How Old Is Too Old? - Garland,TX

That is WAY too old for my tastes. The only exception I can think of is if the 14 year old is delayed in some way. Other than that, it's time to say no.

Always trust your intuition. Period. Keep doing what you are doing. And why are you worried about being rude if someone is being rude to you? At 14 he should know enough that if a parent says "no" it means no. He shouldn't be pressing and that is rude. If he gets out of line, talk to his parents about it. Depending on how they react may tell you a little about why you may be feeling uneasy. Good luck.

As a mom of a child with special needs who finds it easier to play with children younger than himself, I'm wondering if the 14yo is maybe a little special needs which could also explain the immature behavior of getting irritated when you say, "no". My personal opinion is to talk to the 14yo's mother and get a feel for the family dynamics. You never know, this 14yo could be coming from an abusive household and finds peace around your child. It's worth talking to the other mother, maybe take over a plate of cookies and introduce yourself and see if you get a bad vibe w/in the household.

Good luck!

H.

What do you know about the boy? Is he homeschooled? Very often, homeschooled kids don't ever think about age differences because they socialize with everyone, not just the kids in their same grade. Can you have him over to play with your son within your ear/eyeshot? Watch him. See what things he talks about, etc. Maybe he doesn't like playing with the older kids because of the things they say/do. One of my sons will play for hours with his little sisters. He just enjoys their company, and they can play imaginative games. He is a "young" 14. There is nothing sinister about it. He just isn't too caught up in the age thing. At the same time, he easily plays with the older boys as they play paintball, etc. Don't discount the boy just because he's 14. You may be missing out on a really neat friend for your son.

Trying to put myself in your shoes...I have an 8 yo and if a 13 yo neighbor wanted to play.....hmmmmm...maybe if I was with them in the house, if they were playing Wii or something so I could witness the interaction?
It would depend on the kid himself too. Is he a nice kid? Does your son like him?
If you are getting a weird "vibe" I would respect that. He'll get the hint eventually.

As a Mom/Auntie to a whole grip of boys ranging in age from 19-5...

Yep, too big of an age gap, sorry.

~I am sure their are those kids out there who do not mature as fast and have been sheltered from a lot of the more 'teen' type influences (music, FB, movies, puberty, girls, video games, etc.) that could be on the same level maturity wise as a 9 year old...but even then I would be suspect of allowing those kids to play with my 9 year old even, so I guess IMO...nope, neither way...I think its too big of an age gap. Sorry.

Keep being polite, your son can either become very busy these days or you can be honest and tell the 14 year old that you think he is too old and your son is too young for them to be hanging out so much...but thanks for wanting to be friends with my son, that was sweet. And then leave it at that.

For the record, my family is chalk full of boys on every side (seriously I have 1 of the only 5 girls amongst the 20+ boys in this generation of kids), and I personally have raised/am raising 6 boys and every single one of them in my family were out of the "playing" stage by 14 and clearly into the "hanging out" phase! Big differences between the two!!

Yah, too much of an age gap.

Can't you talk to his Mom?
Or maybe his Mom is sending him to your house to get rid of him.

Just keep telling him to go home.
This is YOUR house.
Do as you see fit.

ALWAYS supervise, your son, with him.
Who knows.

ALWAYS go with your Mommy gut feelings and intuition.

*Adding this: The other thing is, if you don't know the Mom, what the heck is her child doing there, so often????
AND if something happens to him at your house on your property... then what? SHE will blame you. You are liable for that kid.

You are not his babysitter.
He just wanders over there, habitually.
No person, even if his homelife is iffy.... has to... take care of another child, if they do not feel comfortable about it. And if they get weird gut feelings about it.
Just say no.

The age difference could be explained by what others have said here...He's immature for his age (not a bad thing necesarily) or he's bored and there aren't kids his own age in the neighborhood. I am wondering why HE doesn't have homework after school and a lot of available time. The part that would bother me most, if I'm understanding correctly, is his disrespectful behaviour to you. Sounds like he has boundary issues which may not be a problem now with supervised interactions with your son but what about later when he is 16-17 and your son is 11-12? As much as I want to stick up for this boy the boundary issues and your gut feeling overrides that.

