakewood, Colorado and I have a five year old girl who will be starting Kindergarden this year.

Hello D.,.
I am so sorry to hear about your situation.....it makes mine look easy, with a nearly two year old and recently seperated.
Maybe we can help eachother out.......I have tues and thurs off basically.
There is some reasonable childcare out there, even I could help on tues and thurs..but then again, if you really can't get money out of him and you think he is ok with the kids, it is a form of payment. This is going to really be hard eventually though, you will not have a life. He needs to find a home nearby.
My babys daddy is a decent guy but it is like talking to a wall.......he loves his daughter! But I have asked all summer about the counseling thing and have just done it alone!
It really hurts to see the father of your children not willing to make EVERY effort to be a part of his family, counseling included. Just work on yourself if that is all you can do, I have connections for low cost counseling.
You really must get him out of your house as he maintains too much control over all this way.
You poor thing....hang in there
k

If your husband is unwilling to go to therapy with you...there's nothing that says you and your children can't go and get therapy to help you through this. You definitely need a neutral, third, party professional to help you through what can be a very nasty situation. Your sons are more aware of the circumstance than you know - and making sure they voice their feelings either to you or a therapist is very important. As far as what you can expect of your husband - he should be very understanding of setting boundaries regarding the house, cars, etc. If you two are not going to reconcile - then get the separation or divorce going so that you aren't just living in limbo. I hope this empowers you.

Oh, wow! I went through almost exactly the same thing 2 years ago, but with a then 13 year old daughter. My now ex-husband had become abusive, both verbally and physically, then decided that he was done being married and being a father. He left, but wouldn't come get any of his things and move out. It was incredibly painful for my daughter and myself, as he would occasionally come home to get one or two things, then be gone again. Here's what I did. You decide whether it will work for you or not.
1. If you have a separate garage, pack up everything you would say is "his" and put it in there. Make sure anything you don't want him to take is out of the garage first, because you want to make it as simple as possible.
2. Get your locks changed on all doors of your house/apartment/condo.
3. Tell him that if he wants to keep your car, he needs to get a loan to pay for it, or return it to you so you can either keep or sell it.
4. Find someone else you trust to watch your kids, and set up visitation for him. This part will probably be tough, but you really want to set boundaries with him.
5. Get online and find the paperwork to file for legal separation and child support.

Here's a link: http://www.courts.state.co.us/chs/court/forms/domestic/jd...

The fact that he pays child support to someone else already and has "very little money" is no longer your problem. I know that sounds harsh, but you need to think of yourself and your children now that he has decided that he doesn't want to be a full-time part of your family anymore. He needs to either get a better job, or work a second part-time job anywhere necessary in order to pay for the things you and your kids need. If you're really not sure if he is done being married, offer him a choice. Let him know that if he's serious about leaving permanently, you're going to file paperwork with the courts and get child support set up. If he still wants to work on it, you'll set up counselling. My ex chose counselling, then changed his mind the day before the appointment. I packed all of his stuff and told him to come get it. He has since said that was a HUGE reality check for him, and it made him grow up really fast. We've been legally divorced for over a year now, and are both in new relationships with other people. We get along great now, have salvaged the friendship that caused us to get married in the first place, and are actually going back-to-school shopping together with our daughter on Sunday. I NEVER thought that would happen, but God took care of all of us.

Good luck, and we'll be praying for you!

DJ