Advice Needed Concerning My Son Hanging Out with Older Boys

I would be concerned if he were hanging around with high school aged boys, chances are they have just found common ground. I would keep an eye on the situation see if he starts some unacceptable behavior, such as rude remarks, staying out past the time he is told to come out, ect.

How about inviting the boys to play at your place so you can overhear the tone of the interactions? I also agree that you'd do well to introduce yourself to the other moms. They'd probably like to know you, and have your phone # in case of an emergency. Chat with them about their behavior expectations, and whether you'd appreciate their telling you about any misbehavior on your son's part.

More communication is almost always better than less communication.

I think you should introduce yourself to the other parents.
Just because the boys are 2 and 3 years older than your son, it doesn't mean they are bad kids or bad influences. They may have stellar parents who have taught them well.
You cannot shield your child from everything. You simply can't. I don't think it's a good idea to do so. That's just my opinion.
Why would you tell your son you don't approve of him being with "older" boys if you have no reason to suspect they are bad kids?
10 and 11 year old kids are not "much" older, unless your son has been so sheltered that he would only be safe with 5 or 6 year olds.
My kids had friends who were older and they usually looked out for my kids.
"Don't go in that yard, that man is mean and watch out for that green car because he speeds by and won't watch for you if you're in the street"....things like that.
I introduced myself to the parents and had the kids over to see for myself how they behaved and they were great kids. They gave me no reason to stop my children from being around them.
It sounds like your son has no trouble making friends and unless they are complete hoodlums, I don't think you should worry so much.
Get to know them.

That's my advice and I mean no offense to anyone.

I was two years older than my best friend in my neighborhood. We met when I was in second grade and she was in kindergarten, and we were wonderfully close all the way through high school. Don't take that away from your son - neighborhood friends are sometimes a different sort of friend, but just as valuable. Instead, invite the older boys over to play at your house so that you can keep an eye (and ear) on them and how they are treating each other. I think it would be horrible for you to tell your son that you don't approve of these boys for no other reason than because they're older.

why age is a concern to you? He is not much younger than the other two kids. You said that the other two kids had the same interests than yours. I did not read anything related to wrongdoings or bad attitudes. If I were you, I'd keep an eye on the things your son would do with other kids, regardless the age.

I can understand your concerns. However, look at it from a different perspective. Its always nice having someone in the neighborhood to play with.

Having some older friends can be helpful. My daughter in 8th grade has a friend who is a sophmore, when she needed help with her algebra homework she had someone she could ask for help. Since the boys like to build jumps, they have more experience and can teach your son.

Before you say no, get to know these boys. Have you son bring them by after playing for a snack. Also, get to know the parents. Then make your decission.

I would say that if these boys seem to be a "bad influence" on your son, then worry about breaking off the friendship then. But I don't think you need to assume that they'll be a bad influence just because they're 2 years older. It's not like he's hanging out with high schoolers! If you're really worried, walk down the street and meet the moms - hopefully you both can make new friends!

My 17 yo son has always been a very good boy since very young and also has excelled in school and still does. He has been pretty much somewhat timid and is a homebody. I never let him 'hangout' after school, he never asked anyway which was good. He still hangs out with his closest friends from school since elementary and middle. He's not too social but keeps his good close friends. I would have those older kids come over and keep an eye and watch them. I, myself, never let my son go anywhere away from our block. I was a paranoid parent I guess. Always keeping him home. Just keep an eye!

i would wait until you see how the older boys are... maybe try to keep them playing at your place as much as possible until you can get a gauge on how they will impact your son... i grew up in a neighborhood without kids my age around, and had to hang out with kids older/ younger than i was... i would have hated not to be allowed to play just because we weren't the same age. (plus, one of the girls i used to play with, 3 years younger than i am, is still one of my closest friends to this day.)

They have similar interests and your son is having a great time with them. Having kids in your neighborhood that your son can play with is a gift. Enjoy it.

Don't assume there is something wrong with these boys just because they are a little older, until you have reason to believe they are a bad influence on your son.

