Hello, my 3 1/2 year old son has been having trouble staying asleep in his bed for over a week now. Every night has been progressivley worse. He has been in a big kid bed for 8-9 months and hasn't had these problems since the beginning. He goes to sleep fine, but 2-3 hours later we hear his door open and shut quickly and he comes out hysterical. His reasons don't make any sense (he was dreaming about a movie he likes -says it was a good dream) and are different every night (sound like excuses)-the naps have been gone for a few months so he defintiely needs the sleep. The only things I can think of are he needs to use the bathroom and can't process the feeling yet(still in nighttime pull ups) or he is anxious about preschool starting in about a month (has never gone before). I try to talk to him about both and he says he understands but still in the middle of the night is acting kooky. He doesn't come to our room to get us, he just sleeps somewhere else in the house and/or cries hysterically from the middle of the house until one of us comes out. Any advice would be appreciated -we have taken away the positive reinforcement he was getting for staying in his bed all night, taken away tv, threatened to buy a gate, etc. Thanks!
Thanks everyone for your advice and suggestions. I had a lot of talks with my little guy yesterday about what might be scaring him in his room. The solutions that worked (for last night anyway-YAY!!!) were a picture of me in a foam frame he helped decorate to keep in his bed for when he misses me and we shopped for new fun night lights for the hall and his bathroom because he definitely now is feeling the urge to go but is scared to get up in the dark. Also, reassured him if he doesn't like preschool I won't make him keep going if he gives it a few weeks and a fair chance. I don't think it hurt that he hadn't seen any tv in 2 days and desperately wanted his CARS movie cars back today!! Thanks again for taking the time to help :)
While other mommy's often offer good (albeit conflicting) advice, if you feel you want to talk to a professional......I went to Families by Design for my daughter's sleep issues and they really taught me some excellent strategies that I could use in all aspects of my parenting. ###-###-####
Hi, D.. It sounds like Matthew's having night terrors. This is similar to nightmares, except the child is doing something akin to sleepwalking. He will be incoherent during these episodes, if he is able to talk at all, and may wet himself or defecate. You are correct that it is connected to toilet training -- that doesn't mean he has a problem with it during the day, but he may be having some anxiety about being successful with it which he doesn't communicate to you. Sometimes boys don't talk about their feelings very well.
He probably has anxiety about school starting, too. Again, he wants to be a big boy for you, and either can't talk about it or doesn't even realize he is scared, so it comes out at night.
Even though the subject of his dreams sounds pleasant, the dream subject is just a kind of vehicle (or mental container) for the anxiety. You see, the anxiety is actually expressing itself in a situation where he feels comfortable and stress-free.
So he's getting a double whammy, as they say. This is something you are probably going to have to ride out until he resolves these issues. Maybe you and Matthew could spend some time drawing with crayons together or using paints. Sometimes children will express themselves in art in ways that they can't express in words -- especially because he's only 3 and a half. This is why Art Therapy is so effective with kids!
PLEASE do not threaten or punish him! These situations are things he CANNOT HELP. He does not have the emotional maturity to deal with anxiety the way you do. I truly do not believe he is manipulating you, D.. I think he is trying to be a big boy, a good boy, for you, but his very real fears are coming out when he is most vulnerable and completely helpless.
Kids, even older ones, will have sleep disturbances from time to time off and on all through their childhood and adolescence. Let's face it: parenthood means never being certain of how many hours of sleep you will get every week, even when the kids sleep through the night. If he doesn't manage to resolve his fears in a week or so, you might want to consider getting some individual therapy or family counseling.
Peace,
Syl
All I can say is, it's a phase! I have a 3 year old daughter that is terrible about getting out of bed in the middle of the night. She used to stay in bed and just scream for me to come get her or cover her, then she stopped that and would come in my room and wake me up and ask for stuff, now she comes into my room and lays down on the floor and goes to sleep. I also have tried treats and incentives, threats, whatever I can think of, but she just doesnt stay in bed. I have to tell myself, it's a phase, it's a phase.......
Dear D.;
We are having a little of the same problem with our two 1/2 year old grand son. When he sleeps here ,he is fine, but at home, he has a problem. The ped.suggested that he may have "night Terrors" this is a form of night mare, but not necessarily brought on by a movie, etc. The doctor said that boys have it more often than girls, and he should out grow it. It usually starts around this age. Check into it, and good luck!
Hi D.,
I would suggest you or your husband sleep either in his room on the floor or right outside his room and see what's causing him to wake up. Maybe there's a specific loud noise coming from outside the house that he's hearing or something else going on.
D., is this a night terror? My son has had a few. Here is a good reference page for symptoms if he is hysterical and not makig sense: http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/sleep/terrors.html
We just dismantled the crib for our 2 year old and we simply put the crib mattress on the floor. Prior to doing this, we struggled with getting him to bed. He would stay up with us on the couch, alternating between sitting on my lap and my husband's lap and getting on and off the couch several times before finally settling down where he'd eventually fall asleep and I'd have to pick him up and place him in his bed. Now, without his crib, when it's bedtime, I take him to his room, get him all snuggled in his bed, turn on a night light, turn on his musical toy, kiss him goodnight and I leave his room. Once he falls asleep, I close his door. The problem is that he is still getting up and wandering around the house, crying for me and ultimately coming to my room. What I've been doing is walking him back to his room, placing him in his bed and being really firm (in a quiet voice) that it is still night time and that he MUST stay in his bed and go back to sleep. So far so good! Yes, I'm getting tired of getting up to take him back to bed but months ago it was worse! He would get up and since he was sleeping in his crib, I had to go get him but when he refused to fall asleep, I had no choice but to take him out of his crib and to worsen matters, he was only wanting to fall back asleep IF someone was holding him. I broke him out of it but it did take time. Bad habits take time to break!
I might suggest that you have night lights in your house in various places. Home Depot sells these AWESOME lights that are very pretty but they have a little motion sensor so when something crosses its path, it lights up and stays illuminated for about 90 seconds.
buy a gate! my kids lived with a gate until they were old enough to stay in their rooms on their own, and they turned out fine (both are teens now). It is a safety issue....you don't want him wandering around the house unsupervised.
