Advice on a 41/2 Yr. Old's Pooping Issue

I know I'm a little late responding, but teaching him this is like teaching him anything. If he refuses, punish him. Put him in his room and tell him he can't come out until he decides he will poop in the potty. Then, when he poops his pants, put him in his room for the rest of the day or 2 hours or so if it is early in the day.
Let him know this will be his punishment as long as he continues to poop his pants. Make the time in his room longer and longer for each week that it takes.
Punishment is the only way to deter wrong behavior.

My son went through the same thing and I was telling everyone that he would still be in a pull up when he started kindergarten, but he proved me wrong and is now completely potty trained. He will be 5 in April and has been pull up free for 2 1/2 months now! Have you had him checked for encopresis? My son was diagnosed with encopresis and put on a stool softener and within one week of him getting his system cleaned out he had complete control over his bowels.

Believe me I tried everything too...but then I found out he was backed up and stool was leaking out and he had no control. He was not defiantly having accidents, he could not control it. I felt so bad when I found this out, but now he is great and completely toilet trained. The pediatric gastroenterologist told me it is much more common in boys.

I am not sure if this is the issue with your son, but unless the doctor has already ruled it out, please have him checked. I was absolutely sure my son was not constipated and found out I was wrong!

J.

You haven't mentioned the conversation you've had with him as to WHY he won't go. Why does he say he doesn't want to go? There is obviously an underlying reason.

My son would constantly have a partial bowel movement in his pants - he would just start, and was then able to hold it to make it to the restroom. I took him to a pediatric gastroenterologist to treat him for encopresis when he was 5 or 6 (he is 9 now) who put in on a daily laxative, and stressed that we had to have a regular time every day when he would try, and also before each. He was on that for about a year - and he was still having issues. I took him off that and he did some better - but what really "cured" him was when he decided to go to a 5 day overnight camp with his friends. Problem was gone! He does have occasional lapses every now and then - I think it is just because he gets too absorbed in what he is doing. Hang in there!

My Question have you had him checked by a doctor, Some people including children have muscle problems in that area he may not know when he is doing it. or it may just come on when he least expect it.
other than that just keep up the good work and reward him when he does go in the tolet.

When i was having trouble w/my son someone had gave me the idea to throw a few cheerios or whatever cereal and make him aim for them. i know it sounds crazy but it actually worked. for some reason they think it is a game so they will want to go. u probably think iam crazy. LOL good luck and hope it works for u.

We still occasionally have issues with our 5 year old. She'll be in the car with us for a 2 hour ride, and be dry and tell us she has to go potty, but she'll get engrossed in a Backyardigans episode, and then potty in her pants. It's just so frustrating because it's really all up to them - it's their body, and they should "know" when they have to "go".

The thing we do that works best is: Any time she wants to do anything, "Go potty first." For him, I'd modify that to, "Go poop first." Doesn't matter what he's asking for - time on the computer, to play a game, to go outside and play, whatever...anything he asks for, the response is the same: "Go poop first, then we can do what you want to do."

Just the other night, we were at a restaurant with a play-place in it. The mother asked the 2 year old (who looked older than my 2 year old who turned 2 a couple weeks ago) as they were going into the play-place, "Do you have to go potty?" He just sat there and wouldn't answer her despite repeated questions until I looked over at him and said, "Yes or no, buddy?" He said no. Not more than 5 minutes later, I took my 2 year old to change her diaper, and while in the bathroom tending to the stinky diaper, she came in with her son with him saying, "But I don't want to go home" and she grumbled, "We may not have a choice since you pooped in your pants." I called out that I had wipes; she said she didn't need any, but I was just laughing to myself the whole time from when she asked him if he had to go potty. You never ask if they have to go potty. You tell them, "Let's go potty first, and then we can go play." The crisis still may not have been averted, but by doing it that way, you're putting the odds in your favor that they'll potty in the potty rather than their pants that way.