Discuss it with Hubby.
I would also make it a point to get to know these boys and their parents.
Kids, usually 'like' to hang out with 'older' kids and it makes them feel grown up.
But keep his age in mind.. and appropriateness.
Also, younger kids will sometimes 'copy' older kids... so he may be influenced good or bad.

Use your gut instinct... that is our "Mommy radar."

If my daughter who is 7... hung out with 'nice' girls who was older (she does know some older girls) ... then that's fine. BUT... I always tell my daughter that she is 7... NOT 9 or 10 or 11... and what those girls do, does not mean it is appropriate for her. She understands. Those older girls talk about boys already and 'kissing' and what not. And watch/do pre-teen stuff. Because that is what they are allowed to do at home.... and it is their age.

Gauge your child... and have the boys at your house too. Supervise. An 8 year old still needs that. If these older boys are 'good' kids and responsible... and mature... then that's good.
But I would, make it a point to get to know them and/or introduce yourself and know the parents.....

I seem to be in the minority... but 10-11 year olds, have different 'rules' that is per their age, versus an 8 year old. That is 2nd grade or 3rd grade.
Versus, 5th-6th grade level.

Or maybe, your Husband and your son can bike together out there... or join a club?
Or, have his friends over that is from school, for play dates, too.
Not all neighborhoods have kids....

all the best,
Susan

This statement concerns me a bit "Our son has been pretty sheltered and has not been exposed to much thus far and we would like to keep it this way." At 8 years old your child should be developing his social skills and putting into practice his knowledge of life and people so far. If you and hubby constantly plan all of his events and shelter him from things YOU think are scary, how will he ever develop his own interests. Ask yourself what is he leaning and what are you modeling ~ he can 't make decisions on his own, he has no power to control his world and he needs to rely on mommy and daddy for everything. Let him grow up. As involved parents I expect you will meet your neighbors perhaps learn by engaging with others in your neighborhood that you live in a place where your child can learn; life skills, uniqueness about others, and how to handle situations that don't feel quite right to him. AS you said " our son is having a great time" I would think for your sons benefit and development you would relish in the fact that he is happy and secure in his play and making new friends.

Unless there is something you sense that is wrong about the friendship, I would let it go. My best friend through most of grade school was younger, and we both would have been heartbroken not to be allowed to play with each other. My son idolizes the girl next door who's a year and a half older than he is, and it's great--she's not perfect, but she's willing to "teach" him (sometimes a little harshly, but that's reality) about how to interact with older kids. She is well-mannered, fun, and interested in the same stuff as my son. I have found that when my son tries to play with older kids on the playground, it's sometimes a dicey situation--he learns things I wish he didn't, and sometimes gets his feelings hurt. But...that's at school. At home, some of those same kids are much nicer to him, when they're on their own turf. Keep a close eye, certainly, get to know the parents and their parenting style, but if all seems aboveboard, your son can probably grow quite a bit from playing with kids of diverse age ranges. (Oh--my inlaws live in a tiny little town...so all four of their kids got accustomed to playing with or at least making nice with kids of ALL ages--and grownups of all ages--and I really think it's a skill my husband has learned that I haven't. I lived in a big enough town to be able to pick and choose kids of my own age, and never had to deal with those I didn't like...or those whose interests were different...or those older or younger...and I regret that.)

Unless you home school, your son is exposed to these older kids at school anyway. I don't think there is any reason to keep him from socializing with them- it's actually healthy for him to be exposed- and I have learned that my son, who is 9, has been exposed to things I had no idea about- by younger kids than himself, a few years back. Let him play but be sure he knows your values and rules

2 or 3 years older than your child isn't that big of an age difference at this time. If the children are good kids then why the issue? When the older kids get a bit older they won't want a youngster tagging around with them unless they have become very good friends. Don't fret about it, we all have friends of various ages, younger and older. So long as they are good kids and you raise your child correctly then I wouldn't see any issues. If bad habits start arising from the situation then of course these children would be off-limits not because of their age but because of their actions.

