Advice Needed About Emotional Outbursts

I would first talk to the school psychologist, school counselor and his pediatrician. Get their three perspectives on typical adolescent behaviors at this age and appropriate responses and then take their recommendations and see what happens. Good luck!

I would personally talk to his pediatrician. Some of this sounds normal (I remember hating my life at 11) but he is edging into areas where an evaluation would be helpful. The doctor will have seen all this and more before and will have the most insight

You aren't reacting enough, S.. Your son needs some emotional help and support. You need to get it for him.

Talk to your ped without him in the room, and ask for a referral. Please go ahead and do this.

Call the school psychologist and schedule an appointment for the two of you to talk as soon as possible.

You are correct- you don't want to over-react, but better to overreact (and let him see the impact of it) than under.

Yeah, that's heavy stuff. Taken together with your concern, his behavior warrants evaluation by a professional. He will probably resist the idea but tell him it's like if he had a fever, you would take him to a medical doc. This is just a part of being a parent, that you want to make sure he is healthy and happy.

Please get him evaluated, as others have noted -- as soon as possible.

When he "throws fits" and cries and grabs his hair etc., does he seem to be doing so out of anger at the person who is telling him he's in trouble, or does he seem more to be angry at himself? Do you ever hear things from him like "I'm so dumb" or "I don't know why I did that, I didn't mean to do it, I'm stupid" and so on? In other words -- is his "fit" directed at others or at himself? That is a critical distinction and one to bring up with a professional. Neither situation is good.

Most of what you describe after that (talking in class, not doing what he's asked the first time) sounds fairly typical for his age -- but it's hard to tell because we don't know whether talking in class means a few words that get him a verbal reprimand from the teacher, or an uncontrollable urge to talk and talk despite any reprimands at all. And the thing with the note is disturbing. Most kids get blue but the note is something that would send me first to the school counselor and then to the doctor for a referral -- I would really want a psychologist who specializes in kids this age to evaluate him.

Those are his words. He is calling out for help.

This is past a school counselor.. you need to have him evaluated, he is in complete pain..

I am so glad you found this. Good Job..
I am sending you a big hug..

My GD is very hard on herself - her own worst critic. I try to help her by making a big deal that it's no big deal if I (or someone else) make a mistake. I will make sure to say things like "Oh, gosh, Guess I blew that one. Oh well at least I tried. Good thing about life - every day is a new chance." I say the same to her when she makes a mistake or a bad decision. I tell her it's okay because she's learned from it and tomorrow is a whole new day; she can start all over again and try to make better decisions. Making mistakes is part of growing up; it's how we learn and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Basically you have to give him permission to make a mistake and move on.

Good luck!