The only other thing that came to mind was I saw a Dr. Phil show where a mom who was having trouble disciplining their child - they'd put him in time out and he'd potty in his pants to get out of it. He told her to grab a garbage bag, and use duct-tape to make a "make shift diaper" and let him stew in it. Of course, she said, "Oh I can't do that...." He said, "Sure you can." They kept the camera's in the house, and the next time that happened, she did it. Only took once, and it never happened again. Admittedly this is a slightly different situation.

For what it's worth, and good luck!

you arent the only one with this problem even my sister is having this issue.i told my sis she is making too much attention so they continue this behavoir for that attention

I don't personally have this issue, but this was an issue years ago with my younger brother. He was fully potty trained by 2 and then at 3 stopped pooping on the toilet. For him, the start coincided with the death of our grandmother, so we know it was some kind of emotional issue. It actually went on until he was 9 years old, but in that time frame our mom got breast cancer, went through surgery and chemotherapy, and then died at 39. Obviously, I don't know your circumstances, but I just wanted to share another possibility with you. Emotional stress can manifest in strange ways in small kids. Discipline and rewards didn't make any difference with my brother either. And it seemed like he sincerely WANTED to go on the toilet, but just didn't. It wasn't until we found a counselor my brother really connected with that the problem resolved. I know it's frustrating; I remember my dad venting about it MANY times. I wish you the best of luck.

All my best,
A.

J.,

There is a serious medical condition called encopresis that can affect children from your son's age into adulthood. In that case, he wouldn't be able to help himself. Seeing a doctor might help tell you if he has a physical problem or an emotional issue.

Good luck!
S.

J.,
That sounds frustrating, especially at his age. My daughter was "afraid of poop" and wouldn't go in the toilet. She wore underwear, but when she wanted to poop, she told me, and I put a diaper on her just to poop. The parenting consultant at Elizabeth Blackwell in Columbus ###-###-####) suggested I let her do this. But she was only about 3 1/2. I would try calling there and ask what they would suggest. It seems like punishing and forcing the issue always backfire. They just do it when they are ready. I just kept encouraging my daughter and reassuring her that she would be able to do it in the potty some day, and then she decided on her own that she wanted to. Maybe your son is one of those "late bloomers". Good luck!

I couldn't help but read that you have a 21 month old baby. Since the baby has been born have you been preoccupied with the baby and paying little attention to him.(other than the pooping ) The root of his problem might be this is his way of getting extra attention.Negative or positive it is still attention. Try carving out 10- 15 minutes of time just for him and make it a big deal. Build up your excitment to him. Tell him to pick out his favorite toy, book game and focus on him.

Before you go heavy on the disciplinary tactics, I'd talk to the doctor and rule out any physical issues, see if there have been any emotional events to rule out, and also underlying things. My son had problems pooping because the smell bothered him. He had to take laxatives for over half a year, because he would stop the process and get impacted. A year later we found out he had sensory processing disorder, and the sensations during the bowel movement and the smell were all too much for him. We keep good smelling items in the bathroom for him to hold and smell when he's going. He's 9 now, and I still have to help with wiping from time to time if it's a particularly messy one. He never goes at school because he doesn't like the bathrooms there. I've gone in to check them out...they are clean, just old, and there's of course the ever present smells in the boys' urinals. So see if it's something like that with your son. Try asking him as well why he doesn't like to poop on the toilet. I know some kids are worried they will go down the drain. Maybe you'll find out something. Good luck!

Have you talked to the Dr. just to be sure? 4 1/2 seems kind of old to still be having this problem.

I would like to see your responses. My son just turned 5 a couple weeks ago. He is autistic but he is potty trained and goes on the toliet. EXCEPT pooping... he has pooped once on the toliet and the rest of the time he goes and gets a pull up and puts it ona and poops in that ?! I feel your frustration. He goes to school everyday for 2 hours and never has pooped there, I am afraid next year when he goes full days what he will do?