I wouldn't blatantly come right out and say you don't want him hanging around these older kids, you do that and he will do it behind your back. Before jumping to conclusions' why not invite these children in your home and see how they really are. Two yrs. older in this day and age isn't much to worry about. If he were to learn something from them he would have done so anyways. Get to know his friends before saying "I think". These could be his closest friends he will ever have. I'm sure that if he finds fault with them, he will soon carry on with his younger friends. Just because of their age, the could be slower than your son, and they appreciate your son just as much as your son appreciates' them. They are into everything that he wants to do. They aren't hanging around street corners, they are just having fun and getting their exercise. Dont' worry so much, things will work out for you and hubby.

As others have said, I think you should have those boys over and get to know them. The age difference isn't enough in my opinion for him to not hang out with them. I have boys who are 10 and 13. The 10-year-old is here when my older son has his friends over and there's nothing I can do about that. Sometimes he hangs out with his brother's friends. I guess I see that as a similar situation. Does my 10-year-old sometimes hear or learn things a little earlier than he might otherwise have heard or learned something? Yea, probably, but I can't always keep him sheltered. Besides, if your son is riding a school bus with older kids, he's already exposed to a lot of information! In my experience, friendships amongst kids ebb and flow. It's great for your son that he's found kids in the neighborhood with whom he has common interests. When their interests change, either your son loses interest in them or they think he's too young, the friendships will naturally evolve or end. When my boys were younger they were inseparable with the neighbor girl, who just turned 15. She was almost like my daughter she was here so often. Once she became a tween and teen, they started hanging out less frequently. Now they probably wouldn't be caught dead with her!

I would invite the boys over for a fun day with your son. See how they interact together. Let them have time alone at the park but go check on them and see how they all act when they think nobody is watching. I would not say that your son can't hang out with kids in the neighborhood just because they are older. The fact is that there is not boys his age in the neighborhood and I am sure there are days that you can't arrange for boys from school to come over. I would allow them to play and keep and eye on them from a ditance to see nothing bad is going on.

Two years is not a big difference, at one time my best friend was 5 years younger than me. if you see signs that these boys are a bad influence, go from there, I think you should get to know the parents though. It's not practicle for your 8 year old to only have friends that are 8. J.

My son has been best friends with the kids next door for years. He is 2-3 years older than they are. My son is immature for his age, and they play together very well. I agree with the other posters; it should not be problem. That being said, I often wonder how long people think they can cocoon their children from the influences of society. If they go to college after homeschooling or religious confines, is it a service to the child to come into "real" life with no coping skills?? I prefer my children are exposed to life, and I can be there to teach them how to handle what comes their way. My son learned some bad words on the playground in first grade and happily repeated them to his teacher. Teacher was appalled because she was shocked to hear those words from our "good" kid. We had an excellent learning experience and my son found out he used a socially unacceptable word and now he knows the difference.

Invite the boys over and take a clother look. I am sure you will be able to tell if you want your son hanging out with them or not. Some children are pretty inocent for their age and some not. You will not be able to judge just by age alone, you have to meet/spend some time with the kids.

I have a similiar situation in our home too. I often ask that they hang out here. And most of the time they don't mind at all. That way I can see and hear what is going on. I understand your concern. I am cautious too. We are our child's best advocate. If you are feeling uncomfortable, then don't feel bad about limiting their time together or even keeping close contact with the older boys parents.

Just keep an eye on things. It may benefit him down the road to have older friends that can watch out for him in school or around the neighborhood as time passes. If they establish a friendly history they can maybe look out for him like older brothers. Not saying it's their responsibility but it will come with the territory as time passes. My daughter is 5 and our neighbor's daughter is 8 and she has stepped in a couple times when my kiddo got picked on. Not bullying or anything like that but someone trying to take her jump rope. I was about to step in until Megan did. I watched to see if things would get out of hand and all went smooth. Be gentle with the situation so bridges aren't burned. Those older friends may come in handy one day.

Try not to shelter too much. My nephew who is now 19 was sheltered and I have to say that he's clueless and doesn't know a whole lot and has awful social skills. He's very difficult to be around. Just be careful.