Advice Needed for Childs Friend

Hi K.. I do not know how old this child is, but I have known several couples who have split and the child has had issues of some sort with the seperation. The only thing that I could think of to suggest is for the child to keep a journal that expresses his thoughts about the divorce and the move. He needs to be told that he should be honest about how he feels and be allowed to express his feelings. You can't really say to very much to him because you don;t know everything about the situation. I would suggest to him that he begin to keep a journal and express his thoughts in there. Then when his Mom calls and he is talking to her, he can wither share his feelings with her then, or he can write them into a letter and mail it to her. As long as he knows that someone cares for him and is there for him, that is what is important. Bless you for caring enough about another little boy to take the time to request suggestions to help him. I hope that things work out well for all involved.

Hello K.,
I'm not sure of what type of relationship you have with his Dad but maybe you can talk to his Dad and let him know what is going on. It may seem akward but maybe he is afraid to talk to his Dad about this stuff. Just be careful about what type of advice to give him seeing where his parents may not know about this. Good luck and I wish this boy the best!!

K.,
This is definitly a tough situation to be in! If I were in your shoes, I would make sure that the child knows that he can trust you to be there for him. It is very important for kids to know that they have someone to talk to when they have things on their mind. Suggesting that he keep a journal is a great idea. I have taught my daughter to write in one every night for 5 minutes and it does wonders for her when she is having a bad day, makes her realize why she is having such a hard time on that particular day. Maybe suggest to him that he write to his mother on a regular basis. This way she will feel like she is having more contact with him and maybe she will not bring it up to him once she is receiving letters regularly. I know when my two oldest go to their dads for the summer, it is very hard for me. I am not allowed (by their dad) to talk to them unless he is sitting right there with them with the speakerphone on.
I hope this helps at least a little!

I am currently seperated from my husband. Two of my four children live with their father. I can understand the problem.
I know its hard but try not to push the child. Just tell him that you are sure his mother loves him and that she is not trying to make him feel bad. She just misses him. Let him know to talk to her about how she makes him feel. I'm sure the mom doesn't mean to make him feel bad.

I think all you can do right now with this child is to be there, and be a part of his support system. It may not be appropriate for you to give him too much advice, being his father's neighbor, you definitely don't want to get yourself in the middle of their dispute. My parents were divorced and I remember spending a ton of time at my best friend's house. Her parents were great to me and treated me as part of the family at a time when I didn't get that at home. This may be exactly what this child needs from your family. I think you told him the right thing, just keep letting him know he has your support. He's lucky to have you!

Talk to his dad. He may be able to work out a better arrangement with his mom calling more, or maybe being able to see her more. The little boy probably feels stuck between two parents and not sure what to do because he wants to please both of them. Just let his dad know and hopefully he will understand and can help out.

Hi K.,

I know exactly what this child is feeling and as well as the mom is feeling. My son moved in with his dad, who lives in Alabama, I live in Concord, NC. I was very angry at first with my son because I felt betrayed by him and my ex who took advantage of the situation and convinced him to moved in with him. But as the dust settled it was the best thing for all of us. My son and I are close, even though I do tell him that I miss him I do understand why he left.

As for this young man, the decision he made was not an easy one, he did what he felt he had to do. What I will tell you to advice him is to don't let his mom make him feel guilty. When she begins to give him a guilt trip, tell him to tell his mom that he loves her, but emphasize why he left and assure her that he didn't do it to hurt her, but he felt that he needed to be with his dad. He needs to express to her that she is making him feel guilty and that isn't fair to him. Unfortunately with children from divorce they are force to grow up faster and to understand issues that they should not be concern with. Also talk to his dad, and suggest to put his son into counseling. This young man should not feel bad for what he decided to do.

My son are closer now than we have ever been. If his mother doesn't want to put a wedge between them she needs to realize, though it isn't easy, that what is best for him. She doesn't need to let the issues between her ex come between her and her son. I hope that helps some. Good Luck and just reassure the young man that he should not feel guilty and be pressure to do something that may not be good for him. He really needs to tell his mom how he feels.