Honestly, I don't think it is too big an age gap. When I was young, I had a ton of friends in the block. But they eventually moved away. I ended up playing with girls 4 or 5 yrs younger younger than myself--who I ended up babysitting later when they were really not quite old enough to stay home by themselves. My son is going to be 12. We do not have any boys his age on our block so he sometimes ends up playing with a boy that is 7 or 8. He knows what kind of play is off limits because the child is younger. We used to have one kid from the next block that just did not understand when another parent told him no. When he did something and I talked to his mom about it, she said her child does not do that and maybe my kids need to stay away. Mom never sets boundaries and he gets to do whatever he wants. So this could be the case with this boy or as suggested, maybe he is not quite mature enough though he is 14.

I am getting a bad vibe. You are doing the right thing by not giving him the opportunity to be alone with your son. It may be that he just isn't mature enough to fit in right now with the kids his own age-but that is not your problem. You could try to talk to his mom-good luck.

I think you are absolutely right. There's a big difference between a 14-year old and a 9-year old. Why would a 14-year old being seeking your young son out to play anyway? Aren't there other teenagers (much cooler than a 9-year old would be) around for him to hang with?

I think you are doing the right thing. This whole situation makes me feel uncomfortable and it's not even my own son that we are talking about. Keep saying, "No." Don't worry about if it comes off sounding rude. This is your son's welfare that we are talking about here. Sometimes it's okay to be a b*tch if that means that you are protecting the one you love.

!

I think you need to talk to the 14 year old's parents and find out his situation. If you son enjoys playing with him then let them play together at your house under your supervision.

I would say that teen boy is too old to be playing with your son. Trust your mothers intuition... Something seems not right about him being so insistant upon playing with your boy. I think its great that you try to keep a close eye when you do let your son play with this older kid. Maybe talk to the teen boys mother and ask her to chat with her sona bout why he doesnt play with the kids his own age?

Ok first of all if your son is the only other child in the neighborhood they might be part of it. Second my three kids ages 11yrs, 7yrs and almost 5 yrs all play together and with the neighborhood kids. The oldest child on our street is close to my oldest age. The other kids are all around the same age. Third this child might have some immaturity issues if he is playing with someone 6 yrs younger then himself. He might be a perfectly nice kid. He might be someone that is not told no too often.

The age didn't stand out to me as a red flag but when you said "he gets kind of irritated acting and keeps asking me to let my son play and the word no isn't acceptable to him"...that's a red flag to me. Even if a boy was same age as my son and was taking "No" for an answer, I would have a problem with it. I would be curious to know if this boy is developmentally delayed like some others have suggested and is why he can relate to your son. Either way, he needs to respect when your son cannot play and not keep asking. Since they have played several times, maybe it's about time you met his parents....

That is too big an age difference. Why would a teenager want to play with a kid? My son is 8 and last summer this 12 yo kept coming to play and I wouldn't let him leave the yard. I would watch out the window and caught him basically bullying my son and the other younger boys so I had to say something.The boy in our neighborhood is just bored but yours sounds shady. You are doing the right thing just tell the kid he is too old to play with your son. So what if you hurt his feelings better he get mad and talk trash about you than hurt your son or get him into trouble. Isn't it soo scary to raise kids?!

Is it possible that this 14 year old is immature for his age - maybe has a neurological delay or something and he relates to your son more on a cognitive level than children of the same chronological age as him?
If you feel uncomfortable talk to the parent and find out if this is the case.....

I don't think it's the age thing that is worrisome. But, there is a reason that you are worried and I think you should trust that instinct. I think most of the people on here will more or less agree with that sentiment in part because of how you wrote the question. There is a lot here he gets "irritated" etc. I would try to have a good, nonjudgemental conversation with my son about what is at issue here. And then trust yourself :)!

It's not really the age that I would be concerned about. Neighborhood kids of all ages tend to play together. They may also have similar interests and maturity levels. One of my daughters closest friends is 3 1/2 years older. I encourage the relationship since they share so many interests, plus the friend is polite and respectful, and is a good influence on my child.

