Need Advice on Possible "Nightmare Stage" with 16 Month Old

16 months seems young for night terrors. How long is he crying for before he falls asleep? Have you read Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution"? It's a helpful book with lots of great suggestions on how to get kids to sleep without crying it out.

Ah, sleep issues. This is a problem that is near and dear to my heart. Yes, for some reason at about that age, it seems like sleeping troubles begin to creep in. I experienced this with both my boys at around 16-17 months, but the way I dealt with it has made a world of difference the second time around. Read Tammi F's response. She hit the nail on the head.

With baby #1, he was always a good sleeper until about 17 months when he began waking around midnight every night. I was worried that something was wrong. I would get up with him, hold him, walk around with him, sing to him and whatever I could possibly do to comfort him back to sleep. I was 8 months pregnant at the time. This went on for MONTHS (when baby #2 came, I was dealing with them both all night long and hardly sleeping). Even to this day, at three years old, he winds up on the floor in my room most nights, and refuses to sleep in a bed (only on the floor). His sleep has gotten better, but I feel like if I would have nipped it in the bud we would not have run into such problems with his sleep habits (sleep training is sooo much harder at this age).

So, here comes baby #2 who was a terrible sleeper early on. We had a new pediatrician who suggested sleep training for him at 6 months old, which worked wonders in getting him to sleep like a champ. But, same thing...at 16 months old, he woke up during the night for the first time ever since he began sleeping through the night. But this time, I remembered back to my sleep training days with him and followed the same routine (Just the way Tammi F. said to do it) and after that day, he woke screaming again one more night, but that was it, and then it was back to his normal 12 hour nights.

Actual night terrors are a pretty rare thing. They are related to sleep walking, and if your son is having them, he is actually not awake when he's screaming. I think separation anxiety or a bad dream are more likely explanations, but he does need to learn to put himself back to sleep or you will actually be feeding into a sleep problem (maybe even for years to come). If you think teething pain is a problem, give him a dose of Motrin before bed, for comfort. Even if teething is the cause, it is important for him to learn to sleep though it.

I honestly think at his age he is either going through a seperation anxiety where he woke up and instead of just falling back to sleep he wishes you were near by, or he is uncomfortbale in some way with either teething pain or an ear infection or something like that where your presence comforts him.... Either way, I agree that you don't want to start a habit of him needing you in the middle of the night, but you also do NOT need to make him "cry it out". Just go in to him and make sure he is OK (no fever or vomit or other obvious problem), then lay him down and tell him night night-- if he pops back up, leave the room (if not, rub his back for just a moment and then leave the room)... he WILL cry, but walk out anyway... keep yourself busy doing something that takes a few minutes, like brush your teeth or empty the dishwasher... then go back in to him, lay him back down, say good night and walk out. Do this over and over again. It may take several times but he WILL eventually get it that you are there nearby and did not abandon him, but crying will get him nowhere so he may as well just go to sleep. The next night you may need to do the same thing if he wakes again, but you'll see it will take less trips in to his room. By the third night he will either not wake at all or he will peep and go right back to sleep without needing you at all.

I don't remember my kids going through a stage like you are describing (they may have, it's just been awhile and I don't remember anything like that.. maybe it was milder for mine, I don't know).
The first suggestion is: could he have an ear infection? Many times the only symptom is disrupted sleep at night for no apparent reason.
2nd thing: does he have a "lovey" item that he sleeps with? If not, now would be a good time to introduce one.
The last idea: would be to research "night terrors" and see if that describes what you are seeing with your son. My kids never experienced anything like night terrors, in fact, I had never even heard of them, until I had a friend whose daughter had them. It is a legitimate thing. So read up on it. If that is your child, there are suggestions on how to deal with it.
Good luck. I wish I could be more help.
Here's a link with some brief info
http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/sleep/terrors.html

Hi,

We recently went through something similiar with our 15-16 month old. For about a week the same thing would happen, it would take us 2 hours + to get him down at night. Same situation, never had a problem going to bed, etc. and since that week he seems to be his old self without a problem. We didn't know what to do, so I would just continue to stay with him until he finally went down. It was ALLOT of picking up rocking and putting down and picking up , etc. because once he fell asleep on me or my husband, he would wake and scream as soon as we put him down. Previously he would point to the crib and WANT to go to sleep. I know now it was definitely a stage (just have to ride through it) particularly since your child has been a good sleeper until now. As tempted as we were to bring our son in our bed (so WE could sleep) we did not, we just continued to comfort him in his room. He would scream and get himself so wound up and would almost hyperventalate.. this was NOT usual for him, so I just held him and he would quiet down.. It was about the time he started walking (he started ~15 months) so I am thinking now, that hitting the new stage in his development had something to do with it. I hope this helps. Best of luck! C.

