Advice Needed on 4 Year Old Fears and Sleeping Alone

We're going through this with our *almost* 4 year old. Same schedule, too. So, what has worked with us is first, we offered to read him 5 books the night after he slept in his bed all night. If he didn't sleep in his bed, we'd read him 2 books. This motivated him to not want to sleep in my bed, but for that week he continued to come into our room at 3; he just stopped climbing in bed with us. This week, we've told him that he only gets the 5 books if he sleeps in his bed the full night ALONE. The past two nights this has worked okay. Last night he complained about fear of his room, but we gave him a pile of stuffed animals and turned on a nightlight at 3AM, and he was okay. (There was some crying, but the books were highly motivating for him :)) Each morning he has been popping out of bed asking, "mom, how many books do I get tonight?"

To be honest, I was really shocked that my son took the new rules in stride. About the room fears - I read a book by some behavior guru that said we should have a discussion with our son - make a list of things we can do to his room to make it less scary. I thought that was a load of hooey, but it has actually worked well for me.

A side effect - I've been using the 5 book bribe for other general behavior modification with great success. Works great to get my son to calm down in the grocery store... He'll do anything to keep from losing one of his 5 books.

Consistancy is important, kids make habits quickly that aren't easy to break sometimes. Try reading in her bed so she doesn't have to be moved. You may even have to try seperate bed times-earlier for the younger one. Create monster disappearing solution in a spray bottle with glitter. Let her spray around the bed after she gets in and before you read. If she's really afraid this might take care of it. If not, she may just be needing less sleep at the moment. Track how long she sleeps at night, if it's consistant and she naps in the day, try not napping (quiet time instead) but earlier bedtime and see if her most soundly sleeping time will better coincide with yours.

Hello,

My son is 4 and is afraid of the dark. One thing we have done since the discovery of his fear was to leave a lamp on. It has a low watt bulb so it's not too bright, but just enough to dimly light the room. One thing we also did when he was smaller was let him fall asleep with a movie on. The tv also gave him enough light so he wasn't afraid. He would fall asleep and then we would turn off the tv (night light was also on.

That was just something that worked for us. The movie was also a great distraction. :) He didn't realize he was falling asleep.

HTH
-J.

My step daughter started this as her last effort to convince us to let her sleep with us or one of us sleep with her. We just addressed each of her "fears" individually. She said she was scared of the dark so I bought her two night lights and a lamp.. no "scared of the dark" excuse anymore. Scared of monsters... "monster patrol" before bed.

She never got to the noises one , I guess she figured it wouldn't work on us.

Edit, I'm not saying your daughter isnt really afraid, i just know mine wasn't. But what we did could work even if the fears are real.

Great question!! I am in the same boat, my 4yr going on 5 in June is doing the same thing except if I send her to her room she will cry to the point where I just dont want to deal with it and I give in, I too need my sleep. I can let her sleep in my room by herself watching tv and we are in the living room. Its funny but I think she feels safe in my room and knows I will be in bed later. If we move her from beds she wakes up!! I am so ready for her to sleep in her room however she is an only child and has always slept with us.