What would concern me is that this child is constantly coming over to your home.

How well do you know this child's parents?

I think you need to follow your gut instints on this one. Maybe you could set up some type of schedule for this child to come over and play.

I think he is lacking attention at home and loves the attention he gets from your son. like your the second home jmo

I agree with the others...you should listen to your intuition. My son (age 15) would really have no business hanging around a kid that much younger. He should be with kids his own age - there is a huge difference between a 9 year old and a 14 year old developmentally anyway. Just seems a little odd. At any rate, I certainly wouldn't ever leave them unsupervised, and would make my son "unavailable" until the other boy gets the hint.

I agree with the other moms. Go with your gut - if you feel like something isn't right, then something isn't right. The age gap itself doesn't bother me, because some kids are more mature or less mature than others. The big red flag to me is that the boy becomes pushy with you when you say your son can't play. This tells me he doesn't take no for an answer. You don't want your kiddo involved with an older child with a domineering/bullying personality. Hold your ground and listen to your instincts!

He is too old. And him being that insistant is not sitting well with me either. He may be looking for prey, you NEVER know! Or he just might think your sons toys are way cooler then anything he ever had. I remember my brother played with the neighbor boys that were 5 years younger then him from jr high on, they took him everywhere, babysitter/entertainer but he didnt mind, They lived the high life$$$

Is this 14 year old an only child? Even if he is, there is a 5 year age difference and I don't like it. My oldest daughter is 11 and her best friend is 13. That age gap between your son and this boy is too much and you said you already know the answer: make excuses (your son is busy doing homework, chores, spending time with "family.") No need to be rude to him but you can also say you don't feel that their friendship is appropriate and that you would prefer that your son play with other children his own age. IF he still doesn't get it, don't open the door when he knocks. Also, do you know the parents? Can you talk to them and explain that you want your son to have friends his own age?

My son is 7 and there are two big boys that live down the street from us - probably 12 and 16. My son wants to go down there constantly, but I tell him no. Only occassionally will I let him go down there - when I see them playing basketball or throwing the ball, but not all the time. For one thing, I don't think they would want to play with him (because of the age difference),but he definitely wants to play with them. Personally, I would be pretty unhappy if a 14 year old was coming over to play with my son all the time.

You may just have to draw the line and tell the 14 year old that your son can play with him only at X time (Saturday from 2-4) and other than that, he cannot, so don't bother coming over and asking. I am not sure how to deal with that. Also, you could flat out tell the other boy that you think the age difference is too large for your son to be playing with him all the time.

Good luck!
L.

i would talk to the parents of the boy and let them know that you do not appreciate him coming over daily and asking if your son can play and would like for him to call after dinner time (like 6 if you eat at the same time almost every day) and if he has his chores done and homework done he can but not every day maybe once or twice a week

Moms intuition is going off for a reason. Listen to it. This kid might like yours because can manipulate a younger kid and is really a bully. I mean he is trying to bully you so of course I assume he is doing it to your child.

Well, I wonder why that 14 year old can't find someone his own age to play with. Maybe he's on the immature side and he tends to gravitate towards younger kids. But I think it's more of an issue of his behavior and not respecting your decisions and accepting that your son isn't able to play at that time. And for the fact that you are uneasy about it. Follow your gut. If you feel uneasy about it, don't let them. At least not unsupervised. Not saying that there is anything going on but just to give you some peace. Unfortunately, it may take you having to tell him straight out that you don't feel it's appropiate that him and your son play together due to the age difference to get him to back off. Good luck!

Have you watched them play at your house to see how they interract. Does it give you the creeps. Is he the only kid in the neighborhood close to his age. The fact that you let him play at your house alone tells me you didn't think it was a problem.

14yr old is not too old for a 9yr old-that's just 5yrs apart. Would they have different interests at that age, of course. The child is irritated as any child would be when they realize you have rules and he does not. Don't sweat it and if you're that uncomfortable, the best person to ask about how he feels when he plays with the boy is your son and cut it off if you don't like the answer.