I went through this with my son as well. He is now almost 4 and thankfully he doesnt have these 'night terrors' anymore. I spoke with his doctor about it several times because I hated hearing my son screaming, crying and yelling in his sleep. His doctor said that a lot of toddlers go through this stage and there is usually nothing wrong. The only thing that I could do for my son when he went through this was to go in his room, give him hugs and kisses and just reassure him that he is safe and everything is ok. Once in a while he still wakes up and sits in his bed, asleep, but seems disoriented and scared. I lay his head back on the pillow and give him kisses and hugs. I also use a soft voice to let him know that mommy is there and that he is safe.

Sorry if this wasnt much help, but as fas as I know there is not much else we can do except to reassur our little ones that we are there for them. I wanted so bad to take those bad 'night terrors' away for my son, but there was really nothing more I could do.

Good luck with your little one. It will pass as he gets older. I know it's hard!

C. Casciorizzo
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Carrie,

I've never heard of "nightmare stage" unless it's referring to the "terrible twos"!(ha) This is however, an important time for you to let your son know that he is safe, protected and greatly loved. It sounds like you did the right thing by picking him up to hold and comfort him. Go with your instincts. Treat him the way that you would want to be treated if you were afraid...and pray that God will show you and give you wisdom how to help him...don't forget to really LISTEN to that quiet little voice inside that tells you what it might be. It also might be a good time to start a ritual of saying a bed time prayer with him before he goes to sleep.

Good Day!
I believe this is a normal stage children go through! Our 2 girls went through this stage. I calmly explained that dreams are not true- it's like a tv show ( a cartoon) in the mind. I re-assure them that it can not happen in real life. I also encourage them to think of happy things before they go to sleep. Ex: Fairies playing in a garden; and it seems to work. When our youngest who is 4 still has nightmares, I encourage her to tell me; and remind her it is not true. She is now into a everything scares her phase! I have to encourage her that it will be fine. She even says she is scared to get out of bed! I just remind her of all the wonderful things she has to do each day; and she'll get up happily! I pray this phase passes soon! Please be patient with your little one! May God bless & guide you!
Sincerely
Kathy N.

sometimes, they just need to be hugged and loved.
I dont think its a phase
in my case with a 16 month old baby I try not to listen to so many people, giving advice, follow your gut
be sweet to him, and show him love
it can be a couple of nights and thats it
in our case we let him cry to sleep, and it worked but I felt terrible, just to think that he got silent again, because nobody went to see what was going on and he got just tired of crying.
Hopefully it ends soon.But remember our little ones will love us forever
Good luck

When my little girl was around that age, she started waking up like you described. I eventually found out she was having Night Terrors. One book I read really described it for me. They usually wake up screaming, seeming very scared. It usually happens in the first few hours of sleep. Although their eyes might be open they really seem to be in a daze or still asleep, and absolutely nothing you say seems to help. If it is night terrors, they recommend you don't speak to them at all, just carry or comfort them and try to get them back to sleep as quickly or quietly as possible. They say these kids just have a hard time transitioning from one sleep stage to another and just need a little help in getting back to a deep sleep. My daughter did eventually outgrow her night terrors when she was in her 2's...
Good Luck and hang in there...

Peope temd to throw out Night Terrors easily, but that is an actual disorder that affects both kids and adults. Did he have a bad dream or wake up suddenly and get scared? Probably, but that is not night terrors.
He is at an age where separation anxiety is at it's peak. My son would also wake at this age in a similar state and it did pass.
First, don't go up there right away--give him some time to see if he settles back on his own--my son woke last night screaming, but we didn't rush up there and he went back to sleep within 5 min. The reason I say this is that you don't want it to become a habit where he wakes up and expect you--otherwise this will become an every night thing.

Also teething could be a factor-has he cut his molars or eye teeth yet? If he is uncomfortable, that will make sleeping and getting back to sleep that much more difficult-you could try giving him some baby motrin before he goes to bed--it can lat up to 8 hours and may make his night more comfortable.

One other thing you may want to take into account is his night time routine. Is he being overstimulated before bed. (lots of playing, tv, etc) I find that my daughter had better nights when we have a good half hour over wind down time before bed: No TV, reading a book, snuggle time, sit he in my lap with the lights out and talk about the day. I also do something our massage therapist calls body brushing. She lays down face up in her bed. I hold my hands just above her face and brush them down the length of her body (with a very light touch) He told my daughter it was brushing off the fleas. She thought that was funny. The technique is very calming to her. I also fluff the blanket high and let it fall on her.
All this doesn't always work, but it gives her the best odds at having a good night.

Good Luck
H.

My oldest daughter ( now 6) also had what the pediatrician called night terrors. She would wake in the middle of the night terrified and not seem to know where she was. I would go in and give her a hug and kiss ( not taking her out of bed ), and let her know she was okay in her bed. Then I would sit next to her bed with my hand on her until she feel asleep. ( just so she would know I was there). We also put a night light in her room so she could see where she was when she woke up. It took a few very sleepless nights, and extremely coffee dependent days of this but she finally got past it. Just remember this too shall pass. My daughter is so independent these days sometimes i miss her needing me in the middle on the night. Hard to